Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
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    So.. if he doesn't love you because you're fat - and you lose the weight to keep him - what happens if something happens to you - illness, accident, whatever... that leaves you less than perfect? Paralyzed from an accident; bald due to chemo; with stretchmarks and bigger hips from children?

    I say be thankful you find out what a pr!ck he is prior to marrying him. It may seem like the end of the world right now, but there are other men out there (trust me, I know how hard it is to be patient - I didn't marry until I was 37 - but the man I married loves me for me - regardless of weight). You can't meet Mr. Right if you're with Mr. Right Now.

    Onward and Upward!
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    simple,, lose the weight and get hot and have whoever you want.
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
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    This is harsh to say (someone else told me this) - you are his moped - fun to ride but he doesn't want to be seen in public with you. Lose this moron. You really are beautiful - honestly. Lose the weight for yourself but make sure he sees you at goal weight to let him know what he lost out on. Another reason to lose this douche bag is once you reach goal weight - he will find another "flaw" in you to nag you about. No way to live / love.
  • BabeYOUREfat
    BabeYOUREfat Posts: 18
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    I've been in that situation before, and just recently got out of it. He didn't like my weight at 164, and he still thought I was fat at 126.

    The moral of this story is: If he doesn't like you now, he never will. Find someone that thinks you are beautiful, you deserve it. <3;
  • iceandfires
    iceandfires Posts: 16
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    i think it was a blessing in disguise that you were dumped. yes, it hurts. yes, that was time you'll never get back. however! now you won't be wasting any more of your precious time on someone who is a complete idiot. rock on, and keep being the wonderful person that you are.
  • Siobhan1983
    Siobhan1983 Posts: 24
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    If he were concerned about your health because he loves you, that's one thing. But it's all about appearance to him and what others think. Dump him, then loose the weight for you!
  • scwilson38
    scwilson38 Posts: 104 Member
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    What bothers me is the things he said. If someone who loves us is concerned about our weight and is wanting to help, they can simply say, "I'm worried about your health and want you to feel happy and good about yourself. How can I help you through this journey? Maybe we can do it together. I'll be here for you no matter what." He said, "I want to be with someone who wears bikinis and looks like thin girls that I check out and I'll buy you a breast reduction to look thinner." Do you hear the difference? His approach was selfish, unkind, and unsupportive. You may need to evaluate if this is his overall attitude towards you, how he makes you feel about yourself and if you are willing to continue to be treated this way. You are beautiful and there are plenty of men out there who would love you for you, curves and all! :)



    I like the way you worded this. Sometimes women do not see this because of low self esteem or self image.
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
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    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    This^^!!!
  • 130annie
    130annie Posts: 339 Member
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    Hi everyone! :smile: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

    Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)

    So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
    [/quote

    Sounds like he listens to mummy and daddy too much...If you want to lose weight...Do it for you!
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    this. how hurtful. his intentions are totally selfish. nothing in there mentioned your health or your wellbeing. dump him, sexy it up, and move on!
  • bakemma
    bakemma Posts: 161 Member
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    I know exactly where you are coming from. I was 5'5" and over 250 lbs before I realized no one was going to care more about me than I do. I kicked all the people that were holding me back out of my life, and I have lost over hundred lbs since. I think what you really need to consider is how much you love him NOW that you know what he thinks and how he let his family change him. You are the same person he fell in love with, but is he the same person you fell in love with? Would you be happier 6 months from now without him? Do you feel that you deserve someone who won't want you to change for them, or are you willing to change for him? These are all questions you have to answer for yourself. Losing weight and getting healthy is a journey every person has to take for themselves, but it is easier when there is someone helping to motivate you. Would he do that or would he put you down? Is he willing to make the same lifestyles changes you would have to? Good Luck, and I hope you end up happier for your decision.

    " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt
  • gurlygirlrcr80
    gurlygirlrcr80 Posts: 162 Member
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    ^^^This and anyone that was admiting that he is checking out other chicks and doesn't think your the hottest chick in the room does NOT deserve another SECOND of your time.
  • Candi_land
    Candi_land Posts: 1,311 Member
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    Your boyfriend and his family sound like a bunch of judgmental d1ck douches. Losing weight should be something you decide for YOURSELF, not to please someone who will probably always find something to complain about.

    You're beautiful, dump the *kitten* and move on, you don't need that crap.
  • CharleneExtreme
    CharleneExtreme Posts: 372
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    Move on. Whether its to do with his family or not. HE is the one with the problem. I have a problem with the way he compared you to other girls and that he said he "wants to check you out like he does them". If you're in a relationship you shouldn't be made feel this **** about yourself! He could have told you he was concerned about your weight, not made you feel like crap.
    My boyfriend says the only reason he wants me to lose weight is because he wants me to be happier. And if i dont lose anything but am happy with that, he'll be delighted too. You're beautiful by the way - i'm not saying this to up your ego - you genuinely are totally stunning.
    Don't bother with the breast reduction. Especially if its what he wants. Lose weight the healthy way and if you still want it then, go for it . It gives you time to save up too.
    The first few pounds you lose should be him!
  • StacyPhillipsTSFLcoach
    StacyPhillipsTSFLcoach Posts: 83 Member
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    There is no "perfect for him EXCEPT". It really does depend on what you want, and what you are willing to live with to be happy.

    Attraction or non-attraction aside, 250 pounds and 5 foot 4 is plain unhealthy, as you already know, and is not setting you up for a long life of health.

    This would be a warning flag for me if I were a man. If health and fitness is a priority for him and it isn't for you (but it doesn't sound like it IS for him, he just wants to check you out in a bikini), then there is a valid concern there for what you would be teaching your children together, and the life you will create.

    The good news is, no matter what you do with this dufus YOU have the power to change YOU and become the BEST version of yourself, IF YOU WANT IT.

    I used to weight 272 pounds at 5 foot 3. And I was miserable and unhappy and unhealthy. And I found something that worked, and I grabbed hold of it and healthily lost 130 pounds, and have been maintaining my weight loss for over a year. So, it CAN be done. Question is, will you do it? For YOU not for HIM.
  • 77tes
    77tes Posts: 7,975 Member
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    Turn this negativity and let it motivate you. Lose 180 lbs of ugly, excess weight by tomorrow DUMP THE LOSER (I'm just guessing at his weight). Anyone who thinks you aren't good for him - isn't good enough for you!
  • shimmygirl411
    shimmygirl411 Posts: 100 Member
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    You are SUPER ADORABLE!!

    Get fit for YOU....not someone else. If this guy truly loved you, he would have had this discussion with you about getting healthy (for YOU) and would offer to do it with you.....he'd say he wants to be together for the next 60 years and that means you both have to live healthier lifestyles. He wouldn't talk about being with a girl who can wear short shorts and bikinis. Shallow......BTW, was his name Hal??

    Good thing you found out before real commitments were made.

    You are a gorgeous girl. My sense is that you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. Take your time and the right guy will show himself. You deserve a GOOD man!

    All the luck and blessings to you, sweetie.
  • ChefTJP
    ChefTJP Posts: 108 Member
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    wow - dont they realize how hurtful there words are? Bleep them!!!!
  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
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    It sounds ridiculous that his opinion of you can be changed by what other's say. This is so even though he says he always felt that way. I would not want to spend my life with someone who felt that way. I have been married for 30 years and am much heavier than I was when we married. I would be hurt if my husband said something like that and I would also feel betrayed that my partner did not love me more than my appearance. Please move on. Lose weight for your health and find someone who appreciates your qualities.
  • FutureMsFit
    FutureMsFit Posts: 21 Member
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    *kitten*. Something else is up...

    I agree!!!!!! You don't need that...remember the only person who will be there for you.....IS YOU!

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