Adults of A Parent wtih Terminal Cancer

Mt2Sea

Hello all. I have to say I've fallen off the weightloss wagon big time! I have not been on here in months just cant seem to find the motivation what so ever to be remotely healthy. My mother thank goodness is still with me. She was diagnossed with extended stage small cell lung cancer july 27 2013 and was given a year maybe two with treatment of chemo and radiation but she continued to smoke fairly heavly so we dont have long to go now because her lungs are failing and more mets have been spreading to the brain affecting ability to walk or care forself any more. At that point last year my world....shattered and sadly I havenet been the same at all. depression took over and excercise went out the door completely except when me and my husband would get away for several days to the mountain or beaches and go hiking and swimming 5 times that is the ONLY form of movement I have gotten in the last year. other than that all I can think about is losing her.....We did have a bit of hope when we were blessed enough to go to CTCA in January 22 2014 and have been making monthly trips til now. Her last trip was June 25th and we are still here. Granted they have taken such wonderful care of my mother! with out going into more detail if it wasnt for them and i left it in the hands of my NC hospital my mom would have been long gone more so from starvation and dehydration more than anything. Unfortunately now the metastasies in her brain are forming so quickly I dont believe we have much time left....I have been very blessed to pretty much be with my mom all the time because I dont work. as soon as I was about to get back into the work force this dang cancer came tumbling down on the family. I thank god every day I get to be with mom so often which I know many of you were not able to do but you did the best you could...so i NEVER judge because every one has different circumstances. I hoped that time alone which i do alot of im a recluse I want nothing to do with anyone but my mom husband and aunt i know thats sad but thats how I handle things. but i wish i enjoyed excercise more and healthy eating. i know for a fact that would help me so much more through this ordeal but I cant....i just cant! I managed to lose 35lbs last year getting down to 290 but the last 10 lbs of that was meds stress and starvation pretty much not healthy at all. then i gained weight so fast im back to 310 and im in disbelief. im losing control of everything in my life. i have no idea what to do. all i do is pray that god just continues to watch over all of us and help me help myself through this...sorry for rambling