Being told you're not fat

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  • SimplyDenyse
    SimplyDenyse Posts: 124 Member
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    I get it all the time.. I know in their mind they think they are not hurting my feelings but in truth they made the struggle that much harder. Making me think I was ok and just accepting me at where I was and continuing to get larger.

    I truly appriciated the few friends that nicley encuraged me to workout, eat right ect.. They are my most supportive friends now. And its funny some of those people who made me feel thin at my before weight haven't given one compliment now. Its taught me to worry less about what others say and focus on what I truley think and feel about myself.
  • msuspartan10
    msuspartan10 Posts: 72 Member
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    I get it, too. I'm not overweight per se, but trying to work off those last fifteen pounds and get into a leaner, healthier body. Being in sports growing up, I had a really unhealthy relationship with food and I'm trying to use MFP to learn better habits. I know people mean well but they don't know me or see what I look like under my clothes. Telling me I'm a rail or I don't need to lose anything is untrue and kinda none of their business.

    But on the other hand, it's my own fault for bringing it up like commenting on FB or my calorie counts IRL. If I don't want to talk about it, I need to stop bringing it up.
  • CaffeinatedGlitter
    CaffeinatedGlitter Posts: 201 Member
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    I would get that, but it's because of the way I dressed camoflouged how big I was. I put up my before and "almost there" picture in a more revealing and far less forgiving outfit and my friends told me they didn't realize then how big I actually was... on the charts I was obese too, both my BMI and body fat % were really high....but I wasn't close to morbidly obese so people say it doesn't count as obese....
  • VoodooLuLu
    VoodooLuLu Posts: 636 Member
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    I get the "your not fat' because i'm not as big as the people around me... i'm still pretty fat though!
  • joleenl
    joleenl Posts: 739 Member
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    I think that the population has grown to such a high average of obesity that people who are overweight can appear "normal" compared to the mean, and fit people can be seen as unhealthily thin. I get plenty of weird comments too :-)

    ^^this is what I think too. People always tell me I'm not fat. I'm 5'7" at 183 and when I'm naked I can see the fat!
  • sweetpea03b
    sweetpea03b Posts: 1,124 Member
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    My hubby tells me that all the time. I think probably because compared to other people that are much more overweight than I am, I'm skinny lol. Truthfully I think he just doesn't want me to be skinny and smokin' hot so he doesn't have to beat other men off of me LOL! I wouldn't worry about it though - you have to do this for you and can only listen to positive self-talk to help you get there.

    Keep at it!
  • rachiech13
    rachiech13 Posts: 37 Member
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    I think that people struggle with honesty. I can tell myself that I'm fat and need to lose weight, but I've gotta say that hearing it from someone else would still crush me.
    Not that I expect anyone to lie to me either, that is just equally annoying.
    In my opinion, I don't think that people know how to deal with those types of scenarios so they get uncomfortable and just say what is easiest!
  • laurenmanderson1
    laurenmanderson1 Posts: 113 Member
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    Would you rather people tell you that you are fat?

    Do people just walk up to you and say, You are fat? Or is it in a conversation where you are talking about being fat?

    If you want people to stop telling you that you are not fat, stop telling them that you are.

    ^^This!
  • teekay135
    teekay135 Posts: 2
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    I do get that. Problem is, I own a mirror. But then again, we should start loving who we are right now. That is my issue. I guess, just let them say what they will say, smile, and keep up doing what you are doing.
  • toshi89
    toshi89 Posts: 101 Member
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    It honestly depends. Just because the scale says you're fat and overweight doesn't mean it reflects outwardly. They may not see what your body really looks like under the clothes. They don't mean anything by it. (Sorry, but having a big butt isn't a sign of fat). Your BMI and weight aren't posted on your head. They don't know what your health is like just by looking at you. Also, are they saying, "You're not fat, so you don't need to lose weight?" Or are the just letting you know hey, you're not fat, don't put yourself down b/c you're beautiful. You really have to think about these things.

    I agree that the world has gotten use to the obesity in our society these days, but still I don't think most people would really just tell you not to be healthy.
  • BarbWhite09
    BarbWhite09 Posts: 1,128 Member
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    Uhm, maybe the person just doesn't think you're fat? People have different views on size, ya know.
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
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    If you don't go around saying "I'm so fat", people will stop saying "You're not fat"
    haha this is my thought exactly! Most of the time this phrase comes up is when people are fishing for compliments.

    Granted there ARE people who will just randomly comment on other people's weight or appearance but in my experience MOST of the time the person who gets all bent out of shape is the one who brought it up in the first place.

    I think it is funny that so many people here get so offended easily by something that is often meant as a compliment or because their friends and family aren't supporting or praising them in the exact way they want to be... do you all discuss your BMI in casual conversation??? If not how do you expect other people to know and say exactly what you want them to say? Get over yourselves.
  • kaseysospacey
    kaseysospacey Posts: 499 Member
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    Fat is subjective. Maybe you are just a bit soft and rounded and when they think fat they think fupa and cankles
  • bethanylaugh
    bethanylaugh Posts: 237
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    I think it's just an awkward subject for a lot of people, so I try not to talk about it with anyone unless I know they are in the same boat as me!

    Honestly, they just don't know what else to say... "good for you" sounds demeaning and mean, "good luck" sounds sarcastic... etc!
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
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    I think that the population has grown to such a high average of obesity that people who are overweight can appear "normal" compared to the mean, and fit people can be seen as unhealthily thin. I get plenty of weird comments too :-)
    This is the truth. Reality is that most people in the USA can not recognize a healthy weight. Your ticker indicates that your goal is to lose 29 pounds. Most people would not be able to see that you are 29 pounds overweight just by looking at you and would be surprised to hear that you are.
  • bdeezy3396
    bdeezy3396 Posts: 89 Member
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    I get this as well, people tell me if I lose anymore weight I'll disappear, but my BMI is still within the obese range. I just smile, and continue with my business.
  • iamabutterflychaser
    iamabutterflychaser Posts: 35 Member
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    Back in 2010, I lost close to 50 lbs. Before that, my mom was always on my case about how I need to lose weight/ she's concerned for my health, etc. When I was down almost 50 lbs (and still overweight by BMI standards), she was always saying that she was worried that I didn't eat enough and that I was starving myself. Then I gained it all back and then some, and of course the overweight comments started again. (Meanwhile, my mom has been obese for as long as I can remember, and two of my three siblings are also obese, but she never says anything to them!) My theory is, you just can't win with some people!

    Since starting MFP in January, my mom had not said anything to me at all until last weekend, when she saw me she said "You're looking good" and that felt great, but I have learned my lesson to not put too much stock in what other people have to say. What matters is that I get healthy and that I feel good about myself. This time it's just for me and I'm not going to let anyone try to sabotage me! :happy:
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
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    I had this happen to me all the time when I was heavy. I was 252 lbs...I was fat!! Every time I said I was starting my weight loss journey or that I need to lose X amount of weight they would always say "But why? You're not big" and so on. Now that I've lost my weight they always say "You look fantastic" or "You've lost so much weight" I love and appreciate the compliments but sometimes I can't help but think to myself See, I was Fat! lol
  • KeysGirl23
    KeysGirl23 Posts: 117 Member
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    I completely agree! They just don't know what to say or how to say it. Personally, I smile, say thank you and take everything as a compliment and keep on going. What do I care if they are being jealous, defensive or (more to the point) insecure about MY body and my weight. This is MY journey not theirs. So I say, keep your head up and keep on doing what you are donig - it's YOUR journey.
  • bethanylaugh
    bethanylaugh Posts: 237
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    I think that people struggle with honesty. I can tell myself that I'm fat and need to lose weight, but I've gotta say that hearing it from someone else would still crush me.
    Not that I expect anyone to lie to me either, that is just equally annoying.
    In my opinion, I don't think that people know how to deal with those types of scenarios so they get uncomfortable and just say what is easiest!

    this!

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