Feeling LESS sexy the closer I get to goal...

LoveMyLife_NYC

I feel this way sometimes too. I never thought about the way I looked until I decided I needed to start eating right and exercising. Then, my body changed a whole lot, and I wasn't used to the person looking back at me in the mirror. I've become way more critical of my body because I've seen what changes in my diet and exercise routine can do to my body. Some days I feel great, and other days I get totally critical of myself for seemingly no reason.

The feeling causes slight setbacks sometimes with my diet, but I try to remember why I started this journey in the first place - to get healthy. My body will become what it will become. But I know everything I do improves my overall health, and nothing is more important than that.

darylewb

If your net caloric intake is particularly negative, it could effect your sex drive. Or perhaps you are overtraining?

Ed98043

Do you have negative thoughts about your body when you think about sex? Do you find yourself admiring other men, just not your husband? Or are you just not interested at all?

If you're not avoiding sex because you feel ugly or because of some simmering resentment toward your husband, then it's probably hormonal. See your doctor.

SoDamnHungry

I'm also on the "It might be hormones" team. Losing weight and nursing can have influences on your hormone levels.

dimsumkitty

Are you feeling stressed about your weight loss? Stress is the only non-hormonal thing that's ever affected my libido.

directoroflegacy

First well done!! It's good that you lost weight slowly, you are less likely to put it back on.
I agree with the person who said hormone levels plus you are probably more tired than pre baby days!
You are not old !!!!

36jessica

I have lost and gained significant amounts weight many times in my short life so far... but I have definitely noticed what you're talking about. Not every time, but it has definitely happened before.

I often find that I am more critical of my own body when I start to pay more attention to it. I find that I also have much higher body image standards when I'm losing weight - and there are times when I think I look really fat etc. when in fact I am SO much slimmer than before... but when I was bigger, I was always trying to convince myself that I was fine... so I would see myself as slimmer than I actually was (does that make sense?) I.e. when I'm fat, I spend my time trying to tell myself I'm slim and fine, and when I'm slim, I see all my flaws and am convinced that I'm still fat. So I think some of these mind games come into the whole self-confidence and therefore keenness for intimacy etc. I often just have to really try hard to remind myself of how far I've come - and be realistic about things ("You are 50 pounds lighter than you used to be and that is a big difference in your appearance!")

However, the other consideration to make is that you may in fact be becoming a little bit depressed. Feeling unable to be excited about things that previously excited you (e.g. your weight loss), and losing interest in intimacy can be symptoms of depression.
Of course, they can also just be symptoms of being busy and tired!

Finally, I think it is normal to feel surprised by your own lack of excitement when a big long-anticipated goal is right around the corner - when we have been visualising and planning for a big milestone or event for a long time, we can often feel unexpectedly deflated and disappointed when they actually eventuate. I think this occurs because we've built them up so much in our mind, and reality is inevitably slightly less shiny and fantastic than what our imaginations can create... I often find that with all sorts of things - big holidays, achieving work/study goals, birthdays/parties, buying nice things etc... sometimes the real thing isn't as exciting as I imagined it would be! But I think that is a normal psychological response to having anticipated something for ages, and then not knowing what to do with oneself when the thing finally happens!

So much insight and you're so young! I absolutely agree with everything you've said. :flowerforyou:

krumpli

I agree with what some others have said: when I was fat, I was happy. I mean, I knew I was fat, but I also didn't care in some way. Now that I've lost a lot of weight, I am so much more aware of my flaws and more critical of my body. I think because I'm paying attention to it.

What has really helped me is focusing on my fitness goals and successes. Instead of staring at my floppy upper arms, I remember myself benching 100 pounds. It helps!

Remember that your body, while beautiful and certainly worthy of admiration, is mainly a tool. It gets you through life. It gave you a baby! It lets you run and bend and play. You wouldn't say a car with a great engine was worthless just because it had a scratch or two on the paint. It'll still get you where you need to be, and fast! So admire your body for what it can do!

glovepuppet

could well be hormonal.

...though i've found that, once we leave our teens behind, sometimes sexy requires a little work. just being naked isn't enough.

what would make you feel sexy? reading erotica? a blindfold? new underwear? toys? watching adult movies together?

also, *kitten* helps. the more you O, the more your hormones rage, the more you want sex.

get rid of the kidlet and have a night of romance? chocolate body paint?

we're willing to work at just about everything else in our lives, but when it comes to sex and love we just hope it'll happen by magic. but, like anything else, if you put in a little effort it usually pays off.

samkelly89

Wow I wish I couls respond to each of you individually because I really appreciate all of this support and advice on the subject. I talked it over with my husband last night and between that conversation, and all of what you guys have said, this is what I have come to:

1. As a lot of you have said, I am super busy with my job, training for my marathon, and having a near 2 year old. I think I have never been this busy before and it is making me tired at the end of the day.

2. I found out that lately my husband has been the same way! This was a relief. We have had a lot of stressed on us lately and I guess it is making him just as tired as me. lol

3. It also might be a hormonal thing, I do train hard and often and I eat at a deficit. I also need to strat taking vitamins i know I don't think it would hurt to see a doctor if this continues past my marathon (may 19th!!!!)

4. My goal is extremely close and as some of you mentioned, I've had all of these expectations of what that should feel like. I know i will feel great about it and all my success eventually but it might take my mind a little time to catch up with my body (which is ok, it's a journey)

4.5. I am also super critical about my body with the more weight I lose and fitness goals I achieve. But I think my lack of energy in the bedroom is more of a libido thing than a "I look fat and I'm uncomfortable with my husband" thing.

5. All in All, I feel way better and I'm glad that I posted this topic and got all the feedback. I'm also glad that my husband and I have such a strong marraige because after our talk last night, I realized that this is not as big of a deal as it feels like in my mind. It's just a phase and life happens. I actually cried a little when I told him how bad I feel and he comforted me and reminded me that he is always will be the most supportive person in my corner.

Thank you all so much!

fit_lady_13

Hey Sam, First congrats on your weight loss! That is awesome and you should be super proud of your achievements! Second, I'm so sorry to hear about your lost libido I wanted to offer some insight because I've recently dealt with what you are experiencing (but not due to weight loss). I met my (then future-) husband in 2007 and we were married 3 years later. We've always had a great sex life, but that slowly declined after I took a job that I hated, which often kept me at work until 7 PM or later. During that period, I was so depressed and drained at the end of the day that I never even thought about sex.

Now that I'm no longer in that position, things have improved a bit, but I don't think I'll ever have the libido that I had at 19 and 20. I'm 27 now and our sex life is better, but still I'm not as interested as my early adult years! I think this just might be a part of the eb and flow of being female (I hear we're supposed to have another peak at 30, though!). It's normal to go through periods of declined sexual interest, and especially now that you're a mother, it just might be hard for you to feel comfortable as a sexual being.

But, the point that I'm making is: don't feel bad about it. This is perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with you. And I'm SURE your husband is blown away by the changes in your body. I think you're smart to keep an open line of communication with your hubby, and if he's feeling the same way, it might be a matter of having to schedule a night of intimacy once a week and just committing to it (as impossible as that might seem with your current schedules). So, congrats again, and good luck on your upcoming marathon!

iorahkwano

Maybe working out is making you feel tired & less energetic at the end of the day, thus less wanting to be intimate?

mb0215

I don't have a baby (someday I hope!) but I'm 26 and I went from 220 to 170 in the last year and a half. (i'm 5'9") and, wow, I went through a big period of not feeling good about myself at all at this smaller size (I am still trying to lose a bit and tone). I went down basically a cup size and a half, and had been somebody who put a lot of value on my boobs, which sounds weird but true. When I was 220, I was happy with my body. It took a long long time to be happy, but it was only after being happy and thinking I was pretty and sexy that I felt like I deserved to get healthy--strange, I know.

Anyway, at this smaller size, I feel like I get more attention from men, but I also feel like I'm standing on new, shaky legs. This is new territory. I see more flaws now than i saw at 220...just proof that weight loss doesn't solve every problem.

The good news I can offer is that once I became aware of it, I worked at trying to figure out why I didn't feel as sexy...was it because now I really didn't have clothes that fit well? (yes) Was it because this new body felt like a strangers? (yes). The more time I spend in this skin, the better I feel.

You totally have even more reason though, with having had a child and the hormonal changes and stress that comes with being a new mom. I'm glad you have a supportive husband. I hope you can find time to appreciate your new body and your hard work, and start to feel sexy again!