Desperate I Am
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Food is rarely the problem, it's the crutch that some people lean on to cover their unhappiness. I would suggest that you talk to a doctor or better still a counsellor. I think that if you can source your pain, you can deal with it, regain your confidence and self belief and the weight loss will follow.
No - one here can give you a miracle weight loss recipe but we can help and support you when you need to talk and encourage you when you doubt yourself:happy:
This place is great and I hope you stay and find some inspiration0 -
I feel for you as I have struggled with my weight all of my adult life. At various points in my life, I have dropped 30 - 50 pounds only to slowly put it back over time. When I am focused on what I put into my body, I am successful in both losing and both controlling my weight. The key word is "focus". MFP helps me do this (very similar to a group I joined in the mid 90's - TOPS - essentially MFP in a group setting before tools like MFP were widely available on the web/apps). For me, when I am focused on what I put into my body, I do a much better job of making choices and planning my meals for the day.
The focus helps me to make the choices I need to make to live a healthier lifestyle and I think it will help you too. Each meal requires you to make choices. Each time you make a choice that helps you toward your goal, treat it as a victory. Good luck and good choices!!0 -
Maybe her confronting you is just what you needed. Losing weight is definitely hard but if you really want to do it you can, I've done all the diets too and used to be very skinny and I am reminding myself daily that it takes time to lose weight but as long as you are trying you will get there. Don't give up. Maybe try chewing gum at your desk instead of snacking, small things can make a big difference. Instead of hard exercise you hate why not try walking. You can clear your head and might really like it. Its gonna be a hard road but there are a lot of people here on myfitnesspal.com to help support and encourage you.
“If what you are doing is not moving you towards your goals, then it’s moving you away from your goals.” ~Brian Tracy0 -
Good for you this was really brave .
It isn't about dieting it is about change. Diets are temperary and fail because of it. You want a new life style take baby steps. If you push yourself too far too fast you will get over whelmed and find it impossible to stick to. Let yourself have small treats and off days but work between them. I TOTALLY get the snack cause your bored at work thing :P best solution I have found? It is what you snack on as much as how many. You can have ALOT of raw veg...or one cookie. Look at what you are getting out of it. I have horrible chocolate cravings...but I found if I melt a tsp of chocolate chips in the microwave I really enjoy them smeared over a nice banana. Satisfies my chocolate lust without getting the same fat sugar and cal I would if I just had the bar.
Your wife obviously loves you. She just loves life and wants to share it with you You can do this!
I wish you all the best of luck
Thanks so much for sharing.0 -
I am the female version of you. I dread meeting people and going out. I have lost 25 pounds since new years and I am starting to feel better about myself. I don't consider what I am doing a diet I have really just cut back on how much I eat. You can do this! And you can add me as a friend if you like. Don't give up!0
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I hear you. This is not an easy road, but this is one you can travel on. Your wife sounds like she loves you dearly and would be a great support for you. It's scary changing the habits of a lifetime/or years. I have been nearly 6 stone (94lbs) over my ideal weight for 8 years. Personal circumstances stared my comfort eating. It's been like an addiction, and I mean addiction because the high I got off of eating/binge eating, always in private never when with company! I use to be frightened of being free from the vicious circle of eating I had become accustomed to. I thought I had a 'weight problem' no, I had an 'Eating Problem'. I started swimming twice a week, then pushed myself to swim a mile each time. Then changed my diet and it's taken me 2 months to start shifting the weight. I thought it would never come off. And I found it hard but I started noticing good things like not having IBS type stomach pains. Not feeling tired/fatigue everyday. I really hope you start your journey soon. It's never too late.0
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Here is a great place to start:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/654536-in-place-of-a-road-map-2-0-revised-7-2-12
I have found the most success by looking @ my lifestyle & habits more, and the next great thing less.
I wholeheartedly second this. Eat healthy, avoid fast foods, lift weights is working wonders for me, you have to figure out what will work for you. Feel free to add me.0 -
you can do this... you took the first step and now you need to follow through walk a little extra today, put down the yucky food and eat whole food, no booze and drink a lot of WATER...use these boards to help...0
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realize that it is not a sprint to lose the weight but a marathon. one you will probably be racing for the rest of your life. it took quite some time to put the weight on and it wont come off any faster/easier
you have to realize that food is not the root of your problem but more a coping mechanism. learn to confront what makes you want to eat and find other ways to deal with it.0 -
I'm not intentionally being rude, but I'm going to suggest in addition to your food logging and exercise, that you also consider speaking with a therapist. I only say that because you said you've been overweight your entire life. Based on my experience with people I know, MOST of them (not all) were stuffing/eating some trauma that occurred in childhood or in their teens. They had better luck when they were tending to the inner wounds while dealing with the outer symptoms. I'm not trying to make assumptions about your life. It's just something to consider. I'm a big advocate of working out your inside as well as your outside. Best of luck to you.0
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I was practically the same weight as you are when I started here myself.
The only thing you need to know is this place WORKS, provided you keep up your end. Log what you eat, try to hit your calorie goals, and exercise is a great help.
Just stick with it and you'll be posting your own success story one of these days. And hopefully that wife of yours will be very proud.
Good luck mate.0 -
I am glad there are a lot of cheerleaders here but in reality you aren't going to loose any real weight until you change your mind set and decide to do it for your self. If you are doing it for your anyone besides self when times get hard you are going to sneak the cheeseburger at the drive through. If you are doing it for your spouse or anyone else failure is inevitable.
How do I know this? I have been there. I have lost tons of weight for other people only to gain it back. I finally decided one day I am sick of this I want to get healthy. Even doing it for myself I trip up every once in a while. No more sneaking food or cheating because I am always with myself and I am doing it because I want to.0 -
Dear Desperate I am,
You have a very negative outlook with a very positive lady by your side take advanage of that and realize she wants you by her side and to give up on you is to give up on her. Thanks as you reminded me to get started again and be accountable. I had lost 18 lbs last year on this and felt great than let myself down and my weight came back so I too like you have to get my mojo going!!! Thanks for the reminder.0 -
PS I have a desk job also. Instead of eating I do push ups and squats every hour on the hour. It helps get rid of the boredom. Just started my new life 3 weeks ago and I am down 10lbs.0
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You've made a start by being on here if you want to add me as a friend for support your more than welcome xx
Totally agree You've taken the first step and there's nothing wrong with posting on a forum when you feel you need help! I've been using MFP since the New Year and pretty much everybody is so motivational and I find that if I log in everyday, I feel the need to stay on track etc.
I'm going to add you now, this is a good place to be
Embrace your wife's enthusiasm for wanting to do all of those activities and you will feel even more determined to look good for her, but more importantly yourself. You may want to consider a new job too? I know that's never as easy as it sounds, especially if you've been doing the same thing for a while. But work is a big part of a lot of people's lives so ideally you need to enjoy it to some extent. Maybe think about doing something that would be keeping you busy when usually you would want to eat
I hope you have success with MFP!0 -
Losing the weight is mostly a head game and making the decision... you sound like you're close. Once you figure that out, the food and exercise are far less important.
Consider changing your username to something more positive. That's a big part of what you need to do.
Be determined, not desperate.0 -
You have received great advice, now is time for you to use it. There's a reason why you are here now, a reason why your wife talked to you today, everything is in the right place now....now it's your turn!
No one here will tell you this is easy, because we all know it's not. You just need to get this inside your head and work at it every single day. Some days you'll feel them as a success and a step closer to your goals, some other days not that much; but the only thing that matters is that you pick yourself up and try again.
We can all cry and feel defeated daily..but what did you do about it? that's what's important.
This is a great site, with great people and we're all willing to listen to each other and give advice based on our own experience in the subject, but no ones knows you better than you.
Start thinking about why do you eat? Hunger, stress, sadness, loneliness; whatever the reason is you need to find what triggers your eating and avoid it. And I can assure you, most likely it won't be hunger!
Then, log your food, whatever it is, even if it's not healthy....just log everyting! This will get you in the habit of tracking and you'll realize how much food/calories you're eating.
Finally add any kind of activity. Doesn't have to be a class at the gym; even a walk around your house, or walk the dog...or park your car as far as you can from your work....whatever just add a bit of exercise.
Little by little you'll start losing and regaining that much need it selfsteem back, and from there is the point of no return.
Your food choices will get better and so as your exercise; when you see the scale go down I promise the feeling of empowerment is so great you won't want to go back!
I'm sending you a friend request...surround yourself with support here so when you feel a bit down you have someone to pick you back up. Every little change counts, every single day counts, every tiny decision counts!! You can definitely do this!! Use the resources you have and make the decision now.....we'll be waiting for you.0 -
You can do this, we all can... feel free to add me if you'd like. I post everyday!0
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I think it took lots of courage to write what you did, and I'm proud of you for that. I think it takes a "one day at a time" mentality - we are addicted to food, just as alcoholics & drug addicts are addicted to their poisons. My suggestion would be to commit to myfitnesspal - but don't tell anyone - for now. Use your friends on this site to talk to, to gain support from. You'll be SO proud of yourself when you accomplish your first day on mfp, and you're under your allotted calories, or when you've done your workout, whatever. Use that pride to do it again tomorrow. You can do this. IF/when you have a bad day or don't do so well, shake it off, and start fresh the next day. You'll see results. It may not be as fast as you'd like, but you will. Hang in there. Change your lifestyle for yourself - not for anyone else. I'm sending a friend request if you'd like my support. Best wishes!0
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Add me if you like0
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I think admiting is the first step towards change. It seems like a good place to start being with some non judgemental strangers. Good luck on your quest and be kind to yourself. Losing weight is the greatest act of self love at this stage of the game for you (it seems).
Absolutely spot on.....Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over [people, places and things....food, alcohol, sugar, caffiene, cigarettes, fill in the blank] – that OUR lives had become unmanageable.
And the best part, you don't need to do it alone, because Step 2: Came to believe that at Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Today, that power can just be the awesome people who responded to your call for help. Most have great advise.
It's great you wife feels passionately enough about you to confront you, rather than just walk away.
God Bless you on your journey!0 -
There has been lots of good advice in the replies so far. I would add that based on what you've said, your wife is waiting to be your ally in this, and that, my friend, is truly a gift. So many of us have spouses who (intentionally or unintentionally) sabotage our efforts.
My advice is this: Tell her that you're ready to try a healthier lifestyle, and that you really need her help. Above all, DON'T postpone doing the things that you've been stalling on. Meet her friends with a smile. Go to the family gatherings, even if it's hard. Go to the beach, and if you don't feel like you can bare it all in a swimsuit yet, fine - don't. (Walking in sand is great exercise by the way.) Life isn't something you wait to live until all your ducks are in a row - life is what happens day in and day out right NOW. I have a boring desk job too, and I make it a point to get up and walk around at least once an hour. Down the stairs to get water or use the facilities. Out of the building to walk around the block at lunch, etc. I use a Bodymedia armband, and have been very surprised at how much those little things add up over the course of the day. I also use my cell phone for conference calls now, and I shut the door to my office and PACE during the call. Even with stopping to take notes or look something up, I can get in thousands of steps during a call. The point is, small changes can add up to a big difference. You can do this!0 -
track track track everything! Even if you go over. Just start doing that, and gradually you may see how much you are eating, and then change your quanities gradually. Well done for posting on here that is a great start!0
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sorry you're having such a hard time.
my advice if to stop being in diet mentality. diets dont work as you've learned. what works is making small changes in your lifestyle that will be things you can live with for the rest of your life.
you more than likely have years of bad habits like most of us on here, which means you're going to need to relearn new habits. also there's also kinds of emotional, mental and spiritual reasons why someone lets themselves get so large. only you can know your issues but in order to let them go (and the subsequent weight) you need to figure them out and work on them.
slow and steady wins the race!
just follow MFP guidelines for eating (dont talk yourself into eating less because you think that'll help you lose weight quicker because you've probably gone the deprivation route before and look where you are), incorporate some exercise or activity into your daily life and give it time.
:flowerforyou:
This!0 -
Thank you so much for reaching out to all of us. We have all been there. It sounds like you need your "aha" moment - when you are totally fed up and need/decide/want to make the change and fully commit to it. Once you get that moment and commit, it will be easier for you to move forward. You might still eat out of "boredom," but make them healthy snacks and limit them for your daily intake. Take baby steps and help yourself change your behavior. Drink more water. Tell yourself you will only snack between 3:00 and 4:00. Get up and walk around. Ask for more things to do - it will make your day go faster and take your mind off of food. You can do this - you just have to take your first step, then add something on, then add something else on. It sounds like your wife will give you full support. Have her pack your lunch and healthy snacks - if she doesn't pack it, you don't eat it. Start exercising and it helps curb your appetite and makes you think more about what food you put into your mouth. Start - and don't give up. You will fall off course, but get right back on. Set your mind to this, and you can do it!0
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