MFP Etiquette

UrbanLotus

I've been here about 6 weeks and have noticed people making comments like this on other people's diaries - everytime I see something like that I cringe!

And I got one on time - Superbowl Sunday, I had planned a cheat day (still ate in moderation but due to all the high cal foods at the party I was over quite a bit). Someone commented about how I had "a real blowout" and that it would be ok. That bothered me!! It was a planned blowout, and yes, I was fully aware of it and was ok, was there some reason I shouldn't be? Now I feel like I need to justify my eating!

And once someone commented saying where's the water???? I drink water constantly - literally have a water bottle with me all day and drink MUCH more than recommended, so I don't feel the need to log it. The comment was unnecessary!

My diary is open for other people to get ideas of what to eat etc, not for unsolicited advice or comments.Unsolicited advice is never a good thing - whether its about food or whatever.

jofjltncb6

Given how some react to *solicited* advice should give you a good idea of how some will react to *unsolicited* advice.

KenosFeoh

I used to do that, then I found out people don't like it. Sometimes I still question something.

dalzinho

I'd tell you where to stick your helpful comments if it was me. Click 'like' or whatever and say well done.

TinaBean007

I handle it this way, if I was sitting having a meal with them, what would I say? It wouldn't be "watch your carbs/fats, etc". I think MFP Etiquette shouldn't be any different that real life. Manners and courtesy everyday. Then, depending on how well you know the person, and if you know their personal goals, etc it's appropriate to make suggestions. I have good friends who I appreciate their suggestions and vice versa, however until I know someone well, I don't meddle.

Liatush

Personally, I wouldn't mind it for patterns, but I don't need a reminder that my macros were off on a given day.

So, if someone were up to date on my habits and then said "your carbs seem to be getting higher," I would (try to) appreciate that. However, if someone were to look at the day I was sick and just had toasted sandwich thins all day, the only thing I better hear about it is "are you feeling ok?"

I do not like being congratulated for being under, especially since I am pretty sure that they never check to see if I am off by 1000 or 10.

I usually just don't close out my diary unless I have updated my weight recently and want to see the new five week prediction or I need something definitive to avoid joining my partner for his final snack of the night.

For the most part, I agree with this. I welcome helpful comments - we are all here to learn. That being said, if I had a "bad" day every once in a while, I don't necessarily need to be called out on it...

perfectingpatti

I'd tell you where to stick your helpful comments if it was me. Click 'like' or whatever and say well done.

We have a "like" button here?

schelly81

I myself would ask a question instead of making a comment. Maybe they haven't adjusted their macros or are averaging over a week. Or possibly they are only trying to keep their calories under and get enough protein but not worried about carbs. I was doing that when I was using this site for weight loss (now pregnant and using it to keep weight gain to a healthy amount) I would keep within my calories over the week as I often have hungry days and days that I don't feel like eating. I had a friend make a preachy comment about how I needed to watch my calories!!!! It's a dangerous slippery slope to be over at all!!!!! I was only over 115 calories that day and had been under 200 the day before. If she had asked me I would have explained. And I wouldn't have unfriended her that day.

Deipneus

Honestly, it's going to depend on the person. Some people really love constructive feedback, while others don't appreciate unsolicited advice. Personally, I'm in the latter category, but I just solve that problem by keeping my diary closed.

Me too. I don't want people commenting on what I eat even though I eat very healthy foods. And I don't comment on the diary of others unless it's too observe that some particular food they ate is something I really like. I never critique. Ever.

crazybookworm

I always comment on my MFP friends updates. I won't say "Better watch your carbs" or anything like that. I try and keep it positive. If they post about a plateau or a weight gain. I'll say something along the lines of "It looks like this week you ate more Sugar or Carbs. Maybe a food revamp?" Just a helpful tip.

I say go for it. The encouragement is always great!

HealthWoke0ish

Just ask your MFP friends, "Hey, what's the scope of our MFP friendship? Do you want feedback? If so, to what degree would you like me to be critical or supportive, etc.?"

If you are truly concerned about how far is too far with them, then let them set the parameters. Otherwise, if you'd prefer to guess, I'd say use judgement and practice a conservative approach. Good luck!

skankamaggot

I vote no, I've removed people for this specific reason. Not exactly real life friends, but I don't really need people to be critical over what I'm eating if I have a high day.

Stacyplus5

I need my friend on here to tell me what to do different or better, they arent being good supporters if they are lying about the GOOD JOBS OR WAY TO GO i I need to do it different kick me in the butt and tell me

ecw3780

Hi. I am new to MFP (30 days) and have added a few friends. Some just from MFP, but also a couple of buddies I know in "real life" and see fairly often and know some of their medical and personal problems. Is it okay to look at their food and exercise diaries and after complimenting on successes offer a helpful suggestion? Example: WTG. Great job getting under your calorie count. You may want to watch your carbs. Keep up the good work.

Is that okay? Breach of etiquette?

Please don't congratulate people for being under their calorie count. A lot of people, myself included have a hard time not freaking out when we go over by even a little bit. That is a disordered way of thinking. People should feel comfortable to log their food and not feel like they only deserve praise if they eat less than what they are supposed to. For the record, as long as you are within 100 calories (plus or minus) of your goal you are on target. So I guess, yes, it is a breach of etiquette. If you told me to watch my carbs I would probably defriend you.

quirkytizzy

If there's someone whose diary concerns you, you can straight up message them with a "Hey, I want to be more supportive and motivating to you about what we're doing here. What are the best ways I can do that? What kind of comments help the most?"

Nine tens out of time, in any situation, I've found asking people what they need helps avoid landmines in saying the wrong things.

Elleinnz

Hi. I am new to MFP (30 days) and have added a few friends. Some just from MFP, but also a couple of buddies I know in "real life" and see fairly often and know some of their medical and personal problems. Is it okay to look at their food and exercise diaries and after complimenting on successes offer a helpful suggestion? Example: WTG. Great job getting under your calorie count. You may want to watch your carbs. Keep up the good work.

Is that okay? Breach of etiquette?

good question - and the answer is "it depends"

If someone is reasonably new - and asks for opinions by all means provide them feedback.
If someone has done it for a while - has had success, and seems to know what they are doing - dont say a thing...
If someone has done it for a while - has had success - seems to be stalling - and asks for opinions - provide feedback.
If they have not asked for opinions - dont say a thing....

So the best thing to do in my opinion - ask this question on your homepage - ask your pals if they want feedback or not....

In my case I have been doing this for 2 and half years - I have learnt so much - I have totally changed the way I eat - through massive amounts of research.

I follow a paleo / primal lifestyle with higher fat / lower carbs, and do intermittent fasting - not everyones cup of tea - but my choice. I dont really need anyone else to give me advice - tell me to eat before I go to the gym, "oohh fat is quite high" - I know what I am doing - what I am trying to achieve.

Having said that - if one of my pals make a "helpful" comment I do not take offense to that - it all depends how it is done in the end of the day

MizTerry

Totally ok, just don't be a dipwad about it. Also keep in mind, other folks may not be following the same regimine that you are because each body is different. If they ask, heck yeah, offer the opinion. If you are CLOSE to the person, you can say what you want, but some people may not be as open to what they perceive as criticism.

Be sweet. :bigsmile:

Faye_Anderson

I say what I think all the time, I'm one of those obnoxious know-it-alls who loves to give my own opinion, my friends know this. Some times I'm tactful and do it via inbox but most of the time it's just out there. They know they don't have to listen to me, we all get along just fine. Some people are so sensitive, I don't know how they cope in the real world

barbaramitchell101

I have no problem with criticism, IF the person understands why I am eating the way I am......I have had health issues that now looks like maybe Celiac...have been going thru mal-absorption syndrome (not diagnosed, just observation)...and eat accordingly...I have a few diet cokes per day to help keep myself alert (I do have a job, after all)...right now I HAVE TO EAT THE GLUTEN, until I have my biopsies in March...please DON'T tell me not to drink my diet coke, or I do take offense....that has happened, when I only had 1 that day...we are no longer friends (she un-frinded me after I posted something about it)..as for weightloss, I have lost nearly 40 lbs in the last 2 years, so I must be doing something right.....that said, I welcome comments....

nataliescalories

I don't mind criticism at all; I'd actually prefer it to a blind "WTG!" One day I closed my diary early on accident and everyone was like "Yay" and I was like.."Dudes..I had a cup of tea logged!"

I definitely will say things like "The carbs have been a bit low this week--is that intentional?" or "Here is a link to info on how much protein you should have; 20g a day might be too low."

I commented on someone's sodium once because it was like 10000 and they were like "OMG..I never noticed that had that much sodium (I think they read 1000 or something) and they cut that food out (they had to watch sodium). So, it can have benefits.

happierandstronger

I actually like constructive feedback and try to give constructive feedback. My way of looking at it (and this could be the teacher in me coming out) is applaud a person for their efforts, notice one thing they did really well and highlight that to them and if (if being the key word here) there is something not quite right just gently remind them to keep an eye on it. I think with the reminder just remind them once and that's it. If they do something about it applaud them next time when you notice it, if they don't do anything don't mention it again.

For example:

"Fantastic Day! You have done a great job on your protein intake. Just keep an eye on your sodium intake.

"Great logging! I like how you made sure you hit your protein targets today! Well done!"

We all joined MFP for more or less the same reason - to create a healthier lifestyle for ourselves with the help of a good support network. When we comment on a status it is about helping a person and encouraging them to make positive choice, not make them feel miserable. If I just say "Great Day" and a person has been eating McDonalds Burgers multiple times a day for the last 3 weeks and then complains about how they are not losing weight, I feel as though I am encouraging this behaviour when I know that a person can make better choices.

That is just me though. At the end of the day, if you don't like it or want to be supported or encouraged to make positive choices then unfriend me.

MaggieSporleder

If they are a new friend, I say things like great logging and great job. But, if its someone who I've interacted with quite a bit, and know what they're goals are, I will get a little more personal. (Especially if one of my friends eats one of my favs I'v always got to say something:)) Or if it's someone who I know is new to being Gluten Free, I'll try and point out things, that they may not have known about.

_SABOTEUR_

hmm...It's a tricky one. People can get very tetchy about their cals and Macros. I wouldn't want to comment and then the person ended up not recording or lying. My only exception is people who start eating severely under cals (u1200 for women, u1500 for men) I probably would comment and if it was consistent I would have to remove them as a friend. It's harsh, but they are clearly not ready to be on a site like this if they are destroying their bodies in that way.

livelaughlove384

if one of my "friends" on MFP are frustrated as to why they aren't losing weight and express their frustrations then I give my opinion. When advise is asked it is given. Not everyone will eat perfect every day because life happens. It's also a learning experience. some foods work for some people and others not so much. wait for them to ask for advise on MFP before you give it if you don't think they ate the way they should have then don't comment on that day. Best of Luck!

Serenstar75

I used to get a lot of "where's your water!" but I wasn't logging water by choice. I log it in bottles in my food section now, but I don't use the little water thing at the bottom. I have mine passworded.

odusgolp

You can do anything you want to do.

You could also say, "May I offer you some advice?" In my case, unless you're SideSteel, Brett, Yoovie or Dizzle, I'd probably reply with, "No, a**hole, you may not."

mariapuhl

I think it depends on the person, like many people have said.

I only have people I actually know in real life on my page. I don't like telling random people things, and I don't want them telling me things because they don't know me. So. I don't add them.

Now if a friend tells me something, I'll listen. But I still don't really like it. I'm here for me... and I'm not one of those encouraging sports yelling people and it actually annoys me.... I guess that's the loner part of my personality?

Soooo long story short... I'm clearly a weirdo.

DaniH826

I have my journal set for my MFP "friends" to see it. If I didn't want anyone peeking, I'd set it to private.

If somebody actually cares enough to really look at what I'm taking in, then more power to them. If they care enough after that to give a helpful hint/tip, then hey, awesome! I rarely look at my friends' food journals, tell you the truth, because keeping mine up takes so much time and effort already. I assume everyone on my friends list is an adult and doing what they can to do the right thing for themselves, or they wouldn't be here.

I don't care about being anyone's food police, and I don't care for others to be mine. We all have slightly different priorities and goals anyway. I'm here to support and be supported and share this part of my life's journey with others who are also making an effort to live healthier.

I assume if people take the time out of their schedules to give advice, it's because they're trying to be helpful. How can I get mad at that? Eat the chicken, throw out the bones. If you don't like someone's advice, just ignore it. But don't get mad at folk trying to be supportive even if you might find their posting style annoying. There's more important things in life to get mad/defensive over IMO, like somebody trying to kick your puppy or something and actually inflicting harm. Sometimes people are just way too touchy over the smallest things.