So are we with the right partner?

MWilken1986
MWilken1986 Posts: 1
in Chit-Chat
Credits to the unknown author for a great piece and advice on relationships.

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During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
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Replies

  • piggydog
    piggydog Posts: 322
    Well said
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
    awesome! I like that. Much holds true
  • swimmer_chick
    swimmer_chick Posts: 137 Member
    Aww thanks for sharing! :smile:
  • n_unocero
    n_unocero Posts: 445 Member
    I didn't really agree with any of this the first time I read it. Although it did happen with me ex( i started to find his habits annoying and I ended up cheating on him), with my fiance I totally "fell" in love. We met by chance and I was just obsessed with him ever since. We've been together almost 4 years (getting married on our 4 year anniversary) and I've never once been bored with him. He keeps me laughing everyday and I've never felt like our relationship is "work". We just go together.
  • BeinAwesome247
    BeinAwesome247 Posts: 257 Member
    I'm torn and will Killer on this one.

    Yes relationships take work but if you're with the right person, it won't feel that way
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
    very few are like your's. Though I must admit my wife and I are like that or at least for the first 12-14 years. We been married for 17 years now. Though I can relate to what was posted as well. When all the other stuff fades, you still have to work at it.

    I didn't really agree with any of this the first time I read it. Although it did happen with me ex( i started to find his habits annoying and I ended up cheating on him), with my fiance I totally "fell" in love. We met by chance and I was just obsessed with him ever since. We've been together almost 4 years (getting married on our 4 year anniversary) and I've never once been bored with him. He keeps me laughing everyday and I've never felt like our relationship is "work". We just go together.
  • Alex_Wilken
    Alex_Wilken Posts: 59
    Challenge_accepted-s400x300-156975.jpg
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    Thanks for posting this. I needed to hear this right now
  • china010
    china010 Posts: 6
    I read this yesterday, and I couldnt agree more.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member

    Because (listen carefully to this):

    The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

    SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
    WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

    Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

    Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
    ***************************************************************************

    I want to believe.
  • andrewjuu
    andrewjuu Posts: 76 Member
    "The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found."

    I'll go it one better, the most important relationship you will ever have is the one w/ yourself. If you can't love & be happy w/ yourself, you'll never be in a successful relationship w/ another person.
  • J3ss1caD
    J3ss1caD Posts: 74 Member
    Its like you read my mind. Thank you for that! :)
  • Getit_Simpson
    Getit_Simpson Posts: 69 Member
    so true...just like anything else, it takes maintenance.
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
    Nice read...

    Its all about making the decision to love.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    Solid first post.
  • TheStephil
    TheStephil Posts: 858 Member
    While what the OP says may very well be true (I've not been in a long enough relationship IMO) it is sort of depressing. I think most people want that love to last 5, 10, 15, 50 years. Food for thought though regardless.
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
    I agree. You don't just sit back and expect a good relationship to happen to you, you pursue that good relationship. Sometimes it will be smooth sailing and sometimes (illness/death in the family, financial struggles, birth of children and the subsequent sleepless nights) it will be more work. My husband and I have had bumps in life, but no bumps in our relationship. I'm lucky though, he's a wonderful man.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    I prefer to recycle my partners every couple of days or so.

    reduce_zps184d9671.jpg
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    As long as they are hot, I don't care.
  • samanthajade124
    samanthajade124 Posts: 217 Member
    I heard something similar a while back. "You have to make your partner fall in love with you all over again every day."
  • Lifting_Knitter
    Lifting_Knitter Posts: 1,025
    Good post. Like it, will have to share with my husband.
  • _Tristan_
    _Tristan_ Posts: 221 Member
    I just read the same thing on Facebook!

    Love it! Great post!
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    My hubby and I have been together for 18 years (started dating when I was 16) we creep our teenagers out because we still date! He will tell the kids not to talk to his wife that way (not their mother). But we figured about 7 years ago that we better get back to the point of dating and loving being together cause once the kids are gone we are all we got! We love being together and he truly is my best friend, and me his. We have rediscovered what we enjoy doing together and have started planning our post kids life together. Afterall our youngest will be 18 when I'm only 36, we have a lot of years to look forward to.
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
    While what the OP says may very well be true (I've not been in a long enough relationship IMO) it is sort of depressing. I think most people want that love to last 5, 10, 15, 50 years. Food for thought though regardless.

    It can last you just have to recognize it as it changes from that first giddy feeling to something deeper. My husband is my home. We still hold hands, say I love you throughout the day and spend as much time together as possible. We've been together 10 years, married 8.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I heard something similar a while back. "You have to make your partner fall in love with you all over again every day."


    Pfffftttt.... That's a good way to set yourself up for failure *LOL*
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Good post. Like it, will have to share with my husband.

    Thank you.

    I like my post too but I'm not willing to share it with your husband.
  • SniffyDoodle
    SniffyDoodle Posts: 129
    I love it, but I'm not sure that it goes far enough. It fails to mention that when you put the work into a relationship those feelings can come back. And they can come back even stronger because you have built an even stronger bond. This article almost makes it seem like you can only experience that automatic, effortless love once, then you are doomed to a lifetime of *work*. Who wants that? And who wouldn't wonder if it was worth it?

    My husband and I are about to celebrate our 18th anniversary in June. There have been ups and downs all along the way. Each time we hit a low point we just remind ourselves and each other, "we've come this far, we will get through this too", and we actively work together on resolving whatever the issue is. Each and every time, when we come back up from that low point it's even better.
  • Maddalen101
    Maddalen101 Posts: 307 Member
    I like that a lot. thanks for posting!
  • LibertyBelle89
    LibertyBelle89 Posts: 275
    love this!!! can def relate
  • SniffyDoodle
    SniffyDoodle Posts: 129
    While what the OP says may very well be true (I've not been in a long enough relationship IMO) it is sort of depressing. I think most people want that love to last 5, 10, 15, 50 years. Food for thought though regardless.

    Yes, it does seem depressing. That's what I was trying to respond to in my post.

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