My friend says I look anorexic

xgirl451

I'm 5' 4" and currently weigh 135 lbs. I've lost 143 lbs and my doctor wants me @ 130.

However, my friend this morning was telling me that "people" thought I was too thin because my collar bones are showing. That "they" thought I looked unhealthy and anorexic. She assured me that she stuck up for me and explained that I was working with my doctor.

I'm not really sure I'm buying the "other people" story. She is used to being the thinner, cute one who got all the attention. Now she has gained weight.

She's brought this up several times and I'm not really sure how to deal with this. She's been one of the most suportive people over the 22 months its taken me to get here. I'm not going to stop until I reach the goal and I'm going to do my best to maintain.

carolynhart01

Worry about you and how you feel. She can worry about herself and the other people if she wants. You have done so well.. What an amazing loss of 143 :bigsmile: !!! Congratulations. Youve worked so hard and now get to enjoy being the thinner cuter (more importantly, healthier) one. Maybe you will motivate her

Carolyn_79

I would just tell her you appreciate her concern and all the support she's offered over the past 22 months and assure her that you and your doctor are working together on this to achieve your goal. She probably is insecure like you mentioned because the two of you have shifted roles now. Congrats on your loss!

mamosh81

i had a "friend" once tell me that i am not allowed to lose weight because then id look better then her. Needless to say she aint my friend anymore

KimberlyDCZ

I'm 5ft 4.5 inches and there's no way I would look or feel healthy at 130, but your doctor knows best, I guess. Your friend is probably jealous.

KimberlyDCZ

i had a "friend" once tell me that i am not allowed to lose weight because then id look better then her. Needless to say she aint my friend anymore

My mom said this to me bc I would weigh less than her. This was when I got down to 205. Whatev Mama!

sevsmom

Continue to assure her of your healthful journey. . . 5'4" and 130 sounds fantastic (heck, 143 is great!!!)! If she persists in the "anorexic" concerns of "others" tell her to have the "others" come chat with you as you want to reassure them personally as well. Otherwise, tell her she can zip her lip and stop being their messenger. Maybe that will quite her down.

You can't control how people respond to your progress. I have a friend who went BALLISTIC on me because I talk about my running and racing and such. I guess when I was 30+ pounds heavier and sedentary, she liked me more. But, because I'm no longer living that way, my lifestyle is an affront to her because her weight loss efforts are not as successful. I can't own that. I feel badly that SHE feels badly, but I can't own her struggle. I do try to be mindful and not bring it up in her company, but ultimately, it is what is it is. . . .HER issue.

If your chatty co-worker has issues with her success, realize they are HER issues. You do NOT have to own them!!

Good luck reaching your goal. You've done an AMAZING job already!!

Krys_140

I would just tell her you appreciate her concern and all the support she's offered over the past 22 months and assure her that you and your doctor are working together on this to achieve your goal. She probably is insecure like you mentioned because the two of you have shifted roles now. Congrats on your loss!

This is excellent advice.

Congrats on your success!

xgirl451

I feel great. I'm running half marathongs and getting ready for a triathlon. I'm in the best shape of my life.

I just don't want to hurt her feelings.

KANGOOJUMPS

its about you, not them.,, who cares what they think.

meeper123

It could be because you did lose so much i was 220 pounds after high school then dropped to 125 people thought the same about me its all about how you feel i knew i wasnt i was actually eating way more than i did at 220 just wasnt pizza and icream lol

RedVelvetCurls

I'm 5' 4" and currently weigh 135 lbs. I've lost 143 lbs and my doctor wants me @ 130.

However, my friend this morning was telling me that "people" thought I was too thin because my collar bones are showing. That "they" thought I looked unhealthy and anorexic. She assured me that she stuck up for me and explained that I was working with my doctor.

I'm not really sure I'm buying the "other people" story. She is used to being the thinner, cute one who got all the attention. Now she has gained weight.

She's brought this up several times and I'm not really sure how to deal with this. She's been one of the most suportive people over the 22 months its taken me to get here. I'm not going to stop until I reach the goal and I'm going to do my best to maintain.

Hi dear, just wanted to let you know that I am also 5'4", and I've lost 80lbs. Congrats on your loss, almost double mine, that's crazy!

Right now I sit at 134lbs. My doctor said that if I want to continue to lose weight, I'm not to go below 125. To be honest, if people start making up stories hiding their passive aggressive opinion, then they're either jealous or angry that they don't have a "chubby buddy" anymore. I've experienced this kind of thing as well, when I was still about 160lbs, go figure.

Flixie00

Congratulations, that is an amazing amount of weight to lose.

This is a common problem, and I think its just that those close to you are used to you being bigger, and are probably worried unnecessarily (she does seem to have your best interests at heart). Give your friend time, and she will get used to the new you.

Lupercalia

I'm sure you look great. I don't think 135 is anywhere near "anorexic" or underweight for someone of your height.

I think your friend is insecure and being weird. I don't buy the line about other people talking behind your back about your weight loss/appearance, either. I would just be cautiously nice/pleasant with her and hope she gets over it. If she keeps on with the anorexic comments, I'd probably need to have a wee word with her. It gets a bit much at a certain point, you know?

sarahmoo12

If shes sticking to the "they say" story just say you dont care what others think and you are being healthy and working with the doctor. Maybe invite her on walks or something she might want to drop a few lbs but dsnt no where to start. I think your right about jealous/ insecure part..... I was always thinner than my little sister and then she lost loads of weight and was thinner than me for first time I was happy for her but jealous lol I never said anything to her tho apart from being suportive and teller her she was looking fab

JewelsinBigD

that is just silly- I have 80 pounds more to lose and my collar bones are showing already - just say thanks - I feel great.

wanderingpilgrim

I'm pretty inspired by the fact you are training for a triathlon! Wow! Good for you! Seriously amazing! :flowerforyou:

I agree with the people on this board that suggest she could be insecure; however, if you are living in a healthy manner that isn't going down the road of anorexia, then stay strong and be encouraged!! Clearly, if you are training for all this activity, you have gleaned knowledge and know what is healthy and what is not.

I wonder if it could help you to view your friend as someone who HAS been supportive of you during this time, and to consider how things may appear from her standpoint. Perhaps she still IS supportive; just beginning to feel concerned? If she is your true friend, then she is talking to you in love... sometimes pointing things out is a loving thing to do too. If you cared for someone and worried they might be becoming extreme, would you approach them out of concern?

If it were me, I would ask her if she shares the same feelings as "the other people". Just be up front. Ask her directly about her thoughts. I think it's also valid to tell her that you don't want her caught in the crossfire of discussion about your health (having to stick up for you, etc) so in the future when "they" talk about you, just have her firmly say: "maybe you should ask her about it".

Then you can methodically show how responsible and aware you've been through your weight-loss journey~ with the help of your Dr.

I wish you all the best with this sensitive issue; if she was supportive to you before, I hope she still is now and that all of this is just true concern coming out from an individual who actually cares about you but doesn't know how to communicate it very well. Honesty is best~ treat her like you would have preferred to be approached: "honestly"!

jzammetti

As far as collar bones go, you should be able to see them! It was an NSV for me when I first noticed I had collar bones. Seems silly, I guess, but it was proof the fat was melting away!

endoftheside

People get used to seeing you a certain way and have a hard time accepting a new look. The collarbone thing makes no sense, because you can see collarbones on plenty of people who are technically even obese. You don't get to choose where the fat comes off first. If she has brought this up several times, I would tell her that I hate for her to be in the middle of it, and that she should tell people that they need to talk to me. I get the feeling that the friend is not exactly shutting these people down when they come to talk to her, or they wouldn't keep doing it.

AbigailClarke48

I am a 43 year old woman with identical measurements as you - and I look pleasantly maternally plump so I can't imagine why someone would be concerned. You look fine to me.

conniemaxwell5

I'm still 40 pounds overweight and my collarbones show (and I love it!). Collarbones are not an indication of anorexia. Your joints would be sticking out, shoulder blades protruding, and ribs showing if you were that thin. It sounds like either she has a misconception of anorexia, or isn't used to seeing you thin and healthy, or she has her own issues. I wouldn't worry about it. Your doctor knows better than she does anyway.

booncey

I had the same thing happen to me about 5 years ago. I had lost 30 pounds and actually felt great, looked great and was happy. I let others' negative comments get to me where I decided to listen to them and quit dieting and exercising. It took a little while for the weight to creep up but I have now gained those 30 lbs back and about 5 extra. It's a harder struggle now to get the weight BACK off for the second time. Do NOT let your friends derail your progress or goals. Congratulations on your progress thus far and stay focused to reach and maintain your ultimate goal. You can do it.

redheaddee

I would defer to what the doctor says & frack the rest.

DopeItUp

What a weird benchmark for anorexia. Visible collarbones? I weigh 210lbs and I've had visible collarbones for a while.

SoDamnHungry

But you're supposed to see people's collarbones. Peeps be crazy.

iulia_maddie

"Anorexic" is not a look. You are at a healthy weight now, tell your friends to keep their comments for themselves.

jennyrebekka

Make sure you are healthy - that's all you can do. People are stupid and petty and have ulterior motives. I see people telling other people when they are too fat, when they are not exercising enough, when they are exercising too much, what they are eating, what they are not eating, ....it's just a way of avoiding their OWN issues.
Don't mind them! Do what you and your Dr feel is right for YOU!

lithezebra

I would tell her that her comment is hurtful. If she persists after that, it's clearly a hostile act on her part. That doesn't mean that you can't be friends, but it does spell out a serious rift.

Edited to say: never mind. It's already a hostile act. You've done an amazing thing, and I bet that you look and feel fantastic! Just tell your friend that you love her, and don't want to hear any more hurtful comments. Getting past her jealous feelings, or not, is up to her.

lizsmith1976

Sounds like you and your doctor know exactly what you are doing Ignore your friend and her (hopefully) well-intentioned meddling.

I saw you are training for marathons and tris! Me too.. Less weight is better as fat is dead weight you have to carry around for LONG distances. My profile pic is me last weekend at a half IM, I'm 5'4" and 130 now, but usually race between 120-125. It's mostly muscle and low fat, so yes, my collar bones show too. I don't think there would be a person alive who could look at me and call me anorexic!!!

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

i had a "friend" once tell me that i am not allowed to lose weight because then id look better then her. Needless to say she aint my friend anymore

I had a similar thing happen. She didn't want me to lose weight, so she would drag me out of the gym (university gym) and tell me that I didn't need to lose anything. Yep, not friends anymore. And I don't plan on being friends with anybody else who criticizes my efforts to become healthy (minus constructive criticism. If I have bad form or am doing something that will cause me injury, I like to know that.)

usflygirl55

Worry about you and how you feel. She can worry about herself and the other people if she wants. You have done so well.. What an amazing loss of 143 :bigsmile: !!! Congratulations. Youve worked so hard and now get to enjoy being the thinner cuter (more importantly, healthier) one. Maybe you will motivate her

^^This!