My first negative reaction.

splitdog79

So it was kind of weird last night. Since my ex and I split up we have tried to be amicable and yesterday we took our kids to the park and out shopping together.

It was a pleasant enough day with no fighting or anything until she brought up going to a restaurant for dinner. I said that was cool and all but that they'd have to excuse me for not eating since my remaining calorie allotment was pretty low and I'm not a big fan of buffets to begin with.

So she flips out a and goes on this rant about how some people aren't meant to be skinny and that it didn't look good on me anyways and all that jazz.

I just don't understand why someone would say something so unprovoked and cruel as that. I've been nothing but supportive in her efforts to lose weight. As the mother of my kids I've really encouraged her efforts to improve her health for their sake at the very least .

However she may feel about me is, I'm sure, colored by years of a really crappy marriage. What struck me as silly though was the idea of some people not being meant to be thin. I'm sure it was way more natural when I weighed almost 400 pounds.

Anyways, this is the first time anyone had expressed anything less than total support and positivity regarding my weight loss and it kind of just threw me for a loop.

CoachReddy

pretty simple - she's jealous of your success and your self control that sh'es personally lacking.

any time someone gets angry for "no reason" it's generally because they're projecting their own inadequacies and taking it out on someone other than themselves.

pg3ibew

Just one of the many reasons you guys aren'tt ogether any longer. Let it slide.

jonnythan

She is jealous of your success and is trying to tear you down and make you feel bad about it. That simple.

neacail

Yup. She's jealous of your success. Don't let it colour how you feel about your success.

bkelley32148

Sometimes what seems as an attack to us, and I'm sure it was an uncomfortable situation, is that individual expressing his/her frustration with him/herself. it is much easier to launch on someone else than to deal with our feelings of ourself. Keep your head up and keep doing what you are doing.

sylviatx

SHE is probably "not meant to be skinny" LOL. Blow it off. Keep on keeping on. You are doing great.

Itchula

You lost 177lbs??? HOLY CRAP!! Congrats --

cleback

Agreed with the above posters. Your self-control made her feel guilty about eating at the buffet.

dez_yaoichan

pretty simple - she's jealous of your success and your self control that sh'es personally lacking.

any time someone gets angry for "no reason" it's generally because they're projecting their own inadequacies and taking it out on someone other than themselves.

very true. if she's angry, it's at herself. she may have said that "not everyone is meant to be thin" to you, but i'm 75% sure it's how she feels about herself.

the other 25% of me feels that she's kinda finding you hot and doesn't want you to know. and I do think it's true 100% but I don't think it's the total reason for being so angry.

BellaLunaFleur

She is jealous. My friend is sitting here with me and she says tell her where you live and she will flirt with you in front of her.

angbieb

I agree with the previous posters...she's jealous.
I disagree with your ex..by looking at your profile pic, being skinny looks damn good on you! Keep it up!
177=incredible!!!

whitecapwendy

jealously over your efforts and success and probably feeling guilty over choosing a buffet. In the same way that misery loves company, A binge longs for company and support as well.

sac4fd

Don't take it personal. What others say is a projection of their own reality, what they are going through and dealing with. She is angry and disappointed in herself, not you.

jmc0806

I've got to agree with all the jealousy comments and probably her own frustration in trying. You're doing great and just ignore it

TrailRunner61

I'd just consider the source and ignore it. You're doing amazing!

sunsnstatheart

Well done, sir, on your progress! Someone tearing you down for that is someone you should probably just ignore.

Athena53

You're a great example for your kids- both in losing all that weight and in remaining civil at her snarky observation. Keep going.

DavPul

It's your ex. She's your ex for a reason. You have to keep it friendly as possible because of the kids, but never ever let her get to you. Brush that dirt off your shoulder.

glovepuppet

sounds like jealousy/guilt.
she might be kicking herself for being such a cow. for the sake of the kids, i'd let it slide if it's a one off.

Soloflyergirl2

First., Congratulations on your weight loss. Secondly, ( as a former teacher), that was was nice there was an attempt to be together as a family, for the children. Third, this was your "first" negative reaction about your weight loss, from someone you once loved..... so here's the deal. In My Fitness Pal, we have discussed that the people we want the best reactions from are the ones we get the negativity from. There could be a number of reasons: jealousy, frustration with not meeting their own weight goals , and maybe more. But.... turn lemons into lemonade..... turn around and say... looks like you are working on a plan, too. In my plan, I have 200 calories to go, so I'm going to have some fruits or veggies. .... and then drop the subject.... You are in a new chapter of life..... no arguments., no bickering..... Be positive in your response. It freaks people out when you do that instead of pout or insult in retaliation. Diffuse the enemy. If you know you are going to buffets ahead of time... you know what to do... If it was last minute.... just think how strong you have become toward sticking to your goal . Good for you... You will have a longer , healthier life . Your children will appreciate that; and that is what is important.:flowerforyou:

AprilNew1

Let it roll off of your back! I agree with everyone else, jealousy makes you say and do some really hurtful things! Keep up the great work and awesome self control!

splitdog79

Thanks for helping me stay on point with the positivity, everyone. I guess I just wasn't expecting something like that at that moment.

SanteMulberry

Often, divorced women surprised by what they see as their ex-husband's new-found self-possession, will remark bitterly,"Well, why couldn't he have done that while we were married?" I doubt that is the totality of what is going on there, but it may be coloring what she said. She has probably given up on herself and secretly admires what you have done. If MFP has been a significant part of your progress, you might try gently informing her of that and encouraging her to join. It is a great resource for those who are trying to change. For the sake of your children, she does need to change, but she must come to that realization herself. Keep up the good work and know that there are others who think you are doing GREAT!

annepage

pretty simple - she's jealous of your success and your self control that sh'es personally lacking.

any time someone gets angry for "no reason" it's generally because they're projecting their own inadequacies and taking it out on someone other than themselves.

Absolutely agree.

Melanya7

Yup. ^ What they said. She feels guilty for wanting t o pig out at the buffet and is totally jealous. On my wedding day a friend who has jealousy issues said, " nice earrings" no congrats, no good luck, no compliments etc. after drooping 51 pounds of baby weight, I saw her this past weekend. Many people said how good I looked. She saw me and said, "nice earrings!" Really? That's what you noticed?

I have a feeling what your eating or not eating isn't what is really eating her. Like my friend, she probably has difficulty supporting someone who is who is achieving a goal that she herself is not reaching. Keep strong, you're doing an awesome job!

groversa

She is jealous of your success and is trying to tear you down and make you feel bad about it. That simple.

^^ Don't let it bring you down, as long as you are targeting to be healthy and fit then you are totally in the right! Great job with your success so far!!

jonswife0206

I just have to say first that you look amazing and are an inspiration ! I agree with many of the posters, it sounds like a frustrated and jelous comment. Maybe she thought you were being difficult (you weren't !!) because you wouldn't eat with everyone and just said something to hurt your feelings. Unfortunately, she knows you well enough to hit the right spot when needed. However, you were very strong to not give in and make the right decision on dinner. Don't let the comment get to you. You are an awesome, healthy role model for your children and on the path to success !! Rock on !!

tageekly

Absolutely jealousy - and do not let her jealousy tear you down.

You've had amazing progress and improved your health and lifespan immensely. Be proud of that and never let anyone else's issues get in the way of your accomplishment.

nancycaregiver

This rant had nothing to do with you and your weightloss. She was ready to lash out at you and this was the best she could come up with. I would take this as a compliment!! I mean, she couldn't come up with anything better than that?! She could not attack your character, your treatment of her or the children? You must be truly awesome! And she really had to stretch to find something to flip out about!

Tenzuya

Im sure she would be feeling ridiculous about it, just laugh that one off.