Husband needs to exercise...just a rant.
Replies
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I don't nag or beg, I know that'll get me no where. Plus I'm just not a nag, that's annoying! I'm not so sure anyone would insure him anyhow...0
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I didn't get a message.... :frown:shell answer your mail
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Ok, I really need to rant to someone and who better than all of you on here?! My husband is 6' 7" and probably a good 50+ lbs over weight. He is constantly injuring himself, complaining about being fat, exhausted, grouchy....need I go on? Every time I hear one of these complaints my response is "I know how to fix that..." To which I hear "Yes dear." His Mother is extremely over weight, morbidly obese, at about 500-600lbs and I don't understand how that alone wouldn't motivate him to better himself. My Father passed away in March after a lengthy battle with his health, due to not taking care of himself. Our kids try to encourage him, I try, his friends try...nothing works. I know it has to come in his own time but I just really wish it would happen before something terrible happens to him. I wish he would realize how much better he would feel, that these injuries would be less frequent, and he would just live a better life. *sigh*
Thanks to anyone who reads this, I just really needed to get that out there! If anyone has any motivational tips I'd love to hear! Yes, yes, yes I know he has to want it, I know he is the only one who can change it...but maybe someone has something to help?!
I've got an idea....a foolproof idea......I can't talk about the details on here but you can PM me......Basically it's a reward system.......Every time he goes to the gym he gets a "reward" for a "best job" of working out. Whenever he loses weight he gets to make a deposit into your love bank. When he loses 10 lbs he gets to enter through the back door......Make it fun.....keep it interesting. He'll work out and lose weight......guaranteed.
This is how the oak stair rail got sanded and refinished at my house...0 -
iv resent
I didn't get a message.... :frown:shell answer your mail0 -
My boyfriend has the opposite problem. He's a rail, and I have more muscle than him. How can I nicely tell him to start, "Picking things up and putting them down" ? :laugh:
same reward system as I outlined above. It's universal.0 -
I have a similar issue. My husband was always the fit ne and we've had a role reversal. He has medical problems that he uses as excuses to not exercise and unfortunately most if not all of them can be healed with losing the pudge around his middle. I feel Ike he is missing out on the best life he can have by not making the commitment.
I have just stopped asking him to do it with me. I love im very much and will always love him and I hope that eventually he will come around so that we can do all the things in our older age that we planned to do.
I have told I'm that all the guys at the gym I lift with often ask how come the only ever see me and my kids knowing I am married because of the ring on my finger
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You know what, you might have it there!!! I think that could be some strong motivation for him! Worth a shot at any rate.
My girlfriend at the time (now wife) knew I was having issues with my weight (we were friends before we started dating) and that I wanted to go out with her (she had repeatedly turned down my advances for like 6 months). She offered to go out with me on the condition that I gave an honest run at weight loss over the subsequent 3 months.
I lost 78 lbs (and hooked up on the first date, cause to hell with all that work for nothing)0 -
Is this what marriage is these days? Tricking each other into doing things?
Don't treat your husband like a child with the constant nagging or using sex as a carrot on a stick. He's a grown man. He can handle (and, frankly, he deserves) a grown-up conversation. Sit him down, look him in the eye, and say "I love you. I want better for you. It would make me really happy if you would start working out with me." And leave it at that. It has to be his decision, or it will never happen. Men don't like being told what to do. They're like people that way.0 -
Is this what marriage is these days? Tricking each other into doing things?
Don't treat your husband like a child with the constant nagging or using sex as a carrot on a stick. He's a grown man. He can handle (and, frankly, he deserves) a grown-up conversation. Sit him down, look him in the eye, and say "I love you. I want better for you. It would make me really happy if you would start working out with me." And leave it at that. It has to be his decision, or it will never happen. Men don't like being told what to do. They're like people that way.
My wife has to trick me into taking the trash out on a regular basis...but that's cause I'm lazy.0 -
I don't nag or beg, I know that'll get me no where. Plus I'm just not a nag, that's annoying! I'm not so sure anyone would insure him anyhow...
Well that's good. And it would appear that you are going to stay away from the making him jealous ideas. You are married and remember it is "for better or worse."
In the end it will be up to your husband to make changes. You said you already don't fill the house with junk food. Are you the one who makes the meals? If so, how about slight changes to what you make that would appear to be the same but more healthy ingredients? Do you actually serve the food on a plate? If so, how about a little bit less and if your husband claims he is still hungry, then add some more?
There are subtle things you can try before the extreme issues of making your husband think you are only going to the gym for hot guys who are hitting on you or making him think you want him to die from his eating habits so you can cash out on some insurance money!0 -
Yeah, you're my internet love.Is this what marriage is these days? Tricking each other into doing things?
Don't treat your husband like a child with the constant nagging or using sex as a carrot on a stick. He's a grown man. He can handle (and, frankly, he deserves) a grown-up conversation. Sit him down, look him in the eye, and say "I love you. I want better for you. It would make me really happy if you would start working out with me." And leave it at that. It has to be his decision, or it will never happen. Men don't like being told what to do. They're like people that way.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
My wife is also over weight but the fact is I love her to the ends of the earth. For years I tried everything I could think of the get her to exercise and eat better. I had to realize that she is who she is and I can either accept her or I can leave the relationship. I had to ask myself, if her weight and poor health an overriding factor in us being together; it was not. My happiness does not depend on her weight.
Almost certainly, your husband is not going to lose weight, he is going to be this way for the rest of his life. There is nothing you can do about it. Now, why did you marry him? Probably, not because he was trim athlete. Probably, because he has qualities and character beyond his weight. Focus there. Your happiness does not depend upon his weight.0 -
How old are the kids? Maybe something to try would be to get the whole family involved, weather is getting nice, go on family walks, play basketball, softball, kickball, badminton anything outside that would make him sweat. I know a lot of guys who kick it into gear when their kids start challenging them and saying they could beat them. Pride and ego are two things that most guys love to have stroked and not damaged.
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My boyfriend has the opposite problem. He's a rail, and I have more muscle than him. How can I nicely tell him to start, "Picking things up and putting them down" ? :laugh:
same reward system as I outlined above. It's universal.
And being a little stronger should help him go longer. Gotta have muscle for all that, uhm.. plank work.0 -
My wife is also over weight but the fact is I love her to the ends of the earth. For years I tried everything I could think of the get her to exercise and eat better. I had to realize that she is who she is and I can either accept her or I can leave the relationship. I had to ask myself, if her weight and poor health an overriding factor in us being together; it was not. My happiness does not depend on her weight.
Almost certainly, your husband is not going to lose weight, he is going to be this way for the rest of his life. There is nothing you can do about it. Now, why did you marry him? Probably, not because he was trim athlete. Probably, because he has qualities and character beyond his weight. Focus there. Your happiness does not depend upon his weight.
A spouse's poor health does affect your happiness. Would you be happier on a beach soaking up the sun or in a hospital wondering if your spouse is going to survive the heart attack? (Not saying its a reason for divorce... but happiness is very much tied to a spouse's well being)0 -
My dad never learned. Not after his heart attack on his 44th birthday. Not after getting diabetes at 60, but that was finally the wake up call for my mom to drop the weight. And he knows he's worth more dead (with his life insurance policy) than alive.Is this what marriage is these days? Tricking each other into doing things?
Don't treat your husband like a child with the constant nagging or using sex as a carrot on a stick. He's a grown man. He can handle (and, frankly, he deserves) a grown-up conversation. Sit him down, look him in the eye, and say "I love you. I want better for you. It would make me really happy if you would start working out with me." And leave it at that. It has to be his decision, or it will never happen. Men don't like being told what to do. They're like people that way.0 -
My wife is also over weight but the fact is I love her to the ends of the earth. For years I tried everything I could think of the get her to exercise and eat better. I had to realize that she is who she is and I can either accept her or I can leave the relationship. I had to ask myself, if her weight and poor health an overriding factor in us being together; it was not. My happiness does not depend on her weight.
Almost certainly, your husband is not going to lose weight, he is going to be this way for the rest of his life. There is nothing you can do about it. Now, why did you marry him? Probably, not because he was trim athlete. Probably, because he has qualities and character beyond his weight. Focus there. Your happiness does not depend upon his weight.
A spouse's poor health does affect your happiness. Would you be happier on a beach soaking up the sun or in a hospital wondering if your spouse is going to survive the heart attack? (Not saying its a reason for divorce... but happiness is very much tied to a spouse's well being)
I agree. It is perfectly fine to love your spouse for who they are on the inside. But when you are watching them struggle, like the OP is, then it affects you. Unless you are just completely void of all emotions. Which she is showing that she is obviously concerned for his well being, not just the number on the scale, and not the spare tire he may or may not have.
I have to agree that the life insurance policy seems like good idea. But just that. Maybe it would be a wake up call, maybe not. I dont like the new home and car ads laying around. That kind of seems like (just to me) like you would have given up on him. Which may or may not push him. But it can also hurt him. OP, you know your husband better than anyone, you would know how he would take something like this.
I am actually ALL FOR the "reward" system. If anything you both are burning some calories that way. And it might spruce things up a bit. Use some new things as "rewards". Maybe some toys, maybe some RP ideas. Write a bunch of ideas on notecards and throw them in a hat. When he reaches a goal, pluck one out. Im sure you have some goals OP. When you hit one, pluck one of the ideas out. People love sex, so why not use it? And as he gets in better shape, his attitude might improve, as well as his stamina, and maybe some more interesting ideas can go into the hat. Healthy sex life is important, so there you go. Another goal reached.0 -
Well, the thing is, as I said my Father passed away this March due to severe health complications. My Mother stuck by him right till the end, through all of his emotional abuse, watching him slowly die and refuse to change a damn thing. Pardon me if I refuse to be put through that again. I love him with all my heart and I don't want that to happen! I would like to live a beautiful, long life with him by my side all the way, enjoying life, not just being alive. I have many deep set issues with it and he knows all of it. We've talked about all of this numerous times, he knows how I feel, why I feel that way and that I am here for him. It's not tricking him into anything, it would be motivating him with the one thing I know he cant' get enough of. It would be me helping him live a better life for our whole family.0
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I have to agree that the life insurance policy seems like good idea. But just that. Maybe it would be a wake up call, maybe not. I dont like the new home and car ads laying around. That kind of seems like (just to me) like you would have given up on him. Which may or may not push him. But it can also hurt him. OP, you know your husband better than anyone, you would know how he would take something like this.
I am actually ALL FOR the "reward" system. If anything you both are burning some calories that way. And it might spruce things up a bit. Use some new things as "rewards". Maybe some toys, maybe some RP ideas. Write a bunch of ideas on notecards and throw them in a hat. When he reaches a goal, pluck one out. Im sure you have some goals OP. When you hit one, pluck one of the ideas out. People love sex, so why not use it? And as he gets in better shape, his attitude might improve, as well as his stamina, and maybe some more interesting ideas can go into the hat. Healthy sex life is important, so there you go. Another goal reached.
That sounds more like punishment, not reward. You are punishing the one you love for not meeting "your" goals. You are not rewarding them for meeting their goals. The OP's husband is not perfect here and I certainly feel for the OP frustration wise but telling some to hold back on sex as a "reward" is wrong.
And like you I don't really know the relationship you have your better half but how anyone could anyone think their spouse buying an insurance policy on them is a good thing and will make them feel better about themselves?
A married couple should for the most part already have some type of life insurance and if they don't, it should be something discussed by both, not used as a weapon to scare a spouse into doing something.0 -
My dad never learned. Not after his heart attack on his 44th birthday. Not after getting diabetes at 60, but that was finally the wake up call for my mom to drop the weight. And he knows he's worth more dead (with his life insurance policy) than alive.Is this what marriage is these days? Tricking each other into doing things?
Don't treat your husband like a child with the constant nagging or using sex as a carrot on a stick. He's a grown man. He can handle (and, frankly, he deserves) a grown-up conversation. Sit him down, look him in the eye, and say "I love you. I want better for you. It would make me really happy if you would start working out with me." And leave it at that. It has to be his decision, or it will never happen. Men don't like being told what to do. They're like people that way.
That's exactly how it ended for my Father. That's a horrible way to live life and the worst is the rest of the family trying to learn to live with their decision.0 -
I don't have a solution for him. But I have one FOR YOU.
Stop making yourself miserable by worrying about things you have no control over.
Peace. 0 -
Well, the thing is, as I said my Father passed away this March due to severe health complications. My Mother stuck by him right till the end, through all of his emotional abuse, watching him slowly die and refuse to change a damn thing. Pardon me if I refuse to be put through that again. I love him with all my heart and I don't want that to happen! I would like to live a beautiful, long life with him by my side all the way, enjoying life, not just being alive. I have many deep set issues with it and he knows all of it. We've talked about all of this numerous times, he knows how I feel, why I feel that way and that I am here for him. It's not tricking him into anything, it would be motivating him with the one thing I know he cant' get enough of. It would be me helping him live a better life for our whole family.
It sounds like in addition to dealing with your relationship with your husband you may need to reconcile your feelings regarding your father's passing.That sounds more like punishment, not reward. You are punishing the one you love for not meeting "your" goals. You are not rewarding them for meeting their goals. The OP's husband is not perfect here and I certainly feel for the OP frustration wise but telling some to hold back on sex as a "reward" is wrong.
How did you read that and come up with withholding sex? It sure sounded a lot like offering sex (and variety) to me...0 -
Well, the thing is, as I said my Father passed away this March due to severe health complications. My Mother stuck by him right till the end, through all of his emotional abuse, watching him slowly die and refuse to change a damn thing. Pardon me if I refuse to be put through that again. I love him with all my heart and I don't want that to happen! I would like to live a beautiful, long life with him by my side all the way, enjoying life, not just being alive. I have many deep set issues with it and he knows all of it. We've talked about all of this numerous times, he knows how I feel, why I feel that way and that I am here for him. It's not tricking him into anything, it would be motivating him with the one thing I know he cant' get enough of. It would be me helping him live a better life for our whole family.
It sounds like in addition to dealing with your relationship with your husband you may need to reconcile your feelings regarding your father's passing.
Oh I certainly do! This I know, it's something I work at everyday in one way or another. It is also the biggest motivator for me to continue my journey. That and setting a good example for my girls.0
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