BF Issues - HELP/ADVICE?
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So... I'm 5'1" and about 130
I've been as heavy as 180
I've had lots of boyfriends.
The only times they didn't want to do me is when they were done with me. Cheating, etc.
If you really look the same as you did before then he's full of crap. Sorry.
It's hard for both men and women to get out of relationships they don't want to be in.
Check out the book "He's Just Not That Into You." It's funny and insightful and written by a guy.
Seriously wish I had read that before I desperatelyclung on to a couple guys who didn't want me anymore but didn't have the balls to just dump me.0 -
It's not you. It's him. Judging from your profile picture, you don't look "fat" at ALL. I'd either see if he's cheating, or if there's another issue.0
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Oi, 4 months?!
Are you trying to initiate and he is turning you down? Or are you not inspired to try either? Cause if that's the case, why are you still with him?
Good luck with your talk. I hope he is honest about what is really bothering him.0 -
Men are visual creatures, they think with their penises regardless of what they say. Give a man a good piece of sex and you can get anything you want out of him, don't let anyone tell you that is not true.
This is absolute ridiculousness lol.
Seriously.
I'm a man, I love sex at least as much...most likely MORE than most men. But I tell you this, to 'get anything you want out of me' is going to require a hell of a lot more than just 'a good piece of sex'.
Lol...some of the posts on this forum amaze me...even after over two years.
To the OP, I tend to lean towards the 'lose the guy' crowd, though I hate giving that advice in an online forum. Too many variables we don't know about. That being said though...if everything you've stated is accurate, it's how I feel. I'm a picky man in many ways, and there's nothing in my eyes wrong with your build (glancing at your pictures). If his 'mister' worked before, but doesn't now...and he says nothing else has changed...
...well, he's lying. Something has changed.
I completely understand wanting to lose weight to please your partner. I don't recommend it, but I can understand it. But if he's putting this on you, saying it's your body that's causing the problem...I'd start looking deeper, or as I said, looking for another guy. First because he's lying (men don't just change tastes like that...SOMETHING has changed!), second because he obviously doesn't/didn't care enough to have brought this up with you...the person he loves...in a mature and considerate manner. Not to mention shouldering the blame himself...because the blame needs to be entirely on him.
HE changed, YOU didn't. End of story.
(Edit to add in the random words the squirrel powered MFP software deleted from my post)0 -
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My advice? Wow, you have serious issues if you think you are fat at 145 pounds...and don't even get me started on him! Sounds to me like you both have issues and the fact that he blames his lack of attraction on your size is laughable. You are kidding right? My advice is fix your self esteem and be real about your weight and get rid of someone that has any issues with your size. Really, you sure you are not kidding here? I am really having a hard time with this post. I was 233 but got married at 140 10 years ago. My husband NEVER had an issue with my weight, he loved me for me! Now I am 155 and still losing but feel great and still he loves me for me...get it?0
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I'm sorry. I'd really be wondering if he's cheating. Even a man who likes to *kitten* will want the real thing once in a while.
. I could be way off but it's better to find out now than down the road. 0 -
A great relationship doesnt just happen, it takes generosity, love, patience and work. All you who are advising that she dump her guy should stop and take a deep breath and be quiet cuz you dont have anything invested in this.
OP stick with it a little longer, take a deep breath, and chill.
I cant imagine any man being able to go 4 months without. I think there is something broke with him, mental or physical. You can gain a lot if you stay calm and nonjudgmental - & dont get emotional. Be willing to hang in there and work through this..... this is not just his or her's problem, this is yall's.
Be cool and play the cards the best way you know how. Maybe it's his job, maybe youve worn him out, maybe yall are in a rut, maybe, maybe, maybe....but in looking at you I can promise, there are many guys who would let you eat crackers in their bed!
Thank you. Thank you everyone for opinions, encouragement, and advice. I'm not ready to cut my losses..but I do feel a little more confident should it come to that. We had a long talk this evening and he was extremely apologetic saying he should have never said the things he did..and that he's just stressed out and it was an easy excuse..and a wrong one. We are going to try and work through it but at least through it all..he knows it's important to me, to him, and that certain things should never be said. Whether I end up with him or not I do appreciate all the compliments and I know I'll be okay..no matter what. I'll continue watching what I eat and once my ankle is healed I'll be back to my yoga..but it's going to be for ME.
Thanks again everyone. Only time will tell at this point.0 -
I have been a man for a while now and here is my view.
1. 20 something males can *kitten* and have sex everyday if they wanted too but no sexy time for 4 months?
2. He liked your body before and now he doesn't, but you are the same size. Does not compute
Basically he is either:
1. Not into you anymore and wants to break up
2. Has someone on the side
3. Might be depressed/ other emotional problem that precludes him from wanting to roll in the hay0 -
Seriously? I'm not reading all the responses before me, I'm sure what I'm about to say was already said. Your boyfriend sounds like a mad douche. You're not really overweight. you're fine. If you had amazing sex for 6 months at the same exact body then I don't understand how there's a problem now. A size 6 Jean is pretty damn good. Im thinking there are some underlying issues he doesnt want to bring up, or wont. Maybe he has a genine ED problem, in which a doctor is in order .If it really is because of your weight leave the douche vag and find someone who can get it up.0
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I can't be bothered to read other people's responses... as I don't have time, but I've just stumbled across this, and honestly? I can't believe I'm reading this?
Numero uno, you are not fat. by any stretch of the imagination. A US Size 6 is a UK Size 8... you're 5"2. Not even close, lovely.
2. If you haven't changed shape, then that is 100% NOT the reason that he's not wanting sex anymore. Everyone has different libidos, my ex's was below average, and yeah, it always tails off a little after the initial rush, but he must have found you sexually attractive in the first place. He may have other issues...
3... if he DOES have other issues, then blaming YOU is a downright s*itty, dirty, lowdown, scummy thing to do, which in turn, brings me to number 4, 5 and 6.
4. He's a *kitten*
5. You deserve better
6. He's a *kitten*.
Please don't let ANYONE knock your confidence.0 -
I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.
He's lying about something.
Then, I'd show him the door.
^^This. If he loved you your size wouldn't matter.0 -
I am 5ft2 and at my biggest last July I was 144. I have been married for 14 years and we still have intercourses several times a week. I think that it is a little too soon for him to have lost interest/desire in sex with you. I don't think it's a matter of weight, either - you aren't that big at 145!!! -.
I wish you all the best but it is a huge red flag... What is he going to do in 10-15 years? Really, this would be an eye opener for me. If things don't get better SOON, and stay that way, I honestly would run for the nearest exit if I were you.0 -
i thought this was going to be a thred about bodyfat....I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.
He's lying about something.
Then, I'd show him the door.
this. he just isnt into you any more would be my guess.0 -
My OH was exactly like this. And you know what? I lost 2 inches off my waist since he told me this and our relationship is perfect again.
He can't help what he feels when he looks at you. You can help what you look like. If there are more reasons for you to stay together than just looks (we are compatible in so many other ways), and the way you look is an obstacle to that, then you owe it to both of you to improve it!
My OH has improved himself in many ways for me, and I've improved myself in many ways for him. We owe it to each other to make each other happier.0 -
My husband met me when I was well over 200 pounds...From day 1 he has told me how beautiful I am. I have stretch marks, my stomach isn't flat and I am very insecure. He makes me feel so loved and beautiful everyday even when I put myself down. It's not you that has the issue, its him. Find someone that makes you feel beautiful no matter what.0
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........... you're not huge in the slightest, if you have a big bust, which going by your second pic.... through a thick jacket you can see them (sorry for perving :P ) imo you're curvy but no way near unattractive, and i'm not into larger sized ladies (no offence to them) i'd say there is another issue, tell him to cut the bull****0
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i thought this was going to be a thred about bodyfat....
So did I.. that's a blower.
Yeah, so a size 5/6 jeans is not fat by any stretch of the imagination. Unless you are 4 foot nothing. Then, maybe. But still...
My husband never commented on my weight, even after I had gained 80 pounds since we started dating. I had to drag out of him the fact that he was less attracted to me. Since then I've lost 60 pounds. If you gain a lot of weight, your man is going to notice. But there is such a thing called tact.
The physical aspect of your relationship ebbs and flows. If there's been a dramatic change (and not for the better), there should be some open, honest conversation. I don't like the same things I liked 5 years ago. We continue to grow and evolve as people. Sometimes we're too busy. If he's stressed at work, I usually have to initiate. Depends on the guy.
Anyways, it's not all your fault. And you're not fat. Talk to him. If you're not satisfied with what he has to say, don't continue to waste your time with him. Life is too short.0 -
I would straight up ask him why his equipment worked in the beginning, but supposedly isn't working now when apparently nothing has changed with your weight.
He's lying about something.
Then, I'd show him the door.
^^^THIS
It never ceases to amaze me how young women waste time and energy and give their hearts to jerks. But you know what? I was a young dumb girl once too. Count this as a lesson learned and keep it moving!
Honestly, he's ridiculous. Move on.
Sorry but this!
If everything was fine in the beginning and you are the same size as you were he's not telling you something. He's lying about the reasons why he isn't interested. It's not your weight that is the cause of the problem.
My husband has still loved me even though I have gained 50lbs since we met. Everything is still fine. He has never said I was fat or made any comments about my weight... and gets mad if I call myself fat or anything like that. Some people do lose attraction if one person gains weight however that's not your issue here. If things were fine in the beginning he's lying about something now.
NEVER change yourself for someone else. NEVER think YOU are the problem here because you aren't. I think you need to sit him down and ask him what the real issue is. If you are the same size now as you were in the beginning yet there are problems, he's lying about something and you need to figure out what it is. You need to know the real issue he has so you can either work with him on getting over it or you can move on.
Personally, if I were you I would leave. It's not worth it. It's not worth you feeling bad about yourself or thinking you are the issue here because I don't think you are.0 -
A great relationship doesnt just happen, it takes generosity, love, patience and work. All you who are advising that she dump her guy should stop and take a deep breath and be quiet cuz you dont have anything invested in this.
OP stick with it a little longer, take a deep breath, and chill.
I cant imagine any man being able to go 4 months without. I think there is something broke with him, mental or physical. You can gain a lot if you stay calm and nonjudgmental - & dont get emotional. Be willing to hang in there and work through this..... this is not just his or her's problem, this is yall's.
Be cool and play the cards the best way you know how. Maybe it's his job, maybe youve worn him out, maybe yall are in a rut, maybe, maybe, maybe....but in looking at you I can promise, there are many guys who would let you eat crackers in their bed!
Thank you. Thank you everyone for opinions, encouragement, and advice. I'm not ready to cut my losses..but I do feel a little more confident should it come to that. We had a long talk this evening and he was extremely apologetic saying he should have never said the things he did..and that he's just stressed out and it was an easy excuse..and a wrong one. We are going to try and work through it but at least through it all..he knows it's important to me, to him, and that certain things should never be said. Whether I end up with him or not I do appreciate all the compliments and I know I'll be okay..no matter what. I'll continue watching what I eat and once my ankle is healed I'll be back to my yoga..but it's going to be for ME.
Thanks again everyone. Only time will tell at this point.
Yeah it hurts and Ive been guilty more times than not of being the *kitten*.This kind of stuff happens in relationships and in my experience, is soon hidden amongst all the good things. You appear mature and level headed and I have to believe that you just didnt pick some loser off the streets; and that your guy does have good qualities.
You do deserve better, but you have to nurture it for it to grow. Be patient & be charitable, try to put this behind you. Remember the lesson but also keep a short memory, who knows, just maybe one day the shoe will be on the other foot and you need his patience.
Wisdom comes from experience and you both just accumulated a little more of both.0 -
I don't want a sex-less relationship..and I don't want to feel like I'm with someone who doesn't find me attractive.
You need to repeat exactly this to him when you talk about it tonight. This is 100% honest and there's nothing wrong with letting him know what he said hurt you and has now made you feel insecure. He may not have meant it to come out that way.
If he continues to act like a douche, you can always tell him that even though he's got a small d**k you're still willing to have sex with him.
Thanks. I was completely honest and he was too. He felt really bad for what he said and said that wasn't really the issue. I think we can work through it..and he's going to a dr. I don't think he's lying to me about not cheating..so we shall see. However, should it not turn out well your last line will be utilized lol
Thanks everyone for responses0 -
I agree with those who mentioned telling him exactly what you told us.
With that said, however, i am a bit baffled as to how you'd be considered "fat". I am looking at your profile pictures and I never would have thought such a thing, so I understand why this is so confusing for you! I also don't understand how he was able to perform in the beginning, but not now - especially if you have not gained any weight. I wouldn't doubt he is holding something back and using your weight as an excuse - maybe he is not being entirely honest about something. I don't know him, and maybe that isn't the case, but it's a possibility.
You do deserve to feel desired and attractive to your SO - and since you really love him, I hope you can work it out. If not, it may hurt in the beginning, but you also need to think of your happiness in the long run. Life is too short and there will undoubtedly be guys out there attracted to you NOW. :flowerforyou:
EDIT
Oops, just saw your latest reply. I'm glad you guys feel up to working things out. Best of luck to you both!0 -
There's enough pressure already for us all to conform to a so-called 'ideal' as it is. You really shouldn't feel like you have to in a good relationship.
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I'm glad he's going to a Doctor about this. Good Luck Babes. I'm wishing you happiness0
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You are beautiful!!! I'm 5'2" and was 150 pounds so I know you're not fat, just a little curvy. I was also in a boot 3 times in 2 years so your weight may come off slowly until you can exercise so don't get discouraged.
As hard as it may be, he's already left so let him go. And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? He's a coward for blaming you so give him the boot.0 -
Honey, you don't have a weight problem, you have a boyfriend problem. If he truly cannot perform, he should see a doctor. A healthy young man shouldn't have trouble getting an erection.
On top of that, it's wrong for him to put the blame on you. Your weight is not the issue and even if it is, do you really want to be with a man who only wants you if you meet some arbitrary standard of beauty?
This.
P.S. - I'm 5'2 and my goal is 135, so I guess I'll be "fat".
I'm 5'3" my goal is 145-149
bring on the fatties!0 -
to the OP, the issue is definitely his.
He's lying, or impotent.
you haven't changed, (and shouldn't unless you want to ) he has.0 -
I also didn't read everyone's responses... but I am exactly the same height and weight as you...I think we're a great size! IDK about you but I'm the type where my curves are well proportioned to the rest of my body :flowerforyou: Honestly, I think some men prefer our body type to someone skinner anyway.
Yes I am trying to lose a few pounds to tone up, but I've started to worry less about it lately. My body isn't perfect, but my boyfriend thinks it is.0
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