My first negative reaction.

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Replies

  • Lizzy9
    Lizzy9 Posts: 67 Member
    I have to agree completely with the below statement AND many years in the legal field working with Father's Rights Law, I see this as total projection behavior. Let's hope the negative is not projected onto the kids. Stay true to yourself, never talk down about yourself or your ex to anyone or your children and you will take part in portraying an awesome example of a Father to your children not only in the present, but in THEIR future marriages.
    pretty simple - she's jealous of your success and your self control that sh'es personally lacking.

    any time someone gets angry for "no reason" it's generally because they're projecting their own inadequacies and taking it out on someone other than themselves.
  • FitnSassy
    FitnSassy Posts: 263 Member
    It sounds to me that she's a bit selfish. She wanted you to do what SHE wanted you to do, regardless of how you felt about it. She didn't care! I would be willing to bet it wasn't the first time. As I always say, "Ex to the next!" Congratulations on staying strong!
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
    You're doing awesome! Stick to it. You could choose hundreds of other restaurants besides wasted calories on a buffet if you choose.
  • rosiereally2
    rosiereally2 Posts: 539 Member
    Reclaim your power, doll. Don't allow her to hurt you ever again.
  • MyProgressISYour1Proof
    MyProgressISYour1Proof Posts: 376 Member
    My family hasn't been supportive either and today, my gmaw made me feel worse....sometimes I'm so confused on what to do..
  • Synapze
    Synapze Posts: 499
    Personally, I think she's disappointed with herself and taking it out on you.

    Jealousy and Selfishness.

    If it was me, id be looking at it like a compliment and be pretty darn happy with myself.
  • sPaRkLiNgLYFE
    sPaRkLiNgLYFE Posts: 609
    Why does she care if you look good skinny or not? you are no longer together.
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
    It happens. My ex got unbelievably pissed at me and started yelling a similar rant when I last saw her at a friend's wedding. I found out later that she was pissed because I had lost 100 lbs by clean living, whereas she has gotten lap band surgery and still didn't lose much weight. She was taking out her frustration on me for having more willpower (this was the same woman who insisted that her parents hide all of their snack food when she came over because she "couldn't stop herself" from eating all of it if she found it). Let it roll of your back and just remember how well you've done.
  • smilingirisheyes
    smilingirisheyes Posts: 149 Member
    The outburst was about her, not you. You're doing great things for yourself, so keep it up!
  • jestersand
    jestersand Posts: 61 Member
    I have found through the years that comments like those are usually spoken from a person that is bitter with their own failures. A girl told me that exact comment to me a few years back, and will admit it hurt me, but it also drove me to keep trying. She is still struggling, and I have moved past it. -There's no way to speak to your ex in a civil matter at this point, but at some point, you should sit down with her in a quite place and express to her how you feel. if she tells you to get over it, then just know you tried and you are dealing with an immature person.

    As far as the whole, not going over your cal limits, I have been dumped my guys when I say stuff like that, so I just keep my mouth shut and I make healthy choices. Even at a buffet, you can do that. So, I really feel for you. :)
  • NancyG55
    NancyG55 Posts: 86
    First of all, congrats to you on your success. Great job! I feel she is probably very insecure with herself, and often people will try to bring down others, to try and get a sense of their own self esteem. ( For me it would only make me feel worse if I tried bringing someone else down.) I would not worry about it though. EVERYONE deserves to be healthy, whether they are skinny or not!
  • NancyG55
    NancyG55 Posts: 86
    First of all, congrats to you on your success. Great job! I feel she is probably very insecure with herself, and often people will try to bring down others, to try and get a sense of their own self esteem. ( For me it would only make me feel worse if I tried bringing someone else down.) I would not worry about it though. EVERYONE deserves to be healthy, whether they are skinny or not!:smile:
  • Shani_Shoo
    Shani_Shoo Posts: 60 Member
    Rise above her negativity, it won't take long if you read all these posts for you. I agree with the others and you know you have accomplished something wonderful for your health, not just your looks. Great job mate!
  • funhouse77
    funhouse77 Posts: 179 Member
    You've lost 177lbs (which, by the way? AWESOME!!!!) You're not her man any more (whether she wants you to be or not) you look great, she's still overweight (I'm guessing?) and she's pi**ed.

    Take it as a compliment of sorts, shrug it off, keep things as they are, amicable for the kids (which is also AWESOME!!! that you CAN eat out together etc.) and remember that it doesn't matter what she thinks, or says. So just carry on BEING AWESOME! :happy:
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    pretty simple - she's jealous of your success and your self control that sh'es personally lacking.

    any time someone gets angry for "no reason" it's generally because they're projecting their own inadequacies and taking it out on someone other than themselves.

    ^^^ YUP! :happy:
  • mamashel
    mamashel Posts: 17 Member
    Many years ago (18 years) I lost 43 pounds prior to having children. My husband (now my ex) was not very supportive. He would discourage my exercise nights and want to go out to eat, a lot. There were several occasions where the waiters openly flirted/stared at me in front of my ex, hardly acknowledging him. He took offense to the lack of attention and would leave a penny for a tip. I would get yelled at all the way home and he would sulk for the rest of the evening and sometimes the next day. Congrats on what YOU have accomplished. Be proud of yourself! Your kids are proud of you. Your ex will eventually deal with the changes in you.
  • ruurik
    ruurik Posts: 143 Member
    It sounds like change, and in particular a lasting lifestyle change is problematic for her.

    People in my life have wanted to control how much progress I make and how quickly and easily they can push buttons to sabotage it. Often their sabotaging is part of their past manipulation. They know how to make your life difficult but their frustration is that they can no longer do it... or do it as easily.

    The most important thing is this; when people hate you for losing weight and you continue regardless, that's when you know you're doing it for YOURSELF. Day to day it can feel subtle enough to go unnoticed, but it is an aspect of loving yourself. Something you should be proud of. :)

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