Online Dating: The way to go or just plain desperate?

Mermaidyo

I think the biggest thing is get to know the person if you choose online dating meet them asap. Why? because a person can alter who they are online but can't really in real life. Also someone else said catfish. lol You definitely don't want to be catfished and believe the person in the pictures is that person then meet a year later and realize wow they aren't that person. I've met a few of my exes online mostly when myspace was big hit haha. I dated them for over a year each. Things happened either way hopefully you can find your soulmate I found mine but definitely didn't find him online.

yellowsnowdrop

Hi there,
So first thing I have to say is I'm probably a LOT older than you guys which kinda makes this all the more strange really. I was married in 1983 to what I thought was my 'forever' partner. Cut a long story short 20 years nearly to the day later (I got my divorce absolute on my 20th wedding anniversary) I found myself no longer married and having to move for financial reasons from my home of 20 years (just outside of London) back to the North East of England. basically I was dumped for a younger, richer model!!!!
Some months later armed with my new computer and what now seems like a ludicrous display of 'brain melt' I joined and online dating site (didn't really have a clue!!) and there I met my new husband. we chatted online for a while (about a month) and then met. Not love at first sight (I was ssssssssssssssooooooooooooo nervous, I obviously hadn't dated in about 24 years) but we were best friends pretty quickly and 18 months later we got married.
That was 7 years ago, and no, it hasn't been sunshine and roses all the time. We've had good times and bad like everyone but what makes it all worth it is that he's always there for me and we're still best friends. Neither of us can imagine life without the other and yes, he'd been married before as well.
Maybe I was just one of the lucky ones who didn't get into any sticky situations.But i guess if you're thinking about it then go ahead as LONG as you're careful, consider the other sides feelings and treat others the way you would like to be treated then all will be well.

geekyjock76

If you want to be gullible enough to pay to chat with men posing as women, sure.

nomesw84

I met my husband to be online dating, on our wedding day the 1st June this year we will have been together 4 years :-)

There are a lot of weird people around but as far as I'm concerned some guy I talk to for 10 mins in a bar could end up being just as weird! I found I actually got to know more about people before actually meeting them. I was under no illusion that all they were telling me was true, but anyone can lie, online or not.

pixtotts

I think its a tricky one...
Some of the most amazing people I know I met online, in fact one of them is my dream guy! if he didn't live the other side of the country! ggrr! lol. So meeting people online I'm all for, the next step into dating I'm a little less sure of my feelings about it...

But fact is a certain type of person will be attracted to online dating...like the same kind of person will fill in a questionnaire, the same kinds of people (a couple more options for this one) that will read this thread and reply... so if you like the idea you will tick certain boxes as will everyone else on there just like all those who don't do it will tick another set of boxes... Urgh I once knew how to explain this much better.... (its a psychology thing)...basically if you go for it you will have certain personality traits which are similar or the same...

x

usernameMAMA

Catfish...

^^^Yes. Although, if you meet someone you like you shouldn't accept waiting years to meet them in person. I mean come on, how gullible do you have to be??

kristy_n0831

I "did" the online dating thing and met the most amazing man. I wont lie and say that I didn't have to go on dates with some of the weirdest people and have to deal with some real losers.... BUT.... I did finally meet a prince and things are going well.

This.

I'm a fairly shy person so I went the online dating route instead of bars and such. I met A LOT of weirdos, but I also met the love of my life.

MsDover

I met a guy I dated for 2 years on POF... great guy, but we should have just stayed friends and not gotten romantically involved. We had a ton in common, except for what our ultimate goals in life were, so I moved on....

I decided to try one of the paid sites (Singlesnet.com) for one month. By the second day I got a message from the man who would become my husband. Oddly enough, they never should have "matched us up" because he lived in another state and normally they only match you with people closer to where you are. He was in my home state, 160 miles away, and we quickly realized we had crossed paths hundreds of times in our younger days. To top it off, we were both professional artists. We wrote back and forth, talked on the phone, and after about 6 weeks and really got a good sense of who the other person was. Of course, I checked his story to make sure he was who he said he was. He told me he was coming up to the next town over from me to visit his friend, who, as it turned out, was also someone I knew! We had dinner together, listened to some music... we saw each other again a few weeks later, this time with me driving the 160 miles to him. We knew very quickly that this was it! A year later, we were married. The odds are I never would have met him if it wasn't for that dating site.

Is using a dating site a sign of desperation? Not these days. Both my husband and I were in our late 50's, and it isn't easy to find compatible people that are truly unattached, not damaged beyond repair, and don't have baggage the size of steamer trunks. I also have to say I met a few absolutely wonderful men through dating sites that, when we met, instantly realized were not "love" connections, but we became and remain good friends to this day and I have entire networks of new friends that I know through them. For me it's been a win/win situation.

TeachTheGirl

I think there's enough hype about the 'dangers of online dating'. People keep perpetuating the myths that everyone must be hiding something to seek love online or that they're all 'axe-murderers'. Even just one a couple of posts ago - 'Men posing as women'. It's not as common as it's made out to be. The average person looking for love online just doesn't have the social outlets outside of work and that generally isn't a great place to find a relationship anyway (personal versus professional).

I met my husband online...12 years ago? (Has it really been that long? Wow.) At the time, neither of us were looking for a relationship. It wasn't a dating site, it was just a forum on a website related to an old video game. We've been married 8 years this year. I wouldn't consider either of us 'desperate' just because we found each other online. He lived in the US and I lived in the UK. Without online dating, I wouldn't have the life I do now and the wonderful children I've been blessed with.

And I don't think I'm an axe-murderer. Only time will tell?

Mandypt

Hi. I figured MFP was the place to bring up such a silly subject, because to be honest, I've met cooler girls on here than I ever have on online dating... go figure. Anyways... have any of you went the online dating route and what was it like for you? Is it the way to go or just a cry of the desperate? I've went on a few dates and it's taken me forever to meet anyone that I was remotely interested in... so it seems to not be working for me. Oh well... just curious how everyone else's experience has been. OH... and just so ya know I've tried... POF, Eharmony, and Match.

I met my husband online.. I dated some buttheads before I got to him though lol

yourenotmine

It's far from desperate to try something new if what you're doing isn't quite working. Just be careful and use good sense. It's always best if you can meet someone fairly quickly to get the real life vibe, since people can present themselves however they want to online.

futureshopaholic

I'm totally fine with online dating but its hard. I really, really fell in love with a guy in Texas and had to break it off because we're just teens. We couldn't do anything thing about the distance. I don't regret the two years at all but I wish it was easier. So if you think you can face those struggles and let's be honest, Have the money to see them if/when it gets serious. Then you should go for it.

1ConcreteGirl

Back when I had more time, I got on a dating site and purposely chose the weirdest, douchiest guys to go out with, just for the good story it would produce. And trust me, I got some GOOD stories.

I see that as clever, not desperate.

SarahKhristan

I met my husband on POF. I tried a few dating services, mostly because my work schedule stunk and I never was able to go out with friends nearly as much as I wanted to. Online dating allowed me to at least talk to guys online, and I had the choice of meeting them if I chose to.

I will say this - I tried again and again and again(and again, etc) with online dating. Meeting my husband was the best thing, but I dated many fellas prior (and had a few bad experiences to boot).

P.S. - Real men DO love cats!

Unknown

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Cr01502

Back when I had more time, I got on a dating site and purposely chose the weirdest, douchiest guys to go out with, just for the good story it would produce. And trust me, I got some GOOD stories.

I see that as clever, not desperate.

This is how we met.

:flowerforyou:

WDEvy

I met my husband online.

It's not 1995 anymore, online dating is normal these days.

matt2442

I met my husband online.

It's not 1995 anymore, online dating is normal these days.

Is it?

lachesissss

I think the stigma of desperation has long been dispelled with online dating. Like anything it's not going to just magically work, you have to work at it and wade through the unsavories. But it gives you the benefit of exposing yourself to a wide variety of people who you'd never meet in a bar or at a club or wherever. Go for it.

tsikkz

I met my boyfriend on an online game and we knew each other for a year before we met

You do some pretty good bonding when you slay dragons together with your +6 sword, just sayin'

OneLoveUnitedFamily2007

All of my relationships I've met the people online.I was on Myspace when I met my husband

ScatteredThoughts

Has the mail order bride business moved online yet? I wonder if Amazon has a section for that.

1ConcreteGirl

Back when I had more time, I got on a dating site and purposely chose the weirdest, douchiest guys to go out with, just for the good story it would produce. And trust me, I got some GOOD stories.

I see that as clever, not desperate.

This is how we met.

:flowerforyou:

It's true. Once we have kids, we're going to produce a hilarious, but endless TV show to tell them all about it, starring ourselves and our oddball friends who live above a bar.

StheK

If I ever decide to date, I'll probably have to go online to do it- or start stalking the clubs. We're not supposed to date people we work with, and pretty much everyone I know here are people I work with, because I moved here for the job and work with awesome people. I don't think there's anything wrong with internet matchmaking, but I do think there are good ways and bad ways to go about it. There are a ton of articles and books out there that have theories about how to best present yourself to attract the right person, and how to search profiles for someone who might be a good match for you. And maybe you just need to meet a bunch of people until you meet the right one- after all, that's usually how it happens in real life.

BaileyP3

I met my husband online 13 years ago. We lived in different states and never would have met each other otherwise. Even way back then, I didn't think of it as a sign of desperation. I just wasn't satisfied with the guys I was meeting in "real life" situations, where it was only about initial physical attraction and sometimes beer goggles. :laugh:

It's just another option... another way of meeting people. And it's becoming as commonplace as meeting at a bar or club. I remember watching old episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore show from the early 70s on TVLand, when meeting someone at a bar was considered scandalous and reeking of desperation. Times change.

^^^^This . Met my husband 10 years ago this way.

I think that meeting online on a site like MFP (one where you have a common interest) is the way to go. Seems to me that if you walk into a bar hoping to meet someone, you may or may not have something in common. Meeting on a board indicates you have a shared interest which is always a good place to start

jodie_t

I think it's a terrific way to meet compatible ppl, certainly no worse than the usual hit n miss, at least you have a chance to test the water first with emails and phone calls. Just take sensible precautions, but then u would do that in real life as well of course. Have fun!

SheilaG1963

I met my husband that way. He talked a good talk and I went to Texas and brought him home and married him. I've spent 12 years asking myself what the hell I did. I'm thinking divorce and wish I had never done it. 12 miserable years of my life wasn't worth being scared of being alone. He lives in a seperate room. I just want out, but can't afford it right now. I have to hang in there until fall, when I will be in better shape financially.

JusticeGirl25

Online dating worked for Manti Te'o, right? RIGHT?

I won't attempt online dating. I'm a people person and I like to interact with people and have no intentions of meeting people online.

MM_1982

If you never tried it, you should give it a shot. I've found Plenty of Fish to mostly be a hookup site. Horny guys lowering their standards to get a quick lay. It's very shallow, but it's fairly easy to hookup, if that's what you want. It's not the best place to find your life mate. I've done Match before and have had good luck. I've met a handful of pretty attractive girls over the past 6 months. Most of these women were professional (nurses, lawyers, etc) and wanted a relationship. I would recommend this site over POF any day of the week. I've also heard Chemistry.com and eHarmoney are good for landing a relationship

The dynamic of online dating is different and there are A LOT of serial daters on there, especially if you are good looking. A decent looking guy can have a date every day of the week and it's just as easy (if not easier) for a women to do the same thing.

While the dating online can be fun, it's no substitute for the bar scene, grocery stores, and the friends of friends network. Good luck out there!

bmqbonnie

I think it's kind of a necessity in this day and age. People are very mobile, move around for different jobs, often to where they don't know anyone. That's what I did. I moved to MN for an internship and the only people I knew were people that did the same thing and also didn't know anyone. Other than hitting the bars where you'd end up with who knows what, online was the way to go.

I signed up for match first and went on one date with a guy from there. He didn't like dogs so that wasn't going to work out, lol. I then went on okcupid. Went on a few dates with a guy I didn't really like at all. Then I met my boyfriend and we've been together for a year and a half. I was infatuated with him from the start.

I like it. Unlike just talking to random people, I know from their profiles what their religious and other beliefs are. I can also weed some out that sound desperate or really bitter. I'm a fan.

A couple months after meeting my boyfriend I went with him to his hometown to meet some old friends of his. There was a total of five couples there. Four of the couples met online. Two are married and the other two are engaged. I think the stigma is gone.