So...Pre-Nups...are bad??

TheRightWeigh

I have a question that is totally NOT about weight loss, but just want to get some viewpoints. Why is a pre-nup seen as a bad or offensive thing to some. It's like: "Oh they are such a beautiful couple, she really found a good oman, BUT you know he had her sign a pre-nup." Cue pearls being clutched and gasps of pity. I don't think a pre-nup means that someone is anticipating a divorce or anything like that. I just think it's a smart thing to do...if the terms are fair to both parties, of course. If I were to come to a marriage with considerably less than the person I married. I wouldn't think I was entitled to anything I didn't work for or help with. So I wouldn't mind signing a very well-prepared, airtight and FAIR pre-nup. I mean, why would I feel entitled to someone else's income...just because I married them. I feel like if you divorce them, you divorce the money. Maybe I don't have a correct understanding of pre-nuptial agreements? *shrug*

TylerJ76

IF YOU DON'T, SHE WILL GET HALF YOUR STUFF FOOL!

maab_connor

b/c having a brain is not romantic.

odusgolp

I'm an accountant, not a romantic. That's an important distinction, here... But if either party has assets worth protecting, I firmly believe in pre-nups.

iulia_maddie

I wouldn't mind signing a pre-nup as long as the conditions in it were fair. It should state that in case of a divorce I get everything.

diodelcibo

They are not bad, I would never get married without one.

TylerJ76

I wouldn't mind signing a pre-nup as long as the conditions in it were fair. It should state that in case of a divorce I get everything.

Seems legit.
Are you going to make me sign this stupid contract??

iulia_maddie

I wouldn't mind signing a pre-nup as long as the conditions in it were fair. It should state that in case of a divorce I get everything.

Seems legit.
Are you going to make me sign this stupid contract??

You already did silly. You should really start reading stuff before you sign it.

Fozzi43

They are not bad, I would never get married without one.

Not even to me?

DontStopB_Leakin

I understand them if either party has sizeable assets before entering into the marriage, but for the average John Smith and Jane Doe, they're completely unnecessary.

MidwestAngel

I understand them if either party has sizeable assets before entering into the marriage, but for the average John Smith and Jane Doe, they're completely unnecessary.

^This. Lea is always right.

BeinAwesome247

I don't see anything wrong with them - with divorce rates as high as they are I think it's just logical.

For example, the guy I'm seeing already has a pretty nice savings acct and 401k started. Say things actually progress and we get married. I don't feel I'm automatically entitled to that money at all and would not be offended if he asked for a simple prenup. Hopefully it'd never need to be used but hey, *kitten* happens

vtmoon

I personally think it's smart if both people are reasonable. It falls apart when people start thinking emotionally about it. The same people freaking out about a pre-nup would also have issues getting a life insurance plan, the reason is those things force them to think about the possible grim end of the marriage or life. Just case there is a worst case scenario plan in place doesn't mean that is the only way things will go.

I knew a couple who had one which was setup to dissolve after 18 years. Well husband was back early from business trip and walked into a hot and steamy love session in his living room. Turns out it was an ex-bf who she was on and off with for a bunch of years. So husband got to walk free from being stuck with her student loans that were in the six figures.

So like I said it's a reasonable thing to do seeing that nowadays your wedding has a 50/50 chance on lasting.

SoViLicious

My husband and I don't have one. But we already said that it's homicide or suicide.

SerenaFisher

I have no problem with them, they defend both parties, and those that usually get them have a lot of reasons to get them. :smokin:

wolverine66

I understand them if either party has sizeable assets before entering into the marriage, but for the average John Smith and Jane Doe, they're completely unnecessary.

i don't know. this reminds me of a Chris Rock bit about pre-nups:

“Prenuptial agreement....Everybody needs a prenup. People think you gotta be rich to get a prenup. Oh, no! You make $20 million...and your wife gets 10: big deal you ain't starving. But if you make $30,000 and your wife wants 15..you might have to kill her.”


(the context was around the O.J. Simpson/ Nicole murder - which explains the punchline)

Grumpy2208

A prenuptial agreement is an agreement between two people that deals with the financial consequences of their marriage ending.

All marrying couples have a “prenuptial agreement” – it is known as “divorce law.” However, a lot of people are unhappy with the way divorce law works, and prefer to take control of their lives, rather than leave it in the hands of the government. In these cases, it makes a lot of sense to get a customized prenup.

Getting a prenuptial agreement is particularly important in these 8 cases:

1. You are much wealthier than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that your partner is marrying you for who you are, and not for your money.

2. You earn much more than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can be used in many states to limit the amount of alimony that is payable.

3. You are remarrying. When you remarry, your legal and financial concerns are often very different than in your first marriage. You may have children from a previous marriage, support obligations, and own a home or other significant assets. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that when you pass away, your assets are distributed according to your wishes, and that neither your first family, nor your new family are cut off.

4. Your partner has a high debt load. If you are marrying someone with a significant debt load, and don’t want to be responsible for these debts if your marriage ends, then a prenuptial agreement can help ensure that this does not happen.

5. You own part of a business. Without a prenuptial agreement, when your marriage ends, your spouse could end up owning a share of your business. Your business partners may not want this to happen. A prenup can ensure that your spouse does not become an unwanted partner in your business.

6. To prevent your spouse from overturning your estate plan. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that your estate plan works, and, for instance, ensure that a specific heirloom remains in your family.

7. You are much poorer than your partner. Just as a prenuptial agreement can be used to protect a spouse who is well off, a prenup can also be used to ensure that the partner who is weaker financially is protected.

8. If you plan to quit your job to raise children. Quitting your job will negatively impact your income and your wealth. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that the financial burden of raising the children is shared fairly by both partners.

TheRightWeigh

i don't know. this reminds me of a Chris Rock bit about pre-nups:

“Prenuptial agreement....Everybody needs a prenup. People think you gotta be rich to get a prenup. Oh, no! You make $20 million...and your wife gets 10: big deal you ain't starving. But if you make $30,000 and your wife wants 15..you might have to kill her.”


(the context was around the O.J. Simpson/ Nicole murder - which explains the punchline)

Right. Half of a modest fortune is much more impactful than half a millionaire's trove. I don't want to STRUGGLE just because she get's half of whatever.

Now if one party has an financially blows up or really works hard for something and accrues wealth during the marriage. Does that entitle the other party to that money. Because they were "there".
Scenario: We get married. I find the secret to cold fusion and renewable nuclear energy. I'm now Bill Gates rich, but she starts sleeping with the pool boy. I catch them. We divorce. She was "there" ...does she have claim to a piece of my empire!? This scenario also makes me want a pre-nup whether I'm rich going in or not.

BeinAwesome247

A prenuptial agreement is an agreement between two people that deals with the financial consequences of their marriage ending.

All marrying couples have a “prenuptial agreement” – it is known as “divorce law.” However, a lot of people are unhappy with the way divorce law works, and prefer to take control of their lives, rather than leave it in the hands of the government. In these cases, it makes a lot of sense to get a customized prenup.

Getting a prenuptial agreement is particularly important in these 8 cases:

1. You are much wealthier than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that your partner is marrying you for who you are, and not for your money.

2. You earn much more than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can be used in many states to limit the amount of alimony that is payable.

3. You are remarrying. When you remarry, your legal and financial concerns are often very different than in your first marriage. You may have children from a previous marriage, support obligations, and own a home or other significant assets. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that when you pass away, your assets are distributed according to your wishes, and that neither your first family, nor your new family are cut off.

4. Your partner has a high debt load. If you are marrying someone with a significant debt load, and don’t want to be responsible for these debts if your marriage ends, then a prenuptial agreement can help ensure that this does not happen.

5. You own part of a business. Without a prenuptial agreement, when your marriage ends, your spouse could end up owning a share of your business. Your business partners may not want this to happen. A prenup can ensure that your spouse does not become an unwanted partner in your business.

6. To prevent your spouse from overturning your estate plan. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that your estate plan works, and, for instance, ensure that a specific heirloom remains in your family.

7. You are much poorer than your partner. Just as a prenuptial agreement can be used to protect a spouse who is well off, a prenup can also be used to ensure that the partner who is weaker financially is protected.

8. If you plan to quit your job to raise children. Quitting your job will negatively impact your income and your wealth. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that the financial burden of raising the children is shared fairly by both partners.

See now I'd be bringing a child into the equation. I don't have a very large life insurance policy but still I do have one and she is the beneficiary - I wouldn't want that to change honestly

Thankfully I do NOT have a lot of debt - less than most

TwinkieDong

It is simple in society women want their cake and eat it too. They want equal rights but want the benefits of the old ways. The whole marriage thing has always been a religious ceremony. Only when the Gov got involved did it become about assets. In the eyes of the law it is 50/50 yet 99% of the time women make out in a divorce.

So what is it for the man? The laws are biased against him, he loses wealth....so if it is truly about love why not do a prenuptial? `

BeinAwesome247

It is simple in society women want their cake and eat it too. They want equal rights but want the benefits of the old ways. The whole marriage thing has always been a religious ceremony. Only when the Gov got involved did it become about assets. In the eyes of the law it is 50/50 yet 99% of the time women make out in a divorce.

So what is it for the man? The laws are biased against him, he loses wealth....so if it is truly about love why not do a prenuptial? `

no bitterness in that post at all :huh:

corn63

It is simple in society women want their cake and eat it too. They want equal rights but want the benefits of the old ways. The whole marriage thing has always been a religious ceremony. Only when the Gov got involved did it become about assets. In the eyes of the law it is 50/50 yet 99% of the time women make out in a divorce.

So what is it for the man? The laws are biased against him, he loses wealth....so if it is truly about love why not do a prenuptial? `

Someone got burned once or twice.

hbrittingham

My husband and I were dirt poor when we got married, so no pre-nup needed. Thank goodness. Now if we were to split up (not going to happen), everything in the household would be split.

melindasuefritz

RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

melindasuefritz

My husband and I were dirt poor when we got married, so no pre-nup needed. Thank goodness. Now if we were to split up (not going to happen), everything in the household would be split.

i quoted this but im in the same s ituation

squirrelzzrule22

It's not just money. You can workout custody, property, a variety of things in a prenup. You can account for things that could happen after a divorce- I promise to help out if you get terminally ill after the divorce and we have children together , etc.

As a lawyer, I will have one without a doubt.

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

I am a "soon to be lawyer" and no pre-nup here. They don't hold water in California anyway.

cuterbee

I don't have one -- though I considered it. My first husband was so very bad (not to mention close to being criminal...may very well have been criminal, now that I think about it) about money that I was very cautious going into my second marriage.

We don't pool money or credit, and I own my home with only my name on the mortgage (I had bought the house prior to meeting my second husband). I think I would be OK with sharing a mortgage if we decide to buy another home.

whatshouldieat

I think Grumpy 2208 states it best. A pre-nup is definetly a must in these days. Until the courts see that woman and men are equal a pre-nup is a must. I will never get married unless she signs a pre-nup. I don't believe anyone should get another person's assets just because they were married or have to take on someone else's DEBT due to there poor money skills. I understand splitting what two people earned together while married, but buy no means should someone get half a house that I built with my bare hands or land that belongs to me. Life is not always fair, and when it comes to DIVORCE it is never fair, either way the man will always get the shaft.

kellijauch

I don't think Pre-Nups are bad. If I ever marry my boyfriend (which I hope to) we'll have a pre-nup. He's been married and divorced, and his ex-wife took him to the cleaners. It's not entrering into the marriage preparing for divorce, it's just a precautionary method to protect yourself. He owns a home, I don't. That's his house, and even if we get married, I am not entitled to half of it if we get divorced. It's his. Same thing with his musical equipment and all of my artwork and jewelry. Those are things that are very much Only ours, that we purchased seperately. He's not getting my paintings or jewelry, and I'm not taking his house or musical equipment. Really, it's out of respect for each other, and who cares, just sign it. Hopefully it won't matter anyways.

Oishii

It is simple in society women want their cake and eat it too. They want equal rights but want the benefits of the old ways. The whole marriage thing has always been a religious ceremony. Only when the Gov got involved did it become about assets. In the eyes of the law it is 50/50 yet 99% of the time women make out in a divorce.

So what is it for the man? The laws are biased against him, he loses wealth....so if it is truly about love why not do a prenuptial? `

Marriage was ALL about assets in the middle ages, and before and since. I read a great book about it at uni. Women's power was slowly eroded through the wording of contracts of marriage.

I do believe that a man or woman who has given up their own career to support a family, on the understanding that their efforts would be valued as equal to earning money, should have that role recognised in a divorce. For someone to become destitute because of divorce would be wrong. However, when no such sacrifice in earnings has taken place, it does sometimes seem very unfair.