real talk.... about adoption surrogacy and sperm banks...

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24

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  • brandon0523
    brandon0523 Posts: 516
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    Its clearly people like you who make the process difficult.. are you telling me are perfect... never once showed a sign of aggression when your children where not around. Please forgive me mother Theresa.. i didnt know i was in your presences. Ever single day someone tells me how lucky my daughter is to have me as a dad.. how great of a job i do.. so i think im doing pretty good. This was about the biased bs that a single man has a hard time with adoption and everything else.. where the hello kitty your bs came from who knows
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
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    Look, I don't know your situation. I'm sorry if you fell in with someone who didn't treat you well. But not all women are like that. Maybe it's the ones you're picking. Being a d-bag is an equal opportunity gift, lots of men are horrible too.

    But seriously, if you're expressing 1/20th of the hostility you're showing here, even inadvertently, I can't imagine why anyone would give you a kid to adopt. And I would think hard about the messages you're giving your daughter about women. And about her mother, too. If her mom's a d-bag, it'll be up to your daughter to figure out for herself, because later on, she might hate you for hating her mom. Even if you didn't do anything wrong.
    wow clearly a biased opinion of someone they dont know.. hostility. Hmm this is the internet where adults can talk.. i dint think i showed hostility.. but if i did so be it.. my.daughter will never see it.. and as far as how i am with my daughter when the issues with her mom comes up.. hmm her mom is lucky im her childs father.. she is 4 and has already seen enough to make her own decisions and feelings.. but i always correct her and tell her not to think that or say that. So before you give a feminist biased opinion know facts.. if you dont know them dont comment about them..

    Ok well, it just sounds to me like you've been deeply hurt and had some bad luck, and there's a lot of anger there that comes from it. And it's about your ex, and the sperm bank/adoption thing, and the courts in general, and you've basically had it it with women - there's a **** ton of anger and blame going on, and it sounds like it's going in one direction. (Meaning, your ex, and women in general.)

    I'm sure you are absolutely devoted to your daughter.

    And no, I am super super not perfect.
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
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    Just saying, be careful what you say about it. I had a good friend, a guy, who heard nothing but horrible things about his dad growing up. He's kind of messed up about it, still.
  • brandon0523
    brandon0523 Posts: 516
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    Of course there is anger.. any woman can go to a sperm bank and have child alone. Now a man wanting to have a child alone is almost impossible.. it is a horrible society. Court systems.. all court systems unless you can prove an unfit mother will grant custody to the women.. doesnt matter if she doesnt have a job or a home or anything.. men should have equal rights.. if we want a child we should be able to have one.. plain and simple..
  • brandon0523
    brandon0523 Posts: 516
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    Just saying, be careful what you say about it. I had a good friend, a guy, who heard nothing but horrible things about his dad growing up. He's kind of messed up about it, still.
    you dont know how to read either??? I said i never say anything.. my daughter says more than enough but i always correct her..
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
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    Just saying, be careful what you say about it. I had a good friend, a guy, who heard nothing but horrible things about his dad growing up. He's kind of messed up about it, still.
    you dont know how to read either??? I said i never say anything.. my daughter says more than enough but i always correct her..

    It's not just what you actually say out loud, though. Kids are like sponges, they feel everything.

    I wish you luck, and hope you can find a way to come to terms with it all, and maybe open yourself up to someone who will treat you better. Everyone deserves to be cared for.
  • nornyb
    nornyb Posts: 224 Member
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    I did a quick google search and saw multiple agencies in Illinois who provide adoption services to single men and women, is it possible that someone has given you wrong information? It seems like a man with a proven track record as a good father would be a logical, good choice for adopting.
    As far as previous comments, I read/heard frustration with your situation, but have to agree that not all women are like your ex. I am a divorced mother of 2 with shared custody who pays child support to my ex husband. I have always supported myself and my children, and know many other women like me.
  • brandon0523
    brandon0523 Posts: 516
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    I did a quick google search and saw multiple agencies in Illinois who provide adoption services to single men and women, is it possible that someone has given you wrong information? It seems like a man with a proven track record as a good father would be a logical, good choice for adopting.
    As far as previous comments, I read/heard frustration with your situation, but have to agree that not all women are like your ex. I am a divorced mother of 2 with shared custody who pays child support to my ex husband. I have always supported myself and my children, and know many other women like me.
    no i have good information i just would rather pay a surrogate than adopt..
  • nornyb
    nornyb Posts: 224 Member
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    I can understand that. Is it possible to use one from another state? I'm a baby nurse and we have had parents from New York and even Australia use surrogates here in Idaho.
  • brandon0523
    brandon0523 Posts: 516
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    I can understand that. Is it possible to use one from another state? I'm a baby nurse and we have had parents from New York and even Australia use surrogates here in Idaho.
    i have been looking into that.. maybe ill come to idaho.. hahaba
  • nornyb
    nornyb Posts: 224 Member
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    It is a pretty nice place :)
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Sorry to be so flippant here, but I do sense some attitude and bitterness going on. I don't think ANYONE should be allowed to have a kid when they have the type of "ME ME ME" attitude you are displaying here. What you want is different than what a child needs.

    I am a bio mom, who selfLESSly gave her baby up for adoption when I was 19. I would never, ever, have considered letting my child go to a single parent -- male OR female, because children deserve a mom and a dad. I'm strongly opposed to single parenting through choice (not as a result of divorce).

    Please be aware that the laws are there to protect the best interest of the child, NOT the adult wanting to adopt. Consider the needs of the child over your own "selfish" needs. It might appear to you that you are being selfless in your desire to adopt, but really, it's selfish.
  • nornyb
    nornyb Posts: 224 Member
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    Sorry to be so flippant here, but I do sense some attitude and bitterness going on. I don't think ANYONE should be allowed to have a kid when they have the type of "ME ME ME" attitude you are displaying here. What you want is different than what a child needs.

    I am a bio mom, who selfLESSly gave her baby up for adoption when I was 19. I would never, ever, have considered letting my child go to a single parent -- male OR female, because children deserve a mom and a dad. I'm strongly opposed to single parenting through choice (not as a result of divorce).

    Please be aware that the laws are there to protect the best interest of the child, NOT the adult wanting to adopt. Consider the needs of the child over your own "selfish" needs. It might appear to you that you are being selfless in your desire to adopt, but really, it's selfish.

    Wow......this whole response is kind of bitter and judgemental. I am a single parent by choice.....I chose to get a divorce. Single parents are very capable of parenting effectively.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    The headaches = a relationship with the mother?
    for sure..... women today make it horrible for the father if they are not together.. and lets face todays percentage of staying together isnt to hot.. everyone knows atleast one giy who has went through complete hell with his childs mom.. always raping men for child support.. and i mean rapping.. when i didnt have full custody we had joint custody.. we had her equal amount of time each week.. i still had to pay $1000 a month in child support for one child.. no i have full custody.. you know what i get.. $15 a week

    Wow! If you have joint custody here you pay nothing. Your right, it isn't fair you can't adopt as a single person.
  • brandon0523
    brandon0523 Posts: 516
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    So when i can provide better than middle income families by myself and give undivided attention to a childs needs im being selfish?? Hmmm interesting.. i think the best for the child would be to give them every opportunity in the world to succeed. Show them love affection and respect.. for a child to never have to worry about how college is paid for.. i dont know. I guess everyone sees things differently.. but i want my to go out into the world with a college degree not $100,000 in debt and have the ability to live life to.its fullest because nothing ever held them.back
  • nornyb
    nornyb Posts: 224 Member
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    A 2 parent household in no way guarantees a happy, healthy childhood.
  • brandon0523
    brandon0523 Posts: 516
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    A 2 parent household in no way guarantees a happy, healthy childhood.
    i was raised by my mother and i turned out awesome...
  • nornyb
    nornyb Posts: 224 Member
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    Quality over quantity.
  • ianlikesholidays
    ianlikesholidays Posts: 75 Member
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    Hi
    I am completely against adoption .it's a selfish thing for the benefit of the adoptive parent - I was a "secret child" put up for adoption shortly after I was born.
    I spent my childhood not relating to any of the people around - I was simply not like them in anyway. I did trace my real family as an adult however they "closed ranks", said they didn't like me and refused to have anything to do with me....a terrible source of heartache...
    Think carefully before taking someone else's child.....
    Ian
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
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    I am sorry to hear Illinois has such antiquated laws, I think parenting is the hardest job on earth. Custodial parents who use child support for anything but making sure a child has the best start in life need to be called on by the courts by the non custodial parent. Seriously.

    As a woman and a stepmother, I can tell you that I am super proud of the job my husband did raising his son as a custodial parent and we enjoy spending time with my stepson and his wife on vacation and seeing them launch their careers. The heartbreak of watching his daughter struggle who was raised by his bitter ex wife is a tragedy.

    Every child deserves a loving parent who gives their all .... if two people can have a great relationship and commitment to each other and raising a child , even better !

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