Guys ALWAYS say "confidence matters" LOL.

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Replies

  • gym_king_carlie
    gym_king_carlie Posts: 528 Member
    I understand the sentiment of the original post but I think when people talk about confidence, they talk about it as a main quality and not thee quality they are attracted to. I dig a girl with confidence but its not all I look for in a person.
  • redredfox
    redredfox Posts: 76 Member
    I don't care how hot you are... if you have zero confidence, are insecure or are an as*, your looks will only carry you so far. People are surprised when an attractive couple split up and they say, "How could he break up with her? She is so gorgeous??!!" Well, maybe he/she was a jerk or a lunatic. Looks are still important and we can't deny it. I would be a liar if I said that attraction is of no importance. It's all about the whole package. Looks are what first draws us in and the personality is what lasts forever... so don't let either fall to the wayside.
  • EmilyOfTheSun
    EmilyOfTheSun Posts: 1,548 Member
    Confidence is important but you're right, if there's no physical attraction, it probably doesn't matter much. On the other hand, nervousness can be charming too. You know, when a guy is all shy to hit on you and you can tell it probably took him a while to work up the courage to talk to you...that's adorable.
  • phinphanbill26
    phinphanbill26 Posts: 574 Member
    She has to have a nice personality. Yeah, that's it, a nice personality!
  • katy_trail
    katy_trail Posts: 1,992 Member
    in, this could get interesting.

    edit to add I'm definitely in the group who sometimes is lacking in confidence, then again depending on the day or mood,
    I'm way over confident, so it balances out I guess.
  • buffty
    buffty Posts: 83
    What's wrong with being humble and modest? I find it incredibly attractive in a man, confidence actually turns me off. But that's just me....
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    A person can be humble and still be confident. To be humble is to not think you are better or more important than everyone else. To be confident is to believe in yourself, to believe that you are good enough and that you don't need to compensate for being "less than" whomever you are dating.

    And is any of this really a revelation? Hasn't it always been the case that a person must be attractive (to you) before you would consider dating him or her but that looks are not the only thing that matters? I don't think this is unmarked territory.
  • katy_trail
    katy_trail Posts: 1,992 Member
    What's wrong with being humble and modest? I find it incredibly attractive in a man, confidence actually turns me off. But that's just me....

    confidence isn't the same as being a a*hole. you can be confident and humble at the same time.
  • katy_trail
    katy_trail Posts: 1,992 Member
    A person can be humble and still be confident. To be humble is to not think you are better or more important than everyone else. To be confident is to believe in yourself, to believe that you are good enough and that you don't need to compensate for being "less than" whomever you are dating.

    And is any of this really a revelation? Hasn't it always been the case that a person must be attractive (to you) before you would consider dating him or her but that looks are not the only thing that matters? I don't think this is unmarked territory.

    I've been friends with guys who I didn't find attractive, and later on I would have dated them if I was single. After getting to know them, they became attractive to me, and the reverse can happen too.
  • LokiOfAsgard
    LokiOfAsgard Posts: 378 Member
    The thing about confidence, I think, is that it makes you carry yourself different.

    You really do look different with a lot of confidence, as compared to no confidence.

    A girl with little confidence would most likely be very quiet and out of the way and trying to not be noticed.
    A girl with confidence would be louder and wouldn't care about trying to hide themselves.

    And that's the difference right there. I don't think it's truly the fact that confidence is hot, it's just more interesting than a lack of confidence.

    But now, you maybe right. If they guy's not attracted to you, then confidence probably wouldn't do much. (Unless he's only not attracted to you because he doesn't notice you or doesn't like quiet types)
  • kf4vkp
    kf4vkp Posts: 164 Member
    See you still think its about gender, its about humanity. Male, female irrelevant! You should be nice to a person REGARDLESS.:huh:

    I'm just saying male or female, confident or not, if I don't like you, being nice doesn't matter...

    I think they are saying you should be nice as a general purpose, not just because you want to get in someone's pants.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Well, couldn't you substitute any quality/trait in there for "confidence"?

    Some women say they like a guy with long hair. Does that mean they will like every guy with long hair? I would wager "no."

    Some men say they like a woman with a toned stomach. Does that mean they will like every woman with a toned stomach? Again, no.

    And you can put in there eye color, height, politeness, job, wealth, sense of humor, etc.

    The point is, having these things doesn't make someone attracted to you, but it is an equalizer. Having a particular quality (like sense of humor or can make someone over look other, (perceived) less desirable traits/qualities in favor of ones they are commonly more attracted to.

    So having confidence may not make someone attracted to you, but make them more likely to be attracted to you by overlooking other things they wouldn't normally find attractive for the sake of that confidence (or sense of humor, or being a good parent, muscular chest, etc)

    I don't know if that made any sense.

    This is all just my opinion.
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
    I think the thing is that confidence make people appear more attractive, and lack of takes away from your attraction
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    I agree with the OP but I've noticed that if someone is not classically attractive, like just borderline between avg and attractive, then confidence can give them an edge, at least in men. I can think of a few men that I wouldn't have really noticed for being attractive but their confident personalities made them more attractive to me.
  • tbrain1989
    tbrain1989 Posts: 280 Member
    looks mean absolutely nothing, other wise how do blind people fall in love? and does anyone look like the way they started ?

    To figure out how we pick mates, scientists have measured every shape and angle of the human face, studied the symmetry of dancers, crafted formulas from the measurements of Playboy models, and had both men and women rank attractiveness based on smelling armpit sweat.

    After all this and more, the rules of attraction for the human species are still not clearly understood. How it all factors into true love is even more mysterious.

    But a short list of scientific rules for the game of love is emerging. Some are as clearly defined as the prominent, feminine eyes of a supermodel or the desirable hips of a well-built man. Other rules work at the subconscious level, motivating us to action for evolutionary reasons that are tucked inside clouds of infatuation

    True love

    Somewhere amid attraction and sex, we all hope, are strong feelings of love. But which of all the motivations really drives us?

    Interestingly, brain scans in people who'd recently fallen in love reveal more activity related to love than sex. "Romantic love is one of the most powerful of all human experiences," says Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University. "It is definitely more powerful than the sex drive."

    The rules of attraction make up a pretty long list. No scientist knows the order of the list. But near the top is perhaps one of the toughest characteristics to gauge in advance in the search for the perfect partner.

    Despite all their differences, men and women place high value on one trait: fidelity.

    Cornell University's Stephen Emlen and colleagues asked nearly 1,000 people age 18 to 24 to rank several attributes, including physical attractiveness, health, social status, ambition, and faithfulness, on a desirability scale.

    People who rated themselves favorably as long-term partners were more particular about the attributes of potential mates. After fidelity, the most important attributes were physical appearance, family commitment, and wealth and status.

    "Good parenting, devotion, and sexual fidelity—that's what people say they're looking for in a long-term relationship," Emlen says.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Girls say the same thing. I just want someone who treats me nice. Bologna haha...

    Treating somebody nice isn't a quality. Its a requirement. Like breathing. You are not a super hero with breathing power. You are an average person doing what every alive human being should be doing. Breathing. So is being nice. You SHOULD be nice.

    You know what I think is Bologna? The fact that kids nowadays think that if you start acting nice, some girl will magically come and sit in your lap. Men don't even bother asking her out. They just expects things for being nice. And when you do this to a friend and she calls you her friend and not your boyfriend you say you're "friendzoned" when in reality.. you never even made a move or asked her out.
    acting nice in order to get laid, then resenting the women who reject them... why do these guys think they're nice??
  • runninginplace
    runninginplace Posts: 42 Member
    See you still think its about gender, its about humanity. Male, female irrelevant! You should be nice to a person REGARDLESS.:huh:

    Agree with this. Our society could do with a a bit more basic courtesy and respect.

    I do agree with most; if you're not attracted to someone, confidence will only get them so far.
    However, if you are attracted to them, that attraction will be harder to maintain if you're constantly required to pump up that persons opinion of themself (I don't think that's a word, but you get the point).
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    See you still think its about gender, its about humanity. Male, female irrelevant! You should be nice to a person REGARDLESS.:huh:
    and not just because you think it might buy your way into their bed.
  • Sunnyjb
    Sunnyjb Posts: 220
    Fine line. Cocky is not okay, conceited is not okay. Courage and ability to hold a conversation, that's good stuff. Also, none of this matters if you stink.
  • wllwsmmr
    wllwsmmr Posts: 391 Member
    Confidence might not be the prime factor for consideration for someone to be attracted to another. But I'd imagine it being tough and tiring BEING with someone with no confidence or lack of self esteem.

    Also agree with previous poster that confidence and being conceited is very very different!
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    In other breaking news water is discovered to be wet.
  • iecreamheadaches
    iecreamheadaches Posts: 441 Member
    I think it really depends on the guy. Most guys just go for the hot or not aspect though. But eff 'em.
  • AZ_Gato
    AZ_Gato Posts: 1,270 Member
    There are many attractive women (people). It comes down personal preferences. For some of us, the difference is confidence, boobs, a nice butt, eyes...really whatever that personal preference is. So once you take the attraction into account, then comes confidence, after confidence, hopefully some sort of chemistry.

    A lack of confidence is not flattering.
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
    You have to love the person. I married my wife because she is kind, smary, and funny. Plus, she has the most amazing funbags. *mmmmmmmmmmmmotorboat*
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    HOWEVA....

    JUST SAYING... its been my experience that guys can say that confidence is the number one attraction they have for us ladies (and I'm not saying its not important) but I have learned over time that when it all boils down to it, the girls gotta be hot to them or he ain't gonna be feelin' it. Sometimes no amount of confidence will make up for his not being attracted. Which is really totally fine.

    So you know, theoretically, I can be as confident in my own skin as Kesha decked out in a tub full of glitter but if the guy isn't attracted to me, it ain't gonna matter. Not that I'd personally give a tiny rats behind (edited for MFP purposes) if he thought I was hot or not, I'm just saying a theoretical lack of confidence wouldn't be an important factor. So for guys that say, "well she just needs to be confident" or some other lame excuse, they can stuff it. Lol. If its cuz you don't think she's hot, then say so. Lets not hide behind, "Oh confidence is what she was lacking...." But perhaps not many women are like me and would want to hear that.

    Thoughts? Just been pondering on this for a bit.

    Yes. If you are ugly (IMHO) it doesn't matter how confident you are........If you are attractive(IMHO) though it does. I could think you were totally gorgeous but if you didn't have any confidence it wouldn't matter.......you would never get another chance.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    You have to love the person. I married my wife because she is kind, smary, and funny. Plus, she has the most amazing funbags. *mmmmmmmmmmmmotorboat*

    You're wife is pretty hot...


    please don't hit me..
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
    I prefer cash

    I got ten dolla
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
    You have to love the person. I married my wife because she is kind, smary, and funny. Plus, she has the most amazing funbags. *mmmmmmmmmmmmotorboat*

    You're wife is pretty hot...


    please don't hit me..

    I'll trade you..... do you have any Ketchup Potato Chips from Canada?
  • teshiburu
    teshiburu Posts: 262 Member
    I prefer cash

    I got ten dolla

    Pfft 10 dolla i got £10! and 5 minutes away from Nandos!
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    You have to love the person. I married my wife because she is kind, smary, and funny. Plus, she has the most amazing funbags. *mmmmmmmmmmmmotorboat*

    You're wife is pretty hot...


    please don't hit me..

    I'll trade you..... do you have any Ketchup Potato Chips from Canada?

    Yes!
    I happen to have an almost full bag!

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