How do you keep from giving unsolicited advice?

MED2012COLORADO

Sometimes i just cant keep from giving it :ohwell: Then i wish i didnt :frown:

bostonwolf

When someone you know starts a diet of protein shakes and one meal a day for 1,000 calories total?

I know that is going to fail, but saying something would be discouraging. This comes after a failed nutrisystem diet. None of them last long.

Why are people so hell bend on a diet of eating primarily one thing, be it crappy chemical shakes, cabbage or grapefruit or whatever?
How can they this this is good for their bodies or sustainable? Of course they will be miserable.

Eating healthy food(in appropriate portion) of as much variety as possible is logically the best strategy, but people don't believe that option works.

It's like a kid touching a hot stove. You can tell him it's hot, but eventually he's just going to have to find out for himself. Pain and failure are great learning tools. If you stick with it, you will find the path that is most sustainable and healthy for you. For me it's regular workouts and avoiding grains and white carbs.

IsabellaGiano

When someone you know starts a diet of protein shakes and one meal a day for 1,000 calories total?

I know that is going to fail, but saying something would be discouraging. This comes after a failed nutrisystem diet. None of them last long.

Why are people so hell bend on a diet of eating primarily one thing, be it crappy chemical shakes, cabbage or grapefruit or whatever?
How can they this this is good for their bodies or sustainable? Of course they will be miserable.

Eating healthy food(in appropriate portion) of as much variety as possible is logically the best strategy, but people don't believe that option works.

I don't know why it is that for the people, but I know why it was for my brother -still struggling every month or so with a new diet- and a few others.

The fact is that they DON'T ACCEPT that they have too much fat because of their eating.
They really believe (or really hope) that they eat healty and with the correct amount of calories etc, and that there is something in their body that doesn't function.
And that those diet will help them to repair whatever mechanism that is broken.

mfpcopine

When someone you know starts a diet of protein shakes and one meal a day for 1,000 calories total?

I know that is going to fail, but saying something would be discouraging. This comes after a failed nutrisystem diet. None of them last long.

Why are people so hell bend on a diet of eating primarily one thing, be it crappy chemical shakes, cabbage or grapefruit or whatever?
How can they this this is good for their bodies or sustainable? Of course they will be miserable.

Eating healthy food(in appropriate portion) of as much variety as possible is logically the best strategy, but people don't believe that option works.

I think about how irritated I get when people who've never mastered their own weight come at me with outdated information or assumptions that don't apply to me. Some people might do well on a 1000 calorie protein diet.

OfficerFuzzy

@Cubbies:

Of course. I find the drama of, "Will they want to speak to my manger after this?", exhilarating.
lol, don't be silly. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I only share fun facts with regulars with good dispositions and diet tips with people who mention that they're dieting.

Careygirl1968

I stopped giving advice even when it's solicited...simply because there is no magic pill or potion and the people are asking for secrets. Tell them to eat less and move more and be honest with themselves and lift some weights and exercise totally blows their mind...because they've already tried that for like a whole month and it didn't work.

Last bit of advice I gave was along the lines of "you really don't need to log calories burned from cooking dinner as cardio. Also, the housework calories are probably over estimated. Just stick with your walking and maybe jog a minute or two, join me at the gym, I can get you in for nothing on my membership, and basically do something you don't normally do. Also, getting a heart rate monitor isn't a "must" but it wouldn't hurt either" The response I got from that was they were going to log it because it was in MFP..and did I know how much they sweat cleaning the house and cooking?? Also, they don't have the "luxury" of going to the gym like I do, so they have to get any bit of exercised logged as they could.

I've lost over 100 pounds, and often get the question, "How did you do it" Secretly inside, I'm thinking, "duh" But I instead say simply, "Diet and exercise" After my answer, there are two types of people. The first type simply say, "Oh" and that's the end of that topic of conversation. Those are your quick fix people, who are not committed to making a lifestyle change, but rather committed to the next latest and greatest improbable, expensive plan. The second group will lean in and say, "tell me more" Then you know you have someone who may just be in the right place to make some changes, and welcome your experiences.

Otherwise, I share my passion on MFP, where people are always soliciting advice :-)

mfpcopine

I accept that many people are terminally deluded about their weight, and/or are unwillingly to make lasting changes, no matter their protestations. If they ask my advice, I'm happy to make suggestions, but some people bizarrely reject the advice of people who have successfully maintained their weight, although of course no one approach works for everyone.

I posted a link to an excellent article on weight loss myths. No one read it. People prefer to cling to ideas that don't work.

MissJanet55

Just zip it.

Most of what I learned than stuck came from making mistakes and trying something new, not from being told I was wrong.

Alex_is_Hawks

I shut my piehole.........American pie style.

Oishii

I have a friend who is very good at losing weight fast on shakes, but has yet to learn to keep it off, but still keeps losing that way. So we talk about her maintenance plans, rather than what she's doing right now. It's less emotional that way.

KenosFeoh

Most people consider it rude to get un-asked-for advice, so I keep my lips together most of the time. Of course there are times when somebody is so wrong that I feel I HAVE TO say something. And it's usually not appreciated.

Moxie42

I bite my tongue really hard, smile, and nod. If they ask what I'm doing to lose weight, I'll share. If they complain incessantly about how "nothing works" and I'm ready to punch them, I test the waters by saying something like "yeah, I used to have a hard time with diets like that too. I've felt so much better and been more successful by just trying to eat better and move more" and see how they respond. That way, you're not telling them they're wrong...you're simply noting what works, and does not work, for you.

I have one particular coworker like this. She even sends me articles about fad diets and "miracle fat-busters," thinking she's being supportive of my weight loss goals. I just ignore them and if she ever asks me about it, I'll just say that I've never found things like that to work and that I haven't heard good reviews, so I just don't want to spend money on something I'm not sure I trust.

twinketta

I have a friend who is very good at losing weight fast on shakes, but has yet to learn to keep it off, but still keeps losing that way. So we talk about her maintenance plans, rather than what she's doing right now. It's less emotional that way.

This is a good answer, sometimes unsolicited advice is just being supportive..like `hey, if I can help in anwyay I am here, maybe we can help each other`?

I suppose it depends if you are telling someone the way to do things or if you are wanting to be supportive?

CristinaL1983

I can't imagine that my way is the only way or even the best way. It just works best for me. If someone wants to know what I have done or what I think, I'll share my opinion. If they don't I watch and see if I can learn something from them.

sleepytexan

I don't. Lift heavy. Eat what you want in moderation. Clean up your room!