My wife left me once I lost the weight.

Rose_bee

Sorry to hear about this, Mike. It's not your confidence that plummeted. HERS did. That's why she got suspicious and jealous and finally left. She wanted you to be big and unhealthy and out of shape. It somehow made her look good. So sad. You will get through this. Keep plugging away, one day at a time, and you will see that there is so much more out there than her. It just takes time. :flowerforyou:

This!

nolachick

Sorry to hear about this, Mike. It's not your confidence that plummeted. HERS did. That's why she got suspicious and jealous and finally left. She wanted you to be big and unhealthy and out of shape. It somehow made her look good. So sad. You will get through this. Keep plugging away, one day at a time, and you will see that there is so much more out there than her. It just takes time. :flowerforyou:

^^ this.

also, maybe make yourself go for a walk instead of a smoke or chew gum instead of a smoke. these are all probably related to your anxiety and your nerves.

also instead of drinking, work it out! eliminate the triggers that make you drink. eg. going to a bar, being home alone, meeting friends for drinks. etc. ask them to go for a walk, a workout, a movie, etc. anything to distract yourself

I also agree with someone else's advice on seeing a counselor :flowerforyou:

Good luck!

FUELERDUDE

I went through something similar to this with my first wife. I did start to delve back into drinking, then I asked myself what good could possibly come from drinking myself silly over the action that someone else had decided to take. For a couple of weeks, I felt like a looser, I thought "If the woman whom I committed to being with for the rest of my life didn't want me, who would?", and I was also very angry.

I sought out counseling. In the end it came to we really weren't a good match, I had unresolved anger issues which didn't help in communication, and she had commitment and honesty issues. We both needed to grow up as well. I also realized that I had to get back to focusing on me and becoming someone I was proud of again.

I started working out again as this helped me to clear my mind, as well as provided a healthy outlet for frustration. I still have my own personal demons to conquer every day, but I am getting better at controlling them. I didn't allow what she did to control me and I have come out of the ordeal a better person.

It's going to hurt for a long time, and you're probably going to have to confront issues which you may not be comfortable with. Keep on the path to self improvement both physically and mentally and all will turn out well.

I hope this rambling response helps.

Riemersma4

Dude, very sorry to hear what you are going through. Sounds like you never really had her. She may have liked having an overweight husband as it didn't threaten her, etc.

Odd, isn't it? Someone hurts us (she leaves you) and then we pile on and hurt ourselves more (you start smoking and drinking).

When i am bummed out about something i remind myself that every decision that i make moves me in a positive direction or a negative direction. I remind myself of that 1,000 times a day.

You pick up a cig, ask the question. Positive or negative?
You pick up a drink, ask the question. Positive or negative?
You skip teh gym, ask the question. Positive or negative?
You reach for a cheeseburger, ask the question. Positive or negative?

It is a great tool/habit for me. Helps me really make more smart decision.

Again, sorry for what you are going through. She made her decision. Now it is up to you to make (smart, positive) decisions.

Peace to you.

EricaRuns27

I'm sorry to hear what you have been through. I have never been through anything like this, but my heart hurts for you. It sounds like she had some inner issues that needed to be resolved. Instead of smoking or drinking why don't you go for a quick walk or run? I run to relieve stress, when I need to think, or just to exercise. It's a great stress reliever!

Focus on yourself and making your future better for yourself. Smoking and drinking isn't going to be the best for you. Keep your head up and remember you are awesome. ????

devilwhiterose

Also, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should seriously think about changing your handle. No Talent Mike? Show some love for yourself! What about Successful Mike! Healthy Mike! Determined Mike! Unstoppable Mike! Because you appear to be all of those things!

^This!^

Any of these! Or how about something like 'Free Mike!'

I vote Magic Mike! :drinker:

I'm sorry, I really am. There isn't too much that I can add that wasn't already said. It's not right what she did...but it sounds like she has her own confidence issues since she became irate when you began bettering yourself. On the other hand, don't let it bring you down or she wins. You've come this far...don't turn back now.

bostonwolf

Seriously I'm not a troll...My wife left after I lost 80lbs+. She kept making sarcastic jokes towards the end of our relationship about how she'd have to start chasing women away from me. Then the cheating accusations started to arise. I never cheated on her in fact I have a really hard time making friends much less getting into a woman's pants. She told me January 1st 2013 she wanted a divorce and immediately started seeing other men. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet! The only reason I ever started getting into shape was to live a healthy long life with the woman of my dreams (which was her). Now I have the body I've always dreamed of but my confidence is destroyed.

Now that that everyone is up to speed here's where I need help. I've started smoking heavily and drinking way way to much. It's starting to affect my workouts. I still work out as much as possible and I'm still losing weight. But my endurance is way down and my gains are seriously slowing. I was just curious if anyone had any ideas on staying focused on their routines and healthy lifestyles in a time of life turmoil or perhaps anyone else who might have experienced a similar situation.

Mike, I didn't read through the whole thing so sorry if this is repetitive. Sounds like you working out more for he and not for yourself. Once you make that mental switch and realize that you have to be happy and confident in yourself before you can contemplate making someone else happy you'll find that the booze and cigarettes don't do it for you any more.

Good luck, hope you are able to get the divorce done quickly. My ex-wife dragged it out for no good reason at all.

eric_sg61

Success is the best revenge. You turning to drinking and smoking is not success. You are letting her destroy you by those choices. Don't let someone's choices lead you down the path of self-destruction. Right now, she is winning because she has a power over you. Let your negative feelings lead to something better..like a new hobby or concentrate more on an existing one.

P.S. I have a feeling in time she will try to come back. Good guys come rarely to women with control and self esteem issues!

soldier4242

Prayer.

Reading: Adult children of alcoholic parents. Even if your parents are not alcoholics, there is some great insight in there. Also I read A Road Less Traveled.

And..I kept telling myself over and over that I am BETTER than all of that.

Don't waste your time praying about this. That won't accomplish anything and your problem will still be there when you are done praying. Instead take action. Stop all that wasteful smoking and drinking right now. It won't fix your situation at all and you are going to have to pay for the cigarettes and alcohol. So in a way it is even more of a waste of time than prayer. While they both accomplish nothing at least prayer is free.

Put even more time in to your workouts and make sure you keep eating healthy. it does not make any sense to compound your problems by gaining a bunch of body fat and this will give you something you can do to keep your mind off of negativity. Start trying to look at this as an NSV. You thought she was the women of your dreams but that was only the case so long as you were fat and unhealthy. Once you lost the weight the curtain dropped and she showed you who she really was. She had a strict definition that she had set for you and you were only acceptable to her so long as you fit that definition. Once you did something to improve yourself she hit the road. So I say you take her body weight and add it to your total weight lost and drive on.

AdrieneJ

MAN THE F up. What is done cannot be undone. You cannot control the choices of others.

I like this. A lot.

SlvrBluGoddess

Success is the best revenge. You turning to drinking and smoking is not success. You are letting her destroy you by those choices. Don't let someone's choices lead you down the path of self-destruction. Right now, she is winning because she has a power over you. Let your negative feelings lead to something better..like a new hobby or concentrate more on an existing one.

P.S. I have a feeling in time she will try to come back. Good guys come rarely to women with control and self esteem issues!

^ ^ This...

I'm sorry about your loss. I know it can be stressful but please don't let the negativity of the current situation destroy your success.

Take it one step at a time and you will get to where you want to be.

RoadkingDavid

42. Jesus. Ganesh. Spirit. It's all good. But it's not necessary to solve the answer to life now. It'll make you crazy. After all, it took a few million years just to get "42". Lol. What is important is to look at yourself in the mirror and be able to say, "I like you." Baby steps is what that takes.

-- Set a small goal, such as I will walk or cycle or run until I can do a 5K by the end of spring. It is said that happiness is not dependent on a belief system but rather upon having a goal to work toward.

-- Do an activity that YOU like that is fitness oriented. That can be weight-lifting, but it could also be bicycling or running or hiking or kayaking.

-- Find friends to take along your path. I love Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled." Find some MFP and cycling club and running club, whatever club, acquaintances. Some will rise to the level of friends. They will encourage you and also give you opportunity to encourage them. that's a cool thing.

-- When you fall 7 times, hell, get up 8.

FR me and let's do this.
Dave (Daddiocoolcat)

RoadkingDavid

How about "WirelessMike"? Nobody controls you like a marionette, you're free to go and do what suits you.