WTF? I've been loosing and now I'm told I'm fat.

cqp1
cqp1 Posts: 41
in Motivation and Support
I started MFP in January and no I did not tell friends/family. I know myself and I will do better without stressing over whether they see me fail or not. I have lost 15 lbs since starting MFP. Not a lot considering I was 255 starting but still weight loss. I'm trying to stay positive and realize it has to be slow to stay off.

Last week my boyfriend told me I was getting fat and needed to loose weight (joking statement but still) and my boss made a comment about needing to slim down before I reach 40 and have to start taking all kinds of meds. (cholesterol, etc.). I can't help but think WTF. Here I am trying and given it's not showing yet but its not like I'm gaining either and I have been about 255 for at least the last 4 or 5 years.

Anyone else getting insulted instead of complimented?
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Replies

  • mfrkorey
    mfrkorey Posts: 176 Member
    First of all, I hate you got that double whammy!

    You are doing what you need to do, and the weight is coming off. Don't let this get you down or derail you. For every jerk out there making rude comments, there are many more here, waiting and willing to support you.

    It seems to happen all at once for some people. One day nobody notices and the next day so many people will notice your improvements, you will think you are being punk'd. Do it for you and remember that YOU are the important one!
  • cqp1
    cqp1 Posts: 41
    Thanks for the support. I'm having enough trouble dealing with the slow loss and no visible results yet. I keep trying to tell myself just get to 30 lbs lost surely there will be visible results at that time. I know when I first got with my boyfriend I was between 210 and 220 and I still have some of those clothes. If I can can get back into them I will finally feel like I've accomplished something.
  • myrasays
    myrasays Posts: 23 Member
    Sounds like a bad week. Let me just say, ignore them & also ignore any nagging little voice in your head that you can't do it.
    You CAN.
    They will soon feel pretty foolish.
    However, they should be ashamed of themselves for picking on you anyway.

    Use this as your motivation to KEEP GOING. Take out your frustration in your work out.
    If you are not working out or find it is too difficult to do cardio, start walking as far and as fast as you can.
    You have the advantage of having extra weight that sheds like crazy right now - the shock & awe will be quick!!

    Meanwhile, don't forget to incorporate weights so you can start building fat-burning muscle. Sometimes as we lose weight we might also lose muscle which makes us look flabby if we aren't building muscle (happened to me!)
    Start with your own body weight first & add light weight when you find yourself getting stronger.

    When you find the courage, feel free to politely explain to those around you that this is a process and to please respect your dignity. Remind them that you wouldn't and don't say things to them concerning their health habits and don't personally feel it is within their right to criticize yours, especially at this most crucial time. Encourage your boyfriend to support you by joining you in your walks. It'll show him you take this seriously and so should he - it'll also encourage catching up time after long days at work.

    Be good to yourself and remember: It took more than a year to put it on, it will take more than a year to take it off.

    <3 Good luck!
  • jzebracki
    jzebracki Posts: 112 Member
    Are you tall? I am 5' 9" and it took about 25 pounds down before anyone started noticing. Give it time and keep on the path! You will get there! We all will with support and dedication. Good luck!
  • 5ftnFun
    5ftnFun Posts: 948 Member
    Wow, so sorry you got blasted like that. Be strong & don't let it deter you. You will get there and get into your smaller clothes, and it will be noticed. Hang tough!
  • NaturallyandProperly
    NaturallyandProperly Posts: 138 Member
    People are ignorant. lol Samething happened to me. Down 12 pounds and someone asked me if I was expecting. NIIIICCCE! :P Whatever, just laugh and keep on moving! :)
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,237 Member
    I lost my first 20lbs and was rewarded with my mother asking if I was 5 months pregnant. Thanks Mom, I was feeling pretty proud for like 10 whole seconds.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
    maybe the weight loss, (congrats on the 15!) drew attention to your body, and because you said it isn't that noticeable, maybe they weren't sure what it was and now think you have gained weight....or something of the such

    keep doing what you have been doing
    why were you so successful in losing the 15
    what can you keep doing to lose another 15
    you got this girl! and congrats again!
  • cqp1
    cqp1 Posts: 41
    Are you tall? I am 5' 9" and it took about 25 pounds down before anyone started noticing. Give it time and keep on the path! You will get there! We all will with support and dedication. Good luck!


    No, I am short, 5'3" so extra weight does not look good at all.
  • terri_journey
    terri_journey Posts: 287 Member
    Hi, when i first started this i was having trouble with my knee's. the Dr just said, your too young to have a knee replacement, you need to lose weight and exercise. Well, that was March of last year. I saw the same Dr in Nov of last year beause i was still having knee problems, he walked in the room, looked at me, looked at the chart, and asked if I was the same person. i told him i just did what he told me too. i still am!! Too bad it hasnt stopped my knee's from hurting though!! Hang in there, you can do this!! You are worth it!!
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    I'm sorry this happened to you, but I would guess that they are seeing your actual weight loss, realizing you look different, but they're not looking closely enough at you on a daily basis to realize what the actual difference IS. Often this results in the "did you get a haircut?" comment.
  • cqp1
    cqp1 Posts: 41
    People are ignorant. lol Samething happened to me. Down 12 pounds and someone asked me if I was expecting. NIIIICCCE! :P Whatever, just laugh and keep on moving! :)

    Yeah, some people need lessons in common politeness. I never ask anyone if they are expecting too hard to tell. A lot of people just carry extra weight in their bellies.
  • mytime1986
    mytime1986 Posts: 117
    I started MFP in January and no I did not tell friends/family. I know myself and I will do better without stressing over whether they see me fail or not. I have lost 15 lbs since starting MFP. Not a lot considering I was 255 starting but still weight loss. I'm trying to stay positive and realize it has to be slow to stay off.

    Last week my boyfriend told me I was getting fat and needed to loose weight (joking statement but still) and my boss made a comment about needing to slim down before I reach 40 and have to start taking all kinds of meds. (cholesterol, etc.). I can't help but think WTF. Here I am trying and given it's not showing yet but its not like I'm gaining either and I have been about 255 for at least the last 4 or 5 years.

    Anyone else getting insulted instead of complimented?


    Ok This is me to a T!! I just started in Feburary and I have lost 15 pounds. And my boyfriend and some family member have made comments about my weight. I know its concern or joking, but I know how you feel. I am very short and also 255 so I know it will be awhile before its noticable. Stick in there we will get through it !!
  • HIITMe
    HIITMe Posts: 921 Member
    Dont worry, when you get down to 200 pounds, someone will warn you that you are getting too thin....
  • samcat2000
    samcat2000 Posts: 106 Member
    Are you tall? I am 5' 9" and it took about 25 pounds down before anyone started noticing. Give it time and keep on the path! You will get there! We all will with support and dedication. Good luck!

    I'm 5'10" and have this problem...God only knows all the places my body was storing fat. Ugh.

    Easier said than done but try to stay on your path and don't listen to these debbie downers. Do you feel different/better with your loss? After my 1st 10, I didn't feel or look amazing but what I did realize was "I can do this!" That was enough to keep me going. I hope you can feel the same way and be proud of your loss to date and envision what it's going to feel like if you keep losing.

    I agree with the other poster - try to incorporate strength training if you can. I only did cardio and not strength training that first 45 days of being on MFP because I had a hectic schedule but I wish had done both now.
  • Lyby
    Lyby Posts: 42
    I haven't lost much on the scale, but I've noticed a difference in the way my clothes fit.
    My husband noticed it too, but he didn't realize it was because I was going down in weight --- he presumed I'd gained.
    He thought I was wearing looser shirts to hide more muffin top --- in actuality my shirts are just getting looser 'cause there's less muffin top.

    Perhaps you got hit with a version of the "did you cut your hair" question.
    Something looks different to them but they're not sure what.
    In the past, asking a woman if she got her hair done was a way of commenting on a change without criticizing.
    Our world has gotten cynical and more weight-conscious and perhaps they noticed there was a change but presumed it was weight gain because they didn't know you are working hard to lose. If you've lost 15 pounds, there's a noticeable change even if you can't see it. Very hard lesson for me is that other people don't see me the way I see myself --- and I can't trust mirrors.

    One of the other posters is absolutely correct --- just hang in there, one of these days, soon, you'll have all kinds of people commenting positively on how great you look and remember to say "Thank You", not "well I've lost a little, but...." Every pound, every inch, every cholesterol measurement we go down, that is a victory! No buts about it!
  • sassafrascas
    sassafrascas Posts: 191 Member
    Maybe the weight loss has changed the way you carry your weight has changed your appearance somehow. So they have noticed a change and they assumed you have gained or something. just keep on going you can do it!
  • HudaSaman
    HudaSaman Posts: 46
    People will not motivate you, You have to learn to motivate your self.
    Do not focus on what people think about you, Do it for your self and enjoy your journey, they may be noticing your weight loss but think they are motivating you by telling you to lose weight!..
    Just stay strong and you will get there in no time :)
  • gingabebe
    gingabebe Posts: 165 Member
    Hi, when i first started this i was having trouble with my knee's. the Dr just said, your too young to have a knee replacement, you need to lose weight and exercise. Well, that was March of last year. I saw the same Dr in Nov of last year beause i was still having knee problems, he walked in the room, looked at me, looked at the chart, and asked if I was the same person. i told him i just did what he told me too. i still am!! Too bad it hasnt stopped my knee's from hurting though!! Hang in there, you can do this!! You are worth it!!

    Good job! I bet that Dr. wishes all his patients did the same! cqp1- hang in there, I have been losing and gaining the same 5 lbs for the past month and am at my wit's end, but last year I lost quite a bit. It took about 25 pounds before anyone noticed, but I sure did because my jeans were so loose I had to wear a belt.
  • boroko
    boroko Posts: 358 Member
    Do you have photos that prove that your weight loss is not showing or do you just not see it because you see yourself every day? Maybe you are starting to look a bit different and your clothes are fitting differently so people are conscious of something changing about you. If your clothes are a bit baggy in places they can make you look like you're fatter - this was definitely the case when my husband lost weight as his old big suits made him look even bigger as he lost weight than when he was at his peak!

    Don't let thoughtless comments undermine your efforts as you are doing great and must be proud of your achievement to date. :flowerforyou: Keep it up and have a good look at how your clothes are fitting - maybe they need a bit of adjusting to keep up with your changing shape.
  • cqp1
    cqp1 Posts: 41
    I appreciate the input. I have been trying to send out friend requests I can always use the support and I hope I can help you too but I started to get confused on who I had sent a request too. It's lunchtime and my brain has quit working. Anyone can add me if you want.
  • angelgayla
    angelgayla Posts: 56 Member
    Those kind of comments suck! But don't let them suck the motivation out of you. Stay focused on your goal despite the negativity and you will succeed! Don't do it for your boyfriend, don't do it for your boss - do it for YOU. 15 pounds is AWESOME! You are on your way!
  • donyellemoniquex3
    donyellemoniquex3 Posts: 2,384 Member
    this is resolved in a 2 step process

    step 1: break up with him
    step 2: prove him wrong

    I've proved many a YouTube troll who've said I'll never be able to lose weight and yet I've lost 13lbs so far.
  • bc119
    bc119 Posts: 34 Member
    I lost my first 20lbs and was rewarded with my mother asking if I was 5 months pregnant. Thanks Mom, I was feeling pretty proud for like 10 whole seconds.

    This reminded me...about 5 years ago I had lost around 30 lbs and had a client at work ask me if I'd had the baby (because of my weight loss)... prior to that on other occasions I'd had at least 2-3 other clients ask me when I was "due" (I tend to carry weight in my stomach area and tunic-style shirts with empire waists were "in" at the time), lol.

    SO yeah, insults happen and not much you can do. Good luck with your progress!
  • Tiff050709
    Tiff050709 Posts: 497 Member
    15lbs is a lot! Maybe it doesn't show much but it is a lot! I have lost 25lbs and I have a long way to go so to me it isn't a lot but in retrospect it is. It's always nice to hear someone ask you if you have lost weight so it's natural to want to hear it so I feel bad for you when it goes the opposite. Keep your chin up though because you are doing what you are supposed to. And soon enough people will notice. No one has really said much to me beside my husband and my MIL. Sometimes I think they are just being nice so I don't believe them anyway, lol.
  • gurlygirlrcr80
    gurlygirlrcr80 Posts: 162 Member
    There is always going to be people saying stupid stuff to you. A lady at work last week start out saying "hey skinny!" and then immediately goes "well skinnier" i was like...whoa WTF?! i went from Yay! to WTF! in 2 seconds...It's like she just said...i didn't mean to say you were skinny just not as fat as you were...Just don't expect much support from outside people who aren't working on losing.15 lbs is a great start and you just need to keep working on it. Use their comments as motivation when you get tired or want to eat like garbage.
  • wnbrice
    wnbrice Posts: 244 Member
    Remember after you lose weight it takes a little bit for the skin to bounce back since it will have that deflated look. Which looks terrible and makes you look fatter.

    So during that period if the general shape stays the same it is going to look like you are heavier.

    If the scale says you are going down just recognize that it is just a sign of losing.
  • vixtris
    vixtris Posts: 688 Member
    wow thats really gotta hurt. i personally do not like announcing that i am trying to lose weight to my family (besides my husband of course lol) because i know they wont see a difference any time soon. my mom seems to think that weight just falls off immediately, so i havent even told her that i am trying. thing is, if someone says "oh you need to lose weight" when you ARE, and then eventually when it is noticeable, they will probably think you are doing it because they said something ... which would make me a little aggravated. just try to forget about those people, you are doing it for YOURSELF not for them.
  • peggyasp
    peggyasp Posts: 15 Member
    I always get those "helpful" comments from my family, too. People who haven't "been there" actually think all you need is for them to tell you you're fat and you will magically see the light and slim down. Do they really think we don't know we have put on weight? Ugh. Their comments are more damaging than anything else since it causes stress and, in my case, makes me too self-conscious to even want to go out. This is one of the main reasons I love living so far from my family, and why I hate going back home to visit, sadly. It isn't the reason I left, of course, but I feel a lot better when I'm not constantly hearing how awful I look.

    It will be awhile before you get compliments on your weight loss, but it will come. I find my family will jump to point out a five-pound gain, but hardly mention a twenty-pound loss.
  • Kifissia
    Kifissia Posts: 136
    Are you tall? I am 5' 9" and it took about 25 pounds down before anyone started noticing. Give it time and keep on the path! You will get there! We all will with support and dedication. Good luck!


    No, I am short, 5'3" so extra weight does not look good at all.

    I'm 5'4" and have lost 10 on MFP and 10 on my own before MFP. No one has noticed, so I understand how you feel. I too am not telling anyone because I don't want to hear well-intentioned advice. Do you feel a difference? Do you feel better? Are your clothes feeling just a bit looser? Pants a bit longer? As long as you notice and feel it, that's all that matters. I am getting support with once a month calls with a wellness coach and I have found a person I can depend on and we check in with each other once a week for about 30 minutes. Keep it up!!!!!

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