How depressing is the fact
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First thing that caught my eye was the word depressing. Probably need to talk to someone about it and see if that's where you're at right now. Some don't even know they are experiencing it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
You are not special - of course you can lose weight, your body will respond to a well-managed calorie deficit with exercise just like it does for everyone else (unless you have some medical issues that might make things harder). Some people lose faster than others, that's all. Some people go to the gym, and run, and everyone eats differently.
Go check the success stories, look at what others have achieved, read what they did - and then work the ideas into your life. I thought I was fat for life, being 60 years old - but I have lost 28 kgs and it has not been hard. (IF you want to see what I was, go to the forums and search Aussie 60 and you can see my sucess story). And I am lazy - I don't do gym etc. I am toying with the idea of doing weights!
Sounds like you are a very busy mother and worker, and it could be that you are stressed and depressed. But taking charge of your weight will make you feel better, honestly! Logging daily is to help you see where your choices could be better, so you can control what goes into your mouth. It is not about restricting - it is about choices, learning, developing.
Don't give up - your children want their mum around for a long time. Friend me if you like, but I warn you I am a bit of a nag!
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Please do not give up. You are YOUNG. I am gonna be 70 this year and wish I had MFP when I was 30. I've tried to lose weight at least a dozen times....seriously try. I've been partially successful but didn't learn a way to keep going and eventually gained it back. For me, the Road Map method here is working just fine. The support is phenomenal. The success stories speak for themselves. I think I can maybe be a heatlhy weight in 5 years and maintain it for the rest of my life. I'm going slow, using small mini goals to improve my menus and increase my exercise. My settings here are for 1/2 pound per week and it's happening in spite of bad days and overeating days and injuries, and holidays.
But.....this may not be right for you. I believe I had to search for the method that suited me and I think you do also. Maybe you would do better off with Intuitive Eating, or Overeaters Anonymous. Whatever you do, please do not give up on yourself.
Also recognize that discouragement is an emotion that comes and goes. let it flow through you and acknowledge it and know it will pass.0 -
I'm not going to become a slob, I still have to find a way to fit in my pants. But I'm just so frustrated with the fact that this is a process that I can't accomplish, I've heard way too many people say it's simple and give 12 different answers why.... or that I don't want it enough. I've pretty much decided that if it consumes over half my thoughts and my day whether it be mental or physical .... I'm obviously doing something wrong.
I know exactly how you feel when I read this. But let me just say, there is no 'RIGHT' way to lose weight. Losing weight is as unique to each person, just like each person is unique in themselves. I do believe eating right and having a good exercise routine will help, but it's not the same for everyone, so just hang in there. Play around with different ideas and change around different things. Eventually you will find what is right for yourself.
If you want any extra support, feel free to add me.0 -
I feel your frustration. I too tried and tried. I love my fitness pal because it forces me to be honest. I can't have that handful of chocolate chips if I'm almost out of calories. I love being able to log my exercise. I fully believe in move more and eat less. Weight loss isn't an overnight thing. It takes permanent changes in your life. From 225 to 160, I've had great success over a long period of time. I weigh and measure all that I eat. I order smartly when eating out. I exercise six days a week. I remember being on the treadmill for forty-five minutes at 3.6 mph and thinking that was tough work. Now I can do 5 mph for 45 minutes! Sweet. Keep at it, and remember: Honesty is the best policy! Be honest with yourself and GO FOR IT,0
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Bumping for others to get motivation and inspiration. Thank you to everyone who replied to this post, very inspiring for me to keep going! Good luck to the OP and I hope you find what works best for you, don't give up! 0
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God i hate whining0
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you dont want it bad enough to try without stoping. and surgery isnt a quick fix like people think it is. You couldnt PAY ME to get that ish done to my body.
I'd rather fight.
what is your alterantive? to get fatter and fatter until you die un unhappy sad life? or to just stay the same amount of fat?
the time will pass weather you are improving yourself or not.
^I agree0 -
The first and most important thing you need to do is log your food. Log EVERYTHING you eat. Weight loss is 80% diet, 20% exercise. You can't out exercise a terrible diet.
Lies. I lost 30lbs on a diet of fast food and junk food. The reason I lost? My calories were always under and I exercised an hour a day. *shrug*
You CAN out exercise a terrible diet.
But it's much, much easier to just modify your diet and get control of your desire to eat.
You could be eating junk food and fast food but still not exceeding your daily calorie limit. I think what the previous commenter meant for "terrible diet" is eating way beyond daily caloric needs like 3000+ calorie intake. In order to out-exercise that you will need to spend hours in the gym per day. For people who have other commitments that can be very very hard to fit on a daily schedule.0 -
This site and the positive and motivating friends I have met have made a difference for me after years of " dieting "
Logging everything I put in my mouth helps keep me accountable and is not hard to do.
I have always tried to do this alone and it hasn't worked for me. Support and people with common goals and struggles help me tremendously.
I had no idea the calories I was taking in before. I look at and repond on forums when I feel I can offer something on the subject.
I have learned alot and want to learn more. I am making time for me and my health and fitness. I am worth it and so are you!
I have many pounds yet to lose but feel encouraged to do so and that's a really big deal for me.
I didn't put this weight on overnight and have to be patient. We are all works in progress.0 -
Don't complain about the results you aren't getting from the work you didn't do. If you count your calories, maintain a reasonable calorie deficit and apply some patience, you can lose weight.
Edit to say that I'm not trying to be mean. It's just that you can't sentence yourself to a life of fat if you're not really doing the program that is working for so many other people.
this! all day every day!!!0 -
Stop saying no. Eat what you like, just less of it. Log your food. And quit throwing a pity party. Don't complain about the results if you don't put the effort in. It can be done, but you have to try. It's not easy, but it is worth it.
THIS. Often times weight will come off when the person struggling just stops stressing out about macros, micros, different diets, etc. Watch your portion sizes, of course, but at the same time make sure you're eating ENOUGH, and do get in a reasonable amount of exercise. Perhaps you just need to chill out and not restrict yourself as much...eat good food in reasonable and sufficient amounts, exercise a bit. Enjoy life instead of living on a never ending restrictive diet.0 -
You need to WANT it. I tried and tried, and until I really wanted it, that is when it all clicked. I still struggle, but that is part of the journey. Sorry you are feeling this way
It has to be a desire, bar none. We are resistant to change. We become set in our ways, we become accustomed to how things are, we then move into autopilot and go to sleep. Some... forever. And they are okay with it.
I awoke. The particulars aren't important, but I wasn't happy. And you know what? I don't have to be happy with it, I don't have to like it, either.
And so I did something about it.0 -
For the longest time I felt that way - I just didn't even try because I knew I would fail. Looking back I was depressed - depressed at my weight, failed IVFs and miscarriages. Then my husband dumped me for a someone I thought was a friend. My nephew got leukaemia and my dad cancer, Then my dad died just over a year ago. I wondered if anyone would miss me should I die. Last summer after a work trip to Paris suddenly something clicked - I found the MFP mobile phone app accidentally and started using it mid July last year, then the website. It was a few months from there that things really improved mentally - no drugs, no therapy, it just happened.
Mindset is very important in this process. If you are sure nothing will ever change then it won't.
I still eat stuff I fancy - just much less of it and I cook proper food more. I say no but I also say yes to things - I plan my day so I can have a treat in the evening, or a drink, if I feel I need one.0 -
I do know exactly how you feel. I first got chubby at 15 and lost it, then managed to be skinny for the next 25 years with a chronic restrained eating and working out (which I hate). I come from a fat family and the gene is there - it's a constant battle. So I finally got to a point where I was like "screw it" and just stopped. I gained 80 lbs in 6 years and now I wish every day that I didn't let myself go because it's a lot harder losing it than if I'd just kept it off in the first place, and it'll probably be harder keeping it off too. But if I don't do something then my future is just to continue gaining and gaining, and the pounds are piling on faster with age. If I don't do something then I'll probably hit 300 lbs by the time I'm 50. I can't accept that.
But - we all have to decide for ourselves about how we want to live. If you're more miserable putting in the effort to not be fat than you are actually being fat, then that's your choice to make.0 -
I don't know what you weigh, but if you don't need to lose weight for health reasons, well .... you don't need to. Maybe it's not the right time for you to lose, or maybe you're just fine as you are. (You look great in your photos!). Weight loss isn't everything. If dieting is making you unhappy, then maybe it's time to stop. A few years ago I found that I was starting to feel depressed while dieting, so I stopped (and felt MUCH better mentally, so I think it was the right decision at the time).
On the other hand, as others have said, it might be that you've been too restrictive. I have struggled at times on the MFP allowance, and have felt better doing TDEE - 20%. Theoretically, TDEE minus ANYTHING should allow you to lose weight, however slowly, and a smaller deficit feels less restrictive. If it works for you, you could have occasional "free" meals or cheat meals so that you don't always have to say no.
Best of luck whatever you choose to do! Read the helpful comments here and ignore the less charitable ones. I do know exactly how you feel, and I bet lots of us (including me) have felt like you at some point.0 -
TDEE - 1500 is what the nutritionist picked out for me. I think when I started MFP it set me at 1700 something calories. I probably bounce from 1700 to 2500 a day. I know this is not smart becuase I'm ungodly sedentary.
So you're overeating and not moving. And you're complaining that you are a snowflake and can't lose weight.
Seems about right.0 -
I know how you feel, I tried loads of different things and just found that I liked naughty food too much to give it up. Then I tried Intermittent/Alternate day fasting... Eat 500 calories one day (I did it at dinner time) and then whatever you want the next day. Repeat. And I mean, whatever. Don't go mental and have 4000000 cals, but as long as you have three meals and a snack or tow, you can eat pizza and fish and chips and cake. I did it. I started on August 10th 2012 and currently I am down 30lbs... Maybe a little bit more but I log my weight two weeks after just to make sure that I am not fluctuating because of water retention etc. It's seriously a lot easier than other diets because you are only dieting for one day. My total cholesterol went down from 5.1 to 4.6, but fasting blood glucose went down from 4.1 to 3.1.
This is the only diet I have managed to stick to (7 months and counting) and I still eat whatever I want every other day. Don't give up!0 -
If you're tired of saying no, then start saying yes!
I eat Girl Scout cookies, wine, chocolate, chips, pretzels, etc. frequently!
What I DON'T do is pig out on them!
Old Obese Supplemama: ate entire box of Girl Scout cookies in one sitting. Which is like what, 36 cookies!
New Supplemama: eats 4-8 cookies at one sitting.
Learn how to eat in moderation. Start exercising. Get up a bit earlier and move! I highly recommend Leslie Sansone's walking DVDs. You won't have to go anywhere or get dressed even, just pop the DVD in and start.0 -
If you do the work it pays off. I'm proof. It can't not. People who buy the fix aren't actually fixing anything and will ultimately end up back where they started if they don't change their ways. Rant over because I have to get to the gym.0
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But what is the alternative? If you don't watch your weight, no one will do it for you. Are you prepared to gain weight every year for the rest of your life because you 'can't be bothered' to try? And usually when people say they don't want to count calories and watch what they eat, this is exactly why they get fattter and fatter, I know because I have done it for the last 20 years, like a yo-yo.
Someone else made a really good point though, about how you feel about yourself. If I was happy being overwieght, and the thought of 'restricting' my life to change was depressing then I probably wouldn't do it. The only reason I want it, is for me, no one else, no-one's ideal, just mine, my life, my happiness, my body.
If you feel depressed when you look in the mirror, that won't change until you change your attitude about how you look.
If you really want to change, you will, if you don't no one is going to make you. I hope you find happiness, whatever size it is. x0 -
I quit using my diary because that was one my "blow ups" I was tired of saying no...I don't have enough calories for the day left, I can't have this I can have that.
So I quit "focusing" so hard that I would go over.... and I've gained a little more mental space and have fewer stress out fests becuase of it.
TDEE - 1500 is what the nutritionist picked out for me. I think when I started MFP it set me at 1700 something calories. I probably bounce from 1700 to 2500 a day. I know this is not smart becuase I'm ungodly sedentary.
Sounds to me like you just aren't ready to go all in on weight loss. You need your "mental space" more than you need to lose. What is there to stess? Just eat withing what MFP gives you. If you are sedentary then get up and exercise. When I started I had come off 1.5 years of back issues and I committed and got started. You need to commit and put in the mental and physical work to do this, or stop complaining that it doesn't work.0 -
One of the best sayings is you burn energy to make energy and I find that so true!
I log everything I eat because it make me think about healthier choices - that big bowl of cereals in a morning - much healthier AND filling to have poached eggs on unbuttered wholemeal toast (ever a sliver of butter is probably healthier than some cereals). That is why you need to log - to me it's not about telling me no you can't have it it's about telling me to think whether or not I want that chocolate bar or if I would instead prefer something healthier / less calories - that is what MFP is to me. To me it is not a diet even though I am wanting to lose some weight - it is to me about a change of lifestyle and a healthier one at that.
Look into healthier options of foods you like - check out labels on jars. I was amazed at seeing that a jar of korma sauce from one brand was over 100 calories more than a different brand. You need to track your intake then after two weeks for example look at your diary and look how you can make healthier options.
However, the excuse of not having time I just do not want to hear. I hear this all too often from people who quite frankly - just can't be bothered and let TV rule their life.
I work full time, sat at a desk, sometimes I travel internationally too. I have two young children - we have quality time, I taxi them around to their activities. I am also studying for a diploma and yet I find time to visit the gym for at least an hour at least twice a week. My ultimate goal is 3 of which one will be a class that pushes me harder. I barely watch TV because I don't have time! And I would rather say I don't have time to slob in front of the TV. Exercise will make you feel much healthier and will give you more energy - believe me there are times I think I really can not be bothered going but my motivation is that it makes me feel better AND it allows me to eat extra calories that day so I get to have my favourite foods like pasta with gorgeous creamy sauces. I even find that on these days that sometimes I don't even eat all my calories back - not intentionally I'm just stuffed. If getting to a gym is difficult then why not exercise in front of the TV?0 -
You can eat anything you want if you are happy to live with the results. When I ate and drank whatever I wanted the results were not good. So now I am trying to make better decisions because I have children and grandchildren who would like to see me in good health.0
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Okay, so you made it clear that you want to stop trying to lose weight.
So what then? Keep things exactly as they are and remain unhappy?
Why not try setting different goals instead of just trying to lose weight? Challenge yourself to be able to run a 5K, take up boxing or martial arts, try rock climbing. Anything that is a challenge you can be proud of accomplishing.
Sure, if you don't count your calories and eat a deficit, you probably won't lose weight, but if you're set on giving up, find other things to make you happy. At the very least, keep your heart healthy.0 -
I've only been with MFP for a couple of months, but I've found that paying attention to what I take in keeps me aware of what I'm doing daily. The log, for me is a great tool because I actually see what i'm eating in a day. Without the log I was taking in upwards of 3000 calories, by putting myself on a 2000 calorie diet I've lost nearly 30 lbs without exercise and I don't feel deprived. Also give yourself an attainable goal like 1 or 2 pounds per week. Most importantly, if you don't make your goal for a week, don't get depressed and give up, just try a little harder next week. You can do it, just keep at it.0
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Saying no is a big part of it though, slim people don't go through life saying "yes I'll eat everything I want to eat" they say no, when they know they've had too many treats, or have eaten enough for that day. Slim people, for the most part, aren't just lucky to be that way, they have a healthy attitude to food, and know that saying no to treats is important.
It's something I struggle with too though, I don't want to have to say no, but I don't want to stay fat. You don't have to say no all the time anyway, the perception that slim people eat what they want is misleading, because maybe you see them eat a dessert on a meal out, but that will likely be the only dessert that week, or that month.
You can get where you want to be, it's frustrating, but eventually you will get there and be in the right mind.0 -
1. You haven't logged any food for over a month so the bottom line is that you'll have no idea how much you're eating. You need to log - it's a habit that's a PITA to get into, but I've found that downloading the phone app helps enormously.
2. I also have a sedentary job; I work in the online games/communities industry and it generally finds me sitting 8-10 hours at a computer with 30 minutes break for lunch if I'm lucky. However it's what you put in your mouth that most impacts on weight; exercise is good for general fitness.
Now I'm like you - I hate day after day after day of deprevation and feeling royally pissed off because of it. That was the key driver to me changing to a 5:2 fasting diet because I find it easy to not eat from a 6pm evening meal to 6pm the next evening where I'll have 500 calories in one shot. That leaves me free to eat to my TDEE (approx 2,110 in my case) the rest of the time which means that if I fancy a beer or a bit of chocolate I can do it. I'm losing at 1-1.5lbs a week doing this and it fits in with my lifestyle. Exercise I do when I can - mostly it's the daily dog walk and sometimes I add in a 30-day shred session.
You just have to find what words for YOU.
The only other thing I'd add is when I did go back far enough to find food logged (mid January) it seemed to be all high calorie junk food - instant flavoured oats with cans of Mountain Dew for breakfast, McDonald's/Wendy's for lunch (they clock up nearly 700 calories for a salad!?!??!) So perhaps a good start would be cleaner eating for awhile - making more food from scratch with raw ingredients rather than buying fast food.0 -
It is a lot harder for some people than it is for others. A whole lot harder. And platitudes don't help one bit.
It sounds like you gained some information and some skills but haven't found a system that really works for the person that you are - but it sounds like you're on the road to that. The surgery sucks: one of my friends can't keep enough calcium in her bones because of it. What else besides MFP have you tried?
I wonder - I learn a lot from biographies. I know that Oprah has struggled with her weight and has probably written about it... There's a runner in the Happy Feet MFP group who had an article about her weight loss (80 some pounds)... I know there's a lot of people who have tried a lot of psychotic things to lose weight, but can you find some role models who can give you inspiration and/or ideas you haven't tried yet?
Great response!
OP, I walk in your shoes. It's a daily struggle and I feel so overwhelmed by all the "correct" ways to lose weight. I have learned that it varies per individual.
I offer 2 tidbits *kitten* you embark on your new lifestyle, write down everything you eat...everything. More so what and quantity. Then you can look at it and see where you might make a better choice...not to lose weight, but for improved health. Secondly, Listen to stomach not the head. I learned this from my husband who is slim. One night, after a big dinner, I asked him if he wanted a slice of pie? He said no. I was perplexed, because I wanted that pie. I asked him why not? He said, "I'm not hungry." Until that moment, and seeing it in action, I had never thought to pass on food because I was full.
FYI, I don't add to my diary here. I do it on paper.
Best of luck to you!!!0 -
When you want it bad enough, it will happen. You will move more and exercise. You won't have excuses. You will log watch your food intake and maintain a deficit.0
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