Overweight kids- Who's to blame

tbridges0210

I completely agree, that child is under the care of the parents, if the parents see them eating junk food, not being active and do nothing about it, then them being overweight is the parents fault.

determined_erin

Skinny until elementary school snack breaks? You're blaming an elementary school teacher who allows for snacks (like many)? I think it is more on WHAT you ate at those snack times and who provided it. You say you didn't know how to eat healthy, that should come from home. Just my opinion, but the teacher when you were 8 isn't to blame.

Chill out! The teacher provided the snacks, and they weren't healthy. This is my life story, and you have no right to say it is incorrect.

BlessedAndTotured

parents are to blame. The little kid doesn't buy the food, the little kid doesn't cook it, and most of the time doesn't choose it.
I was watching the show "super nanny", one of the women complained her obese diabetic son was sneaking junk food from the cupboards and eating sweets(candy), crisps(chips), cookies, chocolates etc. and she had no idea what to do to stop him eating it.
sorry but if your son is obese and diabetic, ****ING STOP BUYING JUNK FOOD FOR HIM. are parents really this stupid these days they have to get a proffesional TV nanny to help them? just save your money and stop buying it.

The parents blame the corporations and TV and society.

Heres the problems. Nobody wants to own up. Nobody says "man, I messed up. Let me try to get the best out of this messed up situation and work towards a solution". Nope. That would require work and a dent in your inflated ego. So instead, we have parents blaming everybody, INCLUDING their kids for bad habits. YOU brought this to them... the least you could do is try and repair the damage

exactly. I mean, I never want to admit when im wrong. There was a time that no matter how wrong i was, in my head, i was always right.

I've grown up and realised that my actions effect everyone else, and admitting your wrong is a very strong thing to do, people wont laugh or point fingers for admitting your wrong. Most likley they will applaud you for taking the responsibilities.

But yeah, People like Jamie Oliver get salt banned in schools and healthier school meals etc and the parents are delighted, the kids come home from school and eat a plate of mcdonalds fries and burgers with a leter of cola.
But a school serves a slice of pizza once a week and they sit and complain while eating theyre chocolates; yet they don't contact the school or take any further actions.

Everything is everyone elses fault. I myself being a mother to an 8 month old completely understand, i would hate to think i have caused all of these problems for my child and obvioulsy my first feeling would be denial.

Its just like grief if you ask me, hearing your the problem. you have to go through stages to accept it. if your a parent that is. You don't want to be the one to basically, physically harm and endanger your child. some strong words yeah, but continuing into adulthood those bad habbits are now a way of life. and a healthy dinner is a burger, fries, sauce and a tiny side of salad to them.

Parents: open your damn eyes and look at your fat children that cant keep up with the healthy ones who's parents actually know what theyre putting in their children.

taunto

Skinny until elementary school snack breaks? You're blaming an elementary school teacher who allows for snacks (like many)? I think it is more on WHAT you ate at those snack times and who provided it. You say you didn't know how to eat healthy, that should come from home. Just my opinion, but the teacher when you were 8 isn't to blame.

Chill out! The teacher provided the snacks, and they weren't healthy. This is my life story, and you have no right to say it is incorrect.

And you have no right to use the excuse that a teacher got you fat. Do you not share food now with people? Did everyone in your class got fat?

Stop hiding behind excuses and learn that upto an age, poor habits are parents fault and after that, its all on you. You will have much better success if you accept it

chasetwins

OK.. Im reading all this crap, and I'm wondering

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO PLAYING OUTSIDE?!?!?


The Wii and Kinect for exercise? We have a very simple rule at our house, keeps the chitlins healthy..."GO PLAY"

They come home, do homework, get a snack, go OUTSIDE, and stay there until dark, chasing critters, climbing trees, digging holes, riding bikes, playing tag, helping garden, these are wholesome activities to keep your child fit... live in the city? You don't have a community garden, park, ally, nothing?! Hmmm, I don't buy it...

The kinect - rainy days - after dark - when mom is cooking - when mom can't bring them out. Not a replacement..an addition. If they are going to play video games (and kids do) I prefer the kinect to the computer any day

BlessedAndTotured

1000000% could not agree it is the parents fault

I became fat when I was about 9 1/2 to 10 years of age and why is that - Because my mom had to work full time and I was left with a sitter who supplied us full of sodas and moonpies - Is my mom partially to blame even though she was not there yes

"i 1000000% could not agree this is the parents fault"

"my mom is partially to blame"

So then your not 100% then if your contradicting yourself.

misseseaj2010

I agree that it's the parents fault. It makes me sad to see hefty kids.

My parents were wonderful, BUT I definitely think they could have done better in the area of nutrition/portion control. I can remember being in Headstart and I had 2 pb&j sandwiches which was normal for me and this little boy looked at me and said "You must be really hungry!" I didn't know how much I was eating wasn't normal, I just ate what my parents gave me! I'm not blaming my parents for being overweight but I can remember specific things that looking back I'm like what the heck were they thinking? But on the other hand if they had restricted my diet I would look back and think *kitten*.

On a side note I wasn't an "obese" kid, but yes a little overweight.

imhungry2012

I agree wtih OP. Parents play a primary role in this.

My brother and I primarily lived with my Mom & Step Dad growing up, ate healthy home cooked meals the majority of the time, were allowed snacks but never had an abundance of unhealthly stuff in the house and were enrolled in recreational sports at a young age to where when we got to middle school/high school we were on teams of our choice.

Every other weekend and 1-2 days during the week we would stay with my Dad (joint custody) to where we had frozen pizzas, fish sticks, anything ready to-go in the oven/microwave, candy was always around, McDonalds was our stop on the way to school for breakfast, video games were played for hours on end...don't get me wrong, we loved it...but had we primarily grown up with my Dad we would be completely different health-wise. I love my Dad and he is completely different now but he even says that he is glad we turned out the way we did!!

onwarddownward

Skinny until elementary school snack breaks? You're blaming an elementary school teacher who allows for snacks (like many)? I think it is more on WHAT you ate at those snack times and who provided it. You say you didn't know how to eat healthy, that should come from home. Just my opinion, but the teacher when you were 8 isn't to blame.

Chill out! The teacher provided the snacks, and they weren't healthy. This is my life story, and you have no right to say it is incorrect.

And you have no right to use the excuse that a teacher got you fat. Do you not share food now with people? Did everyone in your class got fat?

Stop hiding behind excuses and learn that upto an age, poor habits are parents fault and after that, its all on you. You will have much better success if you accept it

She also gave several other reasons for her weight problem. It may be that the reason she sees it starting with that snack break is because that's when she looks down the line of her life, she sees her body change beginning. It may be that this time corresponds with that 7-10 year old phase when girls tend to thicken before they get taller (size 6X was a horrible feeling for me). But it is her recollection, there's no need to jump her about her recollection.

Jan

sarantonio

OK.. Im reading all this crap, and I'm wondering

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO PLAYING OUTSIDE?!?!?


The Wii and Kinect for exercise? We have a very simple rule at our house, keeps the chitlins healthy..."GO PLAY"

They come home, do homework, get a snack, go OUTSIDE, and stay there until dark, chasing critters, climbing trees, digging holes, riding bikes, playing tag, helping garden, these are wholesome activities to keep your child fit... live in the city? You don't have a community garden, park, ally, nothing?! Hmmm, I don't buy it...

The kinect - rainy days - after dark - when mom is cooking - when mom can't bring them out. Not a replacement..an addition. If they are going to play video games (and kids do) I prefer the kinect to the computer any day

We have a Wii, and yes, for the days when its rainy, sure, but not all day, they can build a fort inside! I'm just saying, most parents I know would rather let the kids happily sit in front of the TV if it keeps them out of their hair (or not making a mess, or noise, etc)... And I let my kids play outside by themselves... but we have a big fenced in yard.

ac_boubou

OK.. Im reading all this crap, and I'm wondering

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO PLAYING OUTSIDE?!?!?


The Wii and Kinect for exercise? We have a very simple rule at our house, keeps the chitlins healthy..."GO PLAY"

They come home, do homework, get a snack, go OUTSIDE, and stay there until dark, chasing critters, climbing trees, digging holes, riding bikes, playing tag, helping garden, these are wholesome activities to keep your child fit... live in the city? You don't have a community garden, park, ally, nothing?! Hmmm, I don't buy it...

Thumbs up!

How come I don't see one child playing outside in winter! Ok we have a lot of snow...so what, when I was young we were always outside skating, playing hockey, snowball war...During summer hummm, too hot .COME ON
It's so much different now, I totally agree, playing outside is so much fun!

oliviabog

Kids parents ate their role models (in early years, later on they are influenced by so much else). My two and a half year old can be extremely fussy but she loves having salad because mummy has it and recently she was eating loads of mackerel. She is very influenced by me and others around her. Even by other kids her age, she's more likely to eat more varied foods if she can see other kids eating (when she's at nursery once a week im often surprised what she's eaten).

If she was ever to big as a child i would see it as my fault and my responsibility.

My 15 month old son however eats everything and anything. He actually loves food so much that he doesn't know when to stop. It's a worry but as long as its healthy food i just attribute it to being a big growing boy.

misseseaj2010

1000000% could not agree it is the parents fault

I became fat when I was about 9 1/2 to 10 years of age and why is that - Because my mom had to work full time and I was left with a sitter who supplied us full of sodas and moonpies - Is my mom partially to blame even though she was not there yes

"i 1000000% could not agree this is the parents fault"

"my mom is partially to blame"

So then your not 100% then if your contradicting yourself.

I think she meant to say could not agree MORE that its the parents fault and just left the "more" out. Because at the bottom she wrote yes I do think it's the parents fault.

jporte

I have 3 kids and I feed them all the same food. One of my kids is slightly overweight and one is slightly underweight. The underweight one has been sneaking food into his room and eating at night go figure. The slightly overweight one has been eating double lunches at school and I do understand why (he does not sneak food as far as I can tell) ....they give them 3 mini corn dogs and a few sides which he doesn't like so he stocks up on the corn dogs. He is a picky eater as far as veggies go so I make sure that there is always a fruit or a veggie with dinner that he will eat every night. I have always cooked healthy and try not to bring too much junk into the house but I don't want to completely deprive my kids either which I think in some cases backfires. We may eat out once a week sometimes even less. So I started packing his lunches several times a week and so far I have not seen any changes.
I think a lot of it is hereditary also...my husband's side of the family everyone is very overweight and he seems to take after that side, my other son is more like my dad who can eat fried potatoes (I wouldn't do that but my dad does) for breakfast, lunch and dinner and still stay skinny.

So yes I agree parents are partly to blame but I wouldn't say 100% to blame.

Edited to say that all 3 kids are in a sport of some sort.....the slightly overweight one is playing 2 sports right now.
I also always make them go out and play on nice days.

SanteMulberry

I saw an article on my FB feed today about personal trainers claiming that parents were to blame for their overweight children.

It was causing ALOT of debate.

Personally I think that yes, if there is no medical reason for your child being very overweight, then it is the responsibility of the parent to ensure that they aren't eating poorly or being inactive. And if the child still doesn't lose weight it is up to them to seek professional advice about it. If a parent fails to do that then they are to blame for their child's weight.

What does the rest of MFP think?

Other than underlying medical issues, it is poor food choices that primarily make for childhood obesity (or even skinniness and "sickliness"). There will be some variation in body fat between children--because of genetics--but generally, if the diet is good, they will stay within the "normal" range or close to it.

I know two little girls from the same family who get nearly identical diets. The older one (who is six) is very slender but the younger one (who is three) is a bit on the plump side--not what you would call fat, but has more body fat than her older sister. The mother says that the older daughter always outgrew clothes "vertically" while the younger one tends to outgrow them "horizontally". The younger girl is still in the "normal" range and is not as plump as many other three-year-olds, but is only at the 50th %ile for height and is at the 60th %ile for weight.

The older sister loves meat, vegetables and fruit and always eats moderately. She doesn't care much for sweets--her mother has observed that she often leaves most of the birthday cake at birthday parties she attends. Her mother sometimes worries that she is not eating enough but over all, she is quite healthy and strong. The younger one would eat nothing but carbohydrates, if her mother would let her. They have no junk food in the house but the younger one is a genius at worming treats out of both of her grandmothers. Both girls are extremely active, well-coordinated and athletic. They get sweets at home on rare occasions and only drink water or milk (very important to avoid fruit juice). My point is that even though the younger one may be a bit plumper by her genetic inheritance, there is no reason why she must be obese. The older girl would likely be too thin if she did not have a good diet.

determined_erin

Skinny until elementary school snack breaks? You're blaming an elementary school teacher who allows for snacks (like many)? I think it is more on WHAT you ate at those snack times and who provided it. You say you didn't know how to eat healthy, that should come from home. Just my opinion, but the teacher when you were 8 isn't to blame.

Chill out! The teacher provided the snacks, and they weren't healthy. This is my life story, and you have no right to say it is incorrect.

And you have no right to use the excuse that a teacher got you fat. Do you not share food now with people? Did everyone in your class got fat?

Stop hiding behind excuses and learn that upto an age, poor habits are parents fault and after that, its all on you. You will have much better success if you accept it

She also gave several other reasons for her weight problem. It may be that the reason she sees it starting with that snack break is because that's when she looks down the line of her life, she sees her body change beginning. It may be that this time corresponds with that 7-10 year old phase when girls tend to thicken before they get taller (size 6X was a horrible feeling for me). But it is her recollection, there's no need to jump her about her recollection.

Jan

Exactly Jan. Thank you for saying what my post is about. Wow, MFP forums are going downhill these days.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

It's a complex answer (I say this, not as a person whose child struggles, but as a person who has seen this debate many times). You can sign kids up for sports, but not all kids are sporty and you can't make them play as a parent you can only sign them up. You can give your child appropriate portions and try to teach them about snacking, but you can't keep them from sneaking food. You can pack their lunches, but you can't keep them from beating up the kid beside them and stealing their dessert. You teach your children by example, but I know plenty of people who don't walk in their parent shoes. You try to teach your children a healthy relationship with food, but at the root of it all an unhealthy relationship with food and/or activity is why we are here to begin with. Then there's the education aspect of it. Food has become such a matter of convenience that people don't think about their food, don't know about what they should be eating, many don't know how to prepare a meal. How are parents supposed to teach their children about food when they don't know about it themselves. Example, I know a very well educated woman who was amazed that cake came out of anything except a box . . . she left her career to be a stay at home mom in her early 20's and we had this conversation more than 20 years after that. It's my opinion that while it is the habits of the parents reflecting on the child, it's a symptom of a more problematic socitial issue.

craigmandu

In the absense of a diagnosed medical condition...I would blame parents almost completely.

Quit buying "reward" foods for kids. They don't need pop-tarts, chips, cupcakes, high sugary cereal, chicken nuggets, soda (in any form) etc..etc...etc...

If you put it in your cabinet, you are telling your children it's okay to eat it all day long. We as parents feel the need to ensure our children are satiated, if they say "mommy, I'm hungry"...it usually ends up with them getting something, and if dinner isn't ready yet, it's something from the cabinet that's "easy"....don't make that "easy" some ridiculous processed sugar food.

If you want to give them a treat, make it a piece of fresh fruit, it is at the very least much better than that "fruit roll-up".

MelanieAG05

Yes, I totally agree that parents have a big role to play in determining whether their children become overweight. I have a 6 year old son and I feed him as healthily as possible. He can be a bit fussy sometimes but he usually eats what I am eating unless it is spicy food. Yes, he does have treats like crisps/pizza/sweets but mostly at weekends. He loves fruit and a lot of vegetables. If he ended up being over weight I would definitely blame myself.

As well as the parents there is also the dreaded grandparents......my son is looked after by my mum and step dad one afternoon a week and he gets fed rubbish......sweets, crisps, chocolate, cakes etc. I have tried and tried to get them not to do this but all in vain. I get completely ignored. Very frustrating! My mother in law does the same.........

rides4sanity

My son is overweight. He's on a medicine that caused him to gain a lot, but in dealing with this, I realized that if we can't cut out the medicine, we can do other things.

So I'm teaching him (he's 13 and has autism) to cook healthy foods, I told him about soda being bad for him, he now drinks ice water. And we have stopped eating out, for the most part. I had been a horrible role model, we were eating out at fast food places way too much.

I am giving him encouragement when he eats to take less food than he would typically. I've told him, if he's still hungry in a half hour, he could have more. So far he's not needed more after eating. But he still has the tendency to binge. We're working on it.

We also swim an hour a day, which is helping a lot.

I see him making good choices now on his own and I'm thrilled for him. But I do feel it was my lack of guidance that let him get to this point. Blaming the meds was my cop out. I'm done with that now.

Let go of the guilt. We all mess up with our kids. But a great parent owns their mistakes and takes steps to correct them. I applaud you for making the changes in your life and his. Rock on momma!