unsuppostive fiancee

MyChocolateDiet

Just break up......

....can't believe no one's said that yet!

I was gonna say this, when I thought it was about a non suppository fiance.

MyChocolateDiet

You know nothing about these two people. So your advice is to destroy what should be a joyous time in both of their lives?

We don't know if he understands the importance of this to her.
We don't know if he uses humor as a way to make hard things not so daunting.
We don't know if he is the perfect person in all other aspects of their relationship.

We don't know much of ANYTHING about him at all.

OP...don't listen to any of this leave him crap.
Talk to him, be direct and let him know [/b]this is a very important thing to you[/]. If you communicate that to him and he dismisses your feelings or continues anyway, then I'd say you have some thinking to do.

And some of the posts, don't really make me too clear that we aren't talking about what I thought it was about. I think the best answers on MFP are like art, they can be taken both ways. Er, I mean interpreted. Yes, interpreted many ways. Yes, that.

bearkisses

Communicate away. Then when he is still treating her like this what do you then say? Someone posted in the forums. Many people responded. One person is the self-proclaimed response police. Enjoy your self.

I didn't reply for me kid...I would rather not see someone enticed to do something rash based off the advice of someone they don't know, who doesn't have to live with any of the consequences of that advice. I could care less what you post.

One can only assume that any grown adult has the ability to make their own choices. I think it is extremely unlikely that anyone is going to read one comment, and run off and do what ever that person tells them to do. Give OP a little credit for doing her own thinking will ya.

when couples fight, they are prone to getting crap advice, and it will only make them feel worse. i used to really internalize bad advice. get into a fight with your partner and all of a sudden they aren't good enough for you! they really are. we are human. so is he. he is being an insensitive jerk right now, but she also ate the chocolate bar that he bought for her today....buying her chocolate bars, what a sweetie! it is well intentioned. keep at it, he will see that you are being the healthiest you and be on board before you know it. he may even start learning from your behaviours.

1223345

Communicate away. Then when he is still treating her like this what do you then say? Someone posted in the forums. Many people responded. One person is the self-proclaimed response police. Enjoy your self.

I didn't reply for me kid...I would rather not see someone enticed to do something rash based off the advice of someone they don't know, who doesn't have to live with any of the consequences of that advice. I could care less what you post.

One can only assume that any grown adult has the ability to make their own choices. I think it is extremely unlikely that anyone is going to read one comment, and run off and do what ever that person tells them to do. Give OP a little credit for doing her own thinking will ya.

when couples fight, they are prone to getting crap advice, and it will only make them feel worse. i used to really internalize bad advice. get into a fight with your partner and all of a sudden they aren't good enough for you! they really are. we are human. so is he. he is being an insensitive jerk right now, but she also ate the chocolate bar that he bought for her today....buying her chocolate bars, what a sweetie! it is well intentioned. keep at it, he will see that you are being the healthiest you and be on board before you know it. he may even start learning from your behaviours.

Blah blah blah. Who will you single out next. Posters like you are a dime a sanctimonious dozen. You know, I do not tolerate abuse of any kind or being treated like a door mat in a relationship. It is very common for people to just keep tolerating this kind of crap and end up in a miserable marriage. Negating the slap in the face that comes with being laughed at and taunted by the one who SHOULD be supporting and encouraging, shows your true character. I assume you feel entitled about treating people that same way. SO glad you're not my spouse.

skinnymoomoo

Communicate away. Then when he is still treating her like this what do you then say? Someone posted in the forums. Many people responded. One person is the self-proclaimed response police. Enjoy your self.

I didn't reply for me kid...I would rather not see someone enticed to do something rash based off the advice of someone they don't know, who doesn't have to live with any of the consequences of that advice. I could care less what you post.

One can only assume that any grown adult has the ability to make their own choices. I think it is extremely unlikely that anyone is going to read one comment, and run off and do what ever that person tells them to do. Give OP a little credit for doing her own thinking will ya.

when couples fight, they are prone to getting crap advice, and it will only make them feel worse. i used to really internalize bad advice. get into a fight with your partner and all of a sudden they aren't good enough for you! they really are. we are human. so is he. he is being an insensitive jerk right now, but she also ate the chocolate bar that he bought for her today....buying her chocolate bars, what a sweetie! it is well intentioned. keep at it, he will see that you are being the healthiest you and be on board before you know it. he may even start learning from your behaviours.

Blah blah blah. Who will you single out next. Posters like you are a dime a sanctimonious dozen. You know, I do not tolerate abuse of any kind or being treated like a door mat in a relationship. It is very common for people to just keep tolerating this kind of crap and end up in a miserable marriage. Negating the slap in the face that comes with being laughed at and taunted by the one who SHOULD be supporting and encouraging, shows your true character. I assume you feel entitled about treating people that same way. SO glad you're not my spouse.

Oh my god.. shut up already. who p!ssed in your cornflakes this morning!

metaphoria

He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is...

He's supportive, just not in a way that is immediately appropriate.

Quoting to make sure it gets read by OP.

Tell him calmly what you find supportive and what you do not. Ask him to keep the junk food where it is not readily available to you. Suggest some activities he enjoys that he can do while you are exercising. Tell him that tracking food will be a part of your life and you would rather not be mocked about it for the next 20 years.

bearkisses

Communicate away. Then when he is still treating her like this what do you then say? Someone posted in the forums. Many people responded. One person is the self-proclaimed response police. Enjoy your self.

I didn't reply for me kid...I would rather not see someone enticed to do something rash based off the advice of someone they don't know, who doesn't have to live with any of the consequences of that advice. I could care less what you post.

One can only assume that any grown adult has the ability to make their own choices. I think it is extremely unlikely that anyone is going to read one comment, and run off and do what ever that person tells them to do. Give OP a little credit for doing her own thinking will ya.

when couples fight, they are prone to getting crap advice, and it will only make them feel worse. i used to really internalize bad advice. get into a fight with your partner and all of a sudden they aren't good enough for you! they really are. we are human. so is he. he is being an insensitive jerk right now, but she also ate the chocolate bar that he bought for her today....buying her chocolate bars, what a sweetie! it is well intentioned. keep at it, he will see that you are being the healthiest you and be on board before you know it. he may even start learning from your behaviours.

Blah blah blah. Who will you single out next. Posters like you are a dime a sanctimonious dozen. You know, I do not tolerate abuse of any kind or being treated like a door mat in a relationship. It is very common for people to just keep tolerating this kind of crap and end up in a miserable marriage. Negating the slap in the face that comes with being laughed at and taunted by the one who SHOULD be supporting and encouraging, shows your true character. I assume you feel entitled about treating people that same way. SO glad you're not my spouse.

i was thinking the same thing on being your spouse haha. if i do something stupid but with good intentions, my partner actually does something radical: communicates with me. and i treat him with the exact same respect.

relationships take work. if you don't put it in, then that person truly deserves far better.

cchamil1985

[snip]
If i do something stupid but with good intentions, my partner actually does something radical: communicates with me. and i treat him with the exact same respect.

relationships take work. if you don't put it in, then that person truly deserves far better.

Bingo, commitments are not something to just be tossed away whenever you get your feelings hurt.

The only person qualified to recommend separation is a counselor, therapist, or minister who is intimately involved in the situation with an in-depth understanding of all parties involved, their history both apart and together, and their environment. Even then it should just be a separation until both parties have matured and developed enough to resume the relationship.

From what little information I have, this all boils down to motivations, I would advise the OP to postpone the marriage until the nature of the motivations involved can be determined. That might take a few minutes of discussion, or it may take a few months of counseling, but once it is done you both will have a better understanding of each other and find yourselves more deeply committed to one another.

Sherbog

Be careful this could be a huge red flag about what your future holds for you.

melindasuefritz

get rid of him

melindasuefritz

exactly

Cr01502

get rid of him

Yes. A agree. There are a number of ways to go about this OP.

Next time he brings home treats you could lace it with an untraceable poison (google may help with this). You can cut the breaks in his car (make it look like the dog chewed them up), or you could perhaps hire someone to 'coincidentally' rob him and shoot him. Clearly his joking and jovial ways are not only grounds for dismissal but also death as well.

Hope this helps.

With love,

Cr01502

Zekela

Im so happy that I don't have to deal with anyone that automatically jump to a conclusion of 'get rid of him'... You guys do not know the full situation yet you all have acquired the knowledge of an expert relationship advisor based on a few paragraphs you have readand interpreted in your limited light. Come on people! Your advice is ridiculous and can only inflict more damage to the relationship. The most that should be done is encouraging her to stay positive and suggestions to stick to her diet and exercise poan.

sevencallmemom

My husband was like this too. I let his nonsense hold me back for so many years but then about 2 years ago I decided that this was about me and not him and that I DESERVED to take care of myself whether he approved or not. It was ugly for a few months...he would buy the garbage food he knew I wanted and when I wouldn't eat it, he would start fights about it...he was a big insecure idiot anytime I tried to workout...

But after a few months, I had lost the first 50 pounds and other people started to notice and mention it and he finally chilled. Insecurity still raises it's ugly head in him sometimes, but I no longer take it personally. I just do what I need to do for ME.

It's made our relationship better because I'm no longer dependant on his approval. It has made my "journey" more meaningful because I did this myself and didn't have him as a crutch. It would have been nice to have a partner in this, but maybe the fight is what *I* needed to succeed.

Sqeekyjojo

If you go to the gym instead, you'll probably get a whole load more exercise in without having to be self conscious or get his permission to do it - which, if he knows you won't do it if he's in the room - is what that boils down to.

The rest of it - well, that's down to you. It might taste great, but if you want to lose bodyfat, you have to make your own choice, no matter how much somebody makes snarky comments or waves stuff in front of you.

crista_b

That's crazy! The only way my boyfriend would be considered not supportive is that he loves the way I am and calls me his "big booty baby" haha, but he won't stop me from trying to better myself.
I guess if you love him and trust him enough to be engaged to him, you should be able to talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. If he blows it off and continues, then you guys have some deeper things to work out together. :frown: Sorry.

khall86790

I think you need to sit him down and say these things to him. It is not okay that he is buying these foods and trying to tempt you with it, that's completely unsupportive. But then maybe he isn't taking this very seriously? If this is the first time you are doing this, maybe he doesn't realise how dedicated you are. Talk to him.
If you've done this many times before, maybe he just doesn't think it's going to stick. It doesn't excuse his behaviour but I know if I had a partner who constantly fell off and on diets, I'd stop supporting them eventually and just do whatever I wanted to do and let them get on with it.

Main point: COMMUNICATE with your partner about this.

Edit: As for exercising, just point blank kick him out of the room and explain you need to do this or join a gym.

Liatush

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

That's not being unsupportive. That's being a jerk about it. Yeah, maybe he does not love the idea of you changing, etc., but to make fun of you? Tease you with foods? Is that really the kind of man you want as your husband?