The Day Someone Tells My Daughter "Your Mom is Fat!"

nancybuss

There are some GREAT posts here. I SO feel your pain reading your post. And so true, that it is up to YOU and YOU have to WANT it. Please know WE are all here to help!!!! Just do it! slowly, step by step, small changes will help and become habits, and habits create some more changes, etc. YOU deserve it. Will you fall again? YES you will. Hopefuly only a little, and you will dust yourself off and keep on going. If you want to go for those things, then Do It! Do it for your Health. Do it so you're here long enough to see your daughter do great things! Create your own Confidence and then your daughter is going to see that and build on that.

What can WE do to help?

Nancy

tnjackso1

synthomarsh nailed it!! You gotta do this for you!! Your daughter is a great reason, but children do grow up and move on.... We are all here for you, but you gotta get sick and tired of the way you are and then only then will you do something about it!!

TAMayorga

I am not a mom so I can't add on to that but I can say I am the daughter of a woman who was perpetually overweight or obsese and on/off a diet regime for as long as I can remember. All I can say is I wouldn't fear terribly for your daughter. Nothing could shake my love for my mother and that was because my mother taught me that people's words are just words and the person inside is much more important to consider on the outside.



^^^^^^^
This.

GURLEY_GIRL3

Been there! done w/ that! lol
I always said."I may be fat but I aint ugly and you cant fix ugly"

It is hurtful, but you are beautiful no matter what! I accepted I was fat for years but I think I finally have the motivation to be happy w/ myself. Noone hurting your feelings or calling you fat will make you lose weight, you have to want it for yourself. Good luck on your journey of getting healthy.

Elpaw4mbv

Been there.

My son came home from school all upset because some kids were teasing him about me being fat. He was really angry because to him, I am the world and he thinks me perfect. Here's how I handled it. I told him that yes, I am fat and that he shouldn't be angry about them speaking the truth. Me being fat doesn't mean I'm a bad mother, or a bad person, it just means I am fat. I can still be all the wonderful things he thinks I am and be fat. I also told him that I don't want to be fat anymore and I am trying but it is really really hard to do and it is going to take some time for me to be skinny again. I showed him pictures from my thin days and explained what it was going to take to transform me from what I am to what I want to be. I told him that I could promise to keep on working to lose weight but I couldn't promise that no one would ever tease him again.

I told him that the next time it happened he was to look the other kid in the face and calmly say, "Yeah, my mom is fat. So, what?" Then go on about his business as if nothing was wrong. I also told him that in life, people are going to say lots of things to him over the years - some true, some bs, and most to try and get a reaction out of him. The true stuff, he needs to decide whether or not to accept it as fact or if he needs to make changes. The bs stuff - its not worth his time to even listen to and he needs to just ignore it.

Your "ah-ha" moment needs to be about you, not some ill-mannered brat in your kid's class.

joleenl

Your post made me cry. My daughter is 19 and I'm sure she had that day at some point too.

The ah moment might not be an event in your life. The ah moment has to come from within. Something might spark it but it comes from within. IMO you have to want this for yourself, not for another person, not for a special event, but because you want it and will do anything it takes to get it. I find weight loss a selfish journey... You have to realize you deserve it, you have to want it, and it's all about you and all for you. Of course many people might benefit but none more then you!

36jessica

That day is coming, if it hasn’t already. The day where a classmate teases her about me, and she will defend me. There will probably be tears, and she most likely will not confide in me because she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. In the rare instance I mention something about my weight, she tells me I am beautiful. But she knows that I am different from the tiny yoga-pant-wearing-Starbucks-sipping moms that congregate outside the school at drop-off. But she doesn’t care. To her, I am the stars and the moon. I want to see me like she sees me. I want to instill in her all of the things I’ve never had, because of the weight problem I’ve had most of my adult life. Confidence, Self-Esteem, Courage. To be Fearless. I can’t give her what I don’t have myself. I’ve been waiting for 25 years for that “A-ha” moment, where it all suddenly clicks, and I say enough is enough..it’s time to do something about my weight. I thought that moment would be my wedding. It was not. I thought then it would be pregnancy. That wasn’t enough. Being a new mother maybe? Nope. Divorce..not so much. Finding true love after believing it had eluded me forever…even that is not enough to break my unhealthy relationship with food.

I realize that “A-ha” moment will probably never come. But I am realizing I am missing out on a deeper connection with my only child, because I can’t ride a bike with her, or go zip-lining with her, or swim in the pool, and hundreds of other things I don’t do because I am fat. And I believe that maybe, just maybe, I have finally had enough.

I’d love to hear from other moms out there in the same boat. I need all the help I can get. 

I, like you have always waited for an A-Ha moment... it's always next Monday It's not enough to want to do it for your daughter, you have to want to do it for yourself. I have an 18 daughter who decided at 17 that she was going to become super fit and healthy, and she has, but unlike your daughter, I know she wishes I were healthier, thinner but I also knows that she loves me... but I need to do this for me... I need to be convinced that what I'm doing is good for me or else I won't see it through. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve to be the very best you can be. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

36jessica

Your post made me cry. My daughter is 19 and I'm sure she had that day at some point too.

The ah moment might not be an event in your life. The ah moment has to come from within. Something might spark it but it comes from within. IMO you have to want this for yourself, not for another person, not for a special event, but because you want it and will do anything it takes to get it. I find weight loss a selfish journey... You have to realize you deserve it, you have to want it, and it's all about you and all for you. Of course many people might benefit but none more then you!

Strange how I answered before I read you post and yet they sound alike. We must be on the same track

loriwhitefaith

Do this for yourself first then for your child. Lose the weight slowly. It did not come on overnight. Be very patient. Set an example and your child will follow. It is very painful what you are going through. Id love to be your friend on here and we can do this together. I need all the online weight loss motivation support I can get. I think this time is it for you. Yes I have 13 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. I believe they are in fear of my health, so in a sense I am doing this for them as well. I am losing the weight this time and keeping it off for good. I am making small changes one day at a time for the moment like exercising and drinking water. I am changing my diet to healthy one with lots of fruits and vegetables. You will be so proud when your daughter compliments you on your weight loss efforts though. The truth hurts, but use the criticism to make lifestyle change for the postive outcome in both of your lives.

Kayla_292to165

This is what jumped started my journey...my kindergartener came home crying about it and that was like a slap in the face

kathitoo2

OMG, I think we are kindred spirits!! only add to that list, your daughter's graduation, wedding, another graduation! With every event I say ok this time I will and then I don't! I am realizing that I am scared, Scared of what, failure, success, I haven't figured that out yet. But I know there is another wedding in the future some day and I want to be better for that. Now I have a grand-daughter that looks up to me and I want to do things with her. Just the other day we were in a gift store and she picked up a card that had a stature of headless blue mosiac ,rotund big breasted, women, I said that looks like me!~! She quickly said no it didn't and I agreed, I wasn't blue! I would love to have others to help keep me on track and better myself for me!

bdenitto

My husband and I both had our moment shortly after our daughter turned 1 last year. We realized that we needed to do something about our health if we wanted to be around to enjoy life with our daughter. We both committed to making changes in our diets and exercise. My daughter is one of my major motivations for doing this but I realized I needed to put my own health and well being before others. I think the greatest gift I can give my daughter is by setting an example for eating well, exercising, and loving myself. You can do this!

CJMommyof2

That was such a great post and all the responses are great. My son had this happen to him by his cousin (my nephews) on Christmas day and it ended in a fist fight between them which wrecked our Christmas and my brother and I didn't speak for 3 months because of this happening. It was humiliating for everyone because we were supposed to be family. Now this isn't what made me want to change, I decided to change only a few weeks ago not because of being called fat by others but by being called fat by myself and it has nothing to do with being fat to me at this point, it has to do with being healthy. I want to be able to run in the outfield and catch my sons fly balls or be able to practice football with him without getting winded. I just want to be a healthy weight for my height and my brother would still call that weight fat and so will his kids, so in their eye's I will never not be "fat", but oh well!

Your child will be proud of you regardless and will stand up for you because you are Super Mom to your child. It may be sad but it will not cause you to change until you choose to do it for yourself. I wish you the best of luck and it sounds like you are a great mom so keep it up!

RenCara

It is OK for your reason to lose weight be for your daughter or "for yourself" as long as you are doing it with good intention and in a healthy way. As the mother of three daughters, a former chubby kid and the sister of someone who battled anorexia, I have seen it all. I understand what you are going through. No one wants their child hurt because of them. Good luck on your journey. Just make sure to be a good role model, whatever your size. I know each of my daughters are learning from what I do and say about food and exercise, especially my middle daughter who watches everything that goes into my mouth (or doesn't) and questions me about why I make the choices I do. It is important that I set a good example for them and no matter what, that I do not put down, critique or judge anyone's weight, including my own. I try to show them a healthy life style, a positive self-esteem and body acceptance... even the parts I wish were different.

Best of luck to you

TeachTheGirl

My daughter is 16 months. One of the main reasons I'm pushing so hard to work out and get in shape is so that I can share experiences with her, show her what a strong, confident woman is like and give her a good role model.

Right now she loves me unconditionally. I want to make sure that trend continues.

RobynDCrossman

I think this was your a-ha moment.

shutterbug40

I think this was your a-ha moment.

Well said. It just may have been.

christy3565

You sound so much like me over the years. So many things I thought would be my Aha moment. Wedding, child, divorce, wedding, another child...on and on. I did have my aha moment a year ago and my boys are the reason I did.

Now I'm able to run with my boys, and ride bikes. I can keep up with them whatever they are up to. I promise you it is the best feeling in the world. Your daughter will forever see you as the beautiful person you obviously are. Nothing and no one will ever change that. She will be your aha moment and you will do all those wonderful things with her.

chezzielou1984

I truely beleive with that to inspire you, you will succeed.

AuntieMC

Been there, too -- and also have some advice.

First, my daughter came home from the first grade one day, spittin' mad, and told me in a very angry tone that some little boy, whose name I have forgotten, told her the that her mother (i.e., me!) was FAT! Her little eyes were just blazing with indignation! I told her "Well, he is right, I AM fat. But it isn't polite for him to say so". THEN her eyes sparkled in truimph! She just KNEW that little boy was being bad, and was happy to hear it confirmed!

Now, my advice to all of you -- stop beating yourself up about it! No parent is perfect, no matter how all of us long to be! You can be a role model on how to live life in spite of impections, because you know what? Your kids aren't going to grow up to be perfect either. Do you want them beating themselves up about it, or being all apologetic for their shortcomings? We must strive to be the best that we can be, but make peace with our imperfections. I think this is being a great role model for your kids, because it teaches them to deal with reality in a kind and realistic manner!

I was never able to ride bikes with my daughter or anything like that. But I sat at poolside for swimming lessons for her every summer, and sat at rinkside while she took ice-skating lessons, and sat in the audience during her ballet recitals, and drove her to daily tennis lessons one summer, among other things. We spent a lot of time together just talking, and reading about a million story books! You can always find a way to be a presence in your child's life.

Now she is grown, and I am finally losing the weight. So far, I have lost 184 pounds. And I am STILL an imperfect, work-in-progress. I just try to not beat myself up about it!