Shaven or Unshaven?
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All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal- The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now... The wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(Y A THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (Cold wax, "yeah... Right!")
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
Ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With me next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to t he inside of my butt cheek.
(Yes, it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself... RRRRIIIPPP!
I'm blind! Blinded from pain!... OH MY GOD!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!
Another deep breathe and RRIIPP!
Everything is swirly and spotted.
I think I may pass out... Must stay conscious...
Do I hear crashing drums?
Breathe, breathe...
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX?
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
I touch. I am touching wax.
CRAP!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, wh ich I s now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake... Remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
DANG!
I hear the slamming of a cell door.
"hoo-hoo"? Sealed shut!
Butt? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water! Hot water melts wax!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?
WRONG!
I get in the tub- the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.
Now, the only th ing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together a n d then glued to the bottom of the tub.. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few moths ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter- "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YE AH! RIGHT! ! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various sol ut ions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace... The lotion the give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the ens out of my friend.
It's so painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS! It works!"
I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice t o my grief and despair... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly sh ave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.... Now that's funny...... Not!
The things we women go thru
Oh wow. Tears in my eyes right now. Funniest thing I've read in ages. Though I'm laughing with you, of course. Not at you. Well, maybe a little bit.
But kudos for having the balls to share the story! Life's too short to take yourself too seriously.0 -
I stay well trimmed . For women, I like everything shaved except for the obvious region.
Legs?0 -
Shave my head, my neck, my cheeks, trim up 'down below' (common courtesy to the wife), but everything else is full Sasquatch. And when I say full Sasquatch, I mean it. That dude emails me for personal grooming advice.0
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It hurts less and less every time you use it. But I prefer waxing.if you want to feel real pain, try an Epilator. You will CRY! :sad:0 -
I wax. I have my men wax backs if needed and trim or shave elsewhere. It is important if we wanna get up close and personal....0
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I stay well trimmed . For women, I like everything shaved except for the obvious region.
Legs?
he is obviously talking about underarms and back0 -
i like my women like i like my clint eastwood...
.........dirty and harry....i hope i didnt have to explain that....0 -
I stay well trimmed . For women, I like everything shaved except for the obvious region.
Legs?
Some people might call it that:devil:0 -
Hair Free from the neck down ....0
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austin powers I am!0
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Ladies: Yes shave. Double standard, I don't care, cry to someone else it's the way it is.
Men: Not shaven but trim and kempt.0 -
I shave nothing....I figure there is a reason hair is there, I do not see any reason to take it off.....
You would never even be able to tell I do not shave my legs, I am pretty hairless.....the only place you really notice is my underarms....the rest of my body is mostly hairless anyway....in fact, I remember when I was a teenager and used to wear make up, drawing in my eyebrows cuz they are so faint!0 -
Um yeah... hairy women are gross. All hair except on head is laser removed or waxed. For men, I prefer no hair in my food.0
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I shave nothing....I figure there is a reason hair is there, I do not see any reason to take it off.....
You would never even be able to tell I do not shave my legs, I am pretty hairless.....the only place you really notice is my underarms....the rest of my body is mostly hairless anyway....in fact, I remember when I was a teenager and used to wear make up, drawing in my eyebrows cuz they are so faint!
Oooh! Au natural girl! 0 -
Well?
To specify ladies and gents....
Legs?
Arms?
Pits?
Back?
Face?
Situation?
Chest?
I shave in the summertime.
My husband only shaves his face (once every few months or so).
Hair is beautiful, so long as it's clean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dyl0j3WU6Y 0 -
I shave pretty much every inch of my body, I just never liked being hairy. I hate how it looks and I hate how it feels even on men I don't particularly like it.0
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I trim the region of the below. Shave the chest. Shave the face a couple times a week.
I prefer my women to have very little hair though.0 -
Sweet Jesus, did you ladies say you epilator your crotch?! Wtf!0
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She asks me why
I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night
Hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low
Don't ask me why
Don't know
It's not for lack of bread
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling
Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled, and spaghettied!
Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short
Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself
They'll be ga ga at the go go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond
Brilliantined
Biblical hair
My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
Hallelujah Mary loved her son
Why don't my mother love me?
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
Right on! :smokin: :flowerforyou:
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I stay well trimmed . For women, I like everything shaved except for the obvious region.
Legs?
he is obviously talking about underarms and back
I was thinking he meant armpits. Weird...guess it's not so obvious. :ohwell:0 -
Neck down..completely bare! :blushing:0
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I'll shave my neck and cheeks a bit, but otherwise I just trim everything and live like Gaston:
This is funny, because compared to a lot of guys I know, he's actually not that hairy.
One of my friends (honest to god Italian guy) has so much hair on his chest it always peeks out of his shirts... yikes. When we go swimming it always looks like he still has a shirt on.0 -
I'm completely bald from the neck down. lmfao0
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I shave nothing, ruins the skin and it's unhygienic unless if you use disposable blades which tend not to be sharp enough so they irritate skin. Instead, I wax.0
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People shave their arms? That's gross. No one likes brushing up against a prickly arm.0
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Sugaring paste.0
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Better than shaving. I used to use an epilator for everything but waxing takes less time. It is a big painful but worth it.Sweet Jesus, did you ladies say you epilator your crotch?! Wtf!0 -
I only shave my face.
I'm a man and wear my hair with a badge of honor.
All real men have hair ladies.
Does this mean we should have hair everywhere to since that is how God made us LOL.0 -
I stay well trimmed . For women, I like everything shaved except for the obvious region.
Legs?
he is obviously talking about underarms and back
I was thinking he meant armpits. Weird...guess it's not so obvious. :ohwell:
I said region. Armpits are not singular. A back isn't a region.0 -
i basically shave when i feel like it or if it's summer, and then usually just my legs and armpits.0
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