Fear of losing weight increased attention.please respond!

camiah

The cheeky part of me says enjoy the attention. I don't get hit on ever. I feel in some ways as though I'm lacking for it (that sense of lacking might be part of why I never get hit on, but I digress). Truthfully, I'm sort of in the same boat you are. Part of my psychological junk over my weight is that I have a pretty face (ugh, that phrase), and if I lose weight, I'm likely to get a lot more attention, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with that in a healthy manner. I'm interested to read the responses.

Fr3shStrt

Sigh, i never get hit on. Even now.
Surely i'm not the only one?

Nope, not the only one. I really don't want the attention and I'm extremely shy and awkward so I'm assuming that is why. Sometimes it bothers me but most of the time I don't care.

Fittreelol

Sometimes women's fears of attention are related to the threat of physical violence from men. A pervasive idea in our culture is that only victims can prevent assault, or that all many crime victims did something wrong according to the rules* to deserve it. (Not just sexual crimes.) The rules* or the 183902019 lists of ways to not get assaulted, or mugged, or become a victim of credit card fraud. Never anything about not being an assaulter, or mugger, or cc# stealer. (Slowly changing thanks Edmonton!) For some women getting noticed for being attractive is interpreted as breaking "the rules." From my vast internet perusal these are often, but not always, women who are survivors of past assault or childhood abuse.

I don't think these fears aren't valid, but letting any fear rule your life or prevent you from becoming your best self is something to be concerned about. Not sure if this is what you have going on OP, but if so it is definitely worth exploring in your sessions.

Please note: I am fully aware that people of all genders regularly assault other people of all genders, but since this discussion is related to how this particular woman feels about men's attention my posting reflects that.

rozsbluejay

I know exactly what you mean. I myself have the fear of losing weight, but I'm slowly starting to get over it because a lot of areas of my health are starting to get affected...including emotional health. I agree with the first reply....get a wedding band if you don't want people to bother you.

Most guys just want sex...but during this whole process you need to know how to grow thick skin. I'm sorry.

Sallybeee_fit

It's amazing what an effect wearing a wedding band has. Pick one up at a pawn shop. Worth every penny.

I had a guy tell me one time that my wedding ring was just a "licker license". I'm not naive and most consider me crude but I had to ask my husband what that meant. Bahahahaha

redraidergirl2009

It's not just single ladies. I mean I'm out on a date, guys have no problem not trying to hide checking you out anyway. If I am out without my bf guys don't know I'm not single.Guys also don't care if you're fat or not. A fake wedding ring set may be helpful if you don't want to get hit on most guys will not try if they see it.

zaxaz

Married and my husband doesn't even hit on me

That's sad. So sorry.

brijfit

A fool proof way to get random guys to never hit on you again is to bring a tantrum throwing 3 year old with you everywhere you go. Then no one will come within speaking distance of you. Seriously.

TLCorsini

for me, it was a little both. Although I'm not back to my skinny stage, but I now receive different attention. Because I gained weight, I also gained 2 cup sizes so now I get attention in THAT region. I had to date ALOT of frogs to find my prince. I actually found that the guy who was a little overweight was my type. He never judges my body, he loves to eat like me, and I never have to feel insecure that he's checking out skinny chicks because that's not his style. You'll find your prince im sure of it, but in the end your weight souldn't be about the attention you draw, but how your body makes you feel. If you're more confident when your skinny, your confidenct will radiate through your personality thus drawing all types of people to you! Hope this helps, good luck!

devilwhiterose

What's wrong with attention? I'm married (happily) but it still puts a little pep in my step to see someone checking me out. :laugh:

I feel like I'm missing something.

fitforlife34

Thanks for all your comments, I really appreciate it. Yes,it is hard for me to ward off attention before, whether my weight or thinner. To be honest, I think the guys who hit on more now are the ones who like a girl with more weight on them, "thick" "curvy" whatever you want to call it, and no offese,they tend to be lamo men with no class or morals. I"m on a spiritual path, saying no to all dates. I've had like 4-5 guys in the past month alone, from last year's date-a-thon that want to see me, and I had to tell them all no because I am not going that route anymore. That's what I meant, and for all of those women who say it's lame for me to even care about attention from men, come on, it does get a little flattering sometimes!

And to be honest, I'm sure some of these gorgeous women, profile pic from their comments, get way more attention than me, I don't get looks when I'm in public than when I say, go on a dating site and post my profile. I don't usually smile, and I wear headphones. And the ones who don't, when I was in high school nobody paid attention to me, and I was also a virgin. It wasn't until my early 20's that for some reason men gave me the time of day. At least when you are physical with them. Ugh.

fitforlife34

fitforlife34

I know exactly what you mean. I myself have the fear of losing weight, but I'm slowly starting to get over it because a lot of areas of my health are starting to get affected...including emotional health. I agree with the first reply....get a wedding band if you don't want people to bother you.

Most guys just want sex...but during this whole process you need to know how to grow thick skin. I'm sorry.

Thank you for this comment, it's very refreshing to hear someone say this.

fitforlife34

for me, it was a little both. Although I'm not back to my skinny stage, but I now receive different attention. Because I gained weight, I also gained 2 cup sizes so now I get attention in THAT region. I had to date ALOT of frogs to find my prince. I actually found that the guy who was a little overweight was my type. He never judges my body, he loves to eat like me, and I never have to feel insecure that he's checking out skinny chicks because that's not his style. You'll find your prince im sure of it, but in the end your weight souldn't be about the attention you draw, but how your body makes you feel. If you're more confident when your skinny, your confidenct will radiate through your personality thus drawing all types of people to you! Hope this helps, good luck!

Good for you. I always had bigger boobs, even at my smallest weight of 135. Sometimes I think it's a curse. Especially being part-Asian and all!!! LOL. i think this is why guys like me sometimes. It's like: what abut my degree! my talents and accomplishments!!!!

fitforlife34

Sigh, i never get hit on. Even now.
Surely i'm not the only one?

Nope, not the only one. I really don't want the attention and I'm extremely shy and awkward so I'm assuming that is why. Sometimes it bothers me but most of the time I don't care.

i think there are more men that we think who are shy (I notice, no offense, that most African-American men are the hounds and the ones who aren't afraid to talk to women, their culture). And I have dated a lot of men in that race. But white men RARELY ever talk to me, although I want them to. My brother is 30, half-Asian/white and a great guy. Smart, successful, but has NEVER had a girlfriend. He is very shy and afraid to go up to women, and he is not aggressive. He looks at them, but doesn't approach them. So sometimes guys like you even when you don't think they do.

fitforlife34

Not sure if anyone guys have put in there two cents but the amount of attention that I get from ladies since i lost over 80 lbs is ridiculous!!! I'm not trying to make it sound like i'm all handsome or anything i just think i'm a generally caring and nice guy and people are now like "He has always been nice....and look at him now" But to me that is so shallow because about 80% of the attention i get is from people i have been working with for over 5 years. Like most have said "most of these people wouldn't give me the time of day before" and I think that is such a HUGE pet peeve of mine. if you weren't there in the Begininng don't expect to be around now. When it comes to those people I can easily be "freindly rude"! like ignore half there conversation and then say "oh where you talking to me?i'm sorry , i didn't think you were talking to me....you never talke to me." Its either that or gut punch every person that was rude to me before but wants to be "friendly" now.

I have my wife (my Fiance to be exact) and thats all i need and all i want. Of course i'm a little flirtatious sometimes. i've been overweight my entire life i'm just experiencing what its like to have POSITIVE attention just because of the way I look. But at the same time i'm still me. I'm not going to completely be all the way rude and ignore someone but i have no problem pointing out that "its funny that since i've lost weight you've been alot more friendly"

It kind of reminds me of 50 cent who said before he became famous not as many women paid attention to him, and after he was famous it's like he had a face lift or something. LOL. and he is also fit probably most his life.

It's nice to hear this from a guy's perspective!!!! and congrats on your fiance! I'm hoping one day I will meet the man of my dreams.

fitforlife34

i'm certain predatory types respond to a lot of different perceived weaknesses. obesity, being underweight, timid demeanor. they certainly don't like toned muscles on confident, intelligent women.

I agree, mostly that they don't like confident, intelligent women. And when you get to the point that you're confident, you realize you don't deserve to put up with B.S. and guys who aren't worth your time are pretty easy to avoid and ignore.

For the OP, I think there's a good point here that it's a lot easier to deter unwanted attention when you're confident and assertive. That being said, I think it's great that you want to work on you right now without looking for someone. It's very respectable
I have too many girlfriends who go around looking for a man to make them happy. You just kind of want to shake them and say NO! You go get happy first... then date.

Thank you for your comment, you are totally right. But for the record, I am educated, smart, and every one says I have confidence. But guys don't seem to care, mostly they want sex and get hung up about my boobs.

mazekah

You have stated one of the many fears under the "why" of staying overweight for me. I finally came to the conclusion that I felt like I "should" want attention/relationship etc. When I asked myself if this was absolutely true for me (yes or no), I was surprised to hear "NO!" on the inside. So, slowly but surely I've been taking my attention off of guys and focusing on me. I've been surprised at how hard that is, which makes me wonder at addiction. And when I practice the decision that I'm not interested, the attention goes away. Which makes me wonder at what messages I'm sending out. It's really an intense and very rewarding practice to abstain from dating/looking while I'm getting acquainted with my new self. And just in case anyone is reading this and thinks that life is better at a lower weight - BUZZZZ - wrong. I have the same body only less of it. I still have life happening without my fix for every bump in the road.

I've found it very, very helpful to read books by Geneen Roth. She's helped me immensely in letting the eating and self-abuse go. My personal fave book is "When you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair." Short essays on acting kindly on my own behalf.

TrishaRN_74

Sigh, i never get hit on. Even now.
Surely i'm not the only one?

Nope, I don't get hit on, either. I get looked up and down, a lot, but no one ever talks to me...even when I was single. I go out to the country club for concerts on a fairly regular basis...in the last 4 trips, got hit on ONCE by this creepy-looking older guy. I don't see myself as a beauty by any means, but I'm not bad looking. At least my hubby loves me the way I am! :-)

JessieJanie

Sigh, i never get hit on. Even now.
Surely i'm not the only one?

Nope, I never do either. Heavy or not, it's never been a problem for me.

glovepuppet

Thank you for your comment, you are totally right. But for the record, I am educated, smart, and every one says I have confidence. But guys don't seem to care, mostly they want sex and get hung up about my boobs.

how often do you find that the guy, after initially thinking you're perfect, is sort of disappointed to find that you have a strong personality and you may well be smarter than him? like your boobs were false advertising or something.