How do you put up with jealous/rude comments

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JonnyR214
JonnyR214 Posts: 228 Member
in Motivation and Support
A couple months back, I had reached my goal weight and got rude comments from family members about my weight. Either I was too skinny, or looked sick, or looked skeletal, or looked like I was dying. It hurt me and all I did was binge back every single pound that took me a year to lose. I feel so ashamed of this but I'm restarting again, no excuses and no more eating because i'm deppressed. But I know these comments from coworkers, " friends " and family members will keep coming back. I know I can ignore it, but it really gets to me because these comments are from people who I care about. What can I do? I'm sorry if i'm venting I just didnt know where else to turn, i'm just so sick of it.
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Replies

  • whiteoutpen
    whiteoutpen Posts: 212 Member
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    They're probably overweight themselves, and therefore jealous of what you're able to accomplish. When I started working out, and had lost a few pounds, want to know what someone said to me? "You look good.. but too muscular." Are you joking? I had lost maybe 5-10 pounds, and I was still over 200 pounds. Wtf.

    Just let their comments roll off your back. Find supportive friends. Talk to people on MFP. Just know that you're going to live a longer, healthier life, and they'll wish they had the strength you do.
  • djames92
    djames92 Posts: 990 Member
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    They're probably overweight themselves, and therefore jealous of what you're able to accomplish.

    i love when someone who is just starting and is still quite overweight tries to tell me im doing it wrong makes me lol everytime
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    It really helps to not care, but the most common personality type is the "we" type. They want to be like everybody else, and they want everybody else to be like them. That's why people make remarks when you do something different from what they are doing, and that is why you care.

    But really - what you are doing doesn't affect them in the least. You aren't hurting them. Don't let them hurt you.

    Besides, you're here. You have a new group to be "we" with.
  • iiiEllie
    iiiEllie Posts: 224 Member
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    Haha. My mother is like that. She's big herself, and when I lose weight she tells me it doesn't look like it, or she'll make a comment about how I need to go for more walks, when I'm working out 4-5X a week at home.

    Just screw them. Let them be miserable with their life, and you RULE yours. :)
  • runlikeananna
    runlikeananna Posts: 42 Member
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    I am fifty and in my adult life have weighed everything from 48-92 kilos. I have never been everyone's perfect weight. I don't care now. It's about them not me.

    I do tend to answer "You are going to end up skin and bone!" with "No muscle and bone!" which usually makes then shut up fast.
  • ApexLeader
    ApexLeader Posts: 580 Member
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    what i did was i picked them off one at a time and then drove them out in suitcases packed in my trunk and buried them with an inch of lye over their bodies so that they decompose faster
  • KittyViolet
    KittyViolet Posts: 220 Member
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    As another MFP member put it so poignantly not too long ago, I'd snap back with "if I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you." :laugh:

    But then again, I have a warning label that clearly states I can go from tranquil to raging, hormonal b*tch in 3.5 seconds when provoked, so maybe don't mind me. :blushing:

    In all seriousness, I do sympathize with your situation. I think everyone on here has at least ONE story like this to share. It's a shame that negativity is so popular...
  • neacail
    neacail Posts: 228 Member
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    They feel better about themselves, and more able to live in their delusional worlds about the state of their own bodies, if they convince themselves (and you) that you're the unhealthy one.

    I've decided that next time someone tells me I'm too thin, I'm going to tell her/him that s/he is too fat (as they most assuredly will be).
  • sechadyl
    sechadyl Posts: 28 Member
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    You can do it but you have to ignore those comments, I also have had remarks made to me and Im not even at my goal weight yet.
    Next time someone makes a comment, just smile and say thank you.
  • amandacook06
    amandacook06 Posts: 4
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    I would confront them. If they are your true friends and family that really cares, they hopefully will be honest.

    Maybe something like, "Do you remember when I lost x# of lbs last year? Well, if you have not noticed, I've gained it back. I'm not happy and I've done some soul searching. I truly think the reason I became depressed and gained the weight back is because of the lack of support that was shown to me. You said some hurtful things that have stayed with me..."

    Try honesty. Good luck!
  • daydream_believer
    daydream_believer Posts: 332
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    i understand completely! and agree with the above posts that it is more often then not, just jealousy of your new physic/your motivation in making a new healthier you.
    personally i have learnt not to take it to heart because i know deep down that i not only look better, but feel healthier and have more energy than ever before. you should ask yourself whether you feel healthier and more confident with the 'slimmed down' you, or whether you felt better after you had a massive binge.
    we are all here to support you because many of us have shared these same experiences.
    you can do this.. if not for them do it for YOU. :)
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,121 Member
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    Welllll. You say you weigh 130 and you suffered from an eating disorder. Maybe they are genuinely worried, I don't know.

    Start lifting heavy weights, it will give you healthy muscle and force you to eat enough to do it. You'll look and feel great.
  • dontgobacktosleep
    dontgobacktosleep Posts: 144 Member
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    To paraphrase a genius of our time, Katt Williams.... if you have zero haters you better get to 40 before the summer gets here...


    Heaters gone hate.... sorry to be oversimplistic but that kind of behaviour is a reflection of their character, not yours!
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
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    I just smile and take it with a pinch of salt. I know where I want to be and a passing comment isn't going to change my mind.

    Determination and motivation will get you where you want to be. Don't let people tale that away from you.

    Good luck x
  • MsDover
    MsDover Posts: 395 Member
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    When someone tells me STOP you've lost enough weight you're too thin (which I'm NOT) it's usually someone quite overweight themselves saying it. I just chuckle and consider the source. My only suggestion is, go see a doctor, have him/her check you out and tell you if this is a good weight for you, and when he/she says yes, tell those naysayers that your doctor disagrees with them. I looked at your photos... looks like you're in great shape! Six pack goin' on and looking very healthy.
  • sinclare
    sinclare Posts: 369 Member
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    kill them with kindness.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    How tall are you? In your profile you say your former weight/goal weight is 133 and you have an ED...maybe that's not a healthy weight and people are genuinely worried about you.
  • Isakizza
    Isakizza Posts: 754 Member
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    A couple months back, I had reached my goal weight and got rude comments from family members about my weight. Either I was too skinny, or looked sick, or looked skeletal, or looked like I was dying. It hurt me and all I did was binge back every single pound that took me a year to lose. I feel so ashamed of this but I'm restarting again, no excuses and no more eating because i'm deppressed. But I know these comments from coworkers, " friends " and family members will keep coming back. I know I can ignore it, but it really gets to me because these comments are from people who I care about. What can I do? I'm sorry if i'm venting I just didnt know where else to turn, i'm just so sick of it.

    This exact thing happened with my husband over the holidays. My husband went from 250+ lbs to a lean & muscular 160 in about two years. When we went back for Christmas all comments were of "concern" for my husbands health. "Is he sick? He's too skinny, He's looking older, You need to stop him from losing any more weight"

    It was said so many times by family during our visit that even I started to wonder if maybe he did go a bit to far. Then I realized something. No one in our family is into fitness at all. No one works out, no one eats healthy. And although our family may not all be obese people, they don't understand how it is to look and be a fit/athletic person.
    My husband eats a lot, a lot of fresh whole foods (grains/veggies/seafood). I know for a fact he's not starving or sick. I believe people just get use to seeing you a certain way that when you make a major change to your appearance, they freak out.

    I know those comments towards my husband were not meant to be mean, they didn't come from a place of jealousy or hate. It's from ignorance. And it still hurts. For someone who has never worked so hard to change something so major, like their body, they can't possibly understand how much work and dedication goes into it.

    He looks great, nice and slender in his clothes. And without them on.... OMG! I promise, a sick dying starving person DOES NOT have a muscular body like his!!!!

    Do it for you! Hang in there!!!
  • SweetestLibby
    SweetestLibby Posts: 607 Member
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    When someone tells me STOP you've lost enough weight you're too thin (which I'm NOT) it's usually someone quite overweight themselves saying it. I just chuckle and consider the source. My only suggestion is, go see a doctor, have him/her check you out and tell you if this is a good weight for you, and when he/she says yes, tell those naysayers that your doctor disagrees with them. I looked at your photos... looks like you're in great shape! Six pack goin' on and looking very healthy.

    Second the see a doctor to make sure you're healthy and on the right track - and if you are:

    "and some how I don't think I should be taking healthy eating and weight loss advice from you. My doctor isn't complaining..."

    "You know it's never the fit and healthy people that tell me I've gotten too skinny. It's always those that could lose 20, 30, or 50 pounds that say that."

    If you don't want to be as rude as that "I'll stop when I'm happy with what I've done. You don't get to decide when I'm happy."

    I've said all of these to various "friends," family members over the last few years. Stay determined and motivated and what they say will matter less and less. Eventually they'll stop altogether. I used to binge and purge (years of it) but it wasn't until I stopped letting what other people said dictate how I felt about myself that I stopped.
  • Dlibo1013
    Dlibo1013 Posts: 883 Member
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    tell them to F Off

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