No support at home :(

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KevinsCatie
KevinsCatie Posts: 137 Member
in Motivation and Support
OK, I have to start out by saying that I am the biggest that I have ever been in my life. I had my son 11 months ago, and I'm still trying to lose the baby weight (about 60 lbs of it to be exact.) My husband and I are both prior service Marines (both got out about 2 years ago) but neither of us workout like we used to. Where this has caused me to not only keep my baby weight, it is also making we gain more. He on the other hand has lost weight (only muscle, without gaining fat) from not working out. He is really skinny and has never been fat in his life. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and it almost seemed like he was getting mad about me trying to get healthier food. He always says he doesnt care about my weight, that he will love me no matter what, but its getting to the point that I just dont like myself like this, and I really want and need his support but I'm just not getting it. I'm not sure what or even if I can do anything to get him to understand. I just dont know.
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Replies

  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    do it for you...
  • Kyledrums
    Kyledrums Posts: 56 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear you don't feel you have the support. Have you tried sitting down and telling him how you feel? I know that might seem obvious. Also are you trying to get him to eat healthy? If he isn't putting on weight he probably feels like his diet shouldn't change whereas you obviously want to make a change. Good luck
  • ghostdivatonya
    ghostdivatonya Posts: 58 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear you don't feel you have the support. Have you tried sitting down and telling him how you feel? I know that might seem obvious. Also are you trying to get him to eat healthy? If he isn't putting on weight he probably feels like his diet shouldn't change whereas you obviously want to make a change. Good luck

    What he said! lol Seriously, time for a talk.
  • kelleygi
    kelleygi Posts: 650 Member
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    "prior service Marines"...........Kick his *kitten*!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • KevinsCatie
    KevinsCatie Posts: 137 Member
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    I have told him, and he has said in the past that he was fine with it, but i think it just isnt important to him. And I understand that, obviously it isnt going to be, but I would hope at least he would understand that its improtant to me.
  • KevinsCatie
    KevinsCatie Posts: 137 Member
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    "prior service Marines"...........Kick his *kitten*!!!! :flowerforyou:

    OOOHH I wish I could!!! Unfortunately he is way to fast for me right now LOL Maybe once I lose a little bit more I could even catch him, but at this rate I wouldnt stand a chance!
  • OddChoices
    OddChoices Posts: 244 Member
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    I have told him, and he has said in the past that he was fine with it, but i think it just isnt important to him. And I understand that, obviously it isnt going to be, but I would hope at least he would understand that its improtant to me.

    Stop hoping. Start doing it... for you. Eventually he may come along or he wont. Either way you will be happier.
  • kjohnson754
    kjohnson754 Posts: 54 Member
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    No one thinks I need to lose weight but I do it for me. He doesn't have to help. He doesn't even have to have a say in it. Do it for you. If he's acting silly when you try to get healthy food, go shopping for food without him and get what you want so that you can lose the weight. No one has time to sit and listen to what other people think of their weight. If you're not doing it for you, don't do it at all.
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
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    I really want and need his support but I'm just not getting it. I'm not sure what or even if I can do anything to get him to understand. I just dont know.

    Sure, his support would be great and helpful but you do not NEED it in order to be successful.

    If he doesn't want to eat healthy food, than he can eat what he wants. YOU need to take charge of your own health, weight and goals for you... regardless of who may be there to help you along the way.

    Sit him down and explain to him what your goals are, and why you have those goals. Explain how important it is to you for you to make yourself better.

    Ensure you are doing it for you and for no one else.

    Just because he isn't on board doesn't mean you can't reach your goals. He may come along... he may not but you need to focus on you if it is that important to you.
  • juliemouse83
    juliemouse83 Posts: 6,663 Member
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    I've been married to the hubs for a little over nine years. I was absolutely adorable when we got married, and then, you know, you get comfortable.

    He always said he didn't care how much I weighed. Translation? License to eat. And eat. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'd never had the "luxury" of having a spouse that wasn't all ate up with my weight. The ex told me if I ever hit 150 lbs. he'd leave me. (How ironic is it that when he started sleeping with one of my friends I was in a size 5 and she was shopping specialty women's stores?) But I digress...

    I guess he has heard me whine about my weight for so long that he figured I didn't really mean it when I said I was going to get healthy this time around.

    I have been at it for almost six weeks, and he sees that I mean business. Now he is Mr. Support, all the way across the board.

    If you sit down and talk to him, like Kyledrums suggested, and it still doesn't click for him, then, do as KangooJumps said, and do it for you.

    He might jump on the support wagon when he understands you're not playing around. If not, you still have us. :wink: (ETA: And you...you have you and you are worth it!)
  • sherylloveschocolate2much
    sherylloveschocolate2much Posts: 38 Member
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    I know where you coming from and I had to sit down with my husband and explain how I felt about my weight and health issues. I know that OH's will love us no matter what because that's what love is all about. I took the approach that firstly I want to be healthier for me and our future together (not just weight loss but feeling healthier) I want to regain my confidence and get back the old me that's being overshadowed by by weight gain and worries. I also want to feel sexy again like I did before I had children, I am still a woman after all and not just a mother. Good luck, and keep talking to him and explain your reasons so that he can understand and try and support you x
  • Fatandfifty3
    Fatandfifty3 Posts: 419 Member
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    In the end this is all about you. You have to do this for you. There is only you that can do it.
    Try saying this- This is all about me. I am doing this for me.

    The spin off here is your child will have a fit and sassy Mum and your husband a fit and sassy wife.
  • annepage
    annepage Posts: 585 Member
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    OK, I have to start out by saying that I am the biggest that I have ever been in my life. I had my son 11 months ago, and I'm still trying to lose the baby weight (about 60 lbs of it to be exact.) My husband and I are both prior service Marines (both got out about 2 years ago) but neither of us workout like we used to. Where this has caused me to not only keep my baby weight, it is also making we gain more. He on the other hand has lost weight (only muscle, without gaining fat) from not working out. He is really skinny and has never been fat in his life. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and it almost seemed like he was getting mad about me trying to get healthier food. He always says he doesnt care about my weight, that he will love me no matter what, but its getting to the point that I just dont like myself like this, and I really want and need his support but I'm just not getting it. I'm not sure what or even if I can do anything to get him to understand. I just dont know.

    "its getting to the point that I just dont like myself like this," <- Use this as your motivation and continue to do so. Do it for yourself, because you're tired of feeling this way. To achieve what you want, you have to want this enough for yourself.

    Have you tried talking to him about it and how it makes you feel? Support at home would be ideal, but if he's unresponsive to it, USE THIS SITE. That's what we're here for. To help and support each other, regardless of the circumstances. Support is helpful and makes things a little easier, but all you really need to achieve want you want is yourself.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
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    I'm a little different - my family members need to lose weight also, but for the past two years have had no interest. My hubby always told me he loves me no matter my size (am I believe him) but it was me who was unhappy - not because of him or anything else - I felt ugly and fat and miserable. So, no matter his objections or reassurances, I HAD To do it for me.

    So, I did.

    2 years later (just yesterday, in fact) my hubby told me that he wants to start tracking his food and figuring out his TDEE to lose some weight. Over the 2 years, his utter lack of supprt (junk food everywhere, for example) turned into assistance (telling me the ingredients for his cooking so I could track accurately), and then he jumped on board. I couldn't believe it but am so excited for him making this decision.

    My point: maybe your hubby will just watch you in your journey and feel motivated to take better care of himself and maybe not. Ultimately, you have to do this for you and he would have to decide for himself too. Focus on you and the rest will fall in line in time. Best of luck to you and use MFPers for support for now!
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    As to the grocery store issue. Sit down and have a specific conversation on logistics. Let him know that you need to do this. Ask whether he prefers to eat the same things with one add ons or if you are going to have two separate menus. If the first, have a special place in the house for the add ons. If the latter, decide up the space into his, hers and, if relevant, ours.
  • twashington21
    twashington21 Posts: 4
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    you may or may not ever get it...i just decided to go for it "FOR ME!!!!" and guess what he now works out with or without me...my hubby of 20 years always says it don't matter but i realized it matters to me plus i'm about to hit 40 with a 2 year old i would like to be around for her sake as well...i hope this encourages you to go forward inspite of what support you may or may not get ...just take it one day at a time
  • GregJourney
    GregJourney Posts: 80 Member
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    My wife and I started this journey together and that is the biggest reason we are successful. I suggest telling him the reasons why you want to lose weight, tell him you want to live a long healthy life together, tell him that when you look in the mirror you what to be happy with what you see, then ask him for his help because you can not do it alone
  • junejadesky
    junejadesky Posts: 524 Member
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    Buy the things you want at the store and let him eat what he wants. He doesn't have to make the same choices as you do, but you do need to explain that you want to get healthy for yourself. He will understand and it's all about you... not what he thinks of you. It is beautiful that he loves you no matter what weight you are at, but it's about what you see and how you feel!!!
  • lbesaw
    lbesaw Posts: 267 Member
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    You have to do what feels right for you. If he is skinny he'll never know how you feel---ever. It is important for you to be independent--you don't have to eat the same things. Take charge and cook healthy for yourself and especially for your child. You'll be so glad you did. It doesn't have to be difficult, in fact this program is the easiest thing I have ever done in my life. I can live like this forever. :smile:

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