A personal rant

Cr01502

Working in a Wellness Center, I get to see the good and bad. Today I saw the bad. A female acquaintance I have there had a conversation with me this morning and it made me sad. She had been in remission for a rare cancer, but after today, doctors don't think her outlook is going to be very good in the next few months. Chances are high that she may pass before the end of the year. At age 38. She's kind, and doesn't want a pity party and tries to be an encouraging inspiration with anyone she meets.
So where's my rant? It gets monotonous when I get on here and people WHINE about not losing weight or gaining a pound etc. I think of people that have bad health issues, lost a limb, suffered a stroke, etc. and what they wouldn't give to exchange places with someone who's battling a little weight.
GET OVER IT. Embrace the fact that you don't suffer like some do and take a look around an enjoy the beauty of family and friends. Lots of times we forget that we're a lot luckier than we think we are.

RANT OVER.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Very well said Joe.

As always.

sissiluv

But what about what happens when the preoccupation with thinness is a symptom of an unhealthy mind? Health comes in all shapes and sizes, inside and out.

Not saying that I don't agree as I do to an extent, and your and her situation is certainly more than relevant and sympathetic. We should appreciate and be grateful for what we have, but generalizing isn't necessarily the greatest thing under the sun either.

skinnyinnotime

I don't mind people that moan about things that they are trying to change.

It's the ones that just moan and do nothing I cannot stand, I do not want to listen to their crap. If you aren't happy about something, DO something about it!!!

Momf3boys

You're completely right! I started losing weight and list 17 lbs before getting sick. All the sudden the weight started flying off due to stage 4a cervical cancer. I'd give anything to be back to only fighting my weight.

I'm so sorry that you are in this fight

I started my weight loss journey in 2007 and lost 130 pounds...was in the best shape of my life (or at least I thought) and then I was diagnosed in 2010 with breast cancer. After my fight with cancer I became pregnant and packed on lots of weight...I'm now fighting to get it off but like you said...I would much rather be dealing with weight issues than the fight that you are now in. My heart goes out to you... :flowerforyou:

<<hugs>>

ChaseAlder

When someone moans about something I think is insignificant, I try to remember that it's significant to them. Personally, I think whining about having to work holidays is ridiculous, but maybe the person whining about it is missing a really important family, like the last Christmas of a dying relative. It isn't my place to decide what is insignificant.

ron2e

So are these people who rant over such unimportant thing in any way affecting your friend who is dying of cancer and who doesn't complain? Sorry I don't think so, and it reminds me of being told to eat up everything on my plate as a kid because "kids are dying in India and Africa from starvation". So by eating everything, am I somehow feeding them? If I don't eat everything do I hurt them in any way? The issues are entirely unconnected and there is no direct link (and it probably did me a lot of harm by building in this urge to eat everything however big the helping is, something I am only really getting over now).

I just hate spurious logic like this. People have every right to rant over whatever they like, regardless of what is happening to other people. I can see how you make the connection, so please, just don't read these threads, but there is no intrinsic connection.

dakitten2

I lost my 2 best friends to cancer a few years ago and now my sister in law is undergoing chemo for stage 3 lymphoma. I am the worrier in the family, as I worry about everybody. I've been guilty over stressing over minor things in my life but I dont bring them to the forums. I will generally post things with my friends because we are a tight group and share the big and little things going on in our lives.

I've been stuck in the same weight for a bit. But yesterday, I made a decision. If I dont lose these last 18 pounds, I'll still be satisfied. I wont be totally happy as I still will have an overweight BMI. But I am not giving up by any means. I'm still eating my calories for the most part. But if you look at my diary, I have been up/down lately because of losing one of our furbabies 10 days ago and my doctor has sidelined my exercise right now because of issues with my knee replacements. But I'm not about to blow what I've accomplished so far.

SwimFan1981

So are these people who rant over such unimportant thing in any way affecting your friend who is dying of cancer and who doesn't complain? Sorry I don't think so, and it reminds me of being told to eat up everything on my plate as a kid because "kids are dying in India and Africa from starvation". So by eating everything, am I somehow feeding them? If I don't eat everything do I hurt them in any way? The issues are entirely unconnected and there is no direct link (and it probably did me a lot of harm by building in this urge to eat everything however big the helping is, something I am only really getting over now).

I just hate spurious logic like this. People have every right to rant over whatever they like, regardless of what is happening to other people. I can see how you make the connection, so please, just don't read these threads, but there is no intrinsic connection.

This.

susheetush

I remember a website I belonged to where women were struggling with infertility. I was one. And the argument was that any woman who didn't have infertility didn't have a right to complain about their pregnancies because they didn't know what it was like to not be able to have a baby.

I didn't get that logic and I used to argue about it all the time. People should be able to talk about things that bother them. Something trivial to you may not be trivial to someone else. It may be a first world problem but it's still a problem.

Does it mean we shouldn't count our blessings sometimes? Of course not. But if you want to vent about a 1lb weight gain, here's a better place to do it than most.

jball1954

We get wrapped up in our own little "problems". The fact that there are so many obese Americans who struggle to lose weight by diet and/or exercise is certainly what some call a "First World Probem". We add alot of drama to these issues. Eating too much and not exercising or being active is not good for our health but It COULD be worse--both here and in other parts of the world. So, while it's easy to say "Get over it" sometimes we just should! A friend once said that the best diet and exercise plan was "pushing yourself away from the table".

newheart22

What can I say? You spoke to me directly - - - thanks a million.

m60kaf

These arguments are flawed - is it OK to punch people because some people murder people?

Is loss of a limb better or worse than having cancer?

Maybe there should be a rating system of hardship and you can decide what people have the right to whine about it

jack1925

I totally agree with you!!! In the last 6 years my Grandma, my mom, my cousin's Grandpa, a friend AND now a co-worker have all had cancer... I've lost 2 of them, 1 of them is fighting it twice and my co-worker will start chemo and radition on Tuesday... I myself push aside my weight issues when there are much bigger and more important things to deal with.

Fedup23

So are these people who rant over such unimportant thing in any way affecting your friend who is dying of cancer and who doesn't complain? Sorry I don't think so, and it reminds me of being told to eat up everything on my plate as a kid because "kids are dying in India and Africa from starvation". So by eating everything, am I somehow feeding them? If I don't eat everything do I hurt them in any way? The issues are entirely unconnected and there is no direct link (and it probably did me a lot of harm by building in this urge to eat everything however big the helping is, something I am only really getting over now).

I just hate spurious logic like this. People have every right to rant over whatever they like, regardless of what is happening to other people. I can see how you make the connection, so please, just don't read these threads, but there is no intrinsic connection.

I Agree. We could scold the OP for being bothered by people whining on a message board while there are people with REAL problems.. but that would put us into an endless loop of complaining about how other people deal with stuff.

zyxst

Good to know my non-cancer problems are insignificant.

bluefox9er

Mfp is on 2 ends of a moral scale..on one had we have a post like this and on the other, there is a thread gaining popularity about how many calories in a dead body...

go figure.

lioness803

If I can't be sad because someone else has it worse, does that mean I can't be happy because someone else has it better?

McKayMachina

If I can't be sad because someone else has it worse, does that mean I can't be happy because someone else has it better?

So true. XD

OP, don't feel attacked. We just don't want our struggles invalidated because someone perceives other struggles as more worthy.

All this aside, I get what you're saying and a perspective shift is important sometimes. Thanks for the reminder.

m60kaf

I do think its good to actually separate issues this connecting together of random happenings is half the problem... I eat because my friend made me depressed ... NO! you eat and your friend makes you depressed . Deal with your eating and deal with your friend they are separate

If my friend dies of cancer that doesn't make it OK for me to be fat or bad that I whine about my bad back -- My friend died of cancer, I eat too much and my back hurts All separate.

Take this flawed logic on and I cant do anything at all in my life because someone is dying of cancer .. Why go to the gym someone is dying of cancer somewhere?

I think if I was dying of cancer I would like to hear everyone whines

MinnieInMaine

I get what you're saying niner...it's all about perspective. Overly dramatic people really bug me sometimes (like, OMG, I went over by 200 calories, I'm such a failure!) because they're just way too wrapped up in their own struggle and perceive it as something very traumatic. Those of us who've experienced much more in life have more perspective and have the ability to realize that these are not as big of a deal as they seem because there are much tougher things in life to have to handle.

Example: A good friend and co-worker of mine is a breast cancer survivor. The same year that she finished up treatment, she started training for and signing up for triathalons, 25-50 mile bike races, etc. A local cancer organization was doing their annual walk/run/bike event and although I was just starting my fitness journey and could barely walk a couple miles at the time, I decided to sign up and start training to walk the full 10k. She was my biggest inspiration (and I told her as much)...I figured if she could do a 25 mile bike race at this event, I sure as hell could handle walking 10k.

Same goes for anytime I can't find a close parking space, I remind myself that I'm lucky that I have my health and mobility and suck it up even if it's freezing out. A few minutes in the cold isn't going to kill me...

Sorry to hear about your friend...cancer truly sucks

Krizzle4Rizzle

Thank you. I needed to read this today. I am struggling. But things could always be worse.

JessicaRobin67

I am so sorry for your friend... I just recently heard a quote that really hit home to me... "There will always be someone who is worse off but your pain (whatever it is) is real to you." Some peoples pain is excess weight... excess weight causes alot of pain. It may not be cancer or other life illnesses but it is real to many. After all, this is a support site for trying to lose weight.

Lisa1971

I lost my baby boy this past November and since then listening to people ***** about their kids, or how terrible their pregnancy is drives me ****ing crazy. It takes all I have to not rip their heads off. People are so incredibly stupid and need to be grateful for what they have. Whether it be their kids or health. Someone always has it worse.

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby.

Vickiesings

You are absolutely right! My sister is dying of ovarian cancer. She was supposed to die weeks ago but her attitude is great and she is strong of body and will. It has been an inspiration to me. Her battle has prompted me to focus on being healthy first and trying to get "hot" as secondary. Life is short. We should enjoy our life to fullest and enjoy the company of those we love.

bsuew

great rant! We each need to face today as if it is our last. Because, we are not promised tomorrow. It doesn't take just a glance to look around and listen to find there are a lot of people worse off than us. We need to be thankful for today and pass the thankfullness on to others.

StheK

I am very sorry to hear about that poor woman who is losing her battle with cancer.

That said, I don't believe in comparing hardships, with a goal of seeing who has it worse and whether or not you have a right to be struggling with whatever it is that you're struggling with. There's always someone who has it worse- by that logic, none of us (even the woman dying of cancer) would ever have the "right" to be unhappy about that struggle. While it's good to be able to step back from your worries and appreciate all the good things in your life (and sometimes seeing what someone else is going through can help provide you with some helpful perspective), that doesn't cancel out or invalidate the difficulties. And I find it a little weird that anyone would come to a site that is specifically designed to help people with their various get fit goals and then basically state that unless you're dying of cancer, you should stop whining.

It sounds to me like you might need a break from the community on this site if the (very real) concerns and troubles these people are dealing with are not concerning or troubling enough for you.

ninerbuff

In response to the community, as a professional I apologize if some felt offended by the rant. I spoke from emotion last night because I'm human. I was angry and sad about my friend's situation and just had to let off some steam since I really do care about her and her family.
This DOESN'T mean that other people's hardships aren't valid. That weight loss isn't important. It is a weight loss and fitness site and people have EVERY RIGHT to speak about their troubles or hardships with it. And it really is my intention to help. So have a good day and make it count!

Thanks for listening.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Danger2OneSelf

These arguments are flawed - is it OK to punch people because some people murder people?

Is loss of a limb better or worse than having cancer?

Maybe there should be a rating system of hardship and you can decide what people have the right to whine about it

Thank you for laying that out for me. I really feel like people have every right to feel how they want to feel, regardless about how insignificant the situation may seem to the next....no sense of invalidating others feelings on here. This site is for support.

penrbrown

I'm not a huge fan of dismissing someone's pain because someone else is suffering more.

It's all relative.

*shrug*

That's all.

phatnotfat81

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