BF Issues - HELP/ADVICE?
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"I'm not ideal sized. I'm 5'3'' and about 145lbs."
Seriously? My 'mister' would be all over that. You're not fat. You're not fat. You're not fat.
145lbs is nothing. If he is saying 145lb is so much that he can't get it up, then either he is seriously wired weird or there's A LOT more to the situation than he is telling you. If you were 245, I would understand that SOME people might be affected by that, while others wouldn't be. But 145??? I can't even comprehend it.0 -
A great relationship doesnt just happen, it takes generosity, love, patience and work. All you who are advising that she dump her guy should stop and take a deep breath and be quiet cuz you dont have anything invested in this.
OP stick with it a little longer, take a deep breath, and chill.
I cant imagine any man being able to go 4 months without. I think there is something broke with him, mental or physical. You can gain a lot if you stay calm and nonjudgmental - & dont get emotional. Be willing to hang in there and work through this..... this is not just his or her's problem, this is yall's.
Be cool and play the cards the best way you know how. Maybe it's his job, maybe youve worn him out, maybe yall are in a rut, maybe, maybe, maybe....but in looking at you I can promise, there are many guys who would let you eat crackers in their bed!0 -
It has already been said and I will say it again. He does not have issues with your weight, but he definately has issues. You are a 4/6 and fat?! If that is true, than he is fracking blind & stupid. There is truth in his lies, and the truth is probably that he is looking for an excuse to get out. Hold your head high while you show him the door. Jack@ss doesn't deserve you.0
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Why waste your time when there could be someone else out there for you? If you do stay with this guy what will happen when you have kids and your body changes?
You are not fat! He's not being honest there is something else going on.
Dont waste your time on a flame that has already died.0 -
He could have low T.
21 years ago, when I was 24 and first moved to Charlotte, I was dating a guy I was madly in love with. This EXACT same thing happened to us. He ended up leaving North Carolina and I was devastated. And I mean devastated. I felt like there was something wrong with me, this had never happened to me before. I had never EVER had a guy that simply did not want to sleep with me, I mean come on, they may have not have wanted to introduce me to thier mother, but the all wanted to screw me. This stayed with me or years and years. I constantly tried to work on myself and get the right job, the right car, the right place to live, in hopes that when he came back, he would "want" me again, at the very least I wanted him to want to sleep with me. Never ever happened. He came out of the closet last year, he is gay.
The whole freaking time I felt like there was something wrong with ME, and there was not, well, unless you count the fact that I do not have a p enis.
I am with everyone else here. There is SOMETHING ELSE going on here. He may not even be lying on purpose, he could be telling himself that it is you to cover for something deep seeded in him.
There is absolutely NO WAY that he was attracted to you in the beginning and is not any more.....period.0 -
Sounds to me like it's his issue but he's deflecting it onto you. That's passive-aggressive and revolting if you ask me.0
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Since you asked, here is my advice:
Let him share what he wants to talk about tonite, be honest about how you feel and ask for him to do the same. Be open minded.
Take some time to think things through before you make a rash decision.
When making a decision about next steps, be honest with yourself about what you want in life and in the relationship. Then do what is right for you!
No easy task, but you owe it to yourself to create the best life for you!
Hugs and best wishes that everything turns out for the best!
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Time to move on from him. As the saying goes, "You can do bad all by yourself." But I think you'd actually be doing better by yourself. Your body looks great, and it's totally irrational that he thinks you're now unattractive. What's worse is that it's affecting how you see yourself in a negative way. Leave before the rest of your self-esteem is deteriorated. I'm the same size as you, and I get plenty of attention. No way would I be fckin around with a guy I have to practically beg for sex.0
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Honestly I know I'm not ideal sized. I'm 5'3'' and about 145lbs. Obviously I'm overweight but I never thought I was HUGE.
You are NOT overweight. I cannot tell you how much I HATE the BMI for telling women they're fat when they may not be. Even so, the cut off for 5'3" is less that A SINGLE POINT from where you are on the scale.
You are beautiful, and no matter how you feel about him, your boyfriend needs HELP. If he's using your weight as AN EXCUSE to not have sex with you, he's either an idiot, or has deeper seated issues than your waist line.
it's easy for commenters on a forum to say "ditch him" and "you're better than this!", you need to figure out if this is an issue you two can resolve. I HIGHLY recommend counselling.
Sorry for all the caps. I'm just a little incredulous at the moment.
Good luck, I'm rooting for you!!!0 -
Move on. He can be as sweet and wonderful as a saint but if he doesn't love you for you then he is not the guy for you. Cut him free.0
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I honestly believe your boyfriend is cheating unless there is a physical problem. This same thing happened to me with my ex. I had gained some weight after my mom died. I had gone from a size 4 to a size 12. At first he supported me, but as the months went on and the pounds came on, he became more distant. Finally, I looked at his cell phone messages. He had another woman. When I asked what was going on, he told me that he was no longer attracted to me. (Mind you, I had supported him through losing his business, his home, and his job. He was short and chubby when I met him (size 42W/30L); I was a size 4). He didn't want to sleep with me anymore cause he was actually trying to be faithful to someone else!!!! Needless to say, we broke up.
I'm not saying this is the case with your man, but I am saying you should become extremely nosy. You need to find out for sure, so you can walk away. Women normally have great intuition. If your mind is telling you something is wrong, listen! Something is wrong.
You are not fat. That is not the issue. Of course, like most of us, you want to be perfect, but you are not overweight. Just like my ex was a coward, so is your boyfriend for trying to avoid what's really going on by telling you he is not attracted to you because you are overweight. Shame on him! :mad:0 -
I'm 42, and my wife is 37. She has had two children, and she has put on a lot of weight. She probably weighs about like I do - 280 pounds or so but she is only about 5'4" or so. She's got massive cottage cheese thighs that are starting to overlap her calves, and a giant gut that hangs down near her crotch. Sad to say, It *is* an extreme turn-off. My wife and I still have sex because we love each other and we enjoy sex. But I try to close my eyes while we do it.
But I felt I had to be honest, so I did. I think it's OK with us because I understand that looks don't last forever. Yeah, it might be a shame that we got ugly by 40 but I was never very good looking anyways and it's going to happen sooner or later no matter what.
<--*Drink shoots from mouth and falls to the floor holding my guts*
:laugh:0 -
At this stage of your life breaking up with people shouldn't be that much of a big deal. If something's not working out just end it and move on. If you were married or engaged then it might be a different story.
It doesn't have to adversarial. If you can see issues in the relationship that are too hard to fix then just go.
Edit: oh and you don't have a weight problem. I took a look at your photos (not being creepy) and you look normal ...0 -
Anyway he said he wants to talk tonight. I really don't want to leave him over this, but I also don't want to feel like I do right now. I want to feel sexy..I want to feel beautiful..ESPECIALLY to my significant other. Even if nobody else thinks I'm hot..shouldn't my boyfriend? Shouldn't I, of all people, be that turn on? How can it change almost over night when I haven't changed at all?
Any advice or help would be appreciated. Please don't tell me I'm just fat or nasty as that's not helpful. But anyone experienced anything like this?
He needs to see an endocrinologist if he's not otherwise engaged (occupied), to be that put-off. Sometimes we women are too impulsive with how we generally interpret the brash slants some men choose to hurl about the place however applicable, that we'll be prone to miss the poignant hiccup, some aren't entirely comfortable communicating, when it's to do with their health.
Listen to him ~ is all I ask of you. Neutralise your energy. Calm your senses and be open to hear what he has to share, without uttering a word, for it clearly is poignant enough for him to have said ~ you need to talk. Try to not interfere; Try to not interject. You should be amply prepped to take what he has ready to dish for you love him. If it's the absolute worst (where he asks that you part for he is possibly involved with someone else or whatever and however else it maybe), then respect your love for him enough to exit and leave him be to move on with his choice(s).0 -
OMG! You must be dating my ex-husband!
He did something similar. I gained weight during our relationship, which I partly blame him, his idea of doing something fun was to go out to eat. He never wanted to do anything else. He was one of those naturally thin people - the kind that make you sick!
I thought for better or worse, for richer or poorer, also would include for thick or thin. Boy did I get my eyes opened when he told me I was to fat to be attractive to him. After he told me that for a while I tried different things to be sexier for him. Then one day the light bulb went on, I moved out of our bedroom to the spare room, I started dieting, exercising, not going to dinner with him and felt so much better about me. In the end I found out he had a GF all that time, while he was telling me I was to fat.
Karma - she really is a *****, cos the last time I seen him with the GF he left me for........guess what she is fat and looks really old. He was 13 years older than me and she is his age.
So hang tight, keep doing what your doing, but for yourself and if he is shallow enough to actually carry through with this. Dump his @ss! Get thin for yourself and then the next time you run into him you can tell him if he hadn't been so shallow he could have still been the one that was tapping this hot sexy thing!
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I saw this in your profile:
"Though I've gone the eating disorder route before which resulted in treatments"
If he knows this and still brought it up the way he did, that doesn't say that much about him.
I agree....its a low blow mama. Good luck tonight!0 -
Sexual intimacy has a strong mental component to it, so if you guys dont have that then its problematic. If you were living an unhealthy lifestyle - frequent binges, alcohol abuse or smoking, eating too little - then I could understand, but short of that if you are living healthy and he cant get it up then he is not mentally connected to you.0
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It can't be that you are fat because #1- you aren't fat! #2- it makes no sense that you guys had a healthy sex life before. There's something else up (no pun intended).0
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I call bull crap on his part. If you are the same weight that you were when you first got together then I don't see how now all of a sudden he is not physically attracted to you. I will share with you that I have an insane sex drive. And it has caused problems with me and my fiance. Now, I would never let it go 4 months cause after a week I will jump him. But it has been hard for him to be with someone who has a higher sex drive and it was embarassing for him to talk about. Finally, it got to a point where I had to tell him something needed to change or we would have to part ways to get my needs met. That is when he told me the truth, he loved me and was afraid to lose me by not being able to satisfy me and it would make him panic and affect his ability to perform. which is funny cause I really enjoy the sex with him. So, he takes cialis from time to time an we have really worked at this and me not being so aggressive. So, in my opinion, it is that OR he has someone else, testosterone issues. I am not sure what. I am 5'6" and weigh 166 lbs and my fiance tells me everyday how beautiful and attractive I am. If I ever cut myself down due to my weight he gets downright angry. You look great and this isn't you! It is something with him. wait to hear what he has to say then go from there.0
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Is he addicted to porn?0
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This exact thing happened to me a few years ago. Except my boyfriend (at the time) stopped having sex with me and when I asked why he said, "You're too fat so I don't want to have sex with you." Yes, it was that blunt. I was crushed. It was 4 months after giving birth and I was working part time and going to school part time. I am a stress eater so I was eating a lot. Sure, I was overweight but I was also breastfeeding which was making me starving! And I was 5 pounds less than when we started dating when he told me this. So I hadn't gained any weight.
Him telling me this destroyed our relationship. I would never feel sexy around him again. And I despised him. He loved me fat in the beginning and didn't love me after the initial "high of a new relationship" wore off. I finally ended the relationship, finished school, and now I have lost 16 of those pounds and not stopping until I am healthy. NOT for him. FOR me. In my opinion, he was a jerk. Plain in simple.
You have to decide what that comment means to you. Are you ok with a man that claims he isn't attracted to you? OR Do you deserve better? I mean, if he says this to you now, what's going to stop him from saying worse things later? And do you really want a relationship with no sex? I can only tell you what I did in the situation. But, in my opinion, you deserve better.0 -
first off, i think you look great in your photos!
if you are the same size now as when you met, then i don't understand why your weight would be a problem all of a sudden.
it sounds like there is another issue, and he is using that as an excuse. if he has a problem with "fat" chicks to begin with, why would he get together with you and be with you for that time, then it be an issue all of a sudden?
i hope your talk with him goes well, and bring up that you are confused as to why he didn't have a problem being with you at first, and that you are the same size and now it's an issue all of a sudden?
it could be something he is embarassed of. maybe he can't get it up in general and is using your weight as an excuse? since you were doing yoga maybe he is being threatened that you are going to be in better shape and worried other men will hit on you, and wants you to feel that you are useless so you won't get in better shape? or he could be depressed, stressed, lots of things.
just talk about it, be honest and tell him what you told us. listen to what he has to say, and if he sticks with that it is because you are "fat" and thats the only reason, well then he's a jerk because that's just plain rude, and not even true.
maybe go to some couples counseling to get to the bottom of the problem?
i really hope there isn't another woman. or maybe he just worse himself out jacking off?
something just doesnt seem right, and i dont think it's you...i hope you guys can fix it and give it a shot to make things better. if it doesn't get better after you try, then maybe rethink your relationship.0 -
Girl, you're hot. I'm 5'3" and weigh 166. You are not overweight. He is nuts! Tell him to use his hand.0
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I really don't know but he could be suffering from ED and that could be embarrassing. There is something he isn't telling you ....0
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Communication is sooo important in a relationship. I used to have issues with this, to the point I moved out for two weeks. After actually TALKING with my boyfriend, we worked a lot of things I'd been holding in, now I'm more in love than ever. Ask questions but don't accuse, say I feel_____ not you never_______. But say how you feel! I hope he is as open with you and you can get to the root of the problem. My bf said if there's a problem we can fix it but not if you don't tell me there's a problem in the first place. Maybe he wants to call it quits, maybe he needs something else but communicate.
I feel your pain hon. I really hope you can talk it out.0 -
Is there any chance he might be gay? Something very similar happened to me after I married my first husband. After many years and much pain, he admitted to being gay.0
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wow.. just no.
Your weight scares him???? size 6 isn't fat.
What size does he expect you to be?
And what happens if you gain any real weight from having a kid or a dozen other life changes?
I don't see this going in any good direction. The problem is his.0 -
Okay so I'm in a situation and I'm honestly not all that sure how to respond at this point. Let me make it clear that I really love my boyfriend and we have always gotten along really well. We love each other very much..but lately we've hit a..problem.
The first 6 months we were together once our physical relationship began we had no issues. As a matter of fact I'd say it was amazing..best I ever experienced. However..after about 6 months it started tapering off and for the last 4 months = nothing. OBVIOUSLY as a woman this really bothers me. I love him and I want to be able to share that with him. Up until recently I thought well maybe something is going wrong physically or maybe there's something else and we can work through it once he gets the guts to say something.
Last weekend we tried to discuss it and it came out that my weight scares him. I always knew he didn't like "fat" people in that way and that I obviously didn't want to become obese, but I didn't know he meant right now? I mean, I'm the exact same size as when he met me and he asked me out. I haven't lost a ton of weight but I also haven't gained an ounce. So basically..he's telling me his "mister" won't operate because he doesn't like my size. Basically he can't get it on because I'm fat. He said he was so sorry and how horrible he feels. And after he realized how devastated I was he's been super sweet and compliments me all the time. However..problem isn't fixed and now I'm more self-conscious then ever.
Honestly I know I'm not ideal sized. I'm 5'3'' and about 145lbs. Obviously I'm overweight but I never thought I was HUGE. I mean I'm a large busted woman but my pants are AE size 4/6.
I don't know what to do. I love him but at this point I feel disgusting. I can't imagine the next time we DO get together in that manner because I'm going to know I don't look the way he wants..talk about fear. I don't want to be THAT GIRL that cries..ya know?
Anyway he said he wants to talk tonight. I really don't want to leave him over this, but I also don't want to feel like I do right now. I want to feel sexy..I want to feel beautiful..ESPECIALLY to my significant other. Even if nobody else thinks I'm hot..shouldn't my boyfriend? Shouldn't I, of all people, be that turn on? How can it change almost over night when I haven't changed at all?
Any advice or help would be appreciated. Please don't tell me I'm just fat or nasty as that's not helpful. But anyone experienced anything like this?
At 5'3" tall you are 5 pounds over what's considered "healthy". FIVE POUNDS. That is nothing. You are by no means large or anything else.
There's something else going on. Good luck with the talk. I WILL suggest that if you want to look a little "leaner" (although at a 4/6 in some pants I don't think you'd need to), that you do some weight training. I hope you get to the bottom of things. Thinking about you! 0 -
Please do YOURSELF a favor and lose this ZERO and find yourself a hero honey....seriously! I was 125 lbs when my guy and I met---thin as a rail----well in 10 years I packed on ALOT of weight.......not once did he ever make me feel like it was wrong or he didn't still want me!! Yes---there are REAL men out there who look at more then the outside package
I am losing weight now for MYSELF---and the fact it will please him makes me feel good- but never once have I thought I had to lose weight to keep him
screw that! I hope you take my advice and you find your hero out there----best of luck!0 -
Personally, I think it's time for you to end this relationship. Stop wasting your time. You deserve someone who is going to love you and be sexually attracted to you no matter what size you are. Don't force a relationship that clearly isn't meant to be. Move on. 50% of marriages end in divorce and honestly, I think you could pick at least half of them out before the people even walk down the aisle. Things like this scream "He's not the one!" Go find your one! You deserve it!0
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