Absent and lying because of binging

themethod

I've been signing in to MFP everyday for 75 days. However, in the past week I haven't been participating as much in the community and although I have entered the little bit of exercise I've done, my food diary was a lie. I wanted to still look like I was being successful and had a hard time logging any food that wasn't healthy or correctly portioned.

In the last six days I have overeaten by a total of at least 6,500 calories. I estimate I ate more than 5,000 calories yesterday alone, and it has all been crap. I am seriously struggling right now, and so I logged all of it that I can remember (although I'm sure there are plenty of things I forgot, and my portion sizes and foods chosen are only guesses) to show me how big of a problem I obviously have.

I thought I was on my way to being a healthy eater, but it's obvious that I can't trust myself around food yet - especially things that I haven't measured and prepared. Tonight I need to throw out all the food in my house and start over again because what is left is not all good for me.

I can't afford another week like the past one that I had because it makes getting back on track towards a healthy lifestyle seem impossible. A cheat meal or a cheat food is one thing, but a cheat week of binging is insane and shows major issues. The worst part is that when I was eating it, I knew exactly what I was doing to my body with all the grease, flour, sugar, and salt, and that took all the joy out of it. It got progressively worse everyday, culminating in a Mother's Day brunch where I ate at least four entire dinner plates of food. Each bite was painful, but I just couldn't stop.

So, starting over again... right now. Hoping to get back to where I was, and happy that I have been successful with one thing: yesterday marked 30 days alcohol free.

Edited because I remembered more food!

Scott_P

You have recognized the problem, you admitted to it and you want to correct it. You can do it. We all can.

FabiolaEnvy♥

its just like one of my quote said.

admit your mistakes, learn from it, and correcting them. - john c. maxwell

and im proud of you

keep it up and i know you can do it
you are doing great

smuehlbauer

Just get back on track.
You can do it.
Congrats on the 30 days - 5/3 was 8 months for me.

questionablemethods

We are all rooting you on. I know how tempting it is to lie on the log by omission or misrepresenting the portions eaten or just not logging altogether. I have been on this wagon before and fallen off, big time. I still feel totally unsure of how I can manage without having my food log and the community here (some of whom have told me that they look at my food diary for ideas) holding me accountable to each bite I put in my mouth. How will I ever maintain in the long run? I don't have the answer, but I'm glad you are getting back on track.

KellyBurton1

I know how you feel, I've been making up excuse after excuse why I having been excerising. The other week I put so much into exercise and I never saw any results. Im tired of eating the same ol' food. Im tired and out of motivation. Friday I ate something really good and every since I have been craving sugar and I feel at any time I could go crazy eating everything in sight. I know if I do that I would regret it. Im almost to afraid to eat anything because I havn't excerise. And everything you read has to many calories or carbs. Im afraid to eat but Im getting real tired of being deprieved. This journey is a real struggle!

aippolito1

Good for you for finally owning up to it to yourself and to us. I'll admit I've ommitted some things from my diary because I didn't want to feel guilty but then I felt guilty NOT logging it and would come back to log it and would be discouraged seeing the red numbers, even though I saw them in my mind as I ate whatever was putting me over, and undoing my hard healthy work... but then later, I felt better because if I can't be honest with myself, what is the point?

Stepfanatic

I just finished reading Geneen Roth's new book 'Women, Food and God'. It really has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with how to have a fulfilling relationship with food and your body. I fundamentally believe that information is power. Perhaps this might be an empowering resource for you on your journey.

Zaggytiddies

Jesus you're gorgeous! You've admitted what you're doing is not what you want. That takes a lot of guts! Hop back on the horse and congrats on the 30 days. We're all with you.

spomaney

girl, you are SO not the only one. i dont log my calories much anymore because of the same thing. we just need to focus and realize whats most important...our health. we have no one else to blame for our eating. you'll be fine though, don't beat yourself up over it...just know that you need to work harder (me too for that matter).

silramarie

No Worries - I've done the same over the weekend... Not sure how I feel off track - but today I need to start over again and get back on track. You will reach your goal - we all will - it's just going to take time and a lot of will power to avoid those foods we love so much... I believe in you and I know everyone else here believes in you and is rooting you on.

= )

MacguyverMommy

Ya, I just joined this site-- I use to be on MYFOODDIARY, but they charge 9$ a month.

This weekend was a mess for me. I told myself that THIS WEEK IS the beginning of a healthly and honest with my self lifestyle. Unfortuneatly, I wont be able to exercise as much as I wanted due to finals (I am a tutor and my clients are very busy with studying right now), but I anticipate that this will force me to NOT over eat and be really mindful of the foods that I do eat.
But it IS hard, I know.

HealthyChanges2010

I just finished reading Geneen Roth's new book 'Women, Food and God'. It really has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with how to have a fulfilling relationship with food and your body. I fundamentally believe that information is power. Perhaps this might be an empowering resource for you on your journey.

Thank you for sharing the book title, I'm a big fan of any thing Geneen Roth:drinker:
Becca

lvfunandfit

Everyone has bad weeks! The nice thing is, we get to start fresh every day.

themethod

I just finished reading Geneen Roth's new book 'Women, Food and God'. It really has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with how to have a fulfilling relationship with food and your body. I fundamentally believe that information is power. Perhaps this might be an empowering resource for you on your journey.

I go to the bookstore a lot and just saw that title for the first time last week and was very curious about it. Thank you for the recommendation, I will definitely pick it up!

HealthyChanges2010

We are all rooting you on. I know how tempting it is to lie on the log by omission or misrepresenting the portions eaten or just not logging altogether. I have been on this wagon before and fallen off, big time. I still feel totally unsure of how I can manage without having my food log and the community here (some of whom have told me that they look at my food diary for ideas) holding me accountable to each bite I put in my mouth. How will I ever maintain in the long run? I don't have the answer, but I'm glad you are getting back on track.

I think it's all part of our journey, not just toward better health but life in general, learning that we aren't perfect. Ups and downs in life, we makes choices every single moment in time even if we're unaware, we make one simply by not making one, know what I mean?

I think the ole' 'One Day At A Time is great one for so many things, but One Moment At A Time is huge as well. We get by however we can at times and do the best we can and help each other along the way. I feel we're all connected in this life, when one is down the others of us pull together just like in this thread to pass along our strength and let others know they are not alone.

You all are awesome in my book,:flowerforyou:

Becca:flowerforyou:

kajaknowers

it definitely takes balls to blog this so for that reason alone you should be proud.....I think when you have constantly had a bad relationship with food, it makes it very difficult to deal with it and unfortunately I think it will never go away....when I was younger I used to lie to myself all the time by not really considering snacking as eat more since it wasn't a meal so it couldn't count, I even hid the fact that I ate more from anyone from eating in secret...the way I see it, is you've owned up to it in a big way and although your week has been bad, its fine, you will get back on it.....besides you already look amazing, i know you wouldn't want to go back to your old ways.

You've faced up...now back on the wagon

x

MommyofLily

I had a cheat week last week as well. I would start out logging, but give up halfway through the day. I also didn't have time (or I should say didn't make time) last week to exercise much at all. It was a very stressful work week and I am pretty ashamed of my week last week, but I am going to make an honest effort to start fresh today and continue on through the week and month etc. I also need to get back on track with working out. I kinda think I got burned out a little, I was being a nazi with myself, tracking EVERYTHING and working out at least an hour every day, and spending tons of time going to yoga and completely neglecting my duties at home and in my relationship. I got stuff done at home last week, so now it's time to balance it all out and make sure I set aside time for everything. Good luck to you! And congrats on losing 33 lbs so far, same as me!

HealthyChanges2010

themethod,
I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself, for pushing yourself to do that and for posting here about it to get yourself accountable again, that couldn't have been easy.

Like was shared, you're aware of what you've been doing and want to get back on track so you came to the right place. We've all been there in that very spot at some point. Jump back up and we'll help you get some strength back for the journey!:flowerforyou:

I've missed you, I've missed your posts, hope to see you around more:drinker:
Becca

themethod

Good for you for finally owning up to it to yourself and to us. I'll admit I've ommitted some things from my diary because I didn't want to feel guilty but then I felt guilty NOT logging it and would come back to log it and would be discouraged seeing the red numbers, even though I saw them in my mind as I ate whatever was putting me over, and undoing my hard healthy work... but then later, I felt better because if I can't be honest with myself, what is the point?

Thank you, everyone, so much for all of the kind words. Arielle made me think of something that is very telling. It definitely says something to me about myself that I was so worried about what the MFPers were going to think of me, that I couldn't be honest about my food even on a website. However, as I've come to respect and appreciate everyone here so much, I hated deceiving everyone and decided to spill the beans.

It's going to be a long road, with several pot holes, but I look forward to reaching a destination at some point... and no matter what weight that is at, it will include a healthy body and mind.

Thank you, again!

KatieM7

The first step is to admit you have a problem! Most people can't even admit they have one. That is awesome that you are willing to get back on track to good health. You can do it! Also way to go on the no alcohol.

lalalady

Thanks for your honesty. I think the "One Day At Time" statement is so true. The bravest thing you did was own up to it, write it down and move on. I have a terrible habit of thinking its all or nothing. Each day is our chance to start anew. Again, thanks for sharing.

themethod

themethod,
I'm proud of you for being honest with yourself, for pushing yourself to do that and for posting here about it to get yourself accountable again, that couldn't have been easy.

Like was shared, you're aware of what you've been doing and want to get back on track so you came to the right place. We've all been there in that very spot at some point. Jump back up and we'll help you get some strength back for the journey!:flowerforyou:

I've missed you, I've missed your posts, hope to see you around more:drinker:
Becca

Thank you, very much. I really do value the relationships that we forge here. I posted this because another user had the strength a few weeks ago to write a blog about what she had been "hiding" from MFP and I thought if she can do it, so can I. Coming clean already feels better!!!

shellee9tj

Sweetheart we love you no matter what!! No one better be judging you or I will have to put my Tae Bo skills to work on them!!! We are all human and we are all here for the same reasons, so you will get back on track and we will be here to help you! You are my inspiration, I look forward to your comments and posts and accomplishments, you probably don't realize the impact you have on others on MFP. You fell down like we all do from time to time, but now you will pick yourself back up and start again strong! We believe in you, make sure you believe in yourself!!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

highrise

You've been a real inspiration to me, missus, having read many of your archived posts. You've done so brilliantly, with great humour and wisdom and have helped so many people on MFP.

Pick yourself up and start again.

holliscobb

You have been such a huge inspiration to so many here on MFP. I think we all understand what you are going through because most of us have been there ourselves. I really enjoy reading your posts because you shed such a positive light on the sometimes daunting task of losing weight. I know you can do this and you have a great support group on here to help you along the way.

Congratulations on being alcohol free for 30 days. That is an enormous accomplishment on it's own.

Chin up, you'll be fine!

selbyhutch

That was a difficult confession for you. I'm proud of you for doing it though... it had to be done. I have some concerns that you lied to yourself when logging food... it's not that you gave up & just didn't log the food. However, you had a lot of guilt even during your binge... and that's a step in the right direction. You'll get through it, you're learning more every day and taking accountability. And a big grats on no alcohol.

jewelinvic

First of all, you are very stunning! Second of all, congratulations on your ability to be so completely honest with yourself (who is the only one who matters) and also with the rest of us. That's a huge committment. I read your posts and your blogs and I admire your optimism, honesty and humour. You really should ease up a little on yourself, you're going to make yourself nuts , please don't be offended, I mean that in the kindest way possible. We're all only human and therefore apt to make mistakes. The one thing that I do try to remember is "one meal, one day at a time"

You are doing fabulous, you'll get back on the wagon and strap yourself down and be fine. The past is past, there is no point in worrying about a few days worth of mistakes.

I hope you have a great day :flowerforyou:
jewel

PJilly

I've been signing in to MFP everyday for 75 days. However, in the past week I haven't been participating as much in the community and although I have entered the little bit of exercise I've done, my food diary was a lie. I wanted to still look like I was being successful and had a hard time logging any food that wasn't healthy or correctly portioned.

In the last six days I have overeaten by a total of at least 6,500 calories. I estimate I ate more than 5,000 calories yesterday alone, and it has all been crap. I am seriously struggling right now, and so I logged all of it that I can remember (although I'm sure there are plenty of things I forgot, and my portion sizes and foods chosen are only guesses) to show me how big of a problem I obviously have.

I thought I was on my way to being a healthy eater, but it's obvious that I can't trust myself around food yet - especially things that I haven't measured and prepared. Tonight I need to throw out all the food in my house and start over again because what is left is not all good for me.

I can't afford another week like the past one that I had because it makes getting back on track towards a healthy lifestyle seem impossible. A cheat meal or a cheat food is one thing, but a cheat week of binging is insane and shows major issues. The worst part is that when I was eating it, I knew exactly what I was doing to my body with all the grease, flour, sugar, and salt, and that took all the joy out of it. It got progressively worse everyday, culminating in a Mother's Day brunch where I ate at least four entire dinner plates of food. Each bite was painful, but I just couldn't stop.

So, starting over again... right now. Hoping to get back to where I was, and happy that I have been successful with one thing: yesterday marked 30 days alcohol free.

Edited because I remembered more food!

First of all, HUGE congrats on 30 days of being alcohol-free! :happy:

Second, I can completely relate to the binging and overeating. Knock on wood, those days seem to be behind me, but I am always aware that I could fall back into my old ways pretty easily. MFP has been a huge part of my success. On the chance that the way I use it can help you too, here is what I do. First, I use the goal setting to determine how much food I get to eat. I log all my exercise so that those calories are added as well. I have found that I do way better when I don't try to restrict my calories too much. Second, I use the food diary as a way to plan what I'm going to eat, not as a way to track what I've already eaten. I think this helps in a couple of ways: One, I can make sure I get everything I need throughout the day so that I don't let myself to get too hungry and set myself up for failure. Two, just having it written down gives me a sense of being obligated to stick to it. That really helps me. My food diary is public, but first and foremost, it is a tool to help me in my journey. I wouldn't hesitate to make it private if I ever felt like I was too worried about how it would look to other people to make it an effective tool for myself.

You'll get yourself back on track. I really believe you will. You can be firm in your resolve to do better from this day forward and still be kind to yourself for messing up a little.

kiffypooh

After having many, many, many, many, days, weeks and months much like yours I have come to one conclusion. These trips, or falls, or whatever they are make us stronger. Each one gets smaller and further apart and before you know it they will go away pretty much all together. You’ve realized where you went and you've come back. You can and will do this because you know what you were doing was not the direction you want to go!!!

kiffypooh

After having many, many, many, many, days, weeks and months much like yours I have come to one conclusion. These trips, or falls, or whatever they are make us stronger. Each one gets smaller and further apart and before you know it they will go away pretty much all together. You’ve realized where you went and you've come back. You can and will do this because you know what you were doing was not the direction you want to go!!!