My wife left me once I lost the weight.

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Replies

  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    why is divorce so expensive?


    because it is so worth it
  • silvergurl518
    silvergurl518 Posts: 4,123 Member
    obviously she was not the one for you if she calls your amazing transformation, both inside and out, a threat to your marriage. someone who truly loves and supports you would be rallying around you and celebrating your successes. i'm really sorry for the devastation you must be feeling. do you have good friends you can talk to? a therapist? support groups? drinking heavily will TOTALLY derail you, if not endanger you. as for smoking, blech! hate to use the ole MFP buzz word, but don't sabotage yourself. you will find a person who will be the right one for you...it will take time (spoken from experience...i'm still waiting!).
  • wikitbikit
    wikitbikit Posts: 518 Member
    I have no advice that hasn't already been covered, but I just wanted to wish you the best. Divorce is hard enough on its own and it's even harder when you're not the one gunning for it, even when it may be 'for the best.'

    Take care.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    Can I just add that you aren't alone in struggling with the depression or the smoking/drinking habits. I'm not a heavy drinker, but I have quit smoking at least 3 times in the last year. And yes, I have to quit again! (My friends will ream me if they read this.)

    Totally reaming you....RIGHT NOW.....stahp it!


    you too Mike.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Can I just add that you aren't alone in struggling with the depression or the smoking/drinking habits. I'm not a heavy drinker, but I have quit smoking at least 3 times in the last year. And yes, I have to quit again! (My friends will ream me if they read this.)

    Totally reaming you....RIGHT NOW.....stahp it!


    you too Mike.

    Loves ya! :flowerforyou:
  • gracielynn1011
    gracielynn1011 Posts: 726 Member
    That's awful! I am so sorry to hear that. I can see why this has affected your confidence, but really the issue is with her. The accusations and bitterness was her insecurity showing through.

    To help you move on and get a more positive outlook, I would suggest counseling. Best of luck to you as you heal and move forward.
  • Confuzzled4ever
    Confuzzled4ever Posts: 2,860 Member
    Seriously I'm not a troll...My wife left after I lost 80lbs+. She kept making sarcastic jokes towards the end of our relationship about how she'd have to start chasing women away from me. Then the cheating accusations started to arise. I never cheated on her in fact I have a really hard time making friends much less getting into a woman's pants. She told me January 1st 2013 she wanted a divorce and immediately started seeing other men. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet! The only reason I ever started getting into shape was to live a healthy long life with the woman of my dreams (which was her). Now I have the body I've always dreamed of but my confidence is destroyed.

    Now that that everyone is up to speed here's where I need help. I've started smoking heavily and drinking way way to much. It's starting to affect my workouts. I still work out as much as possible and I'm still losing weight. But my endurance is way down and my gains are seriously slowing. I was just curious if anyone had any ideas on staying focused on their routines and healthy lifestyles in a time of life turmoil or perhaps anyone else who might have experienced a similar situation.

    Hey... it's her not you.. she either was looking for an excuse to leave or didn't want you to be better looking then her..

    I know it's tough, but anyone who would drag you down like that isn't worth your time..

    Just keep on making healthy choices and don't let yourself fall into a pit of despair. If she's going to drag you down, then she doens't deserve you. You're supposed to lift your spouse up and support and encourage them. Find a lady who will do this, and never let her go.
  • Naywifey07
    Naywifey07 Posts: 74 Member
    Wow I teared up reading this... This sucks and is the total opposite.. Most ppl leave because they start to become unattracted to their mate... You lost weight and she dwanted to divorce you... I think you justmay need to get some therapy :) Hopefully that will work in your future.. I wish you the best of luck :)
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    its true too, you get too hot, you lose your marriage, yep!
  • garnet116
    garnet116 Posts: 144 Member

    Also, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should seriously think about changing your handle. No Talent Mike? Show some love for yourself! What about Successful Mike! Healthy Mike! Determined Mike! Unstoppable Mike! Because you appear to be all of those things!

    This was my thought, too.

    A new username to go along with the new body and new confidence!

    Sorry this happened :(
  • nguk123
    nguk123 Posts: 223
    >>Now I have the body I've always dreamed of but my confidence is destroyed.

    My first thought is maybe have a few sessions with a dating coach. It seems that you are substituting cigarretes and alcohol for what you might rather be doing.
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    Years ago, I left my longtime live in Bf and fiance after he lost 80lbs. It wasn't because I was insecure, we had lost weight together. It was because he was obsessed. We were on Atkins (this was way back when Atkins was popular!) and I hated it, I had only agreed to it because he had promised me we would also start being more active, so I figured we would at least be somewhat healthier than or fat sedentary selves. 6 months or so later, we had gone for two walks. I had lost maybe 25-30lbs, him 70 or 80. We Both looked good. He enjoyed the all meat/fat diet, I didn't. But what i hated more than missing out on my favourite fruits and vegs was that we could never do anything. We didn't hang out with friends, or go to dinner or even the movies, because he was obsessed and thought one baked potato or a kernel of popcorn would make us gain 100lbs. I got tired of being miserable with both my diet and my life.
    not sure if this has anything to do with your issue, but maybe you should have asked her why?
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    he was also getting too skinny, and I found him far less attractive, but he refused to talk about anything other than what a great diet Atkins was!
  • sciontc2
    sciontc2 Posts: 15
    The Key word is not to be a victim , if you allow her this then she wins.
  • I'm so sorry, this is very sad :-( maybe you are better off without her. May be hard to imagine right now but there IS a woman of your dreams who will support you in your HEALTHY journey not drag you down. Hugs...
  • jjuullzz
    jjuullzz Posts: 33 Member
    Also, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should seriously think about changing your handle. No Talent Mike? Show some love for yourself! What about Successful Mike! Healthy Mike! Determined Mike! Unstoppable Mike! Because you appear to be all of those things!


    ^This!^

    Any of these! Or how about something like 'Free Mike!'
  • cubbies77
    cubbies77 Posts: 607 Member
    I'm really sorry to hear this. Since she jumped right into dating other guys, it sounds like she has really low self-esteem. Regardless, I'm sorry this happened to you. That's incredibly unfair.

    Do you have any friends who like to go outside and do stuff? My ex broke up with me after I moved to a new city to be with him. I was absolutely miserable and felt really lonely. One of my new friends started calling me to go out for walks a few times per week. We walked along a hilly jogging path near a creek and talked about all kinds of stuff, usually for an hour or so. Not only did I feel much better by the end of the summer, but I'd lost 30 pounds. Instead of eating, I walked, and that made all the difference. Plus, by the end of our walk, I was usually too tired/sweaty to be depressed. :)

    Is there some kind of artist group/community you can become more involved in? Maybe some classes you can take to get out and meet new people while doing something you love? I'm not thinking in terms of dating just yet (it's probably too soon), but at least you could do something fresh and new and make some new friends.
  • estrange22
    estrange22 Posts: 210 Member
    I don't have any additional advice and my husband and I are separated for different reasons BUT I just wanted to say you're not alone!! Many of us here, like you and I, are out of our marriages by someone else's choice! We've just got "keep swimming" as they say in Finding Nemo (I'm a mom) and keep making the best choices we can minute by minute, hour by hour! One thing I have done that I would suggest is to make a list of everything you have done for yourself since your wife left and then a list of everything you want to do for yourself. use the first list as a motivational tool to complete the second list. When you're done with the second list, change it to a first list and carry on....
  • AdrieneJ
    AdrieneJ Posts: 141 Member
    In short:

    You got hot. She got scared. She didn't know what to do, but she found a way to hit you hard in the guts to make herself feel better. People like that need help.

    You also need help. You need to find a way to lift yourself up. Even when we meet our goals, it's these things in life that threaten to send us on a downward spiral. I think we're very fortunate to have a community like this one who knows EXACTLY what it feels like to be on this journey. The great thing is that you're talking to us about it. Often, I feel like I shouldn't burden people with my worries about my weight and my health, but I'm so grateful that I can always find someone here who understands.

    I'm sorry this happened, but believe me, you will be ok.

    Also, remember: You got hot. It's awesome. :)
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
    sorry to hear your plight, i shall not offer you platitudes, cause they never work. i feel what you are going through is a grief reaction and alcohol could further cause deterioration in mental health front. please please see a therapist, talk to your wife, if she is ready to give marriage counseling a go.. if she is not even ready to try and, what you are saying is true(i am not saying otherwise) then probably the cause is herself and not you.try to pray and do meditation. seek help. may God be with you.
  • tRiNaBeAnZz
    tRiNaBeAnZz Posts: 114 Member
    You should never let anyone make you feel bad for making healthier decisions! Your wife sounded very jealous and irritated with your success. Running off with other men before your divorce is even finalized it's a low blow. You are better off without her. You deserve someone that understands your choices and applaudes you for them.

    Start focusing on the positive and forget about the negative. You can make friendships here on MyFitnessPal. Most of us here will support you and keep you on track, as we have done already for each other.

    Keep your head up! You did the right thing! :)
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,641 Member
    If you are smoking and drinking to deal with your issues then you are self medicating. You are using substances as coping skills. You need to develop healthy coping mechanisms that aren't going to damage your body or get you off track. I would suggest therapy, a self help group (maybe you could find a support group for those going through divorce) or at the very least research healthy coping skills online and try some of those activities instead of smoking and drinking. Here are some resources:

    divorcecare.org
    http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0079876543/student_view0/junior_year-999/living13/coping_skills.html
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 509 Member
    Jesus!!! Jesus!!? He is the only answer...
    Ps.....what has happened to our vows?! People just don't take till death due us part anymore. My heart breaks for you, but I know deep down in my heart that Jesus will never put u threw anything that u can not handle. So, with that said, I would check out a local community church, and see where that leads you. Jesus has a wonderful plan for u!!


    Sorry, hon, Jesus isn't the answer for everyone. It may be the answer for you, and maybe the answer for Mike. But not the only answer for everyone. There isn't only one answer for anything. Except maybe '42'

    *off topic* I totally believe in 42. *back to your regularly scheduled thread.*

    For Mike? As terrible as this is, its better not to end up stuck with someone who's cheating (cheaters tend to get paranoid...she may have had her new man before she left) I've been cheated on by an ex and it was awful. But I'm married now to a great guy who's loved me thin, fat and everywhere inbetween.

    You'll find the right life for you too!
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
    I went through a rough patch years ago, alone...depressed and was drinking every night, the more depressed I got the more I drank. The thing I didn't realize at the time was that drinking was making me worse not better.
    I went to counseling, it was someone to talk to, someone who understood..afterward I didn't have everything bottled up inside me and I didn't reach for the 12 pack...it was like magic :laugh:

    Sounds like maybe she did you a favor and will end up better without her.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    Hate to tell you this but it sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to leave and accusing you of doing something she was probably doing herself. Any time I was accused of cheating it was the one doing the accusing who was doing the cheating. Never cheated on anyone even if we were just dating.

    Since she is already seeing someone else as soon as you two split that basically says it all right there. She probably had him in her sights for awhile and was just looking for the right opportunity or excuse.

    Don't let your health go down the toilet over her/this situation. Speak to someone if thats what you feel you need to do. Some people feel better after they've talked things out. Remember that you're worth it. You're a great person, and you deserve the best.
  • If you want her back - go to her, cry, beg, plead, promise to jump off a cliff for her, forgive her for being with someone else so soon after your separation, and then spend the rest of your life being with someone who shatters your confidence, who destroys your self worth, who doesn't respect you as a human being, who doesn't appreciate all your hard work and most of all who wants you to stay fat forever.

    If you don't want her back - then take some time out, take a breather, get closure, talk about it, talk about it so much that one day you find yourself with nothing left to say in that subject, get it all out of your system. I am sorry to be harsh but the reality is it's a divorce, it ain't the end of the world. Yes, it seems like it is for you right now but I promise you it ain't.

    Drinking and smoking ain't gonna help you. When you stop drinking and smoking, your issues still gonna be there and you still gotta deal with them. No one else will do it for you. Just like your weight loss, you have to do it for yourself.

    Just like trying to lose weight, would you consider starving yourself to lose weight? No
    So why would you smoke and drink to deal with your relationship breakdown.

    Chances are, she ain't sitting somewhere miserable and depressed.
    But you are.

    She didn't respect you enough so have some self respect and let it go and get healthy.

    Am sorry to be harsh but if drinking and smoking solved everything then, we would have no problems left in the world.
    And anyone who breaks your spirit and reduce your self worth to zero should really have no place in your life.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Wow. I have to keep checking to make sure I didn't write this.

    Chin up mate. Literally, do some chin ups. Nothing helps like exercise.

    You deserve better. And you'll find it. We both will.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Dude. Seriously....coming from a guy who lost his bride. MAN THE F up. What is done cannot be undone. You cannot control the choices of others.

    Enjoy the success of your dedication and find a new, more appreciative woman. In that process, ensure that you have your definitions down as to what you want and need in a relationship and a woman. Anything that is superficial, it sounds, you need to have checked at the door.

    Keep positive, even when it rough.
  • jakidb
    jakidb Posts: 1,010 Member
    Wow...

    Have you considered "counseling" to help you get through this (divorce/separation)?
    My guess is that she couldn't deal with your new healthy lifestyle--is she over weight? Some ppl find it intimidating when their companion is not overweight and they are--they feel "comfort" is gone.

    I would focus on YOU and seek counseling if necessary; you've come way to far to go backwards :)
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    Congratulations on your weight losses - your own and that of your spouse. Now, take advantage of it both losses.