real talk.... about adoption surrogacy and sperm banks...

brandon0523

Im a 32 year old male i have one child and i have her full time.. i have always wanted another child.. but i dont want the headaches.. i looked into adoption or hiring a surrogate... but this is illegal for absingle male to do in the state of illinois.. i think this is pure hippocracy and bull ****.. a single woman can go to chicago walk into a sperm bank buy a popsicle bingo bango out the door.. i make a couple dollars.. i have raised my daughter alone and she is awesome.. so whats the deal. Why the bull poop..

Opinions???

LaurySch

It only takes one bad situation for the system to get scared and shut it down for everyone. You are right, there are definitely great guys out there who would make amazing dads, especially for kids who don't have anyone and it isn't fair that they don't even give you the option. And there are single moms who should be spayed and have their kids taken away immediately - and couples as well. My advice is to keep being the best dad for your daughter and find a way to volunteer with kids like through Big Brothers Big Sisters. There's a bunch of kids out there who need a good influence even if it is only a couple of times a week!

_Lori_Lynn_

Really? You can't adopt? What? That is the silliest law I have ever heard of.

EvgeniZyntx

http://www.angeladoptioninc.com/hoping-to-adopt-a-baby/single-parent-adoptions.html

Single parent agency in Illinois. Good luck.

taunto

Single male cannot adopt in US? I coulda sworn I know a few single females that have adopted. This really is BS

brandon0523

http://www.angeladoptioninc.com/hoping-to-adopt-a-baby/single-parent-adoptions.html

Single parent agency in Illinois. Good luck.

thanks

Oishii

The headaches = a relationship with the mother?

brandon0523

The headaches = a relationship with the mother?

for sure..... women today make it horrible for the father if they are not together.. and lets face todays percentage of staying together isnt to hot.. everyone knows atleast one giy who has went through complete hell with his childs mom.. always raping men for child support.. and i mean rapping.. when i didnt have full custody we had joint custody.. we had her equal amount of time each week.. i still had to pay $1000 a month in child support for one child.. no i have full custody.. you know what i get.. $15 a week

chrisjathompson

The headaches = a relationship with the mother?

for sure..... women today make it horrible for the father if they are not together.. and lets face todays percentage of staying together isnt to hot.. everyone knows atleast one giy who has went through complete hell with his childs mom.. always raping men for child support.. and i mean rapping.. when i didnt have full custody we had joint custody.. we had her equal amount of time each week.. i still had to pay $1000 a month in child support for one child.. no i have full custody.. you know what i get.. $15 a week

And with her partial custody, how much of the $1000 do you think was used "for the child". System is flawed in every way.

brandon0523

Amen brother.. my point exactly.. maybe to pay for a babysitter on the weekends she had her so she could go out.. it wasnt day care as my aunt watched her everyday no matter who had her for free.. wasnt rent because she lived with her parents.. wasnt clothes or shoes because i always buy those.. i was a little confused on the matter too

chrisjathompson

Many times I have considered fostering. I think it's something I would do in the future. (I have a son, I don't need to "make" more)

Awesome for you thinking about adoption, not too many families do, let alone a single Dad.

SkimFlatWhite68

I'm a single mum with 100% custody and I don't ask my ex for anything. We don't see him and don't want to. We aren't all like that but I understand some women are.

Anyway, I think it's awesome that you are a full time dad and I think your situation sux. I am not American, so don't have any ideas for you, but if this is what you want, don't give up. I would have loved to have another baby, but it just didn't work out that way. Consider all options. Best of luck.

brandon0523

Thank you sir.. i have time and energy to burn.. might as well put it to use

mockchoc

Wow this really sux. I'm so sorry it's like that.

SkimFlatWhite68

You know, the other thing is, you are so young, only 32. You might meet a nice girl and get married, or shack up and have a family

JJordon

Men are basically viewed with very strong suspicions when it comes to providing for children alone.

The family and divorce court system is steeped in laws that are inherently unequal.

It would seem if you are not a woman, in the eyes of the court, your not fit to be an adoptive or foster parent. I've known many single women who were foster mothers and even adoptive, but men? Plenty of states have basically barred this or made it nearly impossible with red tape.

brandon0523

You know, the other thing is, you are so young, only 32. You might meet a nice girl and get married, or shack up and have a family

get married??? Shack up???? No no no.. ive done that before.. i was married and divorced by the age of 20.. she moved another guy in our house when i was deployed overseas. I havent had the best luck with women.. hell if it weren't for the butt sex i might think about being gay

SkimFlatWhite68

LOL! Ok...
Well never say never. The girl of your dreams just might come along.
(I'm available) hehe. Jokes..

brandon0523

LOL! Ok...
Well never say never. The girl of your dreams just might come along.
(I'm available) hehe. Jokes..

long distance relationships never last.. dang sorry

upgetupgetup

Look, I don't know your situation. I'm sorry if you fell in with someone who didn't treat you well. But not all women are like that. Maybe it's the ones you're picking. Being a d-bag is an equal opportunity gift, lots of men are horrible too.

But seriously, if you're expressing 1/20th of the hostility you're showing here, even inadvertently, I can't imagine why anyone would give you a kid to adopt. And I would think hard about the messages you're giving your daughter about women. And about her mother, too. If her mom's a d-bag, it'll be up to your daughter to figure it out for herself, because later on, she might hate you for hating her mom. Even if you didn't do anything wrong.

brandon0523

Look, I don't know your situation. I'm sorry if you fell in with someone who didn't treat you well. But not all women are like that. Maybe it's the ones you're picking. Being a d-bag is an equal opportunity gift, lots of men are horrible too.

But seriously, if you're expressing 1/20th of the hostility you're showing here, even inadvertently, I can't imagine why anyone would give you a kid to adopt. And I would think hard about the messages you're giving your daughter about women. And about her mother, too. If her mom's a d-bag, it'll be up to your daughter to figure out for herself, because later on, she might hate you for hating her mom. Even if you didn't do anything wrong.

wow clearly a biased opinion of someone they dont know.. hostility. Hmm this is the internet where adults can talk.. i dint think i showed hostility.. but if i did so be it.. my.daughter will never see it.. and as far as how i am with my daughter when the issues with her mom comes up.. hmm her mom is lucky im her childs father.. she is 4 and has already seen enough to make her own decisions and feelings.. but i always correct her and tell her not to think that or say that. So before you give a feminist biased opinion know facts.. if you dont know them dont comment about them..

brandon0523

Its clearly people like you who make the process difficult.. are you telling me are perfect... never once showed a sign of aggression when your children where not around. Please forgive me mother Theresa.. i didnt know i was in your presences. Ever single day someone tells me how lucky my daughter is to have me as a dad.. how great of a job i do.. so i think im doing pretty good. This was about the biased bs that a single man has a hard time with adoption and everything else.. where the hello kitty your bs came from who knows

upgetupgetup

Look, I don't know your situation. I'm sorry if you fell in with someone who didn't treat you well. But not all women are like that. Maybe it's the ones you're picking. Being a d-bag is an equal opportunity gift, lots of men are horrible too.

But seriously, if you're expressing 1/20th of the hostility you're showing here, even inadvertently, I can't imagine why anyone would give you a kid to adopt. And I would think hard about the messages you're giving your daughter about women. And about her mother, too. If her mom's a d-bag, it'll be up to your daughter to figure out for herself, because later on, she might hate you for hating her mom. Even if you didn't do anything wrong.

wow clearly a biased opinion of someone they dont know.. hostility. Hmm this is the internet where adults can talk.. i dint think i showed hostility.. but if i did so be it.. my.daughter will never see it.. and as far as how i am with my daughter when the issues with her mom comes up.. hmm her mom is lucky im her childs father.. she is 4 and has already seen enough to make her own decisions and feelings.. but i always correct her and tell her not to think that or say that. So before you give a feminist biased opinion know facts.. if you dont know them dont comment about them..

Ok well, it just sounds to me like you've been deeply hurt and had some bad luck, and there's a lot of anger there that comes from it. And it's about your ex, and the sperm bank/adoption thing, and the courts in general, and you've basically had it it with women - there's a **** ton of anger and blame going on, and it sounds like it's going in one direction. (Meaning, your ex, and women in general.)

I'm sure you are absolutely devoted to your daughter.

And no, I am super super not perfect.

upgetupgetup

Just saying, be careful what you say about it. I had a good friend, a guy, who heard nothing but horrible things about his dad growing up. He's kind of messed up about it, still.

brandon0523

Of course there is anger.. any woman can go to a sperm bank and have child alone. Now a man wanting to have a child alone is almost impossible.. it is a horrible society. Court systems.. all court systems unless you can prove an unfit mother will grant custody to the women.. doesnt matter if she doesnt have a job or a home or anything.. men should have equal rights.. if we want a child we should be able to have one.. plain and simple..

brandon0523

Just saying, be careful what you say about it. I had a good friend, a guy, who heard nothing but horrible things about his dad growing up. He's kind of messed up about it, still.

you dont know how to read either??? I said i never say anything.. my daughter says more than enough but i always correct her..

upgetupgetup

Just saying, be careful what you say about it. I had a good friend, a guy, who heard nothing but horrible things about his dad growing up. He's kind of messed up about it, still.

you dont know how to read either??? I said i never say anything.. my daughter says more than enough but i always correct her..

It's not just what you actually say out loud, though. Kids are like sponges, they feel everything.

I wish you luck, and hope you can find a way to come to terms with it all, and maybe open yourself up to someone who will treat you better. Everyone deserves to be cared for.

nornyb

I did a quick google search and saw multiple agencies in Illinois who provide adoption services to single men and women, is it possible that someone has given you wrong information? It seems like a man with a proven track record as a good father would be a logical, good choice for adopting.
As far as previous comments, I read/heard frustration with your situation, but have to agree that not all women are like your ex. I am a divorced mother of 2 with shared custody who pays child support to my ex husband. I have always supported myself and my children, and know many other women like me.

brandon0523

I did a quick google search and saw multiple agencies in Illinois who provide adoption services to single men and women, is it possible that someone has given you wrong information? It seems like a man with a proven track record as a good father would be a logical, good choice for adopting.
As far as previous comments, I read/heard frustration with your situation, but have to agree that not all women are like your ex. I am a divorced mother of 2 with shared custody who pays child support to my ex husband. I have always supported myself and my children, and know many other women like me.

no i have good information i just would rather pay a surrogate than adopt..

nornyb

I can understand that. Is it possible to use one from another state? I'm a baby nurse and we have had parents from New York and even Australia use surrogates here in Idaho.

brandon0523

I can understand that. Is it possible to use one from another state? I'm a baby nurse and we have had parents from New York and even Australia use surrogates here in Idaho.

i have been looking into that.. maybe ill come to idaho.. hahaba