The Day Someone Tells My Daughter "Your Mom is Fat!"

kathitoo2

OMG, I think we are kindred spirits!! only add to that list, your daughter's graduation, wedding, another graduation! With every event I say ok this time I will and then I don't! I am realizing that I am scared, Scared of what, failure, success, I haven't figured that out yet. But I know there is another wedding in the future some day and I want to be better for that. Now I have a grand-daughter that looks up to me and I want to do things with her. Just the other day we were in a gift store and she picked up a card that had a stature of headless blue mosiac ,rotund big breasted, women, I said that looks like me!~! She quickly said no it didn't and I agreed, I wasn't blue! I would love to have others to help keep me on track and better myself for me!

bdenitto

My husband and I both had our moment shortly after our daughter turned 1 last year. We realized that we needed to do something about our health if we wanted to be around to enjoy life with our daughter. We both committed to making changes in our diets and exercise. My daughter is one of my major motivations for doing this but I realized I needed to put my own health and well being before others. I think the greatest gift I can give my daughter is by setting an example for eating well, exercising, and loving myself. You can do this!

CJMommyof2

That was such a great post and all the responses are great. My son had this happen to him by his cousin (my nephews) on Christmas day and it ended in a fist fight between them which wrecked our Christmas and my brother and I didn't speak for 3 months because of this happening. It was humiliating for everyone because we were supposed to be family. Now this isn't what made me want to change, I decided to change only a few weeks ago not because of being called fat by others but by being called fat by myself and it has nothing to do with being fat to me at this point, it has to do with being healthy. I want to be able to run in the outfield and catch my sons fly balls or be able to practice football with him without getting winded. I just want to be a healthy weight for my height and my brother would still call that weight fat and so will his kids, so in their eye's I will never not be "fat", but oh well!

Your child will be proud of you regardless and will stand up for you because you are Super Mom to your child. It may be sad but it will not cause you to change until you choose to do it for yourself. I wish you the best of luck and it sounds like you are a great mom so keep it up!

RenCara

It is OK for your reason to lose weight be for your daughter or "for yourself" as long as you are doing it with good intention and in a healthy way. As the mother of three daughters, a former chubby kid and the sister of someone who battled anorexia, I have seen it all. I understand what you are going through. No one wants their child hurt because of them. Good luck on your journey. Just make sure to be a good role model, whatever your size. I know each of my daughters are learning from what I do and say about food and exercise, especially my middle daughter who watches everything that goes into my mouth (or doesn't) and questions me about why I make the choices I do. It is important that I set a good example for them and no matter what, that I do not put down, critique or judge anyone's weight, including my own. I try to show them a healthy life style, a positive self-esteem and body acceptance... even the parts I wish were different.

Best of luck to you

TeachTheGirl

My daughter is 16 months. One of the main reasons I'm pushing so hard to work out and get in shape is so that I can share experiences with her, show her what a strong, confident woman is like and give her a good role model.

Right now she loves me unconditionally. I want to make sure that trend continues.

RobynDCrossman

I think this was your a-ha moment.

shutterbug40

I think this was your a-ha moment.

Well said. It just may have been.

christy3565

You sound so much like me over the years. So many things I thought would be my Aha moment. Wedding, child, divorce, wedding, another child...on and on. I did have my aha moment a year ago and my boys are the reason I did.

Now I'm able to run with my boys, and ride bikes. I can keep up with them whatever they are up to. I promise you it is the best feeling in the world. Your daughter will forever see you as the beautiful person you obviously are. Nothing and no one will ever change that. She will be your aha moment and you will do all those wonderful things with her.

chezzielou1984

I truely beleive with that to inspire you, you will succeed.

AuntieMC

Been there, too -- and also have some advice.

First, my daughter came home from the first grade one day, spittin' mad, and told me in a very angry tone that some little boy, whose name I have forgotten, told her the that her mother (i.e., me!) was FAT! Her little eyes were just blazing with indignation! I told her "Well, he is right, I AM fat. But it isn't polite for him to say so". THEN her eyes sparkled in truimph! She just KNEW that little boy was being bad, and was happy to hear it confirmed!

Now, my advice to all of you -- stop beating yourself up about it! No parent is perfect, no matter how all of us long to be! You can be a role model on how to live life in spite of impections, because you know what? Your kids aren't going to grow up to be perfect either. Do you want them beating themselves up about it, or being all apologetic for their shortcomings? We must strive to be the best that we can be, but make peace with our imperfections. I think this is being a great role model for your kids, because it teaches them to deal with reality in a kind and realistic manner!

I was never able to ride bikes with my daughter or anything like that. But I sat at poolside for swimming lessons for her every summer, and sat at rinkside while she took ice-skating lessons, and sat in the audience during her ballet recitals, and drove her to daily tennis lessons one summer, among other things. We spent a lot of time together just talking, and reading about a million story books! You can always find a way to be a presence in your child's life.

Now she is grown, and I am finally losing the weight. So far, I have lost 184 pounds. And I am STILL an imperfect, work-in-progress. I just try to not beat myself up about it!

maddogg82

I think this was your a-ha moment.

I think ur right.. and thank you for ur post.. i love it. I am a mom of a 2 a boy and girl .. and i love this. Made me cry :sad:

Colombianchick29

omgosh, this seriously made me tear up!! today is a new day. you can make a change i know you can and WILL! Kids used to tell my daughter i was fat when she was in kindergarten, and I wasnt even at my heaviest then! It sounds like your doing a great job with your daughter for her to be able to respond with such love and care. Keep your head up girl!! first and foremost you are a WOMAN, and that is having courage, and strength. dont sell yourself short!!! friend me

nicsalt

Agreed. I think writing this post is your ah-ha moment. There are so many great responses here. One of the best things you can do for your daughter is take care of YOU. Love and care for yourself. You are worth the effort. What a great role model you will be for her.

She will respect you and be proud of you no matter how you look on the outside but you will be able to do all of the things you want to with her if your body is healthy and strong.

Wishing you all the best to see this through.

lrsmommy

I waited and waited and waited for my "A-Ha" moment also, then in January it finally happened. I have been overweight my whole life and have been working on losing weight for the last 2-3 years, but not consistently. I would find some fad diet, drop 20-30 lbs, then gain 10-20 of it back. Over the last couple of years I managed to lose 80 lbs and keep it off. Then, right when I decide to do something about my weight again, I end up in the hospital in ICU after having a major heart attack at the age of 34. Whether I wanted the A-Ha moment or not I didn't have a choice - I want to be around to watch my 3 boys grow up. Don't let it come to that... get on track and get HEALTHY before it's too late. So while I am doing it for them, I am also doing it for ME because I want to see them go to middle school, graduate high school and college, get married, and be around to hold my grandkids when it gets to that point (hopefully that's a long way off )


I let myself go worrying about everyone else first. I now know that taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of everyone else.My new motto I live with is "Getting healthy doesn't cost too much because you're worth it". My family still hasn't adjusted to my new lifestyle but they're starting to accept it and get used to it. Love those who are supportive and thank them, and have patience with those who aren't as supportive, and never give up. Once everyone sees how serious you are about changing your life for the better they will start to be supportive and might even join you in the journey.

Good luck!

nicolej1016

Thank you for your honesty and bringing up a topic many of us moms (and dads) have thought about or experienced.

I agree with the other MFP posters that have said that you have already had your 'ah-ha' moment and the clarity in which you wrote about your experience demonstrates this. Also, it's true, this has to be about being healthy for you - the impact on your daughter is just one of many outcomes. Ultimately, it is the change in your mindset that will move you to take action.

One of my children is on the Autism spectrum and part of her personality is to be very blunt and say things without the softening words or tones we so often use. Starting in Kindergarten, she began informing me that I was fat. I acknowledged that I was overweight and told her I am making changes. We have always been an active family - dancing around the house, going to the playgrounds several times a week, chasing each other for fun. But I was still, frankly, overweight.

In the past 7 months, I have made major changes, up to joining MFP a few weeks ago. Since that first Kindergarten episode, I have learned that there was another little girl in her class who has been showing disdain for me as an overweight mom. She had communicated this to my daughter on at least a few occasions. I am not morbidly obese, but neither am I average-sized. She has seen photos of me at a thin weight, but she has also seen me at my heaviest.

My daughter - as with some kids on the spectrum - is having a hard time letting my 'fatness' go without comment. She is not cruel, but it still hurts when she reminds me that I am overweight. We are working on her using her 'filters'. Her comments are not my only motivation for working so hard on this, but I do not want her to fall into my footsteps. Already, she has commented that she could lose weight - she is actually spot-on for ideal body weight for her age - and I have reminded her that health is more important, that she has a lot of growing left to do, etc.

Our sons and daughters are bombarded with images of perfect bodies - all too often air-brushed false images. Although my husband and I are deliberate in giving right messages and screening the media that they are exposed to; the world still gets its foot in there too. We just have to fight it.

So, again, thank you for your post and for bringing up an important subject. I wish you all the best as you fight to make yourself the healthiest you can be for yourself, your future, and your family. Blessings

todayis4me

Bless you. You will do this for you when your ready....and it sounds like you have wonderful reasons to do it! You seem to be a great mom and I bet your daughter is fantastic......Good luck

mnflame

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I am not a mom, but I want to be someday. I've had body issues since I was a little kid. I can remember girls on the bus in 1st or 2nd grade making fun of each other for being "fat". I was lucky in that my mom (who is AMAZING, btw) always told me that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me." I know that isn't true, but it was my go-to when words did hurt me. I was also lucky that, although I have body issues, I've never really had a problem with confidence. Weird, I know. Anyway, it may sound silly, but I want to do this now, take control of the one area that I've often felt was out of control, for my future children. It may be silly to look that far ahead, but if I can form healthy habits now that I can instill in them, when I have them, then they will (hopefully) have a less hurtful time than I did. Kids should be kids; they shouldn't have to worry about who's fat or who's not.

I'm going to send you a friend request, so I hope that's ok. And I think it's wonderful, what you are trying to do. But the person (people?) who said that you have to do it for YOU first, are right. I would love to help support you in your journey. This is a fantastic first step!

karmabear06

As a single parent I've put my sons needs and demands before my own health. I brushed it off because that's part of being a parent, but I have neglected myself in the process. I've made several attempts to get healthy and have made many excuses to stop. I believe my "A-Ha" moment finally came after my cousin had a major heart attack this year at 34. I choose to get healthy for myself not for anyone but myself. You will need a support group of family & friends whether they are near or far. Locally I have many people that say they will join me in my journey but would rather sit back and watch which isn't very helpful at all. I use to use that as an excuse that I have no one to support me, but I have some family & friends on MFP that are helping me and encouraging me to stay focused on MY goal. Granted I've only been on MFP for almost 3 weeks but I know that I have made the commitment to be the best that I can be and with the support of my family and friends I know I will succeed. You will too!

Good luck!

RobinRayn

Im not a mom but an adoring aunt and im doing this so I can take them to disney world and water parks! Plus for myself of course.