Would you pay your ex’s mortgage?
My friend is still on the loan of the house his ex got as part of their divorce settlement. She is constantly behind (usually 1-2 months) on the mortgage and recently got so far behind that the bank was threatening foreclosure. She came up with some money to stay off foreclosure, but remains behind. He’s tired of getting letters from the bank so he wants to pay it up and give her a stern talking to about staying current from now on. Edit: she cannot qualify to refi the house and take his name off the loan.
I told him my experience has been (from teaching Larry Burkett and Dave Ramsey courses at my church) that if he does this she will simply keep getting behind on the mortgage, knowing he will step in and pay it. So I recommended he does not do this.
He is worried about his credit. I told him his credit is already shot because she’s been 1-2 months behind for almost a year now.
I’m curious what you perfect strangers on the internet think… have you ever been in this situation? How did it work out?
EDIT TO ADD: Seems to me most of you responding have not been divorced in the aftermath of the real estate market crashing. The court can order you to pay for the loan. The court cannot, however, order the bank to put the loan entirely in her name. She cannot qualify to refi the house and take his name off the loan.
I told him my experience has been (from teaching Larry Burkett and Dave Ramsey courses at my church) that if he does this she will simply keep getting behind on the mortgage, knowing he will step in and pay it. So I recommended he does not do this.
He is worried about his credit. I told him his credit is already shot because she’s been 1-2 months behind for almost a year now.
I’m curious what you perfect strangers on the internet think… have you ever been in this situation? How did it work out?
EDIT TO ADD: Seems to me most of you responding have not been divorced in the aftermath of the real estate market crashing. The court can order you to pay for the loan. The court cannot, however, order the bank to put the loan entirely in her name. She cannot qualify to refi the house and take his name off the loan.
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Replies
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Being constantly 1-2 months down is a helluva lot better than having a foreclosure on your bureau. He needs to get the house out of his name.0
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Depends on the relationship.
My exhusband and I are still very close. He bails me out quite often when I need it. I also make sure to give him a sizeable chunk of my school loans and tax returns when I get them. It's a long way to be able to pay him in full - and often I need help even in between that - but we're in good enough standing with each other that it works.
That said, if he is worried about his credit, he shouldn't. The point of giving to another person is that it is not out of obligation, nor if it will harm you. If his credit rating will take a plunge, he needs to say no.0 -
Being constantly 1-2 months down is a helluva lot better than having a foreclosure on your bureau. He needs to get the house out of his name.
^ This!!!0 -
He needs to get the house out of his name.
This^^^0 -
not a chance in hell.0
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Depends on the relationship.
My exhusband and I are still very close. He bails me out quite often when I need it. I also make sure to give him a sizeable chunk of my school loans and tax returns when I get them. It's a long way to be able to pay him in full - and often I need help even in between that - but we're in good enough standing with each other that it works.
That said, if he is worried about his credit, he shouldn't. The point of giving to another person is that it is not out of obligation, nor if it will harm you. If his credit rating will take a plunge, he needs to say no.
^^This.
It depends on the relationship, and if she is really just a slacker, or is just having a hard time figuring money out now that she is doing it alone. Maybe she just needs a little help until she can get everything figured out.0 -
he needs to do a release of liability. It cost some money upfront but clears his name...0
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when my parents split they sold the house and split the (not evenly, my mom got most of it) the money. If she got the house why is his name still on the loan. Did he sign over his "half" of the house?0
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My first reaction is to question why the heck he's still on the mortgage if she got the house in the divorce settlement. It should have been part of the settlement that he be removed from the mortgage, and if she couldn't handle it on her own, she should have had to sell the house.
However, since he's still on it, he needs to get the heck off of it. Immediately. If after his name is off of it he wants to lend her a hand now and again, that's another story.
This may sound harsh, but people put themselves in some bad situations simply trying to be nice.0 -
If he catches her up it needs to be conditional that she sell the house, he gets his money back and she can move into something smaller.0
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If she won it in the divorce, he needs to spend that money he would give to her to help her out of the hole to get a lawyer to rectify his name on that loan and potentially correct his poor credit due to this situation.
The only time I would say it would be a good idea, if his kids are living under that roof. And even then I would encourage him to sit down with his ex and work out a plan to sell the house and move into something within her current means.0 -
I agree that he needs to get the house out of his name, however the only way this can truly be accomplished is to either sell the home or for her to refinance in her own name. He can sign a Quit Claim Deed to give her his half, but unless she obtains a new loan in her own name he will still be held responsible for the mortgage. ...and if she's consistently behind it's unlikely a bank will approve her for a refinance.0
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This has happened to me. When I got divorced he got the house, his parents moved in to rent it. I stopped paying attention to the house and got my own house. About a year later I got a letter saying the house is going to be auctioned on X date. I called the mortgage company and the ex stopped paying after a month of being divorced! I tried to save the house so it wouldn't go on my credit but it was too late, there was $10,000 owed and I didn't have that type of money. The house foreclosed on and now my credit is horrible!!! I do have the divorce decree which can help to show I wasn't responsible for the house but that just depends on who's looking at it.
If I were him I would (or have her) go get a quick claim to get it out of his name completely. Then he doesn't have to worry about it.0 -
He needs to get the house out of his name.
This^^^
Unfortunately, he can't. She can't qualify to refi the loan.
I'm in the same boat, so I know he's not just making excuses. I have a house that's 150K upside down. I'm supposed to take my ex off the loan but can't sell it or refi. I make excellent money (both through my day job and side businesses), 810 credit, and even *I* can't qualify to refi due to other upside down properties I'm still on.0 -
I don't know if there's much that can be done.
I didn't want the house when I got divorced, and I knew my ex was probably going to end up in foreclosure (I would have too). I tried to get off the mortgage, be held 'blameless' (I think the terminology was), but both of our attorneys said there was no way. One thing is for sure--there was NO WAY I was going to pay for him to live there. NONE.
So, yeah, I have a foreclosure on my account. But at this point, so do a million other people, and unless your credit is sterling, you're not getting any benefits anyway. I think you're right that the ex will just take advantage; your friend is trying to save a sinking ship with a bucket.
Sucks. Divorce sucks. Economy sucks. Accept it and move on.0 -
when my parents split they sold the house and split the (not evenly, my mom got most of it) the money. If she got the house why is his name still on the loan. Did he sign over his "half" of the house?
Seems to me most of you responding have not been divorced in the aftermath of the real estate market crashing. The court can order you to pay for the loan. The court cannot, however, order the bank to put the loan entirely in your name.0 -
The bank doesn't care who pays the mortgage or what a divorce decree states (it's a separate agreement that really has nothing to do with them). Her being late affects HIS credit. He's on the hook regardless of who is living in the house.
When they got divorced, they should have had him removed from the mortgage by her buying him out. If she wasn't able to buy him out, the house should have been sold and the funds distributed evenly. As long as they are tied by the house, they aren't TRULY divorced (legally, yes; financially, no).
If she can't afford the house on her own, then it needs to be disposed of before it pulls them both under.0 -
So many variables here. Are there children involved? Is this the last remaining tie they have to each other? Depending on how much it is...I might suggest paying it off and being done with it all. But...if there are other financial things where they are still tied or if there are children involved...I would say no. Obviously his children need a place to live and I'm not trying to argue that. What I am saying is that...if this is the last tie to the ex-wife and after he pays it he has no reason to be in contact or to remain someone she can call on for any reason, then go for it.0
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this is scares me. I am still on the mortgage of my ex's house. He can't afford to refinance now.
I fear the day...
That said it;s my credit so I'd find a way and he'd have to pay me back later, or I'd be moving in and he'd be moving out.0 -
If she won it in the divorce, he needs to spend that money he would give to her to help her out of the hole to get a lawyer to rectify his name on that loan and potentially correct his poor credit due to this situation.
The only time I would say it would be a good idea, if his kids are living under that roof. And even then I would encourage him to sit down with his ex and work out a plan to sell the house and move into something within her current means.
^^AGREE.0 -
Please advise him to contact a lawyer and get a quitclaim deed asap. Like... yesterday.
If she forecloses on it, this is his only saving grace. How the lawyers did not do this when they divorced is baffling.0 -
when my parents split they sold the house and split the (not evenly, my mom got most of it) the money. If she got the house why is his name still on the loan. Did he sign over his "half" of the house?
Seems to me most of you responding have not been divorced in the aftermath of the real estate market crashing. The court can order you to pay for the loan. The court cannot, however, order the bank to put the loan entirely in your name.
that's true. my parents had paid off the loan on the house so when it was sold there was no bank to pay off. It's a completely different setting when there is no bank involved.0 -
Yup. My own lawyer has pretty much said nothing I can do at this point.when my parents split they sold the house and split the (not evenly, my mom got most of it) the money. If she got the house why is his name still on the loan. Did he sign over his "half" of the house?
Seems to me most of you responding have not been divorced in the aftermath of the real estate market crashing. The court can order you to pay for the loan. The court cannot, however, order the bank to put the loan entirely in your name.0 -
His paying it does NOT protect him from this continuing to happen again six months down the road... or even two.
It's putting a bandaid on a gushing femoral artery.0 -
Is there an option to rent it out?
If she cant make the payments, she cant afford it. As you said, you cant sell it due to being upside down, so... keep it in both their names and rent it out. Use the rental money to pay for the mortgage until its got some equity to sell and financially break ties with one another.
My 2c.0 -
Yup. My own lawyer has pretty much said nothing I can do at this point.when my parents split they sold the house and split the (not evenly, my mom got most of it) the money. If she got the house why is his name still on the loan. Did he sign over his "half" of the house?
Seems to me most of you responding have not been divorced in the aftermath of the real estate market crashing. The court can order you to pay for the loan. The court cannot, however, order the bank to put the loan entirely in your name.
Did you discuss a quitclaim deed, Gonzo?0 -
He's pretty much screwed. She probably knows that he cares more about his credit she does about hers. Short of selling the house there is little he can do and my guess is that she will refuse.0
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As someone who had an ex-spouse put a house into foreclosure on purpose and had their credit ruined, they need to get off the loan and off the deed of the property. This will mean that the other spouse/partner will have to refinance, but it's the only way to ensure that your own credit isn't irreparably damaged.
In my case, which is an exception, my name was on the loan but not on the deed of the property (a fault of the lawyer) which meant that I owned the debt, but not the property, so even if I paid the mortgage, I still had not claim to the property. The absolute WORST situation to be in.0 -
I will have to look into that.... It does not sound like something we have discussed..
Yup. My own lawyer has pretty much said nothing I can do at this point.when my parents split they sold the house and split the (not evenly, my mom got most of it) the money. If she got the house why is his name still on the loan. Did he sign over his "half" of the house?
Seems to me most of you responding have not been divorced in the aftermath of the real estate market crashing. The court can order you to pay for the loan. The court cannot, however, order the bank to put the loan entirely in your name.
Did you discuss a quitclaim deed, Gonzo?0 -
Be very careful with a quit claim. It has some ramifications that you need to know before doing it. I can't recall exactly what they are, so I'm not even going to guess. Additionally, each state may have different laws.0
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