No where to turn--any help would be appreciated

Toomanytwinkies

I felt so sad for you, reading your post. You are grieving over your loss and are being too hard on yourself. I'm so sorry for your loss. As far as the fatigue, stress can do that to your body. It has me wondering though...have you had your thyroid checked? Asking this because I went through terrible fatigue a few years ago. It was all I could do to get the basics done in a day. It turned out to be my thyroid. As soon as I was leveled out the fatigue lifted. Take care and be kind to yourself.

Gidzmo

You've only lost your mom two weeks ago, and you're grieving. You can only deal with this one day at a time.

Remember to eat a little something every day, as you need to keep your energy up. Even if it's just a small meal, remember to eat so you're not shaking.

what_lola_wants

That is how I'm feeling tonight. We lost my Mom on the 6th of this month after learning that she had lung cancer. She was diagnosed and gone in mere weeks. I made a promise to myself that I have not kept. See I saw what grief was on the faces of my nieces, my kids, my sisters, my father and I know how raw grief is and still is in my own heart. I promised myself I would learn from this. I am very obese and I know my blood pressure runs high without exercise. Diet was bad before this and has gone farther downhill--from not eating until I shake from my body demanding food. The diet part is fried and easy to fix cheap foods too when I do eat.

I have not kept my promise. I find that I am just exhausted all the time. I'm taking 5 hr energy to get through the day--2 of them today and I'm still so tired all I want to do is nap. I go to work & come home. I do whatever has to be done like cooking supper etc, nap, more chores before bedtime and then I crash for the night. I think also my sleep apnea is worse than ever. I get up several times to go to the bathroom and by time I reach the bathroom--I finally get some breaths in. Some of you may understand that, its like someone holding their breath and then taking gulping breaths only I do not realize i'm doing it until I'm sucking the air in.

I was sitting here tonight critizing myself for not taking charge like I said I would. Everything seems so out of balance though. Trying to figure out how I can do this with this exhaustion. I'm writing to see if anyone has tip I guess.

I will say this, I have been lucky here before with asking for help. However, I have seen on others post where people can be rude. Just remember when you write all I ask is that you be kind--firm is fine too but please do not be mean or rude. I am not here to fight with someone, just asking for ideas is all.

Thanks for listening, Debbie

Hi Debbie, I understand. My grandma, who brought me, up passed away last month, when we were celebrating chinese new year. I sort of giving up for a several weeks. Being sad, crying at the corner, after that, to make myself feel better I start eating whatever I want.

One day, I woke up and look into the mirror. There is a voice in my head saying that: "I dont have to be like this anymore. I can live better, happier, and healthier." My grandma would want the same thing.

I understand, starting is hard. Maintaining and consistency is even harder. Perhaps, you can start from 'something small'. Like cutting soda, soft drink or anything that is not too hard for you. At the same time, start 'moving' your body. You may know have time to exercise, but still you can start with something simple like fast-walking, swimming etc. You may not have to do it everyday. Again, start small, perhaps weekly ?

Also, logging your food intake into MFP does motivate me alot!! I can keep track of what I am eating, sometimes I am amazed with the calories in certain food. Makes some friends in MFP for motivation purpose. If you dont mind, you may add me as friend

Take care and ALL THE BEST!

Lola

Charlixoxo

I am so sorry for your loss, I know how difficult loss is from my dad passing away 2 years ago.
Grief affects everyone in different ways. It can drain your energy so much that you lose all motivation- I know I've been there.

I would say to you, it's probably best to deal with your grief and find ways of coping with it, before you start stressing about dieting and losing weight. It's a hard time, and adding extra stresses that you don't need will make it harder for you.

Rather than worrying about tracking calories, and getting to the gym. Just eat little and often, and try and get out for a short walk if you aren't feeling motivated, it can really help you clear your head and make you feel more positive just to get some light exercise and fresh air! And try and drink plenty of water

Please don't feel guilty- a loss is one of the hardest things to deal with, take it day by day a little at a time. We will be here to support you!

Xoxo

emmalouisebull

I am sorry to hear about your loss.

Just go easy on yourself! Take care

somemansdream

Thanks guys. The reason I came in here besides the exhaustion issue and the feeling of failing to keep that promise is the very real fear of gaining a lot of weight. I didn't get this way (very obese) by only using food for fuel. I don't want to have time pass by and then the realization I have gained 50 or 100 lbs and put my health even more at risk.
I do feel better, probably part of it was writing it out and you guys responding so kindly to my situation.
I am going to do something small the rest of this week to start me on the right path but that wont stress me out any more than it has been lately.
It is probably not a fluke that my sister posted that she got rid of all my mom's things yesteriday and then I got so stressed and upset & then started mentally beating myself up.
Thanks again everyone,
Debbie

getrightgetfitgethappy

I'm send my condolences to you and your family. Losing a loved one is always a hard thing to go through. It's one thing to grieve and it's another thing to be depressed. It sounds like you might possibly be battling depression which has been onset by your loss. I would definitely suggest finding a counselor or therapist you can talk to. If that is not possible for you, there are usually support groups to help with both grieving and depression. Both of those options helped me get over my depression. I'm not sure if you are spiritual but it's amazing what praying can do.

Ultimatefitmama

Oh Debbie I'm so so so sorry for your loss. Have you ever tried making all your meals and snacks for a few days at a time. On Sunday nights I grab some mason jars and make salads in the for the week. You can find the recipes on pinterest or message me and I will send you links. If you take an hour or two on sunday you will be set with snacks and meals at least until Wednesday if not Thursday and then you will know you have all your food prepped so if you do need a nap or to relax you don't need to stress about meals. I'm sorry I haven't been in here lately but if you needs anything don't hesitate to message me.

somemansdream

Thanks again guys.
Yesteriday marked 2 weeks since Mom passed away. I was also sick yesteriday.
I took your words to heart. I had something for lunch (banana--stomach problems)
and something for breakfast and I made it home from work with no sign of the shakes.
I stopped last night and thought what is the best I could do for myself and that was to go to
bed early though it was not even 9 pm. That was a new idea for me--how to treat myself
better and do something good for me.
Debbie

Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door

this! my name is Katie I'm also sending you a big hug. I lost my dad when I was 15 years old.
Hi Debbie! I'm Danielle. I'm sending you a big cyber hug. I'm so sorry about your Mom.

Jumping right in and making all these changes all at once can be really over-whelming. You don't need over-whelming right now. You need self-confidence. You need to feel a sense of accomplishment. What do you think about making just one change each day for the rest of this month? If you start tomorrow that's still 12 fantastic changes that you will have made in March.

Start small with something you haven't been doing but will help you get healthy. Maybe tomorrow ensure that you are drinking all your water. One way I used to do it was to chug one glass first thing in the morning and then during the day I wouldn't let myself visit the ladies room until I chugged the rest of whatever was in my water glass.

Maybe the next day could be making just one substitution per meal. Reaching for the butter for your toast in the morning? Brush it with a little olive oil instead and sprinkle a little black pepper on it for a kick. Reaching for a snack bar or bag of chips? Grab a piece of fruit instead.

You can do it, Debbie! You are worth it. You deserve to be heatlthy! :flowerforyou:

Robin_Bin

...I stopped last night and thought what is the best I could do for myself and that was to go to
bed early though it was not even 9 pm. That was a new idea for me--how to treat myself
better and do something good for me.
Debbie

That's another great step forward! (And a wonderful example for your children!)

kmortensen1

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It's very difficult to focus on day to day tasks and getting out of bed when losing someone you love. Don't be too hard on yourself. The best advise (that many has given) I can give, take one day at a time. It may be VERY difficult to focus on so many things right now. Give yourself time to grieve. I also recommend going for walks. Spending time in nature and moving my body, helped me while mourning the loss of a loved one, last year. It gave me time to spend some time in my own head, reflect on my loss, my life and what I still have. It helped me spiritually and physically and I bet it will help you too! Lots of love.

NancyJeanSmith

I'm so sorry about your loss. I've been there, it's been several years ago, but I lost my mom. It was all I could do, to try and keep daddy from really going to pieces, but by the grace of God, My sister, my brother, and I held my dad up. The only time I saw him cry, was when the doctor told him, there was nothing they could do. Dad just told him to make her as comfortable as possible. She passed the very next day. You too will get through this, just lean on God and your family.

As for the breathing problem, I too have sleep apena, and I use a C-Pap machine at night, which really helps. I no longer wake up at night gasping for air. The doctors found out that my oxygen level goes below 80%, when I'm sleeping, and I use to wake up suddenly, just trying to breath, and my chest would be bursting.

I also had a hard time losing weight and finally committing to it. I went to Curves, but I slipped in my bathroom and cracked a bone beside my ankle. I ended up in a boot for 9 months and it was non weight bearing for two months. Then, I started physical therapy three days a week. I started gaining all the weight back that I had lost at Curves, became depressed and kept eating that much more. Finally, on the last day lf physical therapy, 07 Sep 2012, they told me that I could go back to Curves, do cartwheels, jump, or whatever I wanted to do. I was so excited, just thinking about getting back to Curves. However, God had other plans. I ended up in a car accident 2 miles from the house, that put me in the hospital for 6 months. It was there in the hospital, that I learned to eat properly. Small portions, lots of fruit and vegetables, and no more of those wonderful deserts I used to eat. The nurses would weigh me every week and check my blood pressure, which started going down along with my weight. No longer is my blood pressure 200/120, thank God, but it's down too 145/85. It's still a bit high and I do take blood pressure mediciation, but it's not what it use to be.

Start out slow, as that's what I did. I started charting my food in here and I logged that I get no exercise, even though I have a physial therapist come into my home to work me out 3 times a week. I just wanted to loose 1 pound a week, and Praise the Lord, it's more than working. I never eat all the calories they say I can eat, because of my eating habits changing. It's too much food, and if I kept eating it would hurt my stomach. In one week, I don't know how it happened, but I lost 6 pounds, so I had to have the system recalculate what my caloric intake would be. It went down, but I still don't eat all the food. And, by the grace of God I've started losing 1 pound a week. If I can keep doing that I'll be very happy.

If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know. Just take that first step, and God will help you all the way, along with all of us here, and your family. Take care and God bless you and your family.

somemansdream

Thank you everyone.

Debbie

NCchar130

Debbie, Grief is such a powerful unpredictable emotional state to be in. I'm very sorry for your loss. Lost my dad unexpectedly when I was 25. I gained weight, rapidly. My mother lost weight, rapidly. One brother became an alcoholic (now in AA and recently celebrated his 4th anniversary of quitting). It just turns your whole world upside down and it's so easy to reach for the nearest thing to ease the pain you're feeling.

I read a lot of good suggestions for you in this thread. I would say, try to get the sleep you need. Try to get in some exercise each day, even if it's 'just' a walk, it really helps relieve stress. Cry when you need to. Keep logging your food, incorporate the comfort foods where you can, there's nothing wrong with that, just try to stay on target with your calorie goals.