Surely I'm not the ONLY one here...

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2

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  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,487 Member
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    Surely I'm not the only one here who is not annoyed and disappointed in the over abundance of women on here with low self esteem?

    Nope, you aren't the only one. I makes it easy for me to get the ladies.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
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    I can understand that. I saw a lot of really beautiful ladies and men on that rate yourself thread giving themselves low numbers...IDK if it was fishing or honest lack of confidence, but either way. I don't think people should let their weight alone define their outer beauty. I am overweight, and I realize that I am just slightly above average on the looks scale. I have been told differently, but I disagree. Part of it is my weight, but I think at any size I will always see myself the same way. I don't think I have terrible self-esteem, but I do see myself below how others seem to perceive me, and I think this does have to do with my weight. I just assume that I am not as pretty or as confident as I should be because I'm fat. Maybe it will all magically change when I'm thin, but confidence starts on the inside.

    My personality kicks *kitten*, though.
  • MNA76
    MNA76 Posts: 1,541
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    I can understand that. I saw a lot of really beautiful ladies and men on that rate yourself thread giving themselves low numbers...IDK if it was fishing or honest lack of confidence, but either way. I don't think people should let their weight alone define their outer beauty. I am overweight, and I realize that I am just slightly above average on the looks scale. I have been told differently, but I disagree. Part of it is my weight, but I think at any size I will always see myself the same way.

    My personality kicks *kitten*, though.


    YES!!! Awesomeness kicks a**!!! Above all else!!
  • ArchangelMJ
    ArchangelMJ Posts: 308 Member
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    Well, I've been extremely shy and self-conscious since I was a little girl. I'm more open now but I'm still pretty shy in person. Sometimes I pretend I'm confident, but I don't think I really am. I doubt and belittle myself constantly and it's a real mental struggle. I don't think saying that you're annoyed by a lack of confidence will make un-confident people any more confident.

    In general though, I believe there are different layers of confidence. Like, someone may not be confidant with their looks and they could be shy, and yet they're very confidant with other aspects of themselves. And then there's over-confident/ arrogant people, who tend to get on my nerves like nothing else. I think meek/unassuming people can be very endearing, and I think that's a commonly regarded sentiment. And as I said, people can have multiple sides and facets. I'm gonna use Michael Jackson as an example because I can, lol. On stage he was fiercely confidant, off stage he was quite shy and reserved. Course, that's also when introversion/extroversion come into play, which is a different conversation.
  • chasetwins
    chasetwins Posts: 702 Member
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    Being over weight (especially women) = low self confidence...Been there. Some have had years of this which makes it difficult to over come. (bad habits are hard to break)

    However...even still being over weight for some reason i find working out 5 days a week has kicked my confidence into high gear. I feel better about myself even if the mirror doesn't show a sexier me yet. How we feel inside shows on the out side.

    And yes - confidence is sexy in any size!
  • Skinny_Issy
    Skinny_Issy Posts: 61
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    I think most people are on this sight in the first place because they are lacking in confidence, so it doesn't surprise me. I'm just the same.
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    More annoyed and disappointed with the over abundance of arrogance in general on here

    True confidence doesn't need to be touted, it's evident

    Just be true to yourself OP :smile:
  • Queen_JessieA
    Queen_JessieA Posts: 1,059 Member
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    Pserdonymous: I looked at your profile after I replied. I would say you are still young, you have had your own journey and have been succeeding (weight loss). Think back in your heavier days, were you as confident as you are now? Change your frame of mind and be sympathetic towards people. Offer words of encouragement, an ear to listen.....

    I really like your compassion :) Thanks for supporting those who have had years of being beat down and understanding that one way doesn't work for everyone!
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    You want to hear from confident people? Okay. I made the decision when my niece was certified as a fitness trainer and volunteered to set me up with MFP and guide me through the program. At this point I was 64 years old, retired, happily married for 42 years, led a lifestyle with steady, moderate exercise around the farm ( a lot in the summer and fall, less in the winter), had no serious health issues, and I weighed more than I liked but was nonetheless a warm, happy, confident person with a group of close friends and a respected reputation in my hobby as a gourd and fiber artist. I was happy with who I was and what I accompllshed in my life but would prefer to lose about 30 lbs. I started the program, ate sensibly under my niece's guidance, logged everything I ate, exercised a lot more outside as the weather improved, did cardio indoors on the elliptical machine, and did a Funcercize beginners workout DVD using 5 lb. dumbbells several times a week, on a more or less random schedule for the DVD part of it as suited my personal convenience. I never went over my calorie goals for the day, was almost always under, never did a "cheat day", kept to the plan with no difficulty due largely to determination and self-control, was down in weight at every weekly weigh-in, and now at 90 days in I have lost 10 lbs. and about 12" off my waist, have more strength, stamina, and energy than before starting, my arms no longer jiggle, my butt is firmer, my legs are stronger, I am pleased with my progress and happy with my appearance, as is my husband. I wanted to take it slow because my skin is 64 years old and too-fast weight loss would leave me looking like a half-melted candle. I never HAD any bitterness, bad self-image, lack of confidence, body image issues, or an ED in the first place. If my neice had not reccommended this program, or If I hadn't lost an ounce, I would still have been a happy, confident person who thought I was a damned good artist and designer and really liked myself. Yes, I have had success, and have been very pleased with the results, and I find this site a great tool. I have not had any bumps in the road, nor have I ever fallen off the wagon. It is true that I don't know my BMR, body fat percentage, or any of the other technical stuff, and don't feel I need to. I intend to lose weight as long as I look good for my age and do not start getting too wrinkled; if I do, I'll stop there and just maintain. Probably I won't try to go smaller than a size 12 as I cannot afford to replace my wardrobe. That sums it up at three months in.
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,638 Member
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    A lot of people are here BECAUSE they lack self confidence and part of gaining that confidence involves embarking on their fitness journey. Part of the reason why I participate in the forums and add friends on here (besides gaining knowledge and the occassional laugh) is for that support, encouragement, and reassurance. I don't know if I will ever feel confident with myself but... I'm working on it.
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
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    I think you're looking in the wrong threads and don't have the right friends

    3b2d48b1_8c1ea939-6114-4fc5-9e76-5d4c9244d575.jpeg


    :bigsmile:
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,136 Member
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    I may have confidence to save myself, but that doesn't mean other people do. My low self-esteem/lack of confidence isn't because I'm fat. It's due to the constant questioning of my abilities by other people.

    In the Rate Yourself thread, I said I'm a 3 because I believe it, not to get pity compliments from strangers. Sucks if that bothers you, but that's how I am.

    And now for Oolong, a bunny with a pancake on her head:
    oolong_pancake.jpg
  • ArchangelMJ
    ArchangelMJ Posts: 308 Member
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    More annoyed and disappointed with the over abundance of arrogance in general on here

    True confidence doesn't need to be touted, it's evident

    Just be true to yourself OP :smile:

    ^ This.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    I may have confidence to save myself, but that doesn't mean other people do. My low self-esteem/lack of confidence isn't because I'm fat. It's due to the constant questioning of my abilities by other people.

    In the Rate Yourself thread, I said I'm a 3 because I believe it, not to get pity compliments from strangers. Sucks if that bothers you, but that's how I am.

    I completely agree with this. I have spent much of my life being told I'm ugly/unattractive. Over the past couple years, I've gained a lot of confidence, and over the past couple months I've been really turning myself around.

    On the Rate Yourself thread, I was honest. A few years ago I probably would have rated my looks a 2, but now I see myself as a 4-5. I know that will go up as I lose weight and feel more comfortable in my skin. That's why I'm here!

    My personality, though, I love. I'm very confident in that, but sometimes it doesn't show because I'm still a bit insecure about my looks. I'm not fishing for compliments - I'm just being honest!
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
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    Who gives a ****? I used to turn on alpha-male to pick up girls... it would always turn out badly because the girls that are attracted to that personality are not girls that I find attractive in the long wrong. I prefer taking my time and if that involves being awkward and a little self loathing that's up to me.
  • OMGeeeHorses
    OMGeeeHorses Posts: 732 Member
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    I am confident, but I am not going to rate myself as a number to make someone else happy. I am me, I see myself as a moderately attractive woman and don't need anyone else to tell me a number to make myself feel confident. Even if I was 100% ugly still would be that way.
  • bonniecarbtoo
    bonniecarbtoo Posts: 29
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    I love what mustang_susie said
  • OMGeeeHorses
    OMGeeeHorses Posts: 732 Member
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    More annoyed and disappointed with the over abundance of arrogance in general on here

    True confidence doesn't need to be touted, it's evident

    Just be true to yourself OP :smile:

    ^^ love it :)
  • _Pseudonymous_
    _Pseudonymous_ Posts: 1,671 Member
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    I'm not saying I'm annoyed at people who have low self -esteem. Just the fact that there are so many people here who have it. It's not even so much the actual poor self-image and low self-esteem itself but the fact that so many people don't see their worth. Maybe annoyed isn't the right term. Disappointed and sad really.

    And for the record I didn't always have the confidence I gave now. Which is probably why it bothers me so much when other people don't see it. I just want to shake them and be like "see yourself! Inside and outside for who you truly are!" You don't have to be conventional pretty and you don't have to have a conventionally accepted body to be worth more than people allow themselves to be worth.

    I realize that we end up in terrible situations where we are constantly beat down. Been there, done that. So much its ridiculous. But those people who beat us down should not be allowed to set our worth.

    So you can think that I am judgemental, mean, and that I don't understand. Mind you, you couldn't he more wrong... However, the fact of the matter is you saw something in yourself worth saving and worth fighting for. THAT is why you are here and that is what will make you succeed. I'm sorry if my disappoint in the sad way the world works bothers you but someone needs to tell you your worth more, especislly if you won't. End of story.
  • _Pseudonymous_
    _Pseudonymous_ Posts: 1,671 Member
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    Well, I've been extremely shy and self-conscious since I was a little girl. I'm more open now but I'm still pretty shy in person. Sometimes I pretend I'm confident, but I don't think I really am. I doubt and belittle myself constantly and it's a real mental struggle. I don't think saying that you're annoyed by a lack of confidence will make un-confident people any more confident.

    In general though, I believe there are different layers of confidence. Like, someone may not be confidant with their looks and they could be shy, and yet they're very confidant with other aspects of themselves. And then there's over-confident/ arrogant people, who tend to get on my nerves like nothing else. I think meek/unassuming people can be very endearing, and I think that's a commonly regarded sentiment. And as I said, people can have multiple sides and facets. I'm gonna use Michael Jackson as an example because I can, lol. On stage he was fiercely confidant, off stage he was quite shy and reserved. Course, that's also when introversion/extroversion come into play, which is a different conversation.

    I'm not saying there is anything wrong with shy and reserved. I love shy and reserved people as much as crazy and wild people. But you can still he reserved and quiet while being confident. That's where the terminology "quiet confidence" comes into play. I'm not saying people have to be arrogant or anything. Hut we should at least be able to respect ourselves and value our worth. You can do that and still be the introverted type.

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