Please give me some tips on motivating my man...

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fpuckett2383
fpuckett2383 Posts: 49 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, here we are again. I'm losing weight and working out and eating healthy. My husband has always been less motivated than me, but he is usually involved, and wants to be a part of whatever I am doing. But recently, he's been working an incredibly hard job, drives an hour there and an hour back, always saying he doesn't have the time. We spend four-ish hours just watching TV at night.. there is time. I am willing to put in extra hours to help him, but he doesn't want to help himself.

I love him and I want him to be healthy. He is at high risk for developing diabetes. He has horrible self control problems when it comes to food. I don't know what to do. I can't get him to commit even a little bit. He think because we eat vegetarian through the week that he doesn't need to watch his intake or work out, but the weight is not coming off because he eats so much.

How can I help him? I don't want to guilt him or bully him into anything, and if it was just his health at risk then I wouldn't mind, but I want to live a long happy life with him. The closest thing I have got to him being motivated is his interest in training for a 5k, but he will NOT run. Not with me. Not by himself.

I feel lost. Help!
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Replies

  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
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    There is nothing you can do to change another person...even your husband. Just love him and accept him for who he is.

    Good luck.:smile:
  • celticmedic
    celticmedic Posts: 66 Member
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    Maybe he feels intimidated by you for the fact you work out a bunch. Get him to try an outside sport or something. If he won't change, then he doesn't want to. Nothing you can do to help him.
  • Machafin
    Machafin Posts: 2,988 Member
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    I'm not sure on suggestions, but I also am very busy, with typically 90 hour weeks. I find time to get to the gym and for me, the way I feel about myself and the good feeling I have from working out is plenty of motivation. Maybe something along those lines. (I also enjoy the feeling when my muscles are sore after a hard workout, which might be weird)
  • mreeves261
    mreeves261 Posts: 728 Member
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    I know someone who motivated her husband by telling him she would give him a BJ for every 10 pounds he lost. I used to see that man in the gym all the time!! He lost like 70 pounds with that incentive.

    That being said not everyone can be motivated. And if it does motivate him there is nothing to say he will stay going forward. He has to want to do it for himself and no other reason otherwise it probably won't work.
  • celticmedic
    celticmedic Posts: 66 Member
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    I was also going to add in the sexual favors as incentive thing but didn't want to cross that line, but yea that would work on most men lol
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    Try to just drag him out for an after dinner walk. More of a walk and talk time rather than really working out. It may motivate him to do more. At least it may get him off the couch for a bit.
  • BullDozier
    BullDozier Posts: 237 Member
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    I was also going to add in the sexual favors as incentive thing but didn't want to cross that line, but yea that would work on most men lol
    I would have to second this.

    Also, I would think this would really only be necessary in the early stages. Eventually the working out becomes just part of the daily routine, and the weight loss is its own reward. But, to help with the motiviation to get the ball rolling, I can't think of better motivation.
  • mreeves261
    mreeves261 Posts: 728 Member
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    I was also going to add in the sexual favors as incentive thing but didn't want to cross that line, but yea that would work on most men lol

    Promise a little "tension release" and you guys will do just about anything. LOL!
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    You're already withholding meat from the guy and he won't comply.

    There's only one thing you can do.

    Withhold sex.
  • mreeves261
    mreeves261 Posts: 728 Member
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    You're already withholding meat from the guy and he won't comply.

    There's only one thing you can do.

    Withhold sex.

    Ok now that's just wrong! No reason she should punish herself too!
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
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    The people replying with advice to give or withold sex are being funny I'm sure. However, that's referred to as manipulation. I doubt you would want someone to try to manipulate you. So, why would you try to manipulate someone you love.

    Like I said...just love him for who he is. If he decides to join you someday then you will know it's because he WANTS TO and not because you manipulated him.

    Good luck again.:smile:
  • S1NN3R
    S1NN3R Posts: 452 Member
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    Every time he works out reward him with sex, or some kind of sexual favor.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    lead by example. Wait till he's ready.

    And then help him.

    Anything else IMO is unkind and unfair to him. This is YOUR thing right now. Not his.
  • colie9706
    colie9706 Posts: 5
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    I can somewhat relate to your husband, being not-so-motivated myself and having a boyfriend who is really into his fitness.

    I think many people who let their weight get out of hand have trouble wanting to lose weight, because they're afraid of failing. In their heads they see it as a near-impossibility, and probably anticipate failing and being big forever. It feels more comfortable to NOT try, than to try and then fail...

    I think it is good you are taking his health into consideration, and I'm sure you want him to feel good about himself. I would be careful about pushing too hard, I get really touchy when my boyfriend becomes "too involved" with my diet and fitness...

    Fitness and losing weight would make your husband happy and help his self-image, it's just a matter of helping him to view it as simple, baby-steps, doing fun things together. Take out "running" and "exercise" because that becomes a negative. Instead replace it with taking walks together, hiking, playing tennis, etc. If you start being more active in general, and try edging away from your TV set, maybe new hobbies and warm weather will motivate your man to want to become healthier.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
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    If you're looking for him to resent you, then try to trick him into it. Otherwise, he'll when and if he ever gets ready. Some people are not worried about how they look or don't consider themselves to be as out of shape as they are. If the extent of your daily activities are sitting and watching 4 hours of tv...just how in shape do you need to be? That would be my thinking if I were him.

    He's going to have to make up his own mind. Period.
  • dragginfli
    dragginfli Posts: 17 Member
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    Take lots of pictures of him and place them around the house, I get too comfortable with being over weight until I see how I look in photos. Works for me. hope it will work for U.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    You're already withholding meat from the guy and he won't comply.

    There's only one thing you can do.

    Withhold sex.

    Ok now that's just wrong! No reason she should punish herself too!

    Have an affair.

    That'll get him off the couch.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    lead by example. Wait till he's ready.

    And then help him.

    Anything else IMO is unkind and unfair to him. This is YOUR thing right now. Not his.

    ^^this and only this ^^
  • Rogiefreida
    Rogiefreida Posts: 567 Member
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    lead by example. Wait till he's ready.

    And then help him.

    Anything else IMO is unkind and unfair to him. This is YOUR thing right now. Not his.

    This.

    My husband used to be in really good shape. Then we got together, and we both gained "honeymoon" weight. I was the first to get up and do something about it, and I tried to make him come with me to the gym, tried to get him to eat healthier and he refused. So I stopped bugging him and focused on myself instead of trying to change him. Guess what happened? I signed up for the Warrior Dash this summer, and he decided to sign up and train with me. So sometimes people will be paying attention to what you are doing and it can motivate them, even though my husband didn't seem to care that I was trying to work out, he noticed.

    I am a firm believer that you cannot make someone do something they don't want to do.
  • lilawolf
    lilawolf Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I just told my hubby: "we are going to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 5:15 and doing stronglifts 5x5. You will come home and grab protein shakes for us, and I will make sure that their is a healthy dinner in the crockpot." It worked!

    He would never have planned, researched, or anything else, but he went along with it when I had it all laid out. He also eats all of the healthy food, veggies included, that I make with the portions that I give him, with gusto. This does NOT stop him from eating Taco Bell every day for lunch, or from surprising us with shakes, or bringing home the occasional candy though. I'll take what I can get.

    Good luck!

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