Getting Married Young

xaMErica
xaMErica Posts: 284 Member
in Chit-Chat
So.. my fiancé and I are 21 and almost 23.. we are getting married next July 4th :love:

We have been together 5 years this coming May 3rd. I'm just watching some friends that are getting married.. and I was told that I would need to give my fiancé a 'hall pass'. I totally disagree with this. I'm just looking for some good books that I can read and write all over.. We both like reading books like this.. I just don't know of any for younger couples.. I don't want to end up making him feel like he needs a hall pass.. I want to be the perfect wife for him and I would hope he wants to be the perfect husband for me too. Couples that want to share their tips I would appreciate it!!

and yeah.. 'sexy' books too!

Thanks :smile:

Adding:: The only ones I'm finding are Christian.. I would like ones that aren't religious.
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Replies

  • 5n0wbal1
    5n0wbal1 Posts: 429 Member
    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.
  • sorryfrench
    sorryfrench Posts: 163 Member
    I am turning 21 this summer, and my fiance is turning 24 as well. We are getting married in September of this year!
    I think the whole "hall pass" thing is bull, honestly, lol. Its like the last desperate act of someone who isn't ready for commitment.
  • pixish
    pixish Posts: 79 Member
    I don't personally think that hall passes are a good idea - and definitely not a 'need'

    You're getting married because you both want to spend the rest of your lives together, your friend's suggestions are totally inappropriate.
  • xaMErica
    xaMErica Posts: 284 Member
    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.

    A Hall Pass is basically letting them be 100% single again for a week or weekend.. I disagree with it. I do agree that it is saying something about commitment issues.. We got together so young, I just want to be the best I can for him =) I am determined to grow old with this man though without needing to do crazy things like give 'hall passes'.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    "Need" to give him a hall pass why? If he "needs" a hall pass, you NEED to not be getting married and both be single. Your "friends" sound like *kitten*.
  • grantdumas7
    grantdumas7 Posts: 802 Member
    tumblr_llxuqfpnHJ1qfts5mo1_1280.jpg
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.

    A Hall Pass is basically letting them be 100% single again for a week or weekend.. I disagree with it. I do agree that it is saying something about commitment issues.. We got together so young, I just want to be the best I can for him =) I am determined to grow old with this man though without needing to do crazy things like give 'hall passes'.
    Why do you need to change? Its simple, 'you' are who he is marrying if you aren't good enough and you fear he will cheat on you without being "better" YOU need to break up and try being single so you both can have an experience.
  • 5n0wbal1
    5n0wbal1 Posts: 429 Member
    Yeah...no hall passes. My husband and I are completely dedicated to one another, and we wouldn't have it any other way. He's had several coworkers who have done "hall passes" and other things that have involved other people sexually, and it never ended well.
  • 5n0wbal1
    5n0wbal1 Posts: 429 Member
    tumblr_llxuqfpnHJ1qfts5mo1_1280.jpg

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Gidzmo
    Gidzmo Posts: 905 Member
    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.

    A Hall Pass is basically letting them be 100% single again for a week or weekend.. I disagree with it. I do agree that it is saying something about commitment issues.. We got together so young, I just want to be the best I can for him =) I am determined to grow old with this man though without needing to do crazy things like give 'hall passes'.

    Good! If one or both of you are not ready for the commitment of marriage, then it's best NOT to get married.
  • pixish
    pixish Posts: 79 Member
    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.

    A Hall Pass is basically letting them be 100% single again for a week or weekend.. I disagree with it. I do agree that it is saying something about commitment issues.. We got together so young, I just want to be the best I can for him =) I am determined to grow old with this man though without needing to do crazy things like give 'hall passes'.

    I think the fact that you both read the 'self help' relationship books is a good sign already. I think that relationships will work out better when both people are open to dealing with any problems they have as a couple. My partner and I feel that we are a 'team' and approach our issues in life together. I'm not really into self help type books so I can't really help you with that, but I think it sounds like you're off to a good start :) Don't worry too much about what other people say, you'll find they tend to put a lot of their own insecurities onto others. :)
  • tanashai
    tanashai Posts: 207 Member
    I don't know about any books (other than that Karma sutra for 'sexy' books ;) ), but I do know something about getting together young... my husband and I are a year and a half apart and got together when I was in grade 12. We WOULD have gotten married when we were 22 and 24 respectively, but then I got preggers just after graduating from university and that plan was shot all to pieces! We eventually did get married when I was 24 and he was 26; by then we'd been together for six years. We've been through all manner of relationship crap and made it through because hey, we're in it for the long haul.

    And NO 'HALL PASSES' (I've never even heard of this, but it sounds like complete twaddle to me) We do it through hard work, laughter, trying to communicate and plenty of fall downs and pick ups. So hey, if we can pull it off, so can you and congratulations!
  • pyewackett9
    pyewackett9 Posts: 21
    My husband and I were 24 when we married, and at that point we had been together for 5 years (although we never lived together). This hall pass is the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard. Someone who needs the promise of a hall pass isn't ready for marriage.

    Please don't put stress on yourselves by trying to be the perfect wife or husband for each other. That's an awful lot of pressure!

    We've been married for more than 26 years (27 in May). The secret to our great marriage? Separate bathrooms :laugh:
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    Does HE want a hall pass? Don't listen to those so called friends, what he wants and you want is all that matters.That is the only thing you need to know and if he does then tell him bye and get someone that just wants to do you alone. You don't need the chance of diseases etc.. I married when we both were 20 and that was 27 years ago. There are tons of sexy things you can do as a couple, no need to involve others unless it's what you BOTH want to try of course then it's fine.
  • xaMErica
    xaMErica Posts: 284 Member
    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.

    A Hall Pass is basically letting them be 100% single again for a week or weekend.. I disagree with it. I do agree that it is saying something about commitment issues.. We got together so young, I just want to be the best I can for him =) I am determined to grow old with this man though without needing to do crazy things like give 'hall passes'.
    Why do you need to change? Its simple, 'you' are who he is marrying if you aren't good enough and you fear he will cheat on you without being "better" YOU need to break up and try being single so you both can have an experience.


    I'm not getting out what I need to say right :tongue:
    I'm not trying to change.. I just want to be prepared for the different 'stages' we will both go through.. and I know I'll be a different person at 25, 30 years old.. Trust me, I love this man! He is amazing to me.. I just want to see other peoples stories and advice on how to keep that..
  • xaMErica
    xaMErica Posts: 284 Member
    My husband and I were 24 when we married, and at that point we had been together for 5 years (although we never lived together). This hall pass is the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard. Someone who needs the promise of a hall pass isn't ready for marriage.

    Please don't put stress on yourselves by trying to be the perfect wife or husband for each other. That's an awful lot of pressure!

    We've been married for more than 26 years (27 in May). The secret to our great marriage? Separate bathrooms :laugh:

    Honestly.. its just nice to see that there are people who's marriages have lasted! That makes me feel a TON better already.
  • VeganSurfer
    VeganSurfer Posts: 383 Member
    I don't think the concept of a "hall pass" exists in the UK...it sounds like a *kitten* idea :laugh:
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    I got married at 19. I'm 22 now.

    Marriage is not some massive difference, unless you never lived together prior to getting married. We did.

    It's a sleepover with your best friend for the rest of your life. No book is gonna teach you what to do. As long as you understand compromise and empathy, you'll do fine. And if your future husband wants this so called hall pass and you disagree with polyamory, best get that sorted before you take that step into infinity.

    Good luck.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,982 Member
    Lol, wouldn't a bogus hall pass put someone in detention?

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  • pyewackett9
    pyewackett9 Posts: 21
    xaMErica, I get what you mean.

    27 years ago, if I sat down and tried to figure out what we'd be like down the road, I'd have gone bonkers. I just knew that he's the person with whom I want to ask the big questions of life. We might not get the answers, but he's the one with whom I want to walk into the unknown.

    - pye
  • ngressman
    ngressman Posts: 229 Member
    So.. my fiancé and I are 21 and almost 23.. we are getting married next July 4th :love:

    We have been together 5 years this coming May 3rd. I'm just watching some friends that are getting married.. and I was told that I would need to give my fiancé a 'hall pass'. I totally disagree with this. I'm just looking for some good books that I can read and write all over.. We both like reading books like this.. I just don't know of any for younger couples.. I don't want to end up making him feel like he needs a hall pass.. I want to be the perfect wife for him and I would hope he wants to be the perfect husband for me too. Couples that want to share their tips I would appreciate it!!

    and yeah.. 'sexy' books too!

    Thanks :smile:

    Adding:: The only ones I'm finding are Christian.. I would like ones that aren't religious.
    I don't think the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is Christian. It's a good one either way. The hall pass is the perfect way to ensure a divorce in the near future. Hmm. I just skimmed the table of contents, but the Love List looks like a good read. I married young and my marriage is wonderful. I do think it is because my husband is 100% committed to me. I don't think he would even want a hall pass if I suggested it.
  • lhourin
    lhourin Posts: 144 Member
    I thought Mating In Captivity was a good book for the sexual stuff....though we've been married for almost 14 years, so I was coming at it from the perspective of having been together so long. But it had good ideas and things to keep in mind about appreciating each other, keeping things fresh, etc.

    Best of luck. Several of our friends married young and are still going strong. Don't let anyone talk crap about that! :)

    And, oh yeah, hall pass is the worst idea ever. Seriously, why would anyone ever marry someone else who actually WANTED one?? That in and of itself is a sign of (bad) things to come.
  • grantdumas7
    grantdumas7 Posts: 802 Member
    Odds are against you that you will have a successful marriage. Honestly I would wait at least 5 years until even thinking about getting married.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    I got married at 21, been 17 years now without the need for a hall pass.... like WTF? I think you read 2 many self help books (what happened to listening to YOURSELF) and watched Hall Pass 2 many times.

    As for those saying wait till you are older to get married...... like WTF? What has the age of WHEN you get married got anything to do with it? Another 5 years is not going to make any difference if they know they want to be together forever.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    Could you clarify what "hall pass" means? Like getting a free pass to have sex with someone else sometimes? I'm a little confused.

    A Hall Pass is basically letting them be 100% single again for a week or weekend.. I disagree with it. I do agree that it is saying something about commitment issues.. We got together so young, I just want to be the best I can for him =) I am determined to grow old with this man though without needing to do crazy things like give 'hall passes'.
    Why do you need to change? Its simple, 'you' are who he is marrying if you aren't good enough and you fear he will cheat on you without being "better" YOU need to break up and try being single so you both can have an experience.


    I'm not getting out what I need to say right :tongue:
    I'm not trying to change.. I just want to be prepared for the different 'stages' we will both go through.. and I know I'll be a different person at 25, 30 years old.. Trust me, I love this man! He is amazing to me.. I just want to see other peoples stories and advice on how to keep that..
    Change is inevitable, but even when we change our basic personality remains the same. I am not married but my SO and I met young (he was 19 and I was 21) we've been through a lot. Married or not we would have gone through it, we have changed but we love each other and that has changed to fit our relationship. Of either is or it isn't and there is no self help book that's going to prepare you for the its ands or butts of your personality changes for aging. :/
  • gettinfitaus
    gettinfitaus Posts: 161 Member
    I am turning 21 this summer, and my fiance is turning 24 as well. We are getting married in September of this year!
    I think the whole "hall pass" thing is bull, honestly, lol. Its like the last desperate act of someone who isn't ready for commitment.

    What she said. I married at 23, to my now ex husband who is the ex because he wasn't anywhere near ready to be married. Which is the whole point, if you are both ready then you will be fine. If one of you isn't ready but is going along to make the other happy then there will be trouble. The other thing to do is to make a concerted effort to grow closer. Work hard to find things to do together make sure that you participate in your marriage instead of just coasting through it.

    But if someone needs a hall pass... Alarm bells should be ringing.
  • diolpah
    diolpah Posts: 134 Member
    My advice is to ask the hall pass salesman if they can throw in an STD screening and some couples therapy for 40% off.

    Might as well save money if you're going to make a terrible decision.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    You don't need to give him a hall pass at all. My husband and I were 22 when we got married...a month from him being 23. Now, you can want to be a great wife, but changing yourself will not help either. The important thing is to work on your marriage, know which duties are whose (ie he takes out the trash and helps with dishes after dinner, you vacuum, dust or whatevs....can be changed up depending if you both work or if just one of you). One good book I read was Venus and Mars in the bedroom. Its been a lot of years but I still remember bits and pieces that helps. I wouldn't stress too much...he should know who he is marrying by now :)
  • fluffykitsune
    fluffykitsune Posts: 236 Member
    I've been with my boyfriend since I was 14 (I'm only 18 atm lol.. he turns 22 next thursday).
    We have intentions of getting married, but not anytime soon. Hes in the air force for 6 years (5 more to go) and I'm not going to marry until hes out and I'm done with college.
    If he had the slightest thoughts about wanting a 'hall pass' he can kiss my *kitten* good bye. When he decided he was tired of being in the friend zone and asked me out he made a commitment.

    I guess it helps that we're both pretty nerdy and not party-ers, so the thought of being single/sleeping around never appealed to us.
  • stringbeann
    stringbeann Posts: 84
    I got married in November (i was 20) and my fiancee was 23 We had been together for 4 years previously and neither of us would want a hall pass nor think its necessary. Why would anyone want that? Its so silly!

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