Would you pay your ex’s mortgage?

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Replies

  • Dr_Flo
    Dr_Flo Posts: 465
    This is complicated because there are several factors that could change the way someone approaches this.
    - If they have kids kids together a father would naturally want his kids to be taken care of and therefore struggles to keep the house
    - If they do not, than it is a little easier to make this decision.

    --- My opinion is simple and can solve the issue of further damage coming to his credit as well as her consistant lack of respect by allowing the house to become in default.

    What I would do is sell the house. Talk with her and let her know that the financial obligation is too great for her and you're not willing to continue to take the credit hit for her lack of personal responsibilty.
    Agree upon a date that you would like to put the house up and be willing to take a loss in the current market if needed.

    These matters unfortunately need to be handled with the head and not the heart. Credit damage is a long lasting process that takes years to recover from. The amount of negative effects will already be felt by both parties. To prolong the inevidable by feeding the beast a couple of payments is ludicris.

    SELL THE HOUSE!

    - Get out before the damage becomes so great that you wont be able to recover for a VERY long time.


    This is just my opinion of course.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    He needs to sit her down and let her know calmly yet firmly that the house will be put on the market and sold. If it's still in his name, he is within his rights to do this.

    But when two people are on the deed and one party doesn't want to move, can the 2nd person force sale of the house?

    I'm licensed to sell real estate in another state and back there I cannot list a house without signatures of all parties on the deed. I don't know what the rules are here.
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    I used to work in real estate (re-fi with a title insurance company). When he got divorced, in his divorce decree didn't it talk about the mortgage? Most times it will state that within a certain amount of time a new deed will need to be done. I would have him check his divorce docs.

    ^^^ This....

    As well as the the other comment about renting it out. If she cannot afford to live there, she needs to move out. They need to rent they property out until they can fix the deed. Then she can do what she likes.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I used to work in real estate (re-fi with a title insurance company). When he got divorced, in his divorce decree didn't it talk about the mortgage? Most times it will state that within a certain amount of time a new deed will need to be done. I would have him check his divorce docs.

    This issue is that refinancing requires money and good credit and an appraisal. He can be removed from the deed without being removed from the loan, and if she doesn't qualify to refinance or the property won't appraise for the current balance of the loan then she can't refinance, she just can't no matter what the divorce decree states regarding the loan.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    He needs to sit her down and let her know calmly yet firmly that the house will be put on the market and sold. If it's still in his name, he is within his rights to do this.

    But when two people are on the deed and one party doesn't want to move, can the 2nd person force sale of the house?

    I'm licensed to sell real estate in another state and back there I cannot list a house without signatures of all parties on the deed. I don't know what the rules are here.

    In NC the answer is no. I purchased my house and obtained my current loan before I was married, my husband isn't on any of the legal documents of the house, because I owned the house while we were married his signature is mandatory for the sale of the house (we're in the process of purchasing a new one now and selling the current one). I could not sell our current home without his permission, and vice versa.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    He needs to consult a lawyer...
  • BigBrewski
    BigBrewski Posts: 922 Member
    In order to avoid this when i got divorced "we" short sold the house so neither one of us would be stuck with it.
  • richardheath
    richardheath Posts: 1,276 Member
    I'm in a similar, although different circumstance...

    I still co-own my house with my ex. Our kids stay in that house and we move in and out on a schedule (birds nesting). So I am paying for an apartment for the time I'm not with the kids.

    And yes - I hate it. I tell my ex that the divorce is final now, but when are we going to be separated? I don't like being financially tied to her like this, and can barely afford my share of the mortgage plus rent on another place. Unfortunately, while we had discussed the birds nesting as a temporary solution during mediation, it got written into the divorce as the way things are going to be, with no end date. [Yes - I should have got a lawyer. Try to do it cheaply, and you keep paying for it!] She now wants to keep birds nesting for as long as possible (another 10 years till our youngest leaves the nest!) and doesn't want to sell the house. She can't afford the mortgage on her own, and doesn't want to downsize to what she could afford on her own.

    So yeah - it sucks. Quit claim deeds won't help, as I'd still be on the loan, plus we'd have to change the divorce docs (which needs her approval, or a trip to the friendly judge).

    As for the OP's friends - it really depends on how the documents were written. If it says that she take financial responsibility for the house, then he could loan her the money until she decides (or is forced) to sell. He should keep records of everything! If there is no mention of finaces for the house, then he might (legally) be stuck for paying for it. He'd have to go back to court to force her to sell. If they are underwater on it, then he might have to be prepared to take a loss...

    Yup. Divorce sucks. The only thing worse is being married...
  • Christizzzle
    Christizzzle Posts: 454 Member
    No kids = no way!

    Make her move out and rent it.
  • kosman8807
    kosman8807 Posts: 29 Member
    Have you looked into the making home affordable refinance program that a lot of banks are offering, it helps lower the mortgage amount and maybe then she can afford the payment.
  • fitbum19
    fitbum19 Posts: 198 Member
    Personally, I would let it fall into foreclosure. It only stays on your credit for a little while...the longer he waits to do this, the worse for him. He needs to just let her lose the house on her own....unless of course, they have children.
  • fitbum19
    fitbum19 Posts: 198 Member
    I'm in a similar, although different circumstance...

    I still co-own my house with my ex. Our kids stay in that house and we move in and out on a schedule (birds nesting). So I am paying for an apartment for the time I'm not with the kids.

    And yes - I hate it. I tell my ex that the divorce is final now, but when are we going to be separated? I don't like being financially tied to her like this, and can barely afford my share of the mortgage plus rent on another place. Unfortunately, while we had discussed the birds nesting as a temporary solution during mediation, it got written into the divorce as the way things are going to be, with no end date. [Yes - I should have got a lawyer. Try to do it cheaply, and you keep paying for it!] She now wants to keep birds nesting for as long as possible (another 10 years till our youngest leaves the nest!) and doesn't want to sell the house. She can't afford the mortgage on her own, and doesn't want to downsize to what she could afford on her own.

    So yeah - it sucks. Quit claim deeds won't help, as I'd still be on the loan, plus we'd have to change the divorce docs (which needs her approval, or a trip to the friendly judge).

    As for the OP's friends - it really depends on how the documents were written. If it says that she take financial responsibility for the house, then he could loan her the money until she decides (or is forced) to sell. He should keep records of everything! If there is no mention of finaces for the house, then he might (legally) be stuck for paying for it. He'd have to go back to court to force her to sell. If they are underwater on it, then he might have to be prepared to take a loss...

    Yup. Divorce sucks. The only thing worse is being married...

    Richard,

    You have a really tough situation! Take your ex back to court to end it! Get a lawyer however you have to and do it. Explain that it's killing you financially....and that you got a lawyer because you needed to prevent getting screwed again any way you could prevent it.
  • wswilliams67
    wswilliams67 Posts: 938 Member
    Needs to go back to the judge and get a court order so he can get off the loan...
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    In order to avoid this when i got divorced "we" short sold the house so neither one of us would be stuck with it.

    Smart! I wish I'd done that. I got the house and eventually sold it because I couldn't afford the payment by myself.

    To the OP:

    Had the situation been reversed, no, I would not pay my ex's mortgage. Prior to our divorce, he ran up debts without telling me (some in my name) and pretty much ruined my credit for years afterwards.

    Now, there was at least one ex-boyfriend and maybe two, who I would have done that for (once anyway), even though we didn't own anything together, but neither ever had that sort of problem.
  • MG_Fit
    MG_Fit Posts: 1,143 Member
    Some *kitten* did that to my cousin. Basically they purchased a house together, and in the settlement he got the house. She was fine with that, however the dude stopped paying the mortgage and the house went into foreclosure. She petitioned the bank regarding the divorce, but they basically told her that she was still on the hook for it. Her credit was pretty much shot and was still dealing with the crap until the bank sold the house.

    I would say it's his call since he's still on the hook for it legally (personally I think it's a bogus legal loophole). Personally, since I really have no need for credit at this point in my life...I'd let her do whatever she wanted and if the house gets foreclosed on, oh well. AFTER talking to her of course about the implications.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
    he needs to do a release of liability. It cost some money upfront but clears his name...

    Sounds like a plan.
  • RunWinterGarden
    RunWinterGarden Posts: 428 Member
    When I got my divorce, after the real estate market crashed, the court wrote the divorce in such a way that I had no legal responsibility for the remaining mortgage.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    Had the situation been reversed, no, I would not pay my ex's mortgage. Prior to our divorce, he ran up debts without telling me (some in my name) and pretty much ruined my credit for years afterwards.

    This is the boat I was in. My ex (while married) ran up a lot of debt in my name, behind my back (and even after promising he wouldn't spend anymore, he maxed out my cards and tried to take out new credit by forging my signature.

    He told me to my face he would continue to do that kind of stuff because he knew I, wanting to keep my military clearance, would do anything it took to keep paying the bills. At the time, I was working 3 jobs and still couldn’t afford it. So I gave him an ultimatum that resulted in our divorce.

    Once we were divorced, and he still couldn’t pay his court-ordered portion of the bills, it took everything in me NOT to pay the bills even as foreclosure notices came (I got the bulk of our properties, but he ended up with 1). He saw that I wasn’t gonna bail him out and he’s paid on time (or no more than 1 month late) ever since. Eventually I learned that during this time when he wasn’t paying bills or child support on time it turned out he WAS paying for his (15-years younger) girlfriend’s phone, new TV, medical bills, and even an apartment.

    So I reacted quite violently when he was telling me this. I firmly believe if he pays she will NEVER bother getting her act together.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
    If you want to prevent the home putting a foreclosure on your credit pay up the mortgage, keep the receipts, file a contempt of court for her not refinancing and come to an agreement in court to sell the home - so she can get into a place that is more affordable and you don't have to pay for it all in the end.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    Wow... you all have given me (and him) a lot to think about. I also posted on Clark Howard and Dave Ramsey's forum, and the responses are similar, though more people in those forums thought he should pay it anyway since his name is technically on the loan.

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