Being told you're not fat

mellypeters09

Being told you're not fat...Does anyone else get this a lot? It is actually highly annoying for me to be told that I am not fat. I have a bmi of 36. This qualifies for being obese. My butt is HUGE. So what is the purpose of someone telling me that I am not fat? Do they really think I am in some huge state of denial and I will believe them? And I know it is with good intentions most of the time but still...It is really stupid to lie to someones face. Really just needed to vent and see if anyone else feels this way.

Delicate

Its projection, they want to lose weight but by you losing weight they are feeling like failures cause someone else is achieving what they arent.

MinnieInMaine

Sure, I've gotten it from a few people. Hell, I'd only lost maybe 30 pounds when one of my co-workers said something like "you could see through her if she stood sideways". Yeah, I was still obese then, definitely not skinny, but they were proud of my progress and it was a sweet thing to say.

Don't think of it as a lie, as it may not be in that person's mind. It's an opinion. In this person's view, you're not fat. They like/love you just the way you are. They see you as beautiful just the way you are. And that's a wonderful thing! Take it as a compliment.

It doesn't negate how you feel about yourself or the desire that you have to lose weight and get healthier.
Just smile, say thanks, and move on...

BuffyEat2Live

I love it when people say that to me. Better still is "You look great! Whatever you doing, keep doing it!"

Pretty much anything that someone says to me about me, if it's meant as a compliment, I enjoy hearing.

crlyxx

Probably because it beats, "go run a mile, fatty!"
It's weird how that works. If an overweight person asks if they're fat, people say, "no no, eat what you want." But if you're very thin and you ask, people are all, "yes, now go drink some slimfast you fata**". So the undesired effect occurs: the thin people get thinner, and the larger people get larger. Or maybe I'm just over-analyzing things, who knows.

kelsully

Most likely people are not just walking up to you and saying" wow you are not fat". It is likely you are talking negatively about yourself and they are trying to boost you ego, be a good friend, encourage you or just trying to stop the negative self talk that makes others uncomfortable.

BoomstickChick

I hate that too. My mom tells me all the time. It's like woman, I am over 200 lbs and 5 ft 2. I am fat!! Get off my butt.

(and no I'm not talking about while being pregnant).

BurtHuttz

I think that the population has grown to such a high average of obesity that people who are overweight can appear "normal" compared to the mean, and fit people can be seen as unhealthily thin. I get plenty of weird comments too :-)

_AllieCat_

Huh? If people went around calling one another fat don't you think you would be more upset?

Most likely the people you're talking about are being polite. If you're unhealthy, you're unhealthy and no amount of words from someone else can change that. Either you decide to improve your health or not, what other think or say is irrelevant.

Lesa_Sass

Would you rather people tell you that you are fat?

Do people just walk up to you and say, You are fat? Or is it in a conversation where you are talking about being fat?

If you want people to stop telling you that you are not fat, stop telling them that you are.

melindasuefritz

they see you different or are sparing your feelings

FP4HSharon

I think there are 4 kinds of people who would say things like that & some of the other posters have already discussed them...

Nice People Who Don't Know What to Say...they don't want to admit that they think you are fat, and can't stand that awkward silence of NOT saying anything if the subject comes up. So they try to be nice & say you're not fat, or they never thought you were fat, and they honestly think they're being nice. NOT helpful.

People in Denial...think this is usually rare, but probably the best example would be a mom, dad, or spouse, who really look at the person & do not see them as fat. NOT helpful.

Skinny People Who Are Insecure...these people only feel good if others are bigger than they are, so they will do everything they can to discourage dieting, & encourage eating. They may or may not even realize they're doing it. NOT helpful.

Overweight People Who Feel Convicted (or Jealous of) by Others' Efforts/Success...these are overweight people who probably tell themselves that they've tried everything & nothing works, even if they didn't really try very hard. Or people who say they'll always be fat, so what's the point of trying. If anyone else succeeds, then that makes them more uncomfortable and probably jealous too, so they have a vested interest in making sure others fail. Again, they may or may not even realize they're doing it. NOT helpful.

HELPFUL PEOPLE...will celebrate your progress, won't call you names, but also won't lie & say you weren't overweight, and they will encourage you in your efforts. When someone lies, maybe understanding where they're coming from will help you feel sorry for them, instead of be irritated. You just keep on doing what you're doing & surround yourself w/helpful people.

krissydawn16

I love it when people say that to me. Better still is "You look great! Whatever you doing, keep doing it!"

Pretty much anything that someone says to me about me, if it's meant as a compliment, I enjoy hearing.

This! Most people think that they are saying something along the lines of, "You look great!" and it tends to come out sounding like "You're not fat, so you don't need to worry."

stillnot2late

My family tells me that. My butt is huge, my belly is too soft and round, BMI 33, and that's AFTER my weight loss. They told me I wasnt fat before I lost the weight to look like I look now - still fat

MissMormie

Its projection, they want to lose weight but by you losing weight they are feeling like failures cause someone else is achieving what they arent.

Who has ever told someone they're not fat because they themselves feel like a failure? Seriously? When then are other people always blamed for doing this thing?

In my opinion it is more likely the huge taboo surrounding fat. Basically saying to someone they're fat is seen as one the worst things you can do. So much so, that people are erring in the other direction. Rather than saying something that can implicitly mean they're fat they'll go in the other direction. Say nothing and some fat people (including me) will think 'oh, (s)he thinks i'm fat otherwise they'd have said something' say something like 'you're doing good, keep it up ' can easily be heard as 'you're on the right way but are still a fat cow'. And to prevent that people just say 'you're not fat'. It's the safe way out.

ADeterminedSoul

iv'e had a "friend" constantly tell me i wasn't fat because she wanted to stay the cute, thin, fashionable one. she was lying and i knew it from the beginning. needless to say, i dropped her like a bad habit. i find that being real with yourself is the first steps to this journey. no longer ignoring the fact that i am fat helps and not needing validation from ANYONE. we got this! good luck

Zomoniac

When I was fat and doing nothing about it I liked being told I was fat. Gave me a kick. Now though, I just ignore everyone. I'll stop when I'm perfect, and only I get to decide when that is.

Bioc

With a BMI of 38.59, I'm defiantly obese. But yet I've got people such as my boyfriend and friends telling me I don't excatly need to lose weight and "you're not fat". But family and doctors telling me I do. It isn't about there views or how they think of me, its about what I want and I want a healthy BMI lol! ♥

Juliejustsaying

meh, I think it is mostly because people want to be helpful and encouraging...except for the raging c***s that is....but yeah, those comments are just as annoying as the ones who say "oh you're going to blow away"...I know where I need to lose fat, and while I may look good in clothes...It still remains that I need to lose some fat...I tend to keep that opinion to myself, and use it to motivate myself...because everyone else sees the 40lbs I've already lost.

keep doing the good work...and do it for yourself.

quirkytizzy

I experienced this for the first time really last night. I posted a before/current side by side on FB last night.

And while I appreciate the sentiment of "I think you look good in both pics!" it was a little frustrating to not have the work I've done recognized via those pictures. I did get some very encouraging "good work!" and "you're really working hard!" comments, which helped.

I think people are being polite and trying to convey that they like you at any size, which is nice. That's a sign of affection. Where it hurts is not being recognized for the effort in between.

That's what MFP is for. I know here I can come on, post those pictures, and people here are going to know what work went into the difference into those pictures.

AllonsYtotheTardis

If you don't go around saying "I'm so fat", people will stop saying "You're not fat"