So are we with the right partner?

2

Replies

  • BeinAwesome247
    BeinAwesome247 Posts: 257 Member
    My hubby and I have been together for 18 years (started dating when I was 16) we creep our teenagers out because we still date! He will tell the kids not to talk to his wife that way (not their mother). But we figured about 7 years ago that we better get back to the point of dating and loving being together cause once the kids are gone we are all we got! We love being together and he truly is my best friend, and me his. We have rediscovered what we enjoy doing together and have started planning our post kids life together. Afterall our youngest will be 18 when I'm only 36, we have a lot of years to look forward to.

    Now I'm usually a love cynic .... however, this right here is adorable
  • _crafty_
    _crafty_ Posts: 1,682 Member
    I like this. :flowerforyou:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member


    The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said....

    And why is his size relevant? SIZIST!

    Or would it be Sizeist?

    Whatever, I'll just stick with Racist, it's easier.
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
    As long as they are hot, I don't care.

    And bendy
  • jenbrenica
    jenbrenica Posts: 29
    Definitely agree to this:)
  • SniffyDoodle
    SniffyDoodle Posts: 129
    My hubby and I have been together for 18 years (started dating when I was 16) we creep our teenagers out because we still date! He will tell the kids not to talk to his wife that way (not their mother). But we figured about 7 years ago that we better get back to the point of dating and loving being together cause once the kids are gone we are all we got! We love being together and he truly is my best friend, and me his. We have rediscovered what we enjoy doing together and have started planning our post kids life together. Afterall our youngest will be 18 when I'm only 36, we have a lot of years to look forward to.

    We're doing the same thing now! Kids are getting older and we're excited about all the things we will get to do together when they're gone!!
  • BeinAwesome247
    BeinAwesome247 Posts: 257 Member
    I heard something similar a while back. "You have to make your partner fall in love with you all over again every day."


    Pfffftttt.... That's a good way to set yourself up for failure *LOL*

    24576822.jpg
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    As long as they are hot, I don't care.

    And bendy

    How YOU doin'?
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    My hubby and I have been together for 18 years (started dating when I was 16) we creep our teenagers out because we still date! He will tell the kids not to talk to his wife that way (not their mother). But we figured about 7 years ago that we better get back to the point of dating and loving being together cause once the kids are gone we are all we got! We love being together and he truly is my best friend, and me his. We have rediscovered what we enjoy doing together and have started planning our post kids life together. Afterall our youngest will be 18 when I'm only 36, we have a lot of years to look forward to.

    There's a ton of truth to this. I think it is crucial in a marriage to keep dating each other. It is so much easier said than done with little kids but there is always, always time for it.
  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
    I heard something similar a while back. "You have to make your partner fall in love with you all over again every day."

    The problem with this is it puts responsibility for someone else's feelings on your shoulders. I was married for 11 years. In the end, my husband just wasn't willing to prioritize the work of maintaining the relationship. There was nothing I could do to make him want to put the effort in. I was already doing everything in my power. If I was supposed to "make" him fall in love with me "again," that seems awfully similar to a stalker trying to "make" his object of obsession love him. We'd consider that a mental health issue. Love may well be a decision, but it's not one you can "make" for somebody else.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    As long as they are hot, I don't care.

    And bendy

    How YOU doin'?

    :angry:
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    meh
  • JenniferMary_9169
    JenniferMary_9169 Posts: 164
    For me I have found that if I have to even ask the question, it's time to move on...
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
    As long as they are hot, I don't care.

    And bendy

    How YOU doin'?

    :angry:

    lOhJwQJ.gif
  • Increditim
    Increditim Posts: 159
    Very well said - I still have a HUGE crush on SMMPB though.
  • sourpower434
    sourpower434 Posts: 47 Member
    I heard something similar a while back. "You have to make your partner fall in love with you all over again every day."

    The problem with this is it puts responsibility for someone else's feelings on your shoulders. I was married for 11 years. In the end, my husband just wasn't willing to prioritize the work of maintaining the relationship. There was nothing I could do to make him want to put the effort in. I was already doing everything in my power. If I was supposed to "make" him fall in love with me "again," that seems awfully similar to a stalker trying to "make" his object of obsession love him. We'd consider that a mental health issue. Love may well be a decision, but it's not one you can "make" for somebody else.

    True story. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work. There's no point in staying together if both people aren't willing to put in the effort.
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member

    The problem with this is it puts responsibility for someone else's feelings on your shoulders. ... Love may well be a decision, but it's not one you can "make" for somebody else.

    way i interpret is this:

    FIRST: if i want someone to love me, i have to love myself. that takes work everyday too. if i'm going to love myself, i have live up to my own standards: honesty, integrity, effort, attitude, etc. ('best self' does NOT include things like looks, grooming, weight, dress, etc.)

    SECOND: i think it's fair to try to present my 'best self' if i'm expecting to be loved. i also think it's fair to get some slack and STILL be loved if i fall short of my 'best self'--but i'm darn sure going to make that effort regardless.

    THIRD: if i am going to love someone else i have a responsibility to try to see them for their 'best self' as well, even (and especially) when they fall short.

    be my best, see the best. as long as i make my own 'cut', so to speak, i'm golden. if me living up to my own standards is not working for you, then you're not working for me. if you're not working toward your best self or trying to see the best in me, i'm not interested.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    Yes relationships take work but if you're with the right person, it won't feel that way

    This.

    My defining thoughts when things begin to be less like the Honeymoon period are these: If you are in a relationship that requires so much work that it distracts you from seeing yourself as an individual in this relationship, you're with the wrong person.
  • 1Hunie
    1Hunie Posts: 176
    Love this post.
    I sent it to my guy of five years. He probably won't read it though :laugh:
  • WickedZoey
    WickedZoey Posts: 401 Member
    Saw this on FB today. Dig it.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I didn't really agree with any of this the first time I read it. Although it did happen with me ex( i started to find his habits annoying and I ended up cheating on him), with my fiance I totally "fell" in love. We met by chance and I was just obsessed with him ever since. We've been together almost 4 years (getting married on our 4 year anniversary) and I've never once been bored with him. He keeps me laughing everyday and I've never felt like our relationship is "work". We just go together.

    My husband and I were the same way for the first 12+ years we were together. We weren't just husband and wife, we were friends. Neither of us thought that a loving relationship was work and we sort of scoffed at that idea. A marriage shouldn't be work, it should just work, plain and simple.

    A few more years down the road and 15-16 years married and we started falling into a pattern and not the healthiest one, either. We still ran our household together, but we didn't do things just because we wanted to be together anymore. He went in one direction, I went in another. We stopped touching, smiling, being nice to each other.

    Fast forward to last April, we'd been together for 22 years, married for one month shy of 20 years and I told him I was tired of living that way and I wanted us to separate. He asked me to do marriage counseling and I agreed, just to help him learn to adjust to not having me in his life anymore. Fast forward 2 months to the weekend before I was telling him I wanted him to move out. I realized that I was pretty sure that I would never find anyone that shared the core values he and I shared. Or who shared the memories that we had shared. Or who knew me better than anyone else in my life.

    I recommitted to him and our marriage at that time. We continued counseling right up until last month. Relearning each other and getting to really like each other again. There were many underlying issues that we had just glossed over during our marriage that built up into a huge wall between us. We broke that wall back down in baby steps.

    Now we are back to being best friends and lovers. We love spending time together. We plan date nights at least once a week. We communicate with each other. We both are amazed that we could love each other more now than we ever did in the past. It's a different sort of love, but one that makes us both very happy. Next month is our 21st anniversary and we are looking forward to celebrating our marriage and our lives together.

    So yes, a marriage takes a lot of work. But if you are willing to put that work into it, it's so very worth it!

    (sorry for the mini novel!)
  • aaronlawrenc
    aaronlawrenc Posts: 666 Member
    I heard something similar a while back. "You have to make your partner fall in love with you all over again every day."

    that sounds like alotta work
  • Raptillian_Runner
    Raptillian_Runner Posts: 10
    I heard something similar a while back. "You have to make your partner fall in love with you all over again every day."


    Pfffftttt.... That's a good way to set yourself up for failure *LOL*

    24576822.jpg


    ^ This!
  • 37434958
    37434958 Posts: 457 Member
    You rock Matt! =) Thanks for sharing. This post is just cute! :flowerforyou:
  • SeoulKim05
    SeoulKim05 Posts: 116 Member
    Glad I clicked on this!
    Thanks for posting.
  • SeoulKim05
    SeoulKim05 Posts: 116 Member
    .
  • SeoulKim05
    SeoulKim05 Posts: 116 Member
    I didn't really agree with any of this the first time I read it. Although it did happen with me ex( i started to find his habits annoying and I ended up cheating on him), with my fiance I totally "fell" in love. We met by chance and I was just obsessed with him ever since. We've been together almost 4 years (getting married on our 4 year anniversary) and I've never once been bored with him. He keeps me laughing everyday and I've never felt like our relationship is "work". We just go together.

    My husband and I were the same way for the first 12+ years we were together. We weren't just husband and wife, we were friends. Neither of us thought that a loving relationship was work and we sort of scoffed at that idea. A marriage shouldn't be work, it should just work, plain and simple.

    A few more years down the road and 15-16 years married and we started falling into a pattern and not the healthiest one, either. We still ran our household together, but we didn't do things just because we wanted to be together anymore. He went in one direction, I went in another. We stopped touching, smiling, being nice to each other.

    Fast forward to last April, we'd been together for 22 years, married for one month shy of 20 years and I told him I was tired of living that way and I wanted us to separate. He asked me to do marriage counseling and I agreed, just to help him learn to adjust to not having me in his life anymore. Fast forward 2 months to the weekend before I was telling him I wanted him to move out. I realized that I was pretty sure that I would never find anyone that shared the core values he and I shared. Or who shared the memories that we had shared. Or who knew me better than anyone else in my life.

    I recommitted to him and our marriage at that time. We continued counseling right up until last month. Relearning each other and getting to really like each other again. There were many underlying issues that we had just glossed over during our marriage that built up into a huge wall between us. We broke that wall back down in baby steps.

    Now we are back to being best friends and lovers. We love spending time together. We plan date nights at least once a week. We communicate with each other. We both are amazed that we could love each other more now than we ever did in the past. It's a different sort of love, but one that makes us both very happy. Next month is our 21st anniversary and we are looking forward to celebrating our marriage and our lives together.

    So yes, a marriage takes a lot of work. But if you are willing to put that work into it, it's so very worth it!

    (sorry for the mini novel!)

    I like your Mini Novel!! :-)
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    You know you're with the right person when asking this question seems silly.
  • seventwenty
    seventwenty Posts: 565 Member
    tl;dr version: OP's trying too hard to impress the ladies.
  • SniffyDoodle
    SniffyDoodle Posts: 129
    I am absolutely appalled by how many people think that love and commitment aren't worth the effort and horrified by those who believe that when you reach the point of asking the question it's basically over anyway.

    A little effort goes a long way.

    This just makes me so sad. :(

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