About to explode! (A vent)
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buy your mommy some flowers!! if my mom comes home and i have flowers for her shes in a good mood no matter what (pink roses!)0
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I do get a lot of what you're going through. Living at home as an adult isn't always easy. And I have strict parents, and so does the bf, so we get to hang out in his basement like we're in high school still. But, it's something we unfortunately have to deal with until one of us gets a job that we can live on. It's discouraging, because that could be a couple years, but we have to be patient. Savings aren't even our issue, but we don't have the income to sustain life on our own.0
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seriously........if you feel like you are grown up enough to be married then you need to move outta your mommies house.
Because that's feasible for everyone in this economy.
There's HUD housing which is affordable for anyone or low income housing. And no, not all low income and HUD housing is inhabited by crack heads and hookers. When I moved out the apartment I got was low income housing and it was in a great neighborhood and the apartment was gorgeous. My rent was based on how much I made and it was very low and affordable. Regardless of the economy there are housing options out there for people who don't make a lot of money. And if you read her post they both have jobs.
Living with her mother is still probably more affordable than any low-income housing though. Honestly, there's nothing wrong or immature with that kind of living situation IF her mother is genuinely happy to have them there. Kind of doubting that's the case. My issue was mainly the attitude of quoted poster, as many couples can be irresponsible with money but mature in their interpersonal relationships. I don't think responsibility with money should somehow be a prerequisite for someone to marry the person they love. (Though learning that responsibility certainly wouldn't hurt the marriage.)0 -
The animals are going nowhere. We live with mom-and she would likely skin my hide for getting rid of them too. to me, its like suggesting giving up my choldren due to finance issues.
While I definitely understand this -- mainly because we acquired our current dog because someone abandoned him at the end of our road -- when you do decide to move out where are you going to live? Like a lot of people have pointed out IF you can get an apartment that allows animals they usually have a limit as to how many you can have. Even condos have limits on the amount/size/type of pet you can have. And if you can find an apartment that allows animals your rent will likely be higher because of that.
You really do need to think about what you're going to do with them. Saying you have none and then sneaking them into where you live is (not saying you are) is not the best thing to do and could cause you to get evicted.0 -
buy your mommy some flowers!! if my mom comes home and i have flowers for her shes in a good mood no matter what (pink roses!)
thank you for the idea, my mom loves those neon daisies! I have to buy stamps later-ill grab some! 0 -
I don't think responsibility with money should somehow be a prerequisite for someone to marry the person they love. (Though learning that responsibility certainly wouldn't hurt the marriage.)
You really need to be on the same page when it comes to money and how the finances are handled when you're in a relationship, especially one that's going to lead to marriage considering most arguments and divorce circles around that particular issue.0 -
The animals are going nowhere. We live with mom-and she would likely skin my hide for getting rid of them too. to me, its like suggesting giving up my choldren due to finance issues.
While I definitely understand this -- mainly because we acquired our current dog because someone abandoned him at the end of our road -- when you do decide to move out where are you going to live? Like a lot of people have pointed out IF you can get an apartment that allows animals they usually have a limit as to how many you can have. Even condos have limits on the amount/size/type of pet you can have. And if you can find an apartment that allows animals your rent will likely be higher because of that.
You really do need to think about what you're going to do with them. Saying you have none and then sneaking them into where you live is (not saying you are) is not the best thing to do and could cause you to get evicted.
we're looking for houses/trailers-we dont like paying rent on something we'll never own0 -
The animals are going nowhere. We live with mom-and she would likely skin my hide for getting rid of them too. to me, its like suggesting giving up my choldren due to finance issues.
While I definitely understand this -- mainly because we acquired our current dog because someone abandoned him at the end of our road -- when you do decide to move out where are you going to live? Like a lot of people have pointed out IF you can get an apartment that allows animals they usually have a limit as to how many you can have. Even condos have limits on the amount/size/type of pet you can have. And if you can find an apartment that allows animals your rent will likely be higher because of that.
You really do need to think about what you're going to do with them. Saying you have none and then sneaking them into where you live is (not saying you are) is not the best thing to do and could cause you to get evicted.
we're looking for houses/trailers-we dont like paying rent on something we'll never own
But spending 30k on a truck that he probably didn't need is a better idea. Hmm. Okay then. To each their own.0 -
TBH, if one of my parents was that overwhelmed, and my question when they walked in was, "what are you making me for dinner?", well, I'd expect some flack in return, to say the least
YEP!0 -
Let me say-the truck is due to him having used, $2000-3000 vehicles that were always breaking down. we saved for months and traded a broken down car to make payments. he travels a lot-we needed a wareanty and something 100% reliable.
The animals are going nowhere. We live with mom-and she would likely skin my hide for getting rid of them too. to me, its like suggesting giving up my choldren due to finance issues.
we are saving, building credit, and actively looking for oir own place. the pets dont cost $40/month alltogether. like i said, we pay utilities, groceries, etc.
i cook, clean, and care. i make sure everyone is fed a homemade meal and has clean work clothes. i keep the pets bathed, walked, traoned, snd keep litterboxes clean. i dont hesitate to offer my money to pay for someones gas who is struggling, and my mom and fiance are the same way.
we are looking at remodeling because we live here-we want to make it ours too. right now the house still has hurricane damage-id rather stay longer and leave my mom with a nice house than get out and leave it in the condition its in-even if that means we stay longer.
i wasnt wanting advice but di really appreciate every bit of it. im just stretched thin (we all are) and starting to panic over the day-to-days.
its just one of those days where nothing is working and i cant figure out how to fix it begore it stresses my mom or fiance out.
I'm genuinely sorry you and those you love are dealing with so much stress right now. Sometimes all you can do is try to force a smile and just get through each day as it happens. I don't have any advice to "fix" your problems. Just wanted to say that no matter how hard or stressful life can be, there will always be things left to smile about.
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TBH, if one of my parents was that overwhelmed, and my question when they walked in was, "what are you making me for dinner?", well, I'd expect some flack in return, to say the least
YEP!
I was under the impression she was asking her mother what she wanted for dinner, not demanding her to make anything. It sounds like her mother is under a lot of stress and I think she was emphasizing that by pointing out her emotional instability in even making decisions about what she wanted to eat. It didn't seem like it was necessarily even the mom's role to cook dinner.. I could be wrong, though.0 -
I don't think responsibility with money should somehow be a prerequisite for someone to marry the person they love. (Though learning that responsibility certainly wouldn't hurt the marriage.)
You really need to be on the same page when it comes to money and how the finances are handled when you're in a relationship, especially one that's going to lead to marriage considering most arguments and divorce circles around that particular issue.
In a serious relationship, that IS a very important factor. I will not argue that. I'm sure there are relationships that last despite financial instability or hardship, though.0 -
I'm just going to make a suggestion about your Mom and supper:Let me say-the truck is due to him having used, $2000-3000 vehicles that were always breaking down. we saved for months and traded a broken down car to make payments. he travels a lot-we needed a wareanty and something 100% reliable.
The animals are going nowhere. We live with mom-and she would likely skin my hide for getting rid of them too. to me, its like suggesting giving up my choldren due to finance issues.
we are saving, building credit, and actively looking for oir own place. the pets dont cost $40/month alltogether. like i said, we pay utilities, groceries, etc.
i cook, clean, and care. i make sure everyone is fed a homemade meal and has clean work clothes. i keep the pets bathed, walked, traoned, snd keep litterboxes clean. i dont hesitate to offer my money to pay for someones gas who is struggling, and my mom and fiance are the same way.
we are looking at remodeling because we live here-we want to make it ours too. right now the house still has hurricane damage-id rather stay longer and leave my mom with a nice house than get out and leave it in the condition its in-even if that means we stay longer.
i wasnt wanting advice but di really appreciate every bit of it. im just stretched thin (we all are) and starting to panic over the day-to-days.
its just one of those days where nothing is working and i cant figure out how to fix it begore it stresses my mom or fiance out.
May I suggest, rather than asking your mom what she wants for dinner rephrase it a little, say "Hey Mom, I'm thinking I'll make baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and broccoli for dinner tonight, do you want anything else with that?" That way this decision isn't a whole meal about what she wants, she doesn't have to think about will husband, fiance, and daughter like it too, she only has to think "gee, I'd kinda like a salad too (or instead)" OR plan ahead and ask her in the morning what she'd like for supper when she gets home so you can have it ready to go on the table when she gets home, that way her mind is a little more clear from sleep and she hasn't been overwhelmed by her day yet... Ask her before grocery shopping on the weekend if she has any ideas of what she would like for supper during the week and you don't even have to ask the day of just know that she wants it one night and you can make it0 -
30,000 truck so my fiance could get to his job.
:noway:
My husband has a $10k truck and gets to work just fine.
Sounds like you should evaluate wants vs. needs
No one needs to be picking up strays when they can't afford em.
Bingo! Priorities
I agree but it's spilled milk at this point. And maybe there's a reason for it. Either way, what's done is done.
If you guys are getting married, have you figured out a financial plan for getting out of that house? Maybe it's time you got some professional help for your money woes. I think you should consider seeing a financial adviser and setting up some saving/spending objectives. Especially for the wedding.
As for your personal issues with the mom, maybe work out a schedule or something. She's your roommate/landlord now. You're too grownup to be asking where your dinner is. Set some expectations and contingency plans.
I don't think you're going to find any sympathy on MFP. But you will get some tough advice and perspective. Good luck.
Spilled milk or a symptom of a bigger problem?
Need reliable vehicle --> $30,000
Upset --> Buy gun/ truck parts
6 animals ---> take in a stray
Living with a parent is about bettering your circumstances. Saving money to afford your own place. Sounds to me like these kids need a finance course before the wedding bells sing. My husband likes to emotional window shop. I say window shop cause I stop the purchase.
If asking what's for dinner is causing a meltdown .... Stop asking. Just do it.
And on a personal rant, it drives me up the wall when people compare animals to children. I have both. If I reach a financial hardship where I can't afford my Dog, I will cry as I turn him over to someone who can love and care for him because I couldn't.
OP, determine your priorities, make a plan, don't let anyone derail it. You only get one shot at life.0 -
Relax; it's going to be o.k.
The only advice that I have is to go ahead and make dinner without asking your mom what she wants. I know when I'm tired I have no idea what I want, and I'll eat what's available without complaint. If your mom wants something in particular, she'll probably tell you or make it herself.0 -
I'm just going to make a suggestion about your Mom and supper:
May I suggest, rather than asking your mom what she wants for dinner rephrase it a little, say "Hey Mom, I'm thinking I'll make baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and broccoli for dinner tonight, do you want anything else with that?" That way this decision isn't a whole meal about what she wants, she doesn't have to think about will husband, fiance, and daughter like it too, she only has to think "gee, I'd kinda like a salad too (or instead)" OR plan ahead and ask her in the morning what she'd like for supper when she gets home so you can have it ready to go on the table when she gets home, that way her mind is a little more clear from sleep and she hasn't been overwhelmed by her day yet... Ask her before grocery shopping on the weekend if she has any ideas of what she would like for supper during the week and you don't even have to ask the day of just know that she wants it one night and you can make it
This is GREAT advice. And not the most obvious thing, either! I recently started deciding on dinners for my fiance and she has appreciated it immensely. The last thing she wants after a hard day at work is to have to help decide what we're eating that night.0 -
If you love your pets, they are expensive, but they are also family - I get that, I have a dog and she is my whole entire world!!!
DO NOT EVER LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN FOR BEING AN ANIMAL LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd finish but I have a meeting... good luck and tell your mom to get her S*it together
This. I have three cats and would never, ever give up my animals. They are family and have no way of fending for themselves - therefore, I must take care of them.
Do not give them up. As long as you are able to responsibly care for them, they are yours.
I like my cats more than I like 99% of people. But, what will happen when she's looking for a rental is a valid concern, as are the feelings of the people that owns the house she lives in
Honestly, too bad for them. My dog is my life... I reapeat MY LIFE! I had the chance of moving to several different locations but they said no dogs, I said "screw you!" I would NEVER EVER EVER leave her behind! They're animals, domesticated animals, it's not like she has a zebra or giraf living in the backyard!0 -
TBH, if one of my parents was that overwhelmed, and my question when they walked in was, "what are you making me for dinner?", well, I'd expect some flack in return, to say the leastYEP!
And yet another comment from someone who didn't read the original post correctly and who hasn't followed the other comments.0 -
If you love your pets, they are expensive, but they are also family - I get that, I have a dog and she is my whole entire world!!!
DO NOT EVER LET ANYONE PUT YOU DOWN FOR BEING AN ANIMAL LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd finish but I have a meeting... good luck and tell your mom to get her S*it together
This. I have three cats and would never, ever give up my animals. They are family and have no way of fending for themselves - therefore, I must take care of them.
Do not give them up. As long as you are able to responsibly care for them, they are yours.
I like my cats more than I like 99% of people. But, what will happen when she's looking for a rental is a valid concern, as are the feelings of the people that owns the house she lives in
Honestly, too bad for them. My dog is my life... I reapeat MY LIFE! I had the chance of moving to several different locations but they said no dogs, I said "screw you!" I would NEVER EVER EVER leave her behind! They're animals, domesticated animals, it's not like she has a zebra or giraf living in the backyard!
And I love my dog as well but if I were the owner of the house or apartment you were wanting to rent and I said no dogs and you said screw you then kindly go find another place to rent.0 -
There's HUD housing which is affordable for anyone or low income housing. And no, not all low income and HUD housing is inhabited by crack heads and hookers. When I moved out the apartment I got was low income housing and it was in a great neighborhood and the apartment was gorgeous. My rent was based on how much I made and it was very low and affordable. Regardless of the economy there are housing options out there for people who don't make a lot of money. And if you read her post they both have jobs.
This is a great idea, but it really depends on your area. Waiting list here is several years for low income housing.0 -
Honestly, too bad for them. My dog is my life... I reapeat MY LIFE! I had the chance of moving to several different locations but they said no dogs, I said "screw you!" I would NEVER EVER EVER leave her behind! They're animals, domesticated animals, it's not like she has a zebra or giraf living in the backyard!
And I love my dog as well but if I were the owner of the house or apartment you were wanting to rent and I said no dogs and you said screw you then kindly go find another place to rent.
I rate your reading comprehension 6/10.
Excuse me? Perhaps I misinterpreted what was said but there is absolutely no reason for you to be rude about it. I took the statement as the person saying "Screw you. I'm not leaving my dog behind so deal with me living here with it."
Mostly because of the post she was quoting:I like my cats more than I like 99% of people.But, what will happen when she's looking for a rental is a valid concern, as are the feelings of the people that owns the house she lives in0 -
FIRST breEth. breEth deep. and repeat. SECOND your feeling your emotions all of that is important THEY MATTER and you are only one person. THIRD you ARE NOT A PUNCHING BAG but a person take responsibilty for yourself your actions noone elses.0
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