Should I be upset or is she right?

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  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    I saw this quote today and thought of you.

    "Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember-the only taste of success some people have when they take a bite out of you." Zig Ziglar
  • VictorianJade
    VictorianJade Posts: 705 Member
    First and foremost, regarding you: Yes, you should love yourself just the way you are. AND THAT BEING SAID, You should pursue your health BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOURSELF. You are beautiful as you are now. You will be beautiful in a more svelte body. The difference is that in the more svelte body, you will be healthier than you are now. Your beauty isn't going to go away or lessen... but your health will improve. Losing the weight and getting fit, is your gift to yourself, and every single day you log your calories, and set your goals... those are your love letters to yourself. These are your promises to yourself for your future. And you make them out of love for yourself.

    I'm a fat chick. Quite. I'm signed up for weight loss surgery. There's a 5 year wait list for it here... and I'm counting on that wait list. Because I want to lose the weight healthily, and without the surgery. For ME, just for ME, the weight loss surgery is the biggest act of self-hatred I can commit- because when I signed up, I did so out of desperation. Now, I have hope. I'm losing the weight because I have dreams. Because I want to write those little love letters to myself, and gain self-confidence by doing so... the surgery will be the absolute biggest expression of failure and self-hatred I can give myself. BUT THAT IS JUST ME. For others, I understand their reasons, their motivations, their confidence in the surgery. Not a judgement here. This is just how I feel about it, for myself.

    As to your sister... don't believe the hype. In my fattest, and most self-loathing form, I exuded 'confidence', when in reality I despised myself, my body, my reflection, every part of me. But I exuded the confidence, because I felt the need for other people to think that I was okay with myself, being that large. I'm good at that facade. I'm betting your sister is too. And I'm betting that others are right- she doesn't want to be the only fat chick.

    *shrug* Tell her you don't appreciate the pictures of food, and that while you love her exactly how she is, you need to do this for you. Period.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,850 Member
    warning! this is just an opinion but: people are different, individuality is what makes us beautiful. maybe she doesn't want to lose weight, and maybe (just maybe) she doesn't have to. if her health becomes a serious issue, or if her weight begins to significantly impact her daily life and keep her from doing the things she wants to do, then she will know that you're there to help. until then, i suggest you keep weight loss and dieting out of your conversations with her and appreciate her for who she is. p.s. - maybe sending pictures of a philly cheesesteak and fries is her way of reciprocating your behavior to her. have you considered her feelings about your comments?
    as for you though, you are doing a GREAT job!! you deserve to be proud of yourself and the progress you have made. keep it up and remember your MFP family is always here to support you!!! :)
  • Soon2beskinny73
    Soon2beskinny73 Posts: 255 Member
    Reading your side of the story really touched home for me and I truly feel for you. I have a sister-in-law who has tried the same tactics on me and when she saw how I was losing weight she tried every trick in the book to sabotage me and because of her I did stop and I regained a lot of weight and WAS MISERABLE because of it. She took major advantage of me and my self-esteem and self-confidence at that time was not good therefore I was easy prey.

    What your sister-in-law did with sending the pictures of bad and tempting foods WAS NOT RIGHT of her , that is just plain cruel and I would not put up with that from anyone let alone my sister-in-law. You need to do what you think is best for you but don't allow her to sabotage your hard work. Feel good about what you are doing for yourself. No matter what your sister-in-law says SHE IS NOT HAPPY WITH HER WEIGHT , no body is!! They may say they are but in all reality deep down they are miserable.

    I tried making myself believe that I was HAPPY at 300 lbs. and no body at that time could tell me any different but I was in DENIAL and didn't even realize it at that time and the only thing that came out of that was me gaining another 50 lbs. She is in denial and she doesn't want to be left out in the cold therefore she is trying to sabotage your hard work and make you believe that you have low self-esteem .....you do not have low self-esteem , your working hard to get to a healthy weight , how is that low self-esteem?

    My advice is to not listen to her nonsense and try to keep your conversations away from weight loss all together and if she can't respect you enough to do that then maybe not talking with her is the alternative route. Sadly I had to cut off all communications with my sister-in-law because she just refused to respect me and what I was doing for my health. Good luck and your doing AWESOME and don't allow ANYONE tell you any different :)
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