Is "Have You Lost Weight?" Always A Complement?

stumblinthrulife

I'm not sure there's a right answer to this one

I think people who haven't struggled with their weight, or don't worry about their weight, etc etc, make the assumption that saying that "you've lost weight" is a compliment, regardless of whether or not it's received as one.

So the best thing is to understand that it's their intention, and take it as a compliment. But at the same time, with how poorly some people react to that "compliment," is it any wonder that some people choose to say nothing at all?

Precisely. So far, in this thread alone we've established that all of the following are insulting to someone:

1. Asking if you've lost weight, when you haven't.
2. Asking if you've lost weight when you have, but doing it too often.
3. Not asking if you've lost weight, when you have.
4. Asking if you've lost weight, when you are trying to gain it (ok, this one was just 'not a compliment' rather than offensive)
5. Asking if you've lost weight, but you perceive it as a 'backhanded compliment'.
6. Asking if you've lost weight when they don't know if you are trying to or not - they shouldn't assume you are trying to lose weight just because you are fat.
7. Asking if you've lost weight, when you achieved other things at the same time which you'd prefer to be complimented on.

People are trying to be nice to you. Idle chit-chat and small talk doesn't come naturally to everyone. Be happy that they are trying to be friendly and start a conversation with you with what they feel is a flattering thing to say. Whether you've lost weight or not, how about responding with a smile and saying "You think I look better? Why thank you! You look great too."

Sunny_fit4life

A "complement" to what?

Oops lol. Thank you spelling police. What would we do without you?

EvanKeel

Thanks to irony and sarcasm, I don't think anything can always be a compliment.

Someone could be trying to be a snot by asking the question (Have you lost weight?), knowing that the answer is no, but clearly implying that the answer should have been yes.

Whether or not we care if was a compliment or insult is another matter.

mamasmaltz3

About a year or so ago I saw my sister at what was my highest weight ever. We had not seen each other for over a year. She kept telling me that I looked I had lost weight. I told her no several times. She kept insisting to the point I began to wonder just how fat were her memories of me?

This is also the same sister who offered me a pair of pants that were three sizes bigger than what I wore because they were too big for her.

So, yeah, I don't think it is always a compliment.

Sunny_fit4life

Some people are weird. I feel like my mom asks everyone this question all of the time not because she necessarily thinks that a person has lost weight, but that she thinks its a nice thing to say. She told me once that I should ask my aunt if she has lost weight because she was having a bad day... Because my mom has always been like this it makes me feel like she is always looking at everyone's weight...especially mine. Which, knowing her, she probably is. It makes me feel like my weight is the most important thing about me to her. That doesn't feel good. On the other hand I have a co-worker that swears she didn't notice that I had lost weight until just last week. I've lost over 100 pounds...

and also

What really bothers me is that it puts so much emphasis on my physical appearance. Yes, men might be told that they look like they've lost weight but it's a lot more common of a compliment with women.

I lost a little weight after finishing college and it was funny how many of my mom's friends decided to comment on my weight rather than my new degree. Or my new position. Or really anything that's been going on outside of my appearance.

And I know it's not even my health. It's never "Oh, you look like you've started working out and eating healthier!", it's "have you lost weight?"

I'm glad somebody gets it

Both of these posts are basically exactly what I'm talking about.