MFP Etiquette

JonathanBB

Hi. I am new to MFP (30 days) and have added a few friends. Some just from MFP, but also a couple of buddies I know in "real life" and see fairly often and know some of their medical and personal problems. Is it okay to look at their food and exercise diaries and after complimenting on successes offer a helpful suggestion? Example: WTG. Great job getting under your calorie count. You may want to watch your carbs. Keep up the good work.

Is that okay? Breach of etiquette?

LoosingMyLast15

i do it. maybe not as specific as better watch your.... but if i think someone is so far under their calorie intake i'll comment. i look at the diaries of my mf pals and comment if you don't like my comments then unfriend me. not everyone can have a good day logging every day. if that was the case we wouldn't need this site.

BlueObsidian

Honestly, it's going to depend on the person. Some people really love constructive feedback, while others don't appreciate unsolicited advice. Personally, I'm in the latter category, but I just solve that problem by keeping my diary closed.

If you provide your suggestions kindly and respectfully, it shouldn't matter too much (although you may want to talk to your real life friends about whether or not they would find it helpful, to avoid any problems).

1ConcreteGirl

It is totally fine to make those kinds of comments. Personally, i would be more like, "Where's your carbs?! YOU GUNNA DIE" and my friends would laugh and we'd still be friends the next day. Just find people who fit with you and you'll be fine.

TriShamelessly

As one of your MFP friends, I appreciate that you take the time to consider our diaries and comment as you see fit to help us. Sometimes, I ignore the advice since I've been with my nutritionist for over a year now and on MFP for four+ months. I also track using spreadsheets. Accordingly, I have a really good idea of where I'm at daily, weekly, and monthly. Nevertheless, I know that you comment with the best of intentions and you are respectful about it. Plus, sometimes I just need a kick in the rear to remind me where I came from.

However, as others have mentioned, it all depends on who you make the comments to. If you feel someone was offended, I would simply suggest a personal note to them to ask them directly whether they appreciate or even want the feedback.

Keep up the good work!

Lisapayne76

I prefer people to offer helpful advice. None of us now everything and we are all here for the same thing. To get healthy and lose weight. I welcome friends that say hey try this and see if it works for you

MyChocolateDiet

No. That's a knee jerk reaction to someone recently doing it to me. Key word, jerk.

I took it bad. Real bad. You don't want to sound preachy if you do it and to me: "You may want to watch your carbs" sounds preachy and condescending and kind of prissy if I'm being honest.

So, you "may want to" keep your opinions to yourself unless asked and then be tactful about it, more like.. oh so how are your carbs going?, or are carbs a thing for you? or man my carbs are killing me! and see where it goes... because that person may not even be counting carbs yet, or anymore, or ever. Anything other than "I know what's right for you because I know a little about you and a little about health so I know more than you and your mistakes must be on purpose if you already know it and if it were me I'd be a perfect being with perfect days and perfect meals and if you have one little tiny question about anything that means you know nothing about anything and it's okay for me to espouse my beliefs and methods on you".

Finally, unless you signed up on this sight to altruistically monitor your friends and be their nutrition coach but not do your own food diary..."You may want to" mind your own business too. I mean you're own work takes focus and time.

^see what I did there.

dad106

What are you? The food police?

I'm sure that your friends are grown adults who can make their own choices, and don't need you telling them what to watch.

Unless they ask, leave it alone.

ETA: Noticed that your dairy isn't public. How are people supposed to critique what you eat/tell you what to do, when they can't see it? I mean, fair is fair after all.

BrettPGH

You can only be who you are. Some people will like it, some won't. That's how you manage your friends list. Find people who don't mind you giving them advice if that's what you like to do.

mmddwechanged

Wow, if I were that concerned about what other people think of my food diary I would hide it!

jadeyq1

I'd say there's no problem with that! If their diaries are open for all to view then they probably don't mind comments and friendly advice

Chibea

I personally like the feedback. I usually already know what they are telling me, but I still appreciate the fact that they care enough to make a comment. Sometimes I eat really bad food and people comment "Great"! That tells me they really aren't paying attention. My big issues that I comment on are undereating and too few veggies. Both issues are super important to me for my success here, especially for the long haul. If I think I am being too critical I post my opinions in my comment section saying "Eat your veggies today" "Undereating is as unhealthy as overeating" and post a link to some research, so I get my concerns out there without singling anyone out.

My best suggestion is to find friends who think like you, so you don't have to worry about it.

perfectingpatti

What are you? The food police?

Not necessary.

OP- Ask on your page and see how your friends reply. Some may like helpful suggestions, while others may not. I'll give you a tip if you are going to offer someone advice, though: always read their notes in their diary. They may explain why their diary looks a certain way.

Welcome to MFP!

1ConcreteGirl

What are you? The food police?

I'm sure that your friends are grown adults who can make their own choices, and don't need you telling them what to watch.

Unless they ask, leave it alone.

This sort of response shows you there are all sorts here.

Just don't be friends with this sort. They'll find people they fit with; you do your thing. it's all good.

JonathanBB

^see what I did there.

Um, yeah, went off on a major league rant. I was just asking. No need to get all preachy.

jofjltncb6

^see what I did there.

Um, yeah, went off on a major league rant. I was just asking. No need to get all preachy.

That was "major league rant"?

Heh...you really are new here.

As for your question, I guess it depends on what advice you give. If you're telling me I need to cut back on carbs for some arbitrary "carbs are bad, m'kay" reason, then yeah, it's probably going to annoy me a little.

Lt_Starbuck

Everyone is different. Your best bet is to ask them instead of the strangers who are not on your list. Cause that just gives you a bunch of info on the reactions and opinions of the people you won't be interacting with.

SweetestHoney

I personally don't like my diary to be critiqued. It's like when you yell at a dog for crapping on the floor they don't stop doing it they just hide it better(classy metaphor huh?). I keep my diary 100% honest. If I want feedback I will post about it.

concordancia

Personally, I wouldn't mind it for patterns, but I don't need a reminder that my macros were off on a given day.

So, if someone were up to date on my habits and then said "your carbs seem to be getting higher," I would (try to) appreciate that. However, if someone were to look at the day I was sick and just had toasted sandwich thins all day, the only thing I better hear about it is "are you feeling ok?"

I do not like being congratulated for being under, especially since I am pretty sure that they never check to see if I am off by 1000 or 10.

I usually just don't close out my diary unless I have updated my weight recently and want to see the new five week prediction or I need something definitive to avoid joining my partner for his final snack of the night.

deanadimples

Personally, I don't even look at peoples food journals unless its for ideas of what to make or they are doing something different (spiking, IF etc)

I have my food journal closed because I don't eat to a T. I allow myself choclates etc for me because frankly, if I didn't enjoy some of the "normal fun stuff", I'd never last. As long as I'm not going crazy or still seeing good results, I don't let it get to me. So I don't want someone saying "tsk tsk on the chocolates". It's 60 calories, I'm under for the day...the b in me likes chocolate....BACK OFF WOULD YA?!!! (lol)

I had a previous MFP friend call those of us "non-sharers" out. Personally, I don't see what business it is. It's MY tool for me to use on MY journey. But this person was a FANATIC about sticking to plan and was always changing her approach. It seemed like every day she was trying something new because she just couldn't fathom it's a slow process, not overnight. I just didn't need her 2 cents worth. It also depends on your actual knowledge.

Now, if I'm looking for help, I may ask and that's different. I guess it's in how you approach it. If someone is plugging along and having losses they may be bothered while someone who is constantly struggling may need to hear some things. I generally don't go into those territories without someone asking a question.

Yanicka1

Unless they ask for my opinion, I keep it to myself