Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • Mommylicous
    Mommylicous Posts: 121 Member
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    Lose the weight.

    and by weight, I mead DEAD WEIGHT.

    And by dead weight, I mean him. Screw him. If he really loved you, he would love you as is and not ask you to change. The only time it's okay for someone to ask their significant other to lose weight is if you have pending health problems and they're begging you to change for fear of losing you in the long run. But because he's embarrassed or wants you to look different? Nah. bump that.
  • cwaters120
    cwaters120 Posts: 354 Member
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    You should lost weight for yourself, for your health, not for him.
    If that is his attitude to you then he isn't worth it. I know you've been with him a long time but he really doesn't sound like a nice guy.

    ^^^THIS!! you aren't going to be happy if you lose the weight for HIM! You won't be happy if you constantly wonder "how fat is too fat for him?"! IF it were truly love, he would love you no matter what, for who you are, and stand up like a man when his family comments. A TRUE LOVE relationship does NOT succeed or fail on ULTIMATUMS - and essentially that's what he's saying.

    Lose weight FOR YOU. Get healthier FOR YOU. NOT for him to keep him so you can always fear he will turn around and reject you someday because he wants something else changed.
  • Mousiechan
    Mousiechan Posts: 11
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    Lose weight for yourself. If he wants to dump you 'cos of your weight, call his bluff and tell him to go ahead. in the meantime, find a good diet and exercise and get yourself slim. Your current BMI is 44 putting you firmly into the obese category. You need to shed 110 lbs to drop into the normal category. If not, you have diabetes, arthritis, heart disease and an early death ahead of you!
  • emilylovesnsn
    emilylovesnsn Posts: 8
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    dump his sorry *kitten*. Lose weight for yourself not anyone else. do this for YOU . If he cant love you for your amazing personality then he isnt worth your time. You deserve someone who accepts you for you<33
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Also, I'll have you know; big girls are better in bed anyway ;)

    Until they lose weight, and then they are phenomonal!

    Honestly, sex is so much easier and more fun now that I lost.

    I'm not saying that OP should lose weight for this dude. She should do it for herself and then go find a new dude.

    Damn I'll probably kill my fiance
  • evolution143
    evolution143 Posts: 14 Member
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    I'm sure you've already had a lot of feedback and I have to think deep down that you already know what you want to do about the situation. However, that being said...I took a look at your profile and something you wrote jumped out at me. "I am tired of feeling insecure and judged"

    I personally think he did exactly that and you have to figure out for yourself if you can accept his opinions (ultimatum) or if you need to move on.

    From a girl who has ALWAYS been overweight/obese -- true love doesn't care about your size. I asked my husband if he could tell that I had gained 30 pounds since we met. He had every reason to lie (I mean what guy wants to answer that?!) but he was honest with me and I love him even more for it.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    Sounds like you aren't what he wants, and he isn't what you need. Better to find out now than after you are married.

    Don't be too hard on the guy. Sure, what he said sucks, but it did take balls to be open about it. Sometimes you fall for someone and think you can overlook their particular imperfections, but then discover you can't.
  • graceylou222
    graceylou222 Posts: 198 Member
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    sounds like an *kitten* and like something else happened.... hes hiding something and he's a d*** . thats all there is to it. YOU should only change for yourself. not anybody else.
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
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    I am going to be real right now. I had an Ex who would blow up by overeating and shrink by starving himself all the time. When he was really heavy I was kind of embarrassed but I would never tell him that. I think that feeling aided in my feelings of wanting to break up with him. It was a health thing. He made horrible health choices beyond just being heavy. I just couldn't do it anymore. But the issue was a core issue, not really a cosmetic thing. I was more upset that he didn't care for himself and that wasn't something I could have in my life. So, I broke up with him. He lost a bunch of weight again by starving, and I realized still, he wasn't for me. I think weight is less of an issue than lifestyle. Sometimes the lifestyles just dont mesh.
  • oh_em_gee
    oh_em_gee Posts: 887 Member
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    About how big is this guy??? That's about how much weight you need to lose.

    This. He is, at best, too involved with mommy and daddy and at worst, a heartless jerk
  • meglynne1987
    meglynne1987 Posts: 382 Member
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    So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    How Would I react to this? I would probably have a flipping melt down! This was so mean, rude, and not to mention uncalled for! I would try and lose weight for yourself not for him! Do what makes you happy and do it for yourself, for a longer life, and for whatever else motivates you! I think you should move on! You don't need someone that negative in your life and sounds like he will never be happy with what he has. I think you should be grateful you found out what kind of person he was before you got married! Good Luck! Feel free to add me, I will help support you!
  • Alison12121
    Alison12121 Posts: 198 Member
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    His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

    Chances are he felt this way long before his family came to visit, and just didn't have the guts to say it until they encouraged him, which makes him a jerk. If he didn't feel that way about you before, and his family convinced him to tell you this, he's a mama's boy and a jerk.

    I've been in bad relationships before, and I know that no matter someone tells you, you have to make this decision for yourself. You just have to come to the realization that he's not the right one for you on your own terms. I know it hurts, and it's really hard to let go, but do you want to be with someone like that? You deserve someone who loves you and cares about you, no matter what size you are.
  • RavenWolf1977
    RavenWolf1977 Posts: 39 Member
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    If he would have said he wanted you to lose the weight so you would be as healthy as possible to have a long life with him, I would have worked hard to lose the weight.

    However, saying he wants you to lose weight so he can check you out like he does the thin girls...and that he doesn't want people looking at you both together and wonder why he's with you...relationship breakers there.

    See, I would have fired back about his belly, kicked his gut to the curb, lost the weight and paraded my new found hotness in his face whenever and wherever possible.

    You deserve a man who loves and respects you for you, not just for "part" of you.

    I was 140 pounds when I met my husband. At the end of last year, I was 229 and we have been together for 12.5 years. If my husband ever ONCE made a comment like that he would have had a bad day. Instead, he made sure to tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am no matter what. He is happy I'm losing weight because it makes me happy, but he loves me regardless.

    There are men out there that will love you for you. This guy you have in your life now? Not worth the breath it takes to say his name.

    Oh...and if you REALLY want to get even...lose the weight, flaunt your stuff in front of him and if he comes up to say hi and ask how you have been, look him dead in the face and ask as serious and confused as possible: "Do I know you?" I did that to a guy that hurt me once...the look on his face was priceless!!
  • KingOfTheBurke
    KingOfTheBurke Posts: 20
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    The only thing I'll add to the chorus of clear-headed people counselling that you cut your losses is this: thank God you discovered his true colors are BEFORE you married him.

    There are plenty of good-hearted guys who will love you for who you are, who will encourage you to be better, and stand by you when life it tough. Never settle for anything less.
  • katie_rnc
    katie_rnc Posts: 30 Member
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    He sounds awful, sorry. Say you lost tons of weight and got to where he finally "approved." Then what? What about when you start getting gray hair and wrinkles? What about if you get pregnant and get *gasp* stretch marks and stuff?! Will he be sending you to a plastic surgeon and stylist to get you back to looking hot so he can "love" you again? He sounds like the type of guy that ends up cheating on someone and then blaming HER for it. You can do better!

    THIS!
  • RunForChai
    RunForChai Posts: 238 Member
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    Move on my friend.
    Love yourself first.
    Lose weight and get in shape for yourself, for your future.
    Find someone who will love you, who is not so superficial.
    You can do it.
  • NayaLife
    NayaLife Posts: 10 Member
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    :(
  • Christie0428
    Christie0428 Posts: 221 Member
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    thank god that he showed you his true colors before you married him and had kids! I know it hurts now, but even if you lost all the weight *he* wanted you to lose - he'd find something else. He is obviously weak minded for that to influence him so much.

    Dump his sorry, spineless *kitten*, find someone who truely loves you and lose weight for yourself to be healthy ! I met my husband when I was heavier - i've been heavier and thinner and he has literilly loved me through thick and thin!

    Sorry its going to hurt for a while, but you will be much better off in the long run! <hugs>
  • NayaLife
    NayaLife Posts: 10 Member
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    Basically he's attracted to you but at the same time is sort of ashamed he is , I say unless he changes this attitude leave him.

    TOTALLY agree with this guy ^ ^ ^...if he really loves you he'll love you for exactly who and what you are - without an ounce of shame or embarrassment. When a man loves a woman he wants to let others know about her and he PROTECTS her. If he's not man enough to stand up to his family and anyone else who disrespects you, he's not really capable of loving you the way you deserve. True love meets a person where they are and actively supports them as they try to get where they'd like to be - if he can't do that then as tough as it might be emotionally, move on and use your time and energy to lose weight for YOU and only you. Get the body YOU want.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
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    WOW. Superficial much??? There is so much wrong with this, I'm not even sure where to start. Lose weight for YOU, not for his family, and not for him, so he can "check you out" Wtf?? This isn't love. I'm sorry he hurt you like this.

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