Just need to talk

Danielj85

Hi everyone, first of all been looking around an what a great job all of you are doing, little about my self, I'm 27 currently weigh about 18 stone, I'm 6ft. And basically miserable. I'm married and it's affecting my life being this weight, I love food, my weight gain started when I lost my job a year ago, I used to be an electrician kept active and fit everyday, I was toned all over and felt really good about my self, but since losing my job I became a full time dad while wife picked up more hours. I just started eating an eating, my muscle seems to be shrinking, I feel awful everyday. It's affecting my sex life, wife says she don't mind but I know she's just being nice, I try and talk to her but she says dont worry I love you the way you are. But I don't even get undressed in front of her anymore. Iv gained stretch marks all over. Bad purple ones. I just can't stop eating thou. What I really want is to lose weight and rebuild my muscles back up, but I start, then give up a day later. If I get another job it might all change but that's another story.

Thanks for listening
Dan

H1L5

Brave post Daniel. There is a lot of support and encouragement around on MFP. Make some good friends on here and get started.
Good luck

ILOVEFWANKWIN

I went through this, and still somewhat am. First time around, I lost my job back in 2008. At that point I gained a lot of weight. Topping out at 275lbs. That was the biggest I had ever been. I was in denial. I avoided scales, and I avoided my husband. It had gotten to the point where I would get winded just walking to the car. I went to the Dr and she told me I was borderline diabetic. Since I am a smoker, and heart disease runs in my family, that I was destined to have a heart attack at an early age.

It scared me. I lost about 40lbs, started feeling good, got back into the working scene, and then had just one treat, and then another, and then before you know it, I was back at eating fast food every meal. I cried a lot, and I do mean a lot. I was so unhappy. At the end of 2012 I crept back up to 256lbs. I looked in the mirror, and I said, this is enough.

You really have to come to that point where you've really just had enough. You have to make up your own mind to change. As much as I wanted my husband to help me change, and Dr's, and family .... None of them can change your mind or your will power. I have now lost 60lbs. Each day I have to have a conversation with myself about why I am doing this. Slowly the conversations change, you make better decisions, you find ways to curb those cravings. You find things to do. The best part. You did it on your own. The support that you get from others is just the icing.

PeauxPeaux

Dan, good luck on the job hunt...I just wanted to say, as a lady person, women aren't as visual as guys are. My husband isn't the skinny kid I married twenty years ago, but he is so perfect looking to me. I super love him. I love his voice his smell his presence his smartness his conversation his humor his sweetness....I love just being around him.

If your wife says she loves you as you are, no matter what, accept that and don't distance yourself from her. Being distant can mess up a marriage a lot faster than some extra weight! It will make things worse and make you more depressed. Extra weight doesn't lower your value as a human being or remove al the things that make you YOU that she fell in love with.

I wish you all the best as you try to get healthy....

edited to fix typos, GAH stoooopit laptop keyboard!

TigressPat

I have to agree to an extent.

I would think your wife would be more put off by your hiding/avoiding sexual contact more than she would be about your extra weight.

cherylatkwechanged

What a brave statement Daniel, we are all here to help each other stay strong and have a fab journey xx

bblumenstock

Dan - we have all been there - that's why alot of us are HERE !! I've only been on MFP for a little over a week - and it does help - I make my food diary public and I keep it real - if I've eaten to much - it shows - the support and the accountability is great here - get some support from friends - ask for friends on this site - you can always send me a friend request if you want - link with other males that are going through this also - you can do this !! Good Luck

mikegl1

Free weights and a mat at the house? If so pick them up and do some sit-ups / push-ups. Take a walk with the kids. Any activity during the day and soon you might get that "spark" that makes you want to keep going. I know when I go to the gym I get some motivation and a sense of well-being - just might help you too.

mountaingirl2207

I went through something similar and I know how hard it can be to get yourself out of the funk. However, you have tons of time on your hands now! Turn your 'job' into getting right with yourself about your health. Start out small by saying you are going to do one thing each day for health. Then two, then three. Before you know it, your whole day/life will be about a healthy lifestyle and you will love it. Don't focus on the fact that you have a lot to lose, focus on the first step.

willosm6755

dan come on mate just stick with it and it will get better.you can do this.have a read of all the people that have lost pounds on here so can you. and dan keep your glass half full mate .all the best steve

cherylatkwechanged

Free weights and a mat at the house? If so pick them up and do some sit-ups / push-ups. Take a walk with the kids. Any activity during the day and soon you might get that "spark" that makes you want to keep going. I know when I go to the gym I get some motivation and a sense of well-being - just might help you too.

So totally agree with this

rosemaryk4

Dan, you know what you have to do.....get back to work, once you do that everything else will fall into place and you will have your life back.

Danielj85

Thank you for all your posts, and I have taken in everything people have said, and basically wanted to say thank you, it sounds horrible but it feels better knowing people have gone or are going through the same thing, I wish you all the best in your goals. Thank you for the weight and mat offer, I have weights here that I just stare at each day, new start Monday and going to really give it ago, I spoke to the wife last night and we really talked and she basically didn't know I was feeling like that, but she is going to support me and help me through. But I never would have thought of talking to her properly unless I posted on here. So thank you. Monday is my day anyway, going to take little one for atleast one long walk aday to the park, and I'm making some dinners up tomorrow to be frozen so all I eat is the portions iv pre made, and other half has taken my cards away in the day lol and replaced them with just 5 pound for emergency money, so I can't buy take away or junk food, as KFC 2 mins away so that's where I ate regularly. So hopefully I am going to do this, I'm turning my life around from Monday and its going to be great, oh an after the talk to my wife last night had some great ... In the night just feel so happy this morning thank you guys x x

margieparkins

good for you, we are here in the same journey as you, not here to judge, A very learning experience for me and I am 58 years young!!! little steps to start with, good luck

slimline1

Your post is a good incentive to folks who need to lose weight. It isn't just about vanity, healthy organs are a main part of longevity. Two of my brothers had heart trouble one has had triple heart bypass, my sister is borderline diabetic, she was born with a leaking heart, my mum was on was on blood thinning drugs and died after having several strokes. So now I am overweight, very high cholesterol, had gall bladder removed due to eating too much fat and in my sixties it needed a wake up call to make me do something about it, so now on the amazing 5:2 diet and nearly lost a stone. I don't exercise that much (dodgy leg) but like to walk round local country park weather permitting. So good luck to everyone, just being on this site proves you all want to change your way of life and that's half way to correcting it. Happy dieting MFP buddies.

Noor13

I think it is great, that you are willing to start doing it better. Just one small tip.....why wait until Monday? Start today. you have nothing to lose!
Best of luck on your journey!

Danielj85

I am starting today, just getting everything sorted for Monday, been done a small shop for my self, just some soups, and chicken and potatoes, changed to brown bread, and brought some flora butter, brought some green tea to replace my coffee, wife has hidden all my favourite crisps, would eat 10 bags aday so I'm going for it. Can't live like this anymore. Wife (Jess) is going to start eating healthy as well with me, stay off the takeaways even thou she don't need to, Jess is one of those that could eat a horse and still stay lovely. But glad I spoke to her... If anyone is reading this then do speak to your other half because avoiding it like me is a bad idea, makes you more depressed. Wish me luck and will keep you updated, and I wish all of you best of luck too x

Amy11108

Dan you have got to come out of this slump! Set a goal, and go for it. Then set another one. Find something to look forward to, something that motivates you.

BOOMaggedon

Dan - you are in the right place! MFP has been a "hospital" of sorts for me to help me fix what is broken in my health life. I started a lot like you. Gained a bunch of weight, no libido, no desire to really "live" life. I can tell you if you hold onto those feelings and keep them in mind every step of the journey - those provide so much fuel for you that by the time you are where you want to be...you will have a bonfire.

If you need a friend who is supportive please feel free to add me.

Best of luck and God bless on your journey. You will do great!

sarafil

Just wanted to say good luck....you can do this! Make a small goal to start with (this week I am going to exercise 3x, etc, something like that). One step at a time so you don't get overwhelmed and give up. Once you get your body moving again you are going to start realizing how good it feels and how much it improves your mood.

TurtleRunnerNC

You've got EVERYTHING going for you Dan! !!! The desire & will to change, a loving supportive wife & MFP! !!!!

JJordon

You've got to own yourself. The eating isn't going to make your problems go away, its just going to make them worse. Fix your diet, determine your intake, get your macros straight, then, THEN you start working out, once your eating is now in check.

Dragon67

Just a short note to wish you well on journey, I am sure you will do well

jsiricos

very brave to post here - kudos

Why wait till Monday? its the weekend, your wifes with you, start now, shes sounds wonderfully supportive.

But - (theres always a but..) YOU have to want this, YOU have to want to change, because if you dont, anything she helps you with is going to feel like a veiled criticism.

taunto

Hey brother, welcome here. Great post. Feel free to add me if you like. We can work together to get better

Come join us. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Start small. Simply log everything. One advice I can give, is to NOT stop logging what you eat. No matter how bad. Even if you go to buffet and dunno how much you ate, just log an estimated number (I usually just put in 3000 calories and overestimate). Once you have that habit, its all easy and soon you will be like freakin Chaning Tatum

Cr01502

Strong post Dan.

Feel free to shoot me a request as well.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

You're here, and that's a great first step. My best advice is to make small, gradual changes that you can stick to forever. Don't try to do a complete 180. Just start walking. Eat a little less. Log accurately. Don't give up the foods that are really important to you, just commit to only one serving. You can do this. :flowerforyou:

toomuchbootyindapants

Just a thought - are you perhaps depressed? Sounds so familiar to me when some crappy things happened in my life and I fell into a depression. I gained a ton of weight and it was a vicious cycle to get out of because I kept feeding my emotions. Just something to consider seeing your doctor about because if you do have depression, it can be helped and that might be just enough motivation for you to start making good, healthy choices again. Then watch the weight just melt off.

Allie_71

You're taking the right steps Dan. And there are very helpful and kind people here who have had much success and have good advice to offer. Let them in and they will be happy to help.

_crafty_

I think a lot of us have been where you are. I was at the point that I wouldn't even change with my daughter in the room. It takes small steps. Set small goals so you don't give up. Just tell yourself you are going to exercise 3 times this week, no matter how little it is, even taking a walk. It doesn't sound like much but it'll be an accomplishment you can be proud of. Then set a goal next week to make your calorie goal at least X number of days. If you're struggling so much just getting started and staying on track you have to start small and build up to being active and eating right every (most) days.

Most important is to keep communication open with your wife. Make sure she knows how you feel. She sounds like she is trying to be supportive. Don't shut her out.

:flowerforyou:

ETA: Listen to dizzle. She's so right. You very well may have more working against you than you realize.

mockchoc

What a previous poster said is true your wife will still love you however you are. Don't distance yourself from her. Feel free to add me too if you want support. It's so great you joined MFP. It works. You'll be a new man before you know it. Just read read read and learn as much as you can. I married an electrician too that is now twice as big but other than the fact I want him to live as long as possible I really don't care at all he's not slim.