Overweight kids- Who's to blame
Replies
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Sounds to me like you're a pretty great dad dealing with an autistic son. Well done to you for giving your son the guidance and key skill for life.
My son is overweight. He's on a medicine that caused him to gain a lot, but in dealing with this, I realized that if we can't cut out the medicine, we can do other things.
So I'm teaching him (he's 13 and has autism) to cook healthy foods, I told him about soda being bad for him, he now drinks ice water. And we have stopped eating out, for the most part. I had been a horrible role model, we were eating out at fast food places way too much.
I am giving him encouragement when he eats to take less food than he would typically. I've told him, if he's still hungry in a half hour, he could have more. So far he's not needed more after eating. But he still has the tendency to binge. We're working on it.
We also swim an hour a day, which is helping a lot.
I see him making good choices now on his own and I'm thrilled for him. But I do feel it was my lack of guidance that let him get to this point. Blaming the meds was my cop out. I'm done with that now.
The photo is misleading. Lol, I'm the mom.
Jan0 -
I am teaching my child (who is 4.5 years right now) about healthy foods making us strong and how important it is that we eat well. She knows that food gives us energy and we have to eat good foods to have good energy. She knows that sweets are a treat every now and then but not the norm. I teach her that that exercise is very important for our muscles, bones and heart. She already says on her own "all you have to do is try it and maybe you'll like it". She will try everything at least once. Sometimes she spits it out, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes even after spitting it out, she'll try it again.
I never make her eat her entire plate full and I don't praise her when she does clear her plate (I'm not robotic about it or anything I just don't make a big fuss). I don't want her to associate eating everything and clearing her plate with being such a positive thing. When she tells me she is full, then we let her stop eating, within reason. If it's after two bites, of course not, but if it's after she's had a few bites of everything, then maybe she really just isn't hungry anymore. We have healthy snacks in the house for when she is hungry later.
The most important thing though, is that I am teaching her by example. She knows what I go to swim laps in the morning, it's because I am trying to be healthy. I don't talk about weight or numbers with her, it's all about overall health. I grew up in a family of yo-yo crash dieters and I am really making a conscious effort to teach her well so she doesn't have any of the issues I have had with weight.
So yes, it is the parent's job to teach these things and fault if their child is obese, of course with the exception of medical conditions.0 -
Heredity and/or environment: what's a 5 year old to do?0
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I agree that in the absence of a medical condition, the parents/whoever has brought the child up is to blame. The habits of caregivers is observed and mimicked by their children - not just with food but with activity as well. My parents eat anything and everything, but in moderation and this is what they passed onto my 3 siblings and myself. My parents were and still are quite active, and encouraged us to do the same growing up. All of us are now in our 20s and while we've all had a little bit of weight to lose as we got full time jobs and became more sedentary, the habits we copied from our parents have stopped all four of us being morbidly obese.
To the person who posted here about her 13 year old autistic son: Good on you for recognising what can be changed and doing it. By seeing him making those good choices on his own, you have become an excellent role model to him and should be proud of yourself. If only more parents would follow your example.
I'd like to see a response here from someone who doesn't agree with this...just curious is all.0 -
You win. :flowerforyou:My son is overweight. He's on a medicine that caused him to gain a lot, but in dealing with this, I realized that if we can't cut out the medicine, we can do other things.
So I'm teaching him (he's 13 and has autism) to cook healthy foods, I told him about soda being bad for him, he now drinks ice water. And we have stopped eating out, for the most part. I had been a horrible role model, we were eating out at fast food places way too much.
I am giving him encouragement when he eats to take less food than he would typically. I've told him, if he's still hungry in a half hour, he could have more. So far he's not needed more after eating. But he still has the tendency to binge. We're working on it.
We also swim an hour a day, which is helping a lot.
I see him making good choices now on his own and I'm thrilled for him. But I do feel it was my lack of guidance that let him get to this point. Blaming the meds was my cop out. I'm done with that now.
It is primarily the responsibility of the parents to instill both good eating habits and exercise habits in kids. This includes giving them good information on how to handle snacking and food choices when the kids are at school. There comes a point - for most it's somewhere in teenager-land - where the responsibility shifts from the parents to the kids because they now have the ability to disregard parental food and exercise influences and get their own food as they wish, but prior to that? It's up to the parents.
Sure, there are outliers that aren't based on medical conditions (boarding school, for one), but such statistical blips shouldn't cloud the discussion.0 -
Ha, well pretty good mum instead then. I have an autistic relative and if he'd have boiled egg and toast he would eat the shell and simply not understand. It was sad to see when he got bigger and bigger but it was his mother who would feed him to keep him happy. In the UK (going back 15 years) there wasn't much guidance for her.Sounds to me like you're a pretty great dad dealing with an autistic son. Well done to you for giving your son the guidance and key skill for life.My son is overweight. He's on a medicine that caused him to gain a lot, but in dealing with this, I realized that if we can't cut out the medicine, we can do other things.
So I'm teaching him (he's 13 and has autism) to cook healthy foods, I told him about soda being bad for him, he now drinks ice water. And we have stopped eating out, for the most part. I had been a horrible role model, we were eating out at fast food places way too much.
I am giving him encouragement when he eats to take less food than he would typically. I've told him, if he's still hungry in a half hour, he could have more. So far he's not needed more after eating. But he still has the tendency to binge. We're working on it.
We also swim an hour a day, which is helping a lot.
I see him making good choices now on his own and I'm thrilled for him. But I do feel it was my lack of guidance that let him get to this point. Blaming the meds was my cop out. I'm done with that now.
The photo is misleading. Lol, I'm the mom.
Jan0 -
I have mixed feelings on this:
A friend of the family has a child younger than my own child's age...posts pictures constantly of this child eating!! Never out side running / playing etc. The food they choose is extremely cheap..and not grocery store cheap. Always McDonalds - chinese buffet - $5 pizza etc. This child is HUGE!!! And he wears a size twice my kid's size...parents fault? Absolutely!!!
Myself - I have 3 children. All have been raised the same way. My oldest - struggles with weight now only if she goes on binges however the foundation has been laid out and she knows how to lose it in a healthy manner. She is active and knows what to eat. My twins - DNA says they are identical..I call BS.
One is petite the other since birth has been solid. I struggle with her weight - she is active eats the same things her sister does yet is 20 pounds heavier ?!?! Parents fault? - I don't think so!
Mind you this child's favorite food is a tomato ?!? She doesn't drink a lot of milk (affects her emotions) - her juice is and has been watered down since she was 3. She drinks water more during the summer - but other months I would say maybe 4 8 ounce servings. she does like it and chooses it over juice sometimes..but then again she is a child I do not want to inflict a bad relationship with water by removing juice and making her drink water all day. I can not give her sugar free anything (high sensitivity to it) for low cal options. She eats balanced meals and since I started losing weight there have been no starchy carbs at dinner time except potatoes once a week. Leans meats & vegetables for all. She has pizza once a week (she is a kid you know! LOL) yet her weight has not budged. We hardly ever go to McDonalds (I personally think it is gross!) unless traveling and they need something. But then again - her sister eats it too? They still have their Easter & Valentine candy...V - day I threw away their Christmas candy and Christmas their Halloween so they are not sugar loaded children either.
So I am really mixed - some yes - some no. Genetics sadly play a huge role sometimes. (FYI - my husband is 6'1 built like a house...he is over weight however when he did not have his gut..he was still huge and people thought he worked out several times a day!)
My child is not extremely obese - however it does cause me concern and at some point her doctors. I have expressed my concern - and all they say is more water and try maybe more activity. With homework & my job how the heck am I supposed to ensure she gets more activity when they only have gym ONCE (yes once) per week?!?! She also only gets one recess (the school systems have gone down hill!!) We bought them their own Wii then Xbox kinect to help (kids - video games..activity = bonus!) - they use it all the time.
There are no diets for 8 yr olds - so even if I wanted to i would not know where to begin other than what I am already doing
Aside from expressing my thoughts on the subject - if anyone has any advice....I am open! 0 -
partly parents and partly schools/government!
Nope. Theres no partly. Its fully parents. If your school doesn't provide healthy foods and keeps pushing high calories junk foods then talk to them. Many communities are now doing it and for almost the same cost. The fact that NO parent screamed at the schools when they passed out pizza as a serving of veggies shows that parents are the one neglecting.
Ultimately it's the parent's responsibility, but when it comes to schools, it's not just the food, it's the lack of proper physical education. They have cut PE down from daily to only 2 days/week in my area. Kids aren't allowed to get up and release their energy except on those 2 days. My son is ADHD and actually was punished by taking him out of PE for being too active in class. He also has a huge appetite/metabolism bc of his ADHD and I asked if he could bring extra snacks or eat school lunch plus some healthy snacks that I send. They said no. (they only had 15 minutes to eat anyways) He can either eat school lunch (which was free for him since I'm a single parent) OR pack a lunch, but he couldn't do both. WHAT?! This, among many other reasons, is why my son is now homeschooled. He gets 45 minutes- an hour of physical activity during the school day and 10 minute breaks between subjects. He's also allowed to excel where needed and express his creativity. My mom works with him while I'm at my job. He knows how important it is to eat healthy and exercise because I taught him, but his school certainly did not encourage any of this.0 -
My son is overweight. He's on a medicine that caused him to gain a lot, but in dealing with this, I realized that if we can't cut out the medicine, we can do other things.
So I'm teaching him (he's 13 and has autism) to cook healthy foods, I told him about soda being bad for him, he now drinks ice water. And we have stopped eating out, for the most part. I had been a horrible role model, we were eating out at fast food places way too much.
I am giving him encouragement when he eats to take less food than he would typically. I've told him, if he's still hungry in a half hour, he could have more. So far he's not needed more after eating. But he still has the tendency to binge. We're working on it.
We also swim an hour a day, which is helping a lot.
I see him making good choices now on his own and I'm thrilled for him. But I do feel it was my lack of guidance that let him get to this point. Blaming the meds was my cop out. I'm done with that now.
I just had to say that you are an example of a great parent!! You have made mistakes and you admit them and are rectifying them! Well done you!!! Keep up the good work and you will win the battle with the medicine as well!! You should be very proud to see the changes in your son!! 0 -
I am overweight because my mum equated love with cooking, she showed her love through making nice stuff and I was always taught to clear my plate.
this is my family. They LOVE you with food!
I read a post on here not too long ago and a woman was asking "should I throw away this birthday cake, I feel so bad about it" or something along those lines and there was a brilliant, brilliant response by one MFP'er and I don't know who it was but they gave the analogy "They gave you the gift of cake as a sign of friendship, love and thoughfulness. You have received that gift and enjoyed it. The message was clear. What is left is an empty envelope. Throw away the envelope (cake)." That has helped me SO MUCH in making food decisions and I will never, ever forget it. If you're the MFP'er who said that, THANK YOU!0 -
until you are old enough to buy your own food then whomever you live with is responsible for giving you the proper selections for a healthy meal.
once you have your own job and can purchase your own food then it is soley on your shoulders
(this goes out the door for any medical conditions like described above)0 -
You know the heredity thing is nonsense right?? As for environment I guess you mean where they live, the kitchen which the parents fill maybe?? So... The parents fault??Heredity and/or environment: what's a 5 year old to do?0
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I think it's a little of everyone including teachers, parents, and myself.
I was skinny until my teacher in elementary school had a snack break every day. After a year of daily snack breaks, I gained a little weight. It didn't stop there. At home, my mom cooks very delicious homemade meals filled with unhealthy ingredients. I gained more weight. I was overweight in middle school. In high school, I learned that I could control my food, so I would eat many sweets and enjoy it. I gained more weight and became obese. In college, I didn't know how to eat healthy and always made bad choices. I gained 40 lbs more in college. I was at 221 lbs and lost all confidence in myself.
Now I am out of college, age 22, and realizing what happened. So, I have been making changes and losing weight. Right now, I'm at 173 lbs and working on losing more. I am living on my own and not having the influence of school snack breaks, my mom's delicious food, and college cafeteria food.
Skinny until elementary school snack breaks? You're blaming an elementary school teacher who allows for snacks (like many)? I think it is more on WHAT you ate at those snack times and who provided it. You say you didn't know how to eat healthy, that should come from home. Just my opinion, but the teacher when you were 8 isn't to blame.0 -
I have to agree in some parts and not others....my son (who is now 11 and very tall for his age and thin...now) was a very chunky baby and toddler. He had terrible reflux (blood in his spit up !!) The only way we could keep his formula down was to put rice cereal in it (Dr approved after he had an allergic reaction to meds that are used for this sort of thing and a surgery) I had to feed him his bottle at the table because he was so heavy and I couldn't hold him up with one arm. He has 35 lbs at one and about 45 at age 2. When he started getting really active (preschool age) the weight stopped going up and he has hit a growth spurt. He was very heavy but it was not my fault...we had to keep him fed!!! But now you would have never guessed him to be heavy at all. But I do have some family whose idea of active is sitting around eating and then eating too much, the kiddos are paying for that by being very heavy for their age My kids eat 3X a day they get 2 snacks...one has to be "healthy" and one can be a treat...I try not to limit anything (just the size of it) because I do not want them to want it all the more and binge!!! 0
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Heredity as nonsense is only true in the absence of an inherited medical condition. Thyroid problems are present on both sides of my family tree, though they went undiagnosed for years in both my parents.You know the heredity thing is nonsense right?? As for environment I guess you mean where they live, the kitchen which the parents fill maybe?? So... The parents fault??Heredity and/or environment: what's a 5 year old to do?0 -
Pretty simple. It's the parents fault.0
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My son is overweight. He's on a medicine that caused him to gain a lot, but in dealing with this, I realized that if we can't cut out the medicine, we can do other things.
So I'm teaching him (he's 13 and has autism) to cook healthy foods, I told him about soda being bad for him, he now drinks ice water. And we have stopped eating out, for the most part. I had been a horrible role model, we were eating out at fast food places way too much.
I am giving him encouragement when he eats to take less food than he would typically. I've told him, if he's still hungry in a half hour, he could have more. So far he's not needed more after eating. But he still has the tendency to binge. We're working on it.
We also swim an hour a day, which is helping a lot.
I see him making good choices now on his own and I'm thrilled for him. But I do feel it was my lack of guidance that let him get to this point. Blaming the meds was my cop out. I'm done with that now.
I just had to say that you are an example of a great parent!! You have made mistakes and you admit them and are rectifying them! Well done you!!! Keep up the good work and you will win the battle with the medicine as well!! You should be very proud to see the changes in your son!a!
The battle is still on though. Yesterday I let him buy one thing from the store and he bought fruit roll ups. Well, I thought, I can put them up and give them out just a bit. I found the empty box in the trash. He had eaten every single one.
LESSON LEARNED: if I don't buy it, it's not a choice for the kids. Good habits start with good ingredients.
Jan0 -
I have mixed feelings on this:
A friend of the family has a child younger than my own child's age...posts pictures constantly of this child eating!! Never out side running / playing etc. The food they choose is extremely cheap..and not grocery store cheap. Always McDonalds - chinese buffet - $5 pizza etc. This child is HUGE!!! And he wears a size twice my kid's size...parents fault? Absolutely!!!
Myself - I have 3 children. All have been raised the same way. My oldest - struggles with weight now only if she goes on binges however the foundation has been laid out and she knows how to lose it in a healthy manner. She is active and knows what to eat. My twins - DNA says they are identical..I call BS.
One is petite the other since birth has been solid. I struggle with her weight - she is active eats the same things her sister does yet is 20 pounds heavier ?!?! Parents fault? - I don't think so!
Mind you this child's favorite food is a tomato ?!? She doesn't drink a lot of milk (affects her emotions) - her juice is and has been watered down since she was 3. She drinks water more during the summer - but other months I would say maybe 4 8 ounce servings. she does like it and chooses it over juice sometimes..but then again she is a child I do not want to inflict a bad relationship with water by removing juice and making her drink water all day. I can not give her sugar free anything (high sensitivity to it) for low cal options. She eats balanced meals and since I started losing weight there have been no starchy carbs at dinner time except potatoes once a week. Leans meats & vegetables for all. She has pizza once a week (she is a kid you know! LOL) yet her weight has not budged. We hardly ever go to McDonalds (I personally think it is gross!) unless traveling and they need something. But then again - her sister eats it too? They still have their Easter & Valentine candy...V - day I threw away their Christmas candy and Christmas their Halloween so they are not sugar loaded children either.
So I am really mixed - some yes - some no. Genetics sadly play a huge role sometimes. (FYI - my husband is 6'1 built like a house...he is over weight however when he did not have his gut..he was still huge and people thought he worked out several times a day!)
My child is not extremely obese - however it does cause me concern and at some point her doctors. I have expressed my concern - and all they say is more water and try maybe more activity. With homework & my job how the heck am I supposed to ensure she gets more activity when they only have gym ONCE (yes once) per week?!?! She also only gets one recess (the school systems have gone down hill!!) We bought them their own Wii then Xbox kinect to help (kids - video games..activity = bonus!) - they use it all the time.
There are no diets for 8 yr olds - so even if I wanted to i would not know where to begin other than what I am already doing
Aside from expressing my thoughts on the subject - if anyone has any advice....I am open!
See this is an example of it not being your 'fault' because you are doing everything necessary to help get your child's weight under control.
If the problem is activity for your 8yr old maybe look into am after school group, soccer or something?0 -
Yep. Kids need guidance and a good example to follow and encouragement to form good habits. All that comes from the parents. Or not.0
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I have hypothyroid disorder from my father- his side all have it. Its medicated highly and monitored 6 monthly. My dad is not fat, nor am I... because we eat well, drink well and live well. I want to loose weight to be a UK10 again (I'm a 12). Even with thyroid disorders I see no excuse, its just bloody hard work
Heredity as nonsense is only true in the absence of an inherited medical condition. Thyroid problems are present on both sides of my family tree, though they went undiagnosed for years in both my parents.You know the heredity thing is nonsense right?? As for environment I guess you mean where they live, the kitchen which the parents fill maybe?? So... The parents fault??Heredity and/or environment: what's a 5 year old to do?0 -
Who do you blame if your child is FAT?....... The mother and the fa-ather....oompa loompa doopity do .....0
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I agree. Parents are ultimately responsible for the meals their kids eat and making sure they get sufficient exercise. If the kid is overweight, the parent should do a better job at monitoring their child.0
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My child is not extremely obese - however it does cause me concern and at some point her doctors. I have expressed my concern - and all they say is more water and try maybe more activity. With homework & my job how the heck am I supposed to ensure she gets more activity when they only have gym ONCE (yes once) per week?!?! She also only gets one recess (the school systems have gone down hill!!) We bought them their own Wii then Xbox kinect to help (kids - video games..activity = bonus!) - they use it all the time.
There are no diets for 8 yr olds - so even if I wanted to i would not know where to begin other than what I am already doing
Aside from expressing my thoughts on the subject - if anyone has any advice....I am open!
I would talk to the school nurse and suggest that your child needs an hour of active play (biking, walking, skating) a day, and that the homework needs to be streamlined.
But even if that doesn't work, make the time. Do the activity with your kid. Make it fun. And start slow and work up. plus the summer is coming. I plan a screen-free summer for my kids.0 -
http://junkfoodscience.blogspot.com/2007/08/low-fat-is-not-for-kids.html
Children need fat. They need more fat that adults for growth and development. My daughter isn't obese, she's underweight. There's no medical condition that they can find, but a high fat and high calorie diet isn't helping her gain weight any faster. She did start out small, and she did have health problems as a baby.
Yes parents are responsible in part for whatever bad habits they pass on, but you can't just label all parents with obese children as bad parents. And restricting the diets of children can actually do more harm than good.
Just my two cents.0 -
I %100 believe parents are at fault.0
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Anyone who uses food as a reward for kids is to blame, 'be good, have a sweet' 'be good, have a chocolate bar' 'be quiet and i'll give you something'
Put junk food in a place where children will reach, or if they know its in the house, its asking for trouble, those miniture adults know how to use guilt, pressure and patience to get what they want.
Most peoples problems with food is to do with emotions whether its to comfort eat, or use it as a reward.
Ultimately, the parents fault for making their kid that way.0 -
I saw an article on my FB feed today about personal trainers claiming that parents were to blame for their overweight children.
It was causing ALOT of debate.
Personally I think that yes, if there is no medical reason for your child being very overweight, then it is the responsibility of the parent to ensure that they aren't eating poorly or being inactive. And if the child still doesn't lose weight it is up to them to seek professional advice about it. If a parent fails to do that then they are to blame for their child's weight.
What does the rest of MFP think?
Agreed.0 -
Totally agree that it is the parents to blame. The comparison could be made ... if your DOG is fat, YOU need to exercise more ... same goes for kids. Unless your 5 year old is buying the groceries (assuming you buy groceries instead of eating at McDonald's every day) and the video games - who else would be to blame? I cringe when I see posts on FB with toddlers .... TODDLERS just sitting hypnotized by TV - for hours - and how the obese parents think that's adorable. Um, your kid is already overweight for his height/age - and you think it's adorable that he is hypnotized by TV? Not going to be difficult to see where his path is headed.
I also agree with a previous responder here who said that if you believe your school is not providing healthy food options, as a parent it is your job to do something about it - send them with food YOU prepared, or, keep pushing until the school district does something about it.0 -
Agreed, unless there's a medical condition. It's the parents' fault until the kid is old enough to go out and buy candy with their allowance and eat it with friends without the parent knowing, or the kid is old enough to go to their hobbies without somebody taking them and picking them up (as a teen, I totally did this: I would leave for my dance class, but didn't feel like it and instead picked some candy up at the nearby store and sat on a park bench until it was time to go back home). Of course, if this is the behaviour and eating habits they've learned from their parents since birth, it's hard to do anything else.
But, if the kid has been skinny as a kid and then gains weight as a teen, there's not much that parents can do without making it worse. Case in point, me: I was a skinny kid, then hit puberty pretty early and in addition to hips and boobs growing, I gained some extra (but still well in the normal weight limits). My parents would try to control it - in a nice way - by saying things like "why don't you have some extra salad instead" if I went for seconds, and encouraging me to do sports. I interpreted it as "they think I'm fat/not good enough/disappointment", and as dumb teenagers everywhere, decided this would be the situation to rebel and do the opposite. When I moved out, it got really out of hand, as in "nobody's gonna tell me to eat this or that, let's have our favourite foods every night!", and I really started running through pant sizes until I was at the biggest that "normal" stores carry. Now, here I am on MFP at 21 years old.0 -
My child is not extremely obese - however it does cause me concern and at some point her doctors. I have expressed my concern - and all they say is more water and try maybe more activity. With homework & my job how the heck am I supposed to ensure she gets more activity when they only have gym ONCE (yes once) per week?!?! She also only gets one recess (the school systems have gone down hill!!) We bought them their own Wii then Xbox kinect to help (kids - video games..activity = bonus!) - they use it all the time.
There are no diets for 8 yr olds - so even if I wanted to i would not know where to begin other than what I am already doing
Aside from expressing my thoughts on the subject - if anyone has any advice....I am open!
I would talk to the school nurse and suggest that your child needs an hour of active play (biking, walking, skating) a day, and that the homework needs to be streamlined.
But even if that doesn't work, make the time. Do the activity with your kid. Make it fun. And start slow and work up. plus the summer is coming. I plan a screen-free summer for my kids.
The school system in my area is too focuses on reading - one hand that's great but they go as far as taking a recess away to have a child read (I flipped out on this one!) - unfortunatly our schools do not focus on activity any more but the curriculum. I understand the importance but it is not like there were no doctors & scientists coming out decades ago when they were not so high strung on it!
My husband and I have looked into karate - dance - gymnastics - unfortunatley their age group runs while we are both working
My parents live 2 hours away and I would have no way of getting them there.
After school activities for their age - no transportation...
The major problem - is my job (I tell my husband jokingly see if I did not have to work I could do all this with them and become that hot soccer mom you always dreamed of LMAO)
When they get into middle school - activities will be easier to obtain since most of them do offer transportation when needed. Right now - you have to be a non working parent to get them into anything.
The weekends - we go bike riding - we walk / they jog / dance the track My oldest is going to start taking them roller skating every other week (she doesn't drive yet so her help is limited too). Summer - they LOVE swimming and do that daily weather permitting. Days I work - I feel useless!!
This - is where the school system is so different from when I was a child. They had a nice balance of curriculum and activities. Now it is all reading!0
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