Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?
Replies
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So sorry for you! But happy that you are seeing this now and not into a marriage or with children. If he is so easily swayed by others opinions of the woman that he supposedly loves....I think you know how the rest of that sentence will go. You are beautiful. Do this for you, prince charming will come along when the time is right and when you are ready. Until then love yourself!0
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I don't usually fall in with the "just dump him" crowd. But on this one, I have to agree with that consensus. He is very obviously trying to manipulate and control you, and just for his own shallow pride. It doesn't seem like he is concerned at all for your health, just appearance. Leave him, learn to love yourself, lose weight and get healthy FOR YOU and build your confidence. Then find a decent man. I'd add, bring your new man to a place that this one frequents, so he can see you with someone better than him
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Ewww!!! First and foremost, if you want to loose weight DO IT FOR YOURSELF. Not for this other person. Do It because you want to live a healthier lifestyle not because you want to hold on to this person who wants to only take pieces of you that are acceptable to his flawed standards. This man who loves you should be trying to build you up not tear you down. He should KICK ROCKS. Ask yourself, during your two years together has he tried to uplift and support you in goals of healthier living? Or has he sabotaged your efforts to better yourself? If you were to loose the weight & you two got married, this would follow you throughout your relationship and have a negative impact. You would constantly fear gaining weight because he might leave you if do! That is no way to live. Also, what happens when you two have kids (if that is in your plans)? That would be a challenging process to go through. Get out while you can. Focus on yourself and change your lifestyle for YOURSELF and gain the self confidence to know that YOU CAN DO BETTER than this guy. Don't settle for what he is offering you.0
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I say if you want to attract Mr. Hot Buff Stuff, you have to be Mrs. Hott Buff Stuff. Like attracts like. And maybe this guy just changed his mind. I say take a break, focus on yourself, and if it's meant to be, it will be. Let him go, and watch him come crawling back if he loves you that much. He'll apologize.0
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That's crazy, I agree with everyone else..I would be very hurt by that. I wasn't always overweight, when I met my husband 13 years ago I was skinny, we've been together for over 11yrs & married almost 7 years. I didn't get really heavy until I had my first daughter & now we have 3 kids, & I'm really trying now to lose weight & it's working. But my husband told me he loves me no matter what & if I want to lose weight to do it for myself, not him...because he's happy with me already. So for your boyfriend to be acting like that, it's kinda weird & I wouldn't want to be with him. Good Luck with everything!0
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Noo way, anyone would be 50x better without him. He sounds needy and CONTROLLING.
That's how my ex was anyway. I had the same problem but opposite, because he wanted to fatten me up. Either way that's deeply rooted psychological problem that many men have or have a tendency to turn to when faced with a strong, beautiful smart woman.
He's trying to control some aspect of you to assert his dominance.
The weight is a huge one not only because he knows you're making changes mentally FOR HIM, but he can also see his affect on you physically. You become the walking evidence of his dominance.
He is obviously afraid of your power and cannot handle it.
Find someone who not only appreciates you, but celebrates who you are, and can stand by you proudly anytime, anyday.
Whether it be weight loss, weight gain, whatever.
The whole point of a relationship is partnership and this sounds like more of a battle.0 -
Instead of saying things like ˝I am with you no matter, I'll be your support˝ he's talking of break up! As if it's not already hard enough for you!! Well, if he cant handle you the way you are now, then he sure doesn't deserve you when you get in that hot shape!! AND YOU WILL GET THERE
Of course, you should lose weight, because of yourself, because that's for your health and your own well being. So hold your head up high and may that experience motivate you even more to do your best in your weight loss journey. 0 -
Run.
Run hard.0 -
Also, I'll have you know; big girls are better in bed anyway
Until they lose weight, and then they are phenomonal!
Honestly, sex is so much easier and more fun now that I lost.
I'm not saying that OP should lose weight for this dude. She should do it for herself and then go find a new dude.0 -
Hi OP. First off, I just want to say you do not deserve this... Straight to the point, he's a complete *kitten*. It's completely fine for a significant other to want there girlfriend or boyfriend to be healthy, and if that calls for them wanting you to lose weight, that's fine, but the way they could present that you and make that okay would be if they were to assist you with meeting your weight loss goals and encourage you every step of the way, without putting you down or comparing you to anyone regardless of what family or anyone else might've said. What he did to you was flat out wrong. Instead of helping you, he put you down and basically attacked your self worth. The fact that he said he wanted to be attracted to you and check you out the way he would check out other thin girls???!!! That comment he made to you proves that he doesn't care about you or your health! He just wants you to be thin, so that it could be a boost to his ego. He sounds like he is very shallow and lacks character. My question to you is, why the hell were you even with him???
I know it hurts now and you guys been together for quite some time... But look at this as a blessing in disguise, because you would have married an ignorant, selfish, jerk, and who the hell wants to be seen with that? He doesn't want to be seen with you, well you shouldn't want to be seen with a person like him.
I hope you meet your goals, not just for looks, but for health reasons and when you do, don't ever take him back, because a *kitten* like him, will probably want you back once you change.. I know your heart probably hurts, but please take some pride in who you are and don't take him back. All men are not like him, there are really great guys out there that will be much better for you, please don't settle for this idiot.0 -
Lose the weight.
and by weight, I mead DEAD WEIGHT.
And by dead weight, I mean him. Screw him. If he really loved you, he would love you as is and not ask you to change. The only time it's okay for someone to ask their significant other to lose weight is if you have pending health problems and they're begging you to change for fear of losing you in the long run. But because he's embarrassed or wants you to look different? Nah. bump that.0 -
You should lost weight for yourself, for your health, not for him.
If that is his attitude to you then he isn't worth it. I know you've been with him a long time but he really doesn't sound like a nice guy.
^^^THIS!! you aren't going to be happy if you lose the weight for HIM! You won't be happy if you constantly wonder "how fat is too fat for him?"! IF it were truly love, he would love you no matter what, for who you are, and stand up like a man when his family comments. A TRUE LOVE relationship does NOT succeed or fail on ULTIMATUMS - and essentially that's what he's saying.
Lose weight FOR YOU. Get healthier FOR YOU. NOT for him to keep him so you can always fear he will turn around and reject you someday because he wants something else changed.0 -
Lose weight for yourself. If he wants to dump you 'cos of your weight, call his bluff and tell him to go ahead. in the meantime, find a good diet and exercise and get yourself slim. Your current BMI is 44 putting you firmly into the obese category. You need to shed 110 lbs to drop into the normal category. If not, you have diabetes, arthritis, heart disease and an early death ahead of you!0
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dump his sorry *kitten*. Lose weight for yourself not anyone else. do this for YOU . If he cant love you for your amazing personality then he isnt worth your time. You deserve someone who accepts you for you<330
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Also, I'll have you know; big girls are better in bed anyway
Until they lose weight, and then they are phenomonal!
Honestly, sex is so much easier and more fun now that I lost.
I'm not saying that OP should lose weight for this dude. She should do it for herself and then go find a new dude.
Damn I'll probably kill my fiance0 -
I'm sure you've already had a lot of feedback and I have to think deep down that you already know what you want to do about the situation. However, that being said...I took a look at your profile and something you wrote jumped out at me. "I am tired of feeling insecure and judged"
I personally think he did exactly that and you have to figure out for yourself if you can accept his opinions (ultimatum) or if you need to move on.
From a girl who has ALWAYS been overweight/obese -- true love doesn't care about your size. I asked my husband if he could tell that I had gained 30 pounds since we met. He had every reason to lie (I mean what guy wants to answer that?!) but he was honest with me and I love him even more for it.0 -
Sounds like you aren't what he wants, and he isn't what you need. Better to find out now than after you are married.
Don't be too hard on the guy. Sure, what he said sucks, but it did take balls to be open about it. Sometimes you fall for someone and think you can overlook their particular imperfections, but then discover you can't.0 -
sounds like an *kitten* and like something else happened.... hes hiding something and he's a d*** . thats all there is to it. YOU should only change for yourself. not anybody else.0
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I am going to be real right now. I had an Ex who would blow up by overeating and shrink by starving himself all the time. When he was really heavy I was kind of embarrassed but I would never tell him that. I think that feeling aided in my feelings of wanting to break up with him. It was a health thing. He made horrible health choices beyond just being heavy. I just couldn't do it anymore. But the issue was a core issue, not really a cosmetic thing. I was more upset that he didn't care for himself and that wasn't something I could have in my life. So, I broke up with him. He lost a bunch of weight again by starving, and I realized still, he wasn't for me. I think weight is less of an issue than lifestyle. Sometimes the lifestyles just dont mesh.0
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About how big is this guy??? That's about how much weight you need to lose.
This. He is, at best, too involved with mommy and daddy and at worst, a heartless jerk0 -
So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
How Would I react to this? I would probably have a flipping melt down! This was so mean, rude, and not to mention uncalled for! I would try and lose weight for yourself not for him! Do what makes you happy and do it for yourself, for a longer life, and for whatever else motivates you! I think you should move on! You don't need someone that negative in your life and sounds like he will never be happy with what he has. I think you should be grateful you found out what kind of person he was before you got married! Good Luck! Feel free to add me, I will help support you!0 -
His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.
Chances are he felt this way long before his family came to visit, and just didn't have the guts to say it until they encouraged him, which makes him a jerk. If he didn't feel that way about you before, and his family convinced him to tell you this, he's a mama's boy and a jerk.
I've been in bad relationships before, and I know that no matter someone tells you, you have to make this decision for yourself. You just have to come to the realization that he's not the right one for you on your own terms. I know it hurts, and it's really hard to let go, but do you want to be with someone like that? You deserve someone who loves you and cares about you, no matter what size you are.0 -
If he would have said he wanted you to lose the weight so you would be as healthy as possible to have a long life with him, I would have worked hard to lose the weight.
However, saying he wants you to lose weight so he can check you out like he does the thin girls...and that he doesn't want people looking at you both together and wonder why he's with you...relationship breakers there.
See, I would have fired back about his belly, kicked his gut to the curb, lost the weight and paraded my new found hotness in his face whenever and wherever possible.
You deserve a man who loves and respects you for you, not just for "part" of you.
I was 140 pounds when I met my husband. At the end of last year, I was 229 and we have been together for 12.5 years. If my husband ever ONCE made a comment like that he would have had a bad day. Instead, he made sure to tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am no matter what. He is happy I'm losing weight because it makes me happy, but he loves me regardless.
There are men out there that will love you for you. This guy you have in your life now? Not worth the breath it takes to say his name.
Oh...and if you REALLY want to get even...lose the weight, flaunt your stuff in front of him and if he comes up to say hi and ask how you have been, look him dead in the face and ask as serious and confused as possible: "Do I know you?" I did that to a guy that hurt me once...the look on his face was priceless!!0 -
The only thing I'll add to the chorus of clear-headed people counselling that you cut your losses is this: thank God you discovered his true colors are BEFORE you married him.
There are plenty of good-hearted guys who will love you for who you are, who will encourage you to be better, and stand by you when life it tough. Never settle for anything less.0 -
He sounds awful, sorry. Say you lost tons of weight and got to where he finally "approved." Then what? What about when you start getting gray hair and wrinkles? What about if you get pregnant and get *gasp* stretch marks and stuff?! Will he be sending you to a plastic surgeon and stylist to get you back to looking hot so he can "love" you again? He sounds like the type of guy that ends up cheating on someone and then blaming HER for it. You can do better!
THIS!0 -
Move on my friend.
Love yourself first.
Lose weight and get in shape for yourself, for your future.
Find someone who will love you, who is not so superficial.
You can do it.0 -
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thank god that he showed you his true colors before you married him and had kids! I know it hurts now, but even if you lost all the weight *he* wanted you to lose - he'd find something else. He is obviously weak minded for that to influence him so much.
Dump his sorry, spineless *kitten*, find someone who truely loves you and lose weight for yourself to be healthy ! I met my husband when I was heavier - i've been heavier and thinner and he has literilly loved me through thick and thin!
Sorry its going to hurt for a while, but you will be much better off in the long run! <hugs>0 -
Basically he's attracted to you but at the same time is sort of ashamed he is , I say unless he changes this attitude leave him.
TOTALLY agree with this guy ^ ^ ^...if he really loves you he'll love you for exactly who and what you are - without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. When a man loves a woman he wants to let others know about her and he PROTECTS her. If he's not man enough to stand up to his family and anyone else who disrespects you, he's not really capable of loving you the way you deserve. True love meets a person where they are and actively supports them as they try to get where they'd like to be - if he can't do that then as tough as it might be emotionally, move on and use your time and energy to lose weight for YOU and only you. Get the body YOU want.0 -
WOW. Superficial much??? There is so much wrong with this, I'm not even sure where to start. Lose weight for YOU, not for his family, and not for him, so he can "check you out" Wtf?? This isn't love. I'm sorry he hurt you like this.0
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