Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • Gmtribble90
    Gmtribble90 Posts: 463 Member
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    I'm sorry anyone has to go through this. In this type of situation, the best thing is to LEAVE.

    I was with a guy who loved me until I gained weight for many reasons (depression from home life, getting pregnant, etc.). After the gain, he started watching porn a lot, walking WAAAY ahead of me out in public so he wouldn't be seen with me, and staring at EVERY "perfect-sized" chick he saw in public (he even dragged me to Hooters often to be around them). After a while of going through this, I felt low and unattractive.

    However, I did eventually figure out that other guys found me beautiful and left him. I started dating again and found the love of my life. He supports me in everything I do and loves me even though I don't exactly have that bikini body (he also doesn't mind if I allow myself to indulge in a big meal every now and then and finish the plate lol). He sees me as a human and doesn't believe I have to look like a "trophy" to be seen with him in public. You, my dear, are gorgeous and need to find a real man who will cherish and truly love you.
  • MrsBozz1
    MrsBozz1 Posts: 248 Member
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    If he wanted you to lose weight (even if he was pushy about it) because he is truly concerned about your health and wants you to be around forever that is cool BUT wanting you to lose because he is embarrassed to walk the mall with you :angry: NOT COOL!! He should have told his family to jump in a lake and that he loves you and that's it! I'm so sorry, this sucks! :cry: Lose the weight for you because YOU are worth it! Good luck! I wish you the best! :flowerforyou:
  • marieann82
    marieann82 Posts: 150 Member
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    I can understand that when we love somebody we want them to be as healthy as possible-especially if we are hoping to spend our entire lives with them and sharing children with them. However, the LOVING way of asking somebody to get to a healthy weight would be noticing he himself has a belly and or less than ideal healthy habits and would suggest that you get healthy together and be supportive! Not compare you to some skinny chicks in bikini's-very shallow and not helpful!

    If he can change the way he views your weight, and accept the great opportunity it is to work together to have a happier and healthier lifestyle and relationship, maybe not all is lost. You are the only one who can decide if you can forgive him for being hurtful.

    I had an extremely unsupportive relationship for over 3 years that I broke off. It's hard and scary to do so. But it is the best thing I ever did. I know that it made it so much easier to find the right man to share my life with-knowing that I deserved better than put downs and being controlled. (happily married for seven plus years now!)

    Personally, I would tell him you need a break to focus on yourself (which means losing the weight that YOU want to lose but also trying new things, meeting new people, going new places, ect). Then focus on yourself, start making healthy habits, and build healthy relationships with friends. I would imagine as you learn how amazing you are that you will also see things in your relationship and realize you deserve something much better.

    Here is my final point:
    If he family had said something offensive and he didn't have the guts to stick up for you, but it in fact it changed his feelings/reactions towards you, ask yourself, is that a family I really want to be a part of?
  • limepink93
    limepink93 Posts: 9
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    I say that if that's what he believes then screw him. That's a real **** move.
    Stay strong and do it for yourself, not for him.
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
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    Honestly if he's not willing to walk through a mall with you because he's worried about what people will think, he's an *kitten*. My hubby and I had a chat about my weight but not because of how I look, he loves me for me, he was more concerned about my health. My mom is overweight and is having a lot of medical issues now that she is in her 60's and he wants me to be around for a long time so we can have a long happy life together without the fear of avoidable health issues.

    Lose the weight for YOU, not anyone else.

    Edit: my hubby is also going through the phases with me. He is going to the gym and getting healthier as well.
  • AbsoluteNG
    AbsoluteNG Posts: 1,079 Member
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    The guy was honest and started dating you in your overweight status. It would only be shallow if he left you after you got big. The reality of this subject matter is that we all hold some type of superficial standard in a relationship. How many women here would date a jobless, 40 year old man?
  • Azexas
    Azexas Posts: 4,334 Member
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    Honestly, if you two have been together that long and now there is an issue about your weight something else is going on. He is just using your weight as an excuse. Run far far away. you deserve better than that.
  • UticaBoy51
    UticaBoy51 Posts: 344 Member
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    A lot of men can see sexy in a larger woman, me included. You should get healthy for yourself not for a superficial d-bag. Time heals all wounds, move on and find someone who loves you for you. Good luck.
  • abnerner
    abnerner Posts: 452 Member
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    Honey....if he can't love you for who you are now, he will not love you the way deserve later either. Get rid of him.
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
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    I faced a very similar situation when I was about your age. I was "perfect" except I was too fat. It ended badly and I blamed myself. Fast forward....I am sooooooooo glad that it ended. I realize I deserve to be loved by someone who truly loves me and not some shallow, insensitive, and judgmental person.

    It will be tough...but move on and find that one person who truly loves you.
  • christina0089
    christina0089 Posts: 709 Member
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    I have no idea how much he weighs but drop him and lose that weight instantly! Then keep your head up and move forward!

    You need to do this for you and you ONLY!

    If he can't see past your weight why should you see past his or his families shallowness?? :angry:
  • tashamilliken
    tashamilliken Posts: 1
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    He's a jerk and you can do better. Get healthy and lose weight for you- not for a man who doesn't appreciate you now. As many have said- RUN!!!
  • always_smiling_chachita
    always_smiling_chachita Posts: 28
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    Hmmmm... simple... grab all his **** and throw it out the window - truth is if he doesn't want you now because you have extra pounds then he doesn't deserve you once you have gotten rid of them.
  • dolcemaria81
    dolcemaria81 Posts: 25 Member
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    You are beautiful! He is the one missing out! You do not need him. Write down all the things you are thankful for as of right now. Don't let that a-hole bring you down! Dump him, motivate yourself to loose a ton of weight so when he sees you he will regret ever loosing you!!
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    Both.

    Move on because you deserve someone who is mature and knows what true love is.

    Feel grateful that he told you before you were stuck with him.
  • kariannmbc
    kariannmbc Posts: 144
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    Kick him to the curb.

    If he "loved" you until his family said something about your weight, it's only a matter of time before they don't like your hair, or the way you cook chicken (or whatever), or your pet, or your shoes, or your laugh, etc...
  • emilysebastian
    emilysebastian Posts: 245 Member
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    He says I am perfect for him except for my weight.

    There should be no "except" when someone is perfect for you--flaws, annoying habits, etc. are things that make each person unique and are just part of the package that makes you "you"... and you should be loved WITH them as whole, not in-spite of them! Don't settle for less :heart:
  • Dr_Flo
    Dr_Flo Posts: 465
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    Im not saying anything that hasn't already been said 10 times over, but lose him. Any guy that has the stones to say something like that to you, isnt worth your time.

    I'd say, "That's fine .. I can lose the weight, but you'll always have a small $%#"

    I say move on and leave him where he belongs, in your past.

    Do whats right for you, make yourself happy. The rest will come.
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
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    I'd kick his large butt to the curb and then lose the weight for myself! He doesn't deserve you at any size!
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    this! what a jerk

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