How to lose weight without husband's support?

castadiva

It sounds like the food could be a challenge to change, on a number of levels. How about the exercise factor? Are there things you could do on your own, even if it has to be when he's not around, for now? Water-supported exercise is supportive for those with joint issues, whether that's swimming or aqua-aerobics or similar? Walking is also very good, especially if things are a bit fragile (I have a knee issue from an old injury, and used walking to lose 55lbs - I've only recently begun to add in strength and higher-impact exercise, and have promptly gained a couple of pounds, and lost several inches).

I'm not going to comment on your husband or relationship, but I would encourage you to identify the areas you can change without any stress or interference as a first step. The confidence you'll gain from doing so and the results from following through on those things should make it easier to tackle the bigger, harder things in due course.

KenosFeoh

I agree with tell him to suck it up because it's your kitchen, too.

We regularly have "fend for yourself" nights. Everybody is an adult here.

AlongCame_Molly

NEVER fast!!! It doesn't matter what ANYONE says, it's bad for you. Always eat breakfast, it's boosts the metabolism. Fiber is awesome for you. Just make sure to drink tons of water. Trust me, this is what I do and I've met my weight loss goal and then some. Fasting will put your body into starvation mode. If you don't eat enough calories, you WILL NOT lose weight.

Dude, give it up, you sound like a broken record that no one listens to. I fast 3-5 times a week and it works fine for me. I've lost 33 lbs doing and and am still losing. Oh, and I rarely eat breakfast. So to say that it NEVER works or that it ALWAYS is bad for you is just laughable. Maybe it doesn't work for you, great, no one cares. Give your advice once and move on without coming off as obnoxious.

MizTerry

Honey, once you empower yourself, he will change his attitude. It seems to me like you've been his whipping post for quite a while. I may be wrong. I HOPE I'm wrong. I saw my own mother in your shoes, and controlling men infuriate me to this day.

Smaller portions. Everything in moderation.

If you do any exercise, even if it's 5 minutes at a time, try to get in at least 30 minutes a day. He doesn't need to know.

Stand up for yourself. If...IF he ever strikes you (hopefully this is NEVER an issue), tell him you'll take him for everything he's got.

krithsai

Ah..I know how tough RA can be...my mother in law has it too. I know that even the simplest tasks around the house can be quite a handful and throw in an unsupportive husband - that can be a lot to take. If you don't have trouble chopping things, power to you. Else, get pre-cut vegetables and meats and cook them. Either ways, if you share a household, both of you need to have a say on how things are done. You should not have to beg and plead with him to let you cook a meal reasonable enough to you. That just sucks.

rml_16

He sounds like a controlling d-bag. Maybe some professional counseling?

That was my first thought.

No one tells me what to eat or how to exercise. I don't ask permission, either.

BarbaraC47

When it comes to your health and wellness, your husband has to be a nonfactor. Take control of your own weightloss, you own it. You need to let him know, that until further notice, you will be cooking your own meals. You are a grown woman, you do not need his permission to do this. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. As you age, your medical conditions will get worse, if you are obese and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off, do it now.

MFP is a great source of support, but you must be proactive in your own health. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.

All of the above - my other half is always bringing home inappropriate foods, chocolates, cakes etc. I leave him to it - he eats it all himself as I won't empower him to make choices for me!! I'm now 65 and only just beginning to take control - so you CAN do it too. Polite but firm - say no thank you!!!

lalaglo30

I think you should take control back. It's your life...in the end you have to do what makes YOU happy. Not what makes HIM happy. Work out how you want to...cook what you want to eat...and do this for yourself. Your body has different needs than his does. He needs to understand that at least if he's not going to support you. And as far as support goes...you don't need him you have all of us on here! We will keep you encouraged and keep you going.

jimbo480

Just curious but he's a Chef and he's fit. What kind of meals is he preparing?

SandraJN

I have no idea about the dynamics of your relationship, so I will leave that alone.

You say you have control over your food until dinner, so eat light, but eat. At dinner, eat what he makes but watch your portions. I am trained in French cookery, so I also use cream, butter and bacon more often then I probably should. I use the sauté pan often. Since this is how I cook I have learned to modify my portions instead of trying to eat a whole different way.

Try to go with the flow and see if it works. Good Luck.

angelique_redhead

I used to be very active and did Tae Kwon Do 2 hours a day. Then the arthritis kicked in. My DH just didn't comprehend that my activity levels had gone down so my caloric intake needed to do so also. He didn't get it till he noticed when he joined MFP that his caloric intake was set at exactly DOUBLE mine. We USED to be able to eat the same amount. Now when he sees me just eating a tiny portion of something he doesn't say a word. He just asks if I got enough if he's worried about it. I never fast. I'm diabetic and it's not in my best interest. I try to eat 5 tiny meals or 3 meals and 2 small snacks a day. Good luck on your weight loss journey. You CAN do this. I'm not going to disagree with the others that think your DH is very controlling though.

73Freckles

Just curious but he's a Chef and he's fit. What kind of meals is he preparing?

Don't they say, never trust a skinny chef? :-)

mikejholmes

I'll be honest, my first reaction was to agree with everyone who said to get rid of him.

But, I'm assuming that's not what you're looking for, and you're looking for a non-confrontational way to do this. So my suggestion is to let him cook his big decadent meals for dinner, but you only eat a tiny portion. Take 1/4 of what you used to. Or if he loads your plate, only eat 1/4 of what he gives you.Tell him it was great, but you're full. (Lie if you have to.)

Also, find ANY form of activity that you can do, and do it as much as you can. Walking the malls, aqua-fit -- anything you can make yourself do.

It sounds to me as though you're at a place with no easy solutions. It wouldn't be easy to leave him at this point in your life. You've stuck around this long for a reason. And it won't be easy to eat healthy with someone so controlling and unsupportive.

I wish you the best.

libbybond

take very small portions - use a big plate - maybe he will feel sorry for you and start cooking like an educated chief

LoosingMyLast15

My husband is very fit and loves to run/exercise daily. I don't. I didn't have trouble with my weight in the past, but after chemo for breast cancer at 43, I went through menopause and have steadily gained weight for the last 7 years. Now, my husband agrees I'm fat, but won't support my efforts to lose weight. (I need to say he is very unsympathetic to obese women.) He feels I should eat what HE wants me to eat (he is a chef) and exercise like he does. I have arthritis and running and other cardio and strength training exercises are painful. I can do ok all day until it's time for dinner when he cooks buttered vegetables, cream sauces, fried foods, etc. He gets very angry when I ask to cook for myself so I can lose the weight. He hates it that I'm fat, but he won't let me lose weight "my way." I've tried fasting all day and just eating his food, but that doesn't work very well either. Advice?

THREE CHEERS TO YOU FOR BATTLING BREAST CANCER! and beating it! tell him to suck lemons!

buttered veggies, cream sauces, fried foods, etc just because he's fit and runs daily doesn't mean he's HEALTHY! unless he gets his cholesterol checked on a regular basis and has other medical tests done as well i bet he's got clogged arteries. is he home when you get home? Why not just make yourself dinner why wait for HIM to cook it. if he wants to eat all his cheffy foods then let him but if it was me i'd be scraping my plate of food back into the pan and making my own meal. however at the end of the day you're the one who has to live with him so i suggest you seek counseling like others have suggested. you might want to try swimming for exercise. not only will it help you but it might also give you some peace that it sounds like you desperately need.

Seagully

If you're otherwise happy in the relationship and this type of control issue really only comes up with food, then I'd say you should have a conversation and simply state that while you love him and his cooking, you can't exercise like he can and you need to have a different diet for your own health. Be clear you're not blaming him for your current weight, but that you are going to do what you need to do to be healthier and happier. If you monitor your calories, maybe you can "budget" so that you two can have one special dinner a week where you can have some of his cooking, but go for more healthy options the rest of the week. Treat his cooking as a special reward rather than the norm.

It can be hard to change long established roles in the relationship and even though he agrees that losing weight is a good goal, he might feel threatened to have you become less dependent on one of the things that he brought to the relationship. But you shouldn't need to ask for the right to do the things you need to do for a healthier you. Good luck, and you can always come here for some support!

jak2315

ALONGCAME__MOL --- I was not trying to be obnoxious, as you put it. If you don't like other peoples posts, then maybe you shouldn't be on this site. You could at least be respectful of others.